Noeskin

***

Vic’s dressing room is at the end of the hall and you silently thank whoever is responsible for the location as she pushes you through the door and shuts the door with a bang behind her. She’s still in her stage outfit, hair damp and stuck to her head, a towel in her hand to dab at her face, but she throws it away the second you turn around and face her in the dark space. She hasn’t turned on any lights and it’s hard to make out anything but her silhoutte, but you don’t mind. You’ve long committed the way she looks to memory. And after all, once she starts touching your skin, moving under the fabric of your shirt, you don’t care much about anything else anymore.

Her fingers are hot on you, threatening to touch the underside of your breasts, but not quite pulling through yet, as she steps closer.

“You love it, don’t you?” Vic mumbles against your ear, her breath letting the ends of your hairs stand up in anticipation. “Love watching me on stage, love the way I move on Thomas’ leg, love imagining it would be yours.”

You gasp, nodding shamelessly, already putty in her hands. You barely dare touch her back, as if a silent agreement could be destroyed, a spell between the two of you broken. But you don’t complain in the slightest when she pushes you backward, letting you land on the couch as she keeps towering over you.

“Tell me,” she demands, putting one boot up on the sofa next to you. The gesture could have been intimidating but all your brain is circling around is how fucking hot she is. Your eyes have gotten used to the low light in the room, colours still escaping you, but her figure is now a picture-perfect view in front of you. You’re dying to run your hands up her legs, seeing how far she’ll let you, what she’ll allow you to touch. “Do you want to get your hands on me? Do you want mine? My head between your legs? Your pussy on my face?”

You’re convinced the gulp is audible. She smiles, dangerously, fully aware she’s in control and that you’ll be on your knees for her the very second she asks you for it.

“Please,” you whisper back, hands fumbling with the fabric of the sofa beneath you in an attempt to keep them to yourself until she tells you otherwise. “Want to taste you, want to feel you, I’ll do whatever, please, Vic.”

She seems pleasantly content with the way you whine.

“Good girl,” she says, her voice much more solid than yours could be at the moment. She makes quick work of undressing, your eyes fixated on her bare breasts, the way they move along with her as she pulls down her tights, her panties. She puts the boots back on. You think it’s the sexiest thing she could possibly have done. Her foot is back on the sofa next to you but now it’s different. The angle opens up her tighs, revealing her gorgeous, glistening cunt, just inches away from your face. “Go on then, taste me.”

You don’t waste any time diving between her legs, your hands holding her tightly against you on her pert ass, as your tongue moves against her folds. She’s a revelation, the sweetest gift, a present from the heavens, and everything you could have ever asked for, you decide.

Neither of your notice the noise of the door opening until it’s accompanied by the overhead light turning on.

“Fuck.”

You don’t immediately realise, too focused on pulling back and panicking about the wetness you can feel on your chin and all around your mouth, that it’s not Vic who’s cursing, but Thomas. You can’t even tell if it’s a shameful noise of regret or a statement of surprised arousal.

Vic raises her eyebrows at you, not faltering at all, completely ignoring the way she’s naked and spread open for you.

“Your choice,” she says, briefly looking back at Thomas and then at you and you know exactly what she means. And you know exactly what your answer is.

“Let him watch.”

Nothing happens for a moment, then Vic snaps her fingers at Thomas who seems to awaken from his trance, shuts the door behind him with a bang, and moves into the room. He remains close to the wall, though, obviously not quite sure how to behave, how close he can get, what exactly he’s allowed to see. You’re tempted to beckon him closer but then Vic’s hands are on you, undoing your trousers and you lift your hips to help her get them off.

You don’t know what her plan is until she lowers herself onto your thigh and then you do, oh you do. Her movements are reminiscent of those she employs on stage, but now her wet pussy is directly on your leg, bouncing and sliding up and down to her liking, and the way she throws her head back is not performative but an actual reaction to your skin against her clit.

Your hands hold onto her hips, gripping until you’re sure it could bruise her, but she’s unquestionably taking the lead. She grasps your shoulders, moving faster as her moans rise an octave higher, using you shamelessly to get off. Her tits are in your face now, a hypnotic bounce you can’t look away from, and you tease her nipples with your tongue, leaving a lick, a little bite, a kiss.

A whimper reminds you of Thomas’ presence in the room. He’s lingering between the door and the couch now, face flushed, and a visible tent in his pants. The conflict about whether he should, or would be allowed to, touch himself is written on his face. You give him a smile, spurred on by the confidence Vic is causing in you, and gently shake your head. He whines but complies, hands balling into fists at his side.

Vic comes unexpectedly, her fingernails burrowing into the skin on your shoulders, moans echoing through the room and she’s indescribably gorgeous.

She calms down slowly, her movements only stilling a while after she’s reached her height, riding out the last of the feeling until she’s truly done. Her wild hair falls into her face as she finally looks down at you again, satisfied and lazy.

“Bet you’ve been dreaming about that for a while,” she purrs, before leaning down and finally, finally putting her lips on yours, a kiss so searingly hot it almost makes you pull back if you weren’t completely under her spell already. “I wonder how wet it got you, watching me.”

Her eyes briefly flicker over to Thomas, as do yours in response. He looks desperate, so pretty and desperate. Vic slides off your thigh, not bothering with clothes, and kneels on the floor between your legs.

“Come here,” she invites Thomas. He almost stumbles as he impatiently follows her command. You love the way he looks right now, you think. Almost shy, purely submissive, eager to please, not moving a single muscle without being instructed to. “Stand behind me so you can see how it’s done. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll get a turn yourself later.”

He can’t hold back a moan but he doesn’t move, not toward either of you, not making any attempt to touch himself. You keep your eyes on him as Vic spreads your thighs, your butt scooting lower to give her more and she lets out a satisfied hum. Her fingers briefly play with you, dipping into the wetness, and you can’t help but watch her as she places two of them between her own lips, licking them clean. You groan in reply.

Then, one last smirk, she leans down and pushes her tongue between your legs, right where her fingers were just moments ago, and you’re convinced you’re seeing heaven. You never doubted she would be talented, but having the proof right there on your cunt is a completely different experience. She expertly pushes her tongue inside you, teasingly, before returning to your clit, treating it exactly the way you need her to as two fingers enter you, like she’s read the manual on how to make you come. Maybe she’s written the manual. Maybe she’s writing it right now.

You pray for Vic to stay there forever, her tongue flicking your clit delicately, her fingers playing with you, but she does it so well that you know you won’t hold on for long.

It only takes one more look at Thomas. Pretty, pretty Thomas, standing behind Vic, eyes travelling up and down both of your bodies, as if they don’t know what he needs to see the most, pretty Thomas with his hard-on so painfully untouched, pretty Thomas, desperate eyes.

You come loudly, something you’ve rarely allowed yourself to do, but now, for once, there are no inhibitions, no holding back, as your hands bury themselves into Vic’s hair, pushing her impossibly closer into you, thighs shaking, seeing stars. She laps at you until you quiet down, even then giving you another lick before pulling back. You can see she’s proud of herself and you don’t blame her.

Crawling back onto the couch, next to you this time, she wastes no time kissing you again. You sigh into her mouth, a post-orgasmic high claiming you, body satisfied in ways it hasn’t been in too long. Then she looks back at Thomas, mindlessly playing with her tits as if he needed any more torture.

“What do you say,” she directs at you. “Care to help him out a little? He looks horribly desperate.”

“Who the fuck emptied the chocolate milk?” Thomas comes stumbling over. He’s easily the drunkest out of the three of you, but still mostly in control of what he’s saying. His motor skills, however, are lacking. You quickly grab the empty carton from him before he drops it and inevitably spills the rest of it.

“Some party animals you’ve invited,” Ethan chuckles. Thomas moves behind you, arms wrapping clumsily around your middle as you don’t even attempt to cease your movements of cleaning up the counter, his head dropping onto your shoulder. He never hid his affections well. But with alcohol in his veins and everyone outside of your inner circle gone, he really doesn’t hold back. You don’t hold back a serene smile either.

Ethan has halted his movements. There’s something in his face you can’t quite make sense of. You would ask Thomas, who has undeniably known him for much longer, but your boyfriend is currently busy trying to bury his face into the crook of your neck, humming something that doesn’t quite make sense. When you look back up at Ethan, he looks… caught, for a split second, then everything is back to normal. You feel like you know that look, though. Just not on him. On Thomas.

There's a memory hidden somewhere in the corners of your mind, made and stored away a year ago, back when Vic had introduced you to the rest of the band. Her hand in yours, drunken lips kissing our cheek again and again, an assumption in Thomas’ mind that would only be rectified the next day. No, you were not Victoria's new girl. Yes, you were in fact very interested in men.

You'd started dating a month later.

But now, just for a split second, you had seen the same look on Ethan's face, that short moment of disappointment seeping through his bones, the knowledge of having been too late to get what you want.

But he isn’t.

You show him a smile that you wish could eliminate the need for words, but his eyes keep a certain sadness in them as he smiles back. Thomas is growing heavier against you so you gently shake him off before he falls asleep on you. It’s a justified fear - he’s done it before. You watch as he blinks the tiredness away and goes back to cleaning the kitchen, rag rubbing over a spot that hasn’t seen dirt in forever. You laugh to yourself, taking it from him.

“Time for bed, maybe?” you suggest.

The place is fine for now, you decide. Most of the mess is gone or at least contained in trash bags that can wait for tomorrow to be taken out. Thomas’ eyes are a droopy tell-tale sign that the night has caught up with him, tiredness combined with alcohol overwhelming his senses. He nods before pressing a chaste kiss against your lips.

Ethan still lingers. He’s toeing an invisible line that only you and he can see. You don’t know if he knows you’re aware. The conflicting emotions on his face are obvious, though.

You don’t expect him the one to make a move.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

It’s an innocent question, really. Unless it isn’t. And it isn’t.

You look back at Thomas. There's a rare clarity in his eyes behind the drunkenness. You wonder how much he does now. How Ethan has been behaving when it's just been the two of them. If there's that same look of having missed out on Ethan's face. If he ever said something that made Thomas stop in his tracks just that little bit. Because he doesn’t seem terribly surprised right now.

You decide you take it as a silent agreement.

Reaching out, you let Ethan take your hand before moving your other against Thomas’ palm. You pull both of them into the bedroom.

There’s no need to be modest. You’re aware Ethan and Thomas have seen each other naked multiple times and your clothes fall to the ground just as easily.

Thomas is in bed first. It’s not a surprise, he usually is. He only pulls the covers up halfway. It’s winter, but he tends to run hot after drinking. The dark plum bedding all around him makes him look even paler, even softer, and you get rid of your underwear as quickly as possible. His skin is warm next to you as you cuddle up to him, hands stroking over his body in familiar patterns.

It feels routine until Ethan carefully moves into the bed behind Thomas. It’s a bit of a squeeze, but neither of you minds. Not as he slings his arm over Thomas’ and your hips over the safety of the blanket. Thomas smiles at you, not turning around to look at Ethan, and then pushes the covers away until Ethan’s unmoving limb rests directly on his and your skin.

“I hope you know the one rule I have about people getting into bed with me,” Thomas mumbles and you can see his eyelids starting to fall shut. “I get paid in cuddles.”

With that, Thomas shuffles backward until he hits Ethan’s chest. He looks alarmed for a second, but then you can see his body relax too. He melts into Thomas, his breathing evening out as he gets used to the close skin contact, how Thomas arches to mold perfectly against him. It’s hard to wipe the content smile off your face, even though your muscles ache to relax and allow you to drift to sleep.

Thomas is fast asleep already, you notice. You’re not surprised. Ethan is still staring at the back of his head. You can feel the wheels in his mind spinning. Taking his hand from where it rests on your hipbone, you lift it toward your mouth. His eyes are on you as you press a soft kiss on his knuckles, on the back of his hand, then turn it around to move your lips against his palm.

It’s as if things fall into place. It’s the look on his face.

When you let go, he moves his hand to your waist instead. It feels like a more intimate touch, it feels right.

"Now," the voice of someone from management - you didn't take the time to remember their names or exact roles - broke the silence. "We don't care what you do in private. The problem is when it goes public. The whole sexy rockstar thing is great. But when rumours about infidelity creep up because people are suspecting you to hook up with the same girl, it's not gonna be good for the numbers."

You felt as uncomfortable as could be. It was weird being reduced to some girl seemingly hooking up randomly with members of the band. You wanted to shout from the rooftops it wasn't the way people assumed, not by far. But it wasn't your place. The rest of the band stayed just as quiet as they continued to listen.

"Plus, I'm sure that if they manage to reveal your identity," the woman now spoke directly to you, making you even more nervous in the process, "it won't be to your advantage either. So we have two options we want to propose to you. One: You keep her in private, fully. That means no public outings, no pictures online unless it's a group, no flying her out on tour. Two: We link her with one of you. As an official relationship. We don't care who it is. That way she can tag along if so desired and pictures can be more easily explained. However, we would trust you to present the relationship as believable. No pictures kissing other people."

Silence once again settled over the room. You felt yourself fidgeting and Thomas next to you was doing the same. The other seemed more put together, but you figured it was merely an act. If they had any feelings for you at all, this wouldn't leave them unaffected.

"Management would appreciate an answer tomorrow."

With that, the room emptied, one by one. Your head was spinning with an intensity you hadn't felt before.

"I... I need to lie down," you told the others as soon as it was just the five of you. "I need some time."

You didn't look at them as they nodded in understanding, all of them probably stuck in their own thoughts. Thomas took a step towards you, almost reaching out, but you took a step back. You couldn't quite tell why. You averted your eyes even further, scared to look at Thomas' face too closely, scared of what you might see. Hurt, resentment, anger? You didn't know but you couldn't bring yourself to find out.

You briefly let yourself fall against Ethan's chest, Ethan, who immediately wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You looked up at him for a moment, seeing him nod. He knew you needed him right now, he understood, the way only he could. You left with him, already feeling that tiny bit stronger just from having him by your side.

You had always felt an immense range of safety in Ethan's arms and today was no different. Only moments ago, the anxiety and stress had been so deeply ingrained in your bones that you felt like shaking. Now, you let yourself fall into the calm of Ethan's embrace.

The room was dark even though midday was looming on the horizon. But the curtains remained closed and you hadn't bothered to turn a light on. It was silly, but it made you feel safer. As if the world being shut out, both of you lying in the dark with no one to see you, formed an invisible wall around you that would keep you in a secure bubble, where nothing could happen to you. Just for this moment.

You buried yourself deeper into Ethan's chest as his arms tightened around you. In a swift movement, you had dragged your body on top of his, suddenly needing more, needing to feel him against you, needing the full contact, in an attempt not to lose yourself. He allowed it without any comments, simply resigning himself to stroke your back in a calming rhythm. But as much as it helped you settle physically, your mind was on high alert, thinking about two hundred things at once and not making sense of a single one of them. You were so deep in thought, you almost flinched when you hear Ethan's low voice.

"What do you want to do?"

It was such a broad question it almost made you laugh. There were tons of things you did and did not want to do. But right here and now? You wanted to disappear, completely, but only if it meant taking the four of them with you.

"Is that really my decision to make?" you asked instead. It was both an attempt at avoiding a straight answer and a genuine wonder about who, in the end, would be responsible for the decision given to management. "It's your band. It's your names that get printed, and it's your career."

Ethan pulled you upwards, not letting you hide your face in his shirt anymore. You didn't want to look at him, didn't want to know what you would see in his eyes, but you were well aware he wouldn't let you get away that easily either. When you realised he was studying you with nothing but pure love, your heart skipped a beat.

"Maybe so. But it's also your face, potentially your name. And it's your life and your feelings. That weighs more than any PR-related decision we could possibly make."

"I... I hadn't thought about it like that," you admitted, desperately trying to hide your face again, knowing how easily he would be able to read if you didn't, but he had a tight grasp on you that left you little choice. He pressed a kiss to your lips, short, safe.

"We're in a band. We're four people, we have each other's backs," he explained. You wanted his voice to lull you to sleep but you knew there were more important tasks at hand. "We can deal with whichever decision we make. But you have a life outside of this. And we need to do what's right for you. I don't need to ask the others to know they agree."

You wanted to tear up, just a little bit, but you pulled yourself together, just barely, finally allowing yourself to rest your head in the crook of his neck. Not avoiding his face to evade responsibility, but because you knew you would become overly emotional and this wasn't the time. You had less than 24 hours to present facts to management.

"I love you guys," you murmured into his skin, leaving a soft kiss there. His hands resumed stroking your back in a fashion that had you wanting to purr and mewl. You let your hands travel to his side, stroking, slightly scratching over the material of his shirt, and a deep sigh that seemed to move your entire body confirmed his enjoyment.

"We love you too," he whispered into the dark. "Now and forever."

"It's fucking stupid!" Vic ranted as she threw yet another pillow against the wall. The low thud didn't seem to do much to quell her anger.

After Ethan had more or less pushed you off him to convince you to talk to the others, you had been in the hotel's hallway, still trying to figure out where to go, when Vic's frustrated scream had sounded through her closed door. Ethan had simply given you a look, a quick slap to your backside, as he pushed you her way. She had thrown the door open with a vigour that almost scared you. Her face had softened as she saw you, but only long enough to let you in, before continuing with her rage. So now you were sitting on her bed, watching her pace and complain.

"Why do they think they can dictate our lives like that? It's no one's fucking business who we're fucking! I should fucking rail you in front of the paparazzi so they actually have something to talk about. So much for fucking autonomy in this band!"

Her shouting was getting more erratic by the second. You simply stared, letting her blow off steam and hoping the storm would calm soon. You understood where she was coming from, you really did. And it was massively unfair and ridiculous. You had never wished for them to be a little less famous as much as you did now. But it wasn't a possibility. And their lives were... well, as they were, there was no way around that. As much as Vic hated being controlled like this, it would have been a lie to say management didn't have a point.

Maybe you had been a little naive getting involved with the four of them. The time spent at their house, alone or with select friends at best, had possibly been the best of your life. But it couldn't have continued that way forever, even if you had tried to be blind to it. The attention, both from the media and from fans, wasn't something you had taken into account and it had caught you off guard. It made you think maybe the options you had been given weren't such a bad idea. Whichever way you would end up choosing, it would at least bring clarity, put up some rules as to how to behave, at least in public, and what to say if push came to shove and questions demanded to be answered.

Vic was still walking back and forth, messing up her hair even more than it already was. You knew it was time to pull her out of her frenzied state.

"This isn't helping," you sighed, quietly, but it was enough. The second she turned to look at you, really look at you, it seemed like all the anger melted away in favour of something completely different. She didn't waste any time crossing the space between the two of you, easily climbing into your lap, straddling your thighs, as her arms wrapped around you.

"Fuck I'm sorry."

You weren't sure if you had spilled tears or if she was simply trying to comfort you. The way her fingers moved over your cheeks, right under your eyes, could have meant either. Her eyes were solely on you. Finally. You had her complete attention.

"You're right," she sighed against you. "I'm just so fucking angry that someone wants to police what we do."

You pulled her closer, chest to chest. Her heartbeat was erratic and fast against your own, but you could feel her whole body starting to settle down in your arms. You peppered kisses along her neck, more soft than teasing and you could feel a deep breath escape her ribcage.

"I just wish it all wasn't such a big deal," Vic finally said. "I couldn't care less what they write or say."

"I do," you admitted. Vic looked up, studying your face closely.

It was the truth, plain and simple. The band had chosen this life. They had accepted the complications that came with it. They knew it was worth every obstacle to make their dream come true. But that wasn't you. You had been thrown into the deep end without any warning and you had found out the sharks' bite was too dangerous for you.

"I... I'm sorry I didn't think about that. You deserve the privacy you need. Of course you do. It's not our burden to bear and it's not our decision to make." She seemed to be talking to herself more than anything else but you answered anyway.

"So you also think it's on me to say which option I want to go with?"

"Of course, it is," a voice boomed through the room moments before the door falling shut even alerted the two of you of someone else entering.

"Damiano! Why the fuck do you even have my room card!" Vic complained and wiggled in your lap but you simply held her tighter, unwilling to let go of her just yet. Damiano didn't explain, simply winked at her and threw the piece of plastic onto the counter before sitting down next to the two of you. His head dropped onto your shoulder and even though Vic wanted to pretend to be mad, she ended up softly stroking his hair. You removed one of your arms from her waist to wrap it around him instead. It was an awkward tangle, but it was what all three of you needed.

"Have you talked to Thomas yet?"

The question hung heavily in the room. You shook your head. You knew he was an important puzzle part, in a different way than the other three were. There was love, more than platonic love, between all of you, that much wasn't even a question. Obviously, you felt somewhat differently about all four of them. It would have been a lie to simplify it down to the level where it all felt the same with each of them. That wasn't what your love was about, either. But Thomas...

"You know we support you, whatever decision you feel is right, you know that?" Damiano asked as he lifted his head. He pressed a firm kiss against your forehead. "Your happiness matters. Everything else, we can deal with. We can figure it out. All the little details and tidbits. We can discuss it all in the morning, after a good night's sleep. Or a bad night's sleep, doesn't really matter. But I think you need to see Thomas now."

You knew he was right. Vic slowly slid off your lap to let her body drop onto the bed next to you, her touch never quite leaving you, hand on your back. Damiano gave your thigh a squeeze, a gesture that normally would have gotten you excited, but now your nerves were caused by entirely different reasons.

"You can do it, cucciola," Vic said, scratching slightly at your skin through the fabric of your shirt. "He loves you. Be brave."

You took one more look at both of them, knowing you had nothing but their full support, as you stood up, legs shaky. It was time to talk to Thomas.

You didn't know what to expect when Thomas opened the door. Damiano had offered to provide you with a room card, but it felt intrusive to simply barge in. Especially after you had more or less left him stranded after the meeting earlier.

Thomas looked rough. You didn't know how he had gotten himself so stressed in so little time that his appearance suggested he hadn't slept in a week. There was an uncertainty in his eyes you had never known before. He still allowed you to fall into him, press yourself against his chest and wordlessly demand him to hold you.

Being with Thomas felt like coming home. You knew he had about a hundred questions, you could see it in his face when you pulled away, but what was more important was that you knew you'd be okay. Both of you.

"I love you," you said, carefully holding his face in your hands. His eyes were deep, a mostly unexplored territory that you wanted to dive into more and more still, and right now they seemed to hold all the possibilities. You knew you needed to get out what you wanted to say before he would make you drift away, pull you back into the safety of his embrace, where nothing else much mattered anymore.

"I love you and I love the other three. I can't imagine my life without any of you and I don't want to. I've never been in love the way I have right now and I didn't think I could have these feelings for multiple people at once, but I do. I so do. And I assume you know I've talked to Ethan and Vic and Damiano and... well, they all seem to think my opinion weighs the most in this decision. And I think I've made it."

Thomas nodded, unable to keep himself from stealing a little kiss from you as you took a moment to gather your breath. You weren't sure if it was more for your or his own reassurance but you let him, without questions. His lips against yours made everything fall into place.

“Staying away, keeping myself hidden, never accompanying you on your trips again… I don’t think that’s an option, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Of course, we’ll have you!” Thomas almost cried out before quieting down again with a smile that almost made him seem shy. “That’s not even a question.”

“Good,” you giggled, embracing the way the atmosphere in the room was starting to lose its heaviness. “So that leaves us with option two. Making it an official relationship. Making it public. Giving me the freedom to be around, to be in pictures, to be more than a dirty little secret.”

It felt like he was holding his breath.

“It wasn’t even a question of who I was going to choose. I love all of you, you know that, and I would never want to miss any of you. But if there’s one person I couldn’t imagine keeping my distance from in public, not holding their hand, not allowing myself to give them a kiss… It’s you, Thomas. It’s you.”

Thomas kissed you so hard it almost had you tumbling, but you clung to him with an unparalleled urgency. You were wrapped up in each other, a neverending tangle without any beginning or end, fuelled by nothing but love and lust and relief.

As if on purpose, Thomas’ phone chose this exact moment to emit a loud chime that had both of you stop in your tracks. A little fumbling - mainly caused by his unwillingness to let go of you - produced the object from his back pocket. A low groan followed. He let his head drop slightly, pressing his forehead against yours and you could only imagine how uncomfortable this position was with your height difference, but you didn’t dare complain.

“We have a showcase tonight,” he explained. “It’s only a few songs at a radio station, but I gotta go. I would ask you to come along, but…”

His eyes suddenly showcased a dangerous glint. You didn’t quite know what to make of it, but you were certain you’d find out soon enough. You always did.

“Maybe take the time to rest. Take a little nap. We’ll be back before you know it. We might have something planned for you…”

You were still a little sleepy when Thomas dragged you out of his bed and down the corridor of the hotel into someone else’s room. Somehow, despite the excitement about what Thomas had hinted at, the exhaustion had taken over and let you fall asleep the second he had pressed a kiss to the top of your head and left the room. Now, you were desperately shaking the last traces of drowsiness from your bones. You were sure something that would wake you up properly was waiting behind the door to Vic’s hotel room, though.

The room was dark when you entered, but not the solemn, depressing dark you had felt when you had hidden away with Ethan earlier. Instead, they had done their best with their limited ressources away from home, shut the drapes just to light up some candles and turn on some strategic lighting. The three of them turned around as soon as they heard you and Thomas, and you gasped a little at the sight. All of them were clad in gorgeous lingerie, dark red, lace, more seethrough than not, impossibly flattering. When you realised that Thomas was moving behind you, you turned around just in time to see him drop his jeans, shirt already gone, and reveal a tiny red thong that didn’t do anything to hide his manhood.

“How dare you be dressed like that and have the light so low that I can’t even fully appreciate you?” you giggled, making your way over to Vic, her nipples peeking through the thin material and begging you to touch them. You didn’t get very far before Ethan swung his arms around you pulling your back into his chest and keeping you close. You weren’t entirely sure if it was him being unable to keep his hands off you or him keeping you away from going after what you wanted. You assumed a little bit of both.

“Well, believe me when I say it won’t matter soon,” Vic teased, sharing looks with the others you couldn’t quite make sense of. “We’re not planning on letting you see a lot tonight.”

You barely noticed that Ethan had started tugging at your clothes until he motioned for you to lift your arms so he could remove your top. Damiano walked up to you, not hesitating in giving you a reassuring kiss, before helping Ethan get you out of your trousers. You felt horribly underdressed, having thrown on a rather random bra and a comfy pair of underwear this morning, but the way their eyes collectively studied your body built your confidence back up in seconds.

“We love you so much,” Damiano whispered against your lips, barely audible, but enough. “We always want you to be part of this, part of us. And if you want to, you will always belong to us.”

You nodded, breathing an I do back that almost felt ceremonious. Vic brought over a leather band, soft but expensive looking, a choker you realised. She held it up to you, kicking Damiano aside playfully, to let you see the engraved letters on its inside.

D - E - T - V

Blinking the tears away, you swallowed your emotions just enough to reclaim feeling of yourself, unwilling to let yourself be overcome by the multitude of thoughts in your head. You wriggled out of Ethan’s grasp and held onto Vic’s face, bringing her close enough to kiss her heavily, hoping and praying it would make her feel everything you were feeling in that moment, all the connectedness, the trust, the love, the unyielding devotion.

When you let go of her, Thomas grabbed the choker from her, gracefully laying it around your neck to close it at the back. Your fingers moved along the leather, feeling safe and protected under it.

“Do you trust us?” Thomas asked, a chaste kiss on your neck, just above your new accessory.

“With everything.”

"Perfect," Vic grinned knowingly, taking you by the hand and leading you over to her king-sized bed. "Because we're about to show you just how much we love you."

Mere months ago, this situation would have seemed absolutely ridiculous, a fever dream full of kinks you hadn't been quite sure you were into just yet, an idea so absurd it would have made you laugh. But now, right then and there, it all simply made perfect sense.

After delicately undressing you, showering you in kisses and soft touches all the way, and positioning you on the bed, each of them had gently grabbed hold of one of your limbs to securely tie them to a bedpost. You briefly realised how vulnerable your position was - completely naked and spread-eagled and at their mercy - but then they took off the little clothing they still had on and, maybe for the first time, it felt like so much more than sex when they looked at you.

"We want to try something a little different with you because tonight it all about you and how much we love you, okay?"

Damiano could have said anything at all and you would have agreed. It was almost overwhelming to know they would put all of their focus on you, but there wasn't a single doubt that you would be completely safe in their hands.

"How do you feel about gags?" Vic asked, dangling the leather in front of you, a ball in the middle of it, breathing holes making it just slightly less intimidating. You studied the accessory closely. They wouldn't be mad or disappointed if you said no. But looking at it now… the temptation was rising.

"How will I safeword?"

"If you can snap with your fingers, that's usually the easiest," Ethan explained. "We can also give you something to hold that makes noise when you drop it so we'll immediately stop. I also like to touch the tied-up person's hand intermittently, so you can squeeze once for green, twice for yellow and three times for red."

Ethan's hand found yours, testing how easily your restraints let you move, and you squeezed it experimentally, receiving a supportive nod from the drummer. You tried snapping, easily producing a loud sound that seemed to echo through the room.

"Snapping and squeezing it is!" Vic happily exclaimed. She climbed on top of your body, providing you with a  dazzling view of her naked tits as she leaned down. The ball seemed to fit into your mouth perfectly, a sudden wave of panic vanished the second you realised you could breathe normally through the holes. You lifted your head to let her close the clasp and tighten it at the back of it. Her eyes were fiery but emotional as she took every inch of your face in.

You hadn't realised Thomas was moving until he held your hand and you didn't hesitate in giving it a singular squeeze.

"Green," he announced and you could see relief flooding Vic's face too. She moved off you just for Thomas to climb further towards you now. You recognised the silk mask he had used on you the night before in his hands. He held it up in question, you nodded immediately. It was only when he put it on your face that you realised how many of your senses were now impacted.

You couldn't move freely.

You couldn't speak properly.

You couldn't see at all.

That means you would have no idea who would be touching you, who would be where, or what you would be feeling. It excited and terrified you equal amounts but with the trust you had in them, you were prepared to let yourself fall and give up all control.

A hand traced along your body, starting at the side of your neck, along the curve of your breast, down your stomach, and your thigh, a teasing touch leaving goosebumps and an insatiable need for more. Another hand - a slightly different touch, more intent behind it, less softness - grabbed onto your other thigh, pulling at it to spread your legs open that little bit more with the room the restraints gave you. Then, a kiss on your collarbone, hot and wet, immediately making you arch into the contact, gone again too soon. A tongue licking up the valley between your breasts.

Your thoughts were spinning trying to figure out who was doing what to you. If their hands were strong enough to belong to Ethan. If their fingertips were calloused the way Thomas' would be. If their lips were as plush as Vic's. If their hot tongue against your flesh was devilish enough to be Damiano's.

And then they all collectively made you lose your mind. They were all over you, touches, kisses and licks, bites, scratches and spanks, manipulating you in any way they liked. It was impossible to tell where one body ended and the next one began and you realised it didn't matter. This wasn't a test, there was no need to figure out details. You were one with all of them, and they were one with you, losing themselves in love and pleasure the same way you were. Your moans mixed with theirs, some further away, some right in your ear to spur you on even more.

Someone was teasing your nipples in the most promising way, alternating between light touches and flicks, sometimes leaving you yearning for any contact at all just to put their mouth on one of them, sucking and slightly grazing their teeth against the sensitive flesh. You arched against it as much as you could, shamelessly demanding more. You felt hands between your legs, on the inside of your thighs, getting closer to your pussy, not quite there yet. A different hand found yours, holding onto it and you only just remembered the safeword system and squeezed it once. Then, out of nowhere, a tongue lapped against your wetness at the same time as a finger entered you and you instinctively squeezed again.

“Yellow!” Thomas called out and in an instant, every sort of touch left your body, as someone pushed the mask higher to allow you to regain vision and you felt the gag being loosened so you could speak.

“No! No! I’m sorry! False alarm!”

Four pairs of eyes looked at you quizzically and you were glad the room was dark enough so you only had to blink a few times to comfortably see again.

“I just got surprised and accidentally squeezed again, I promise I’m fine, please continue. Please continue.”

Damiano smirked at you, performatively holding up his hand to show you the wetness he had gathered on his finger, before putting it into his mouth and sucking it dry in an obscene gesture. You groaned, struggling against the restraints in an instinctive reaction, trying to reach out to him and get his mouth and hands back on you, but then Vic was pulling the mask over your eyes again as Thomas went to work on tightening the gag.

“Sounds like our cucciola wants more, why don’t we give it to her, hm? I think she deserves it.” Ethan’s voice was low and teasing and it spread tingles all over your body. “No mercy for this one.”

Ethan hadn’t even quite finished his sentence before you were once again under the influence of numerous touches all at once. With your mobility, your sight, and your speech gone, it felt like an attack on your other senses in the best way possible. There was a different mouth on your breasts this time, you could feel it in the way they licked and teased, less teeth, more subtlety. Then your brain went into overdrive when you felt the attention shift to between your legs. It was impossible to tell how many hands were on you, running up and down your thighs, giving them an unexpected spank every now and again, touches to your clit, gathering your wetness, pushing into you. Another finger entered you and from the movements alone you could tell it was two different hands pumping into you just from the misaligned rhythms until they managed to find a similar speed.

Someone moved up the bed and positioned themselves next to you and you quickly realised just who it was.

“You like it, don’t you? Having Ethan’s and Thomas’ fingers in you at the same time. Bet you already want more. I can tell how wet you are from here, I can hear it every time they thrust into you. How’s Damiano’s mouth feel on your clit?” You were confused for a second, but as if on command, his mouth indeed descended on you, teasingly sucking on your clit, leaving you trashing and moaning lowly. If you could, you’d be begging for more. “You love having all the attention on you, just being used by us. Our little puppet to do with whatever we like. Maybe I’ll get myself off on your thigh. Or I’ll remove your gag just so you can eat me out. Or I’ll just touch myself and let you hear how wet I am from watching you.”

“She’s getting even wetter from your words,” Ethan remarked with a chuckle. There was a sudden stretch, probably a third finger entering you, but it was getting hard to tell as you desperately tried to move against them. “Maybe she needs something else.”

You wanted to cry out when the fingers left you, but the gag meant you let out nothing more than a pathetic squeaky noise instead. But you weren’t left empty for long. The bed moved along with the people on it, someone - you assumed Ethan - was positioning themselves between your legs, and then you were finally filled with something much different. He felt perfect, moving slowly at first but already having you writhing underneath him. His grunts were close enough to make you lose your mind just that little bit more. You wanted to wrap your legs around him, draw him even closer but all you felt was the restraints on your ankles digging into your skin.

“He looks so good inside you”, Damiano mumbled into your ear. “You’re taking him so well, so deeply, I can’t wait to be the one fucking you.”

You could hear moans all around you, several touches on your body you knew didn’t belong to Ethan but you couldn’t quite place in the chaos in your head. You wondered if any of them were touching themselves, getting off, enjoying the fact that all you could do was wonder but never know. And then Ethan increased his speed, and your thoughts blurred into nothing at all.

Someone’s hand travelled down your body, leaving little scratches on your skin, before finding your clit. You clenched around Ethan, who replied with a low moan, his hair tickling your skin as he continued to pound into you. You could feel yourself getting closer but before you had any chance to get lost in the feeling, Ethan came inside of you, emptying himself with a few more strokes that hit you so perfectly you wanted to cry, before pulling out. Your body was twitching, desperate for more, willing to do whatever it took to achieve your own orgasm. Anything but snap.

“Good thing you have a few more chances to come tonight,” Vic teased, peppering your neck and chest in kisses. “How about a different type of stimulation?”

You could hear the tell-tale noise before you felt it. Then Vic slid down your body and pressed the vibrator, something long and large, against you, and you erupted in whatever noises were possible behind the gag. There was some shuffling and it felt like she was almost climbing onto your body and when she suddenly moaned, loudly and unhinged, you knew she had positioned herself against the toy as well. The boys busied themselves ravishing your body any other way they could, making sure not a single inch of your skin was untouched for too long. A hand briefly touched yours, just for you to give a clear, singular squeeze back.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” Vic’s voice was low and breathy and you could tell how much the vibrations were affecting her as she moved on top of you. You could basically see her in your mind, humping the toy, moving it further onto you, tits bouncing beautifully, hair wild, and you would kill for the real view, but you were determined not to safeword out of it just to get a visual. She fumbled with the device and only a split second later, the vibrations increased and any thoughts that didn’t revolve around coming right then and there evaporated from your brain.

“Come for me, gorgeous,” she mumbled and when someone dragged their teeth over your nipple while you felt teasing hands on your thighs and hips and breasts, you did just that. With a high-pitched noise that was much more muffled than expected, you buckled wildly against Vic and the toy, riding out your orgasm until it had reached every corner and crevice of your body. Vic followed almost immediately after, her noises much more contained, low breaths and moans that sounded like music to your ears. She climbed off you, a low thud suggesting she had thrown the vibrator somewhere on the floor, and a hand that was unmistakably hers reached up your arm to your hand. One squeeze. A kiss to your cheek.

“Don’t think you’re done yet,” Damiano said and you could hear the smirk in his voice. “Think you can take a little more?”

Your nodding was frantic. You could hear Thomas giggle in delight next to you. But it was Damiano who decided to take his turn for now. Positioning himself over your body, he gave you a little breather as he started kissing down your neck, playing with the choker, giving it enough of a tug for you to catch your breath without actually restricting your air intake. He licked down your chest, leaving love bites that would surely evolve into hickeys, missing your breasts completely before wandering further down. Your hips moved on their own account when his tongue moved between your folds, almost making you twitch in overstimulation from the vibration Vic had subjected you to. You wanted to mumble more and please and tell him how much you needed him but you couldn’t.

“She’s struggling against the gag,” Thomas remarked. “Do you want it off?”

You weren’t sure if the question was directed at you but quickly shook your head. You wanted this, all of it, in whichever way they had planned for you and if anything, the desperation stemming from the distance between what you wanted and what you were able to do only made everything that more exciting.

“Good girl,” Thomas whispered into your ear, causing shivers once again.

You had barely noticed that Damiano had moved away again, too focused on Thomas’ voice so close to you, but then you felt his cock against you, gathering your wetness and bumping against your clit, and your attention was back on him immediately. He couldn’t hold himself back for long, it seemed, pushing inside you easily as he moaned loudly. You were sensitive still, but having him inside you felt like a much-needed desire fulfilled after Vic’s vibrator had tortured your clit so perfectly. You moved against him as much as possible, still craving more, craving him, craving another release. He was frantic as he thrust into you, much more desperate to come than you were, and you allowed him to use your body to his pleasure, to take whatever he needed from you, as the others kept caressing your skin delicately.

He didn’t take long at all. With an uninhibited moan that almost sounded pornographic, Damiano came, thrusting into you a few more times in a desperate attempt to chase every last second of it before almost collapsing on you. His face buried into the side of your neck as his laboured breathing fanned against your skin. You once again felt on the edge of overwhelmed at the need to wrap your arms and thighs around him properly, tugging at the bonds. A few more kisses as soon as he had caught his breath before he removed himself from your body.

You knew what was about to follow. Everyone had gotten off. Everyone but Thomas. There was a lot of shuffling on the bed, bodies moving around you, touching you, on purpose and fleetingly at the same time. When a hand found yours you immediately knew it was Thomas, suddenly increasingly aware of the way his fingers intertwined with yours, how his palm molded against yours, and all of a sudden, it shifted and-

You squeezed three times at the same time as your other hand started snapping.

The need for a different type of intimacy had overwhelmed you out of nowhere and before you had even managed to fully understand what was happening, you knew you needed out.

Everyone set into motion all at once, no questions asked, as your restraints were unbound, the blindfold moved away, the gag opened and tossed to the side. Hands working as quickly as possible while still being the gentlest you could have wished for. No one spoke for a moment, everyone busy making sure you seemed unharmed, soft touches to your wrists and ankles, but you didn’t care about any of it.

The second you laid eyes on Thomas, kneeling on the bed next to you, face full of worry, you grabbed onto him, embracing him with all you had.

“Sorry,” you whispered into his hair as you held him close, but even with your voice quiet you knew it was silent enough in the room for the others to hear. “I loved it, I really did but… I need to see you all now. And I need to touch you. All of it.”

Thomas was holding you tightly, his hand stroking your back in a calming pattern. Someone's hand was in your hair, petting it softly, all of them assuring you with words of comfort and love. Thomas moved you just enough for him to be able to look into your eyes, the movement shifting you slightly off his body and letting you feel the prominent erection between his legs. But all his attention was solely on you.

“What do you need?”

“You,” you breathed. “Maybe… maybe we can do it like the first time.”

Thomas didn't hesitate, immediately moving toward the top of the bed so he could sit back against the headboard. His hands reached out for you in an unmistakable invitation and you easily slid into his lap. Both of you simply looked at each other for a moment, lazy smiles on your faces as you reminisced about how far you'd come from that very first time you shared with him. Then you kissed him, wild and passionate, and let him slide into you.

Thomas wrecked his mouth away from yours in a loud moan but your lips were immediately claimed again. Ethan held your head in his hands as he kissed you, unbothered by the way you started slightly moving on top of Thomas, whose fingers were digging into your hips in heavenly pain. Vic was behind you now, straddling Thomas’ legs and pushing her body flush against yours, her bare tits rubbing against your back. Her hands reached around, massaging your bouncing breasts as you increased your speed, Ethan’s mouth unable to keep up and attaching itself to your neck instead.

Thomas was a moaning and mumbling mess underneath you as your hands found his chest. His head was thrown back but you kept eye contact as much as you possibly could, needing that connection with him, and it seemed he did the same.

Then Damiano’s fingers were on your clit and you could feel yourself barrelling toward your orgasm. It was perfect, all of it. Four people around you, loving you wholly and truly for who you were, bending to your every wish to put your pleasure above theirs. This was what goddesses must feel like, you decided, sitting on a perfect throne, every possible need met without even having to ask for it.

Thomas was buckling underneath you, moving against you as much as he possibly could as you pulled him in for another searing kiss, on his mouth, his cheeks, his chin, wherever you could land your lips as you bounced on his cock.

“I love you,” he whispered in a delightfully breathy tone and when Vic tweaked your left nipple, Ethan bit a little hickey into your throat and Damiano flicked against your clit, you came undone in a perfect symphony of sounds. It kept coming in waves, again and again, the attacks on your body not ceasing as you soared through your high, feeling it travel through your body until it reached the outermost corners of your limbs and right back to your burning core. The intensity was unparalleled.

The only thing that kept you from collapsing on top of Thomas was the knowledge that he hadn’t come yet. Everyone else finally moved away from you, sensing you were on the verge of overstimulation, so you pressed your chest against Thomas again, getting him as close as possible. His eyes were closed in pure ecstasy. You leaned down to him, whispering dirty words of love in his ears, spurring him on, and as you clenched around him once more, he let go. The most beautiful sight of your lover coming undone filled your vision, jaw slacked, hands firmly grasping onto the flesh of your hips, face heated up and blushing in the prettiest way. You’d be happy to see it for the rest of your life.

When you woke up in the middle of the night, you found perfection. You barely remembered falling asleep, assuming you had done so in the middle and the safety of everyone’s aftercare, but you were overjoyed to realise that you were surrounded by four bodies, still. The space in Vic’s king-sized bed was limited, but everyone seemed to have instinctively taken up only as much space as absolutely needed, intertwined with each other in a tangle that kept you close together.

Thomas was next to you, face to face like you always used to sleep, back in the days, when it was innocent sleepovers with feelings neither of you had tapped into just yet. His arm was lazily slung around your middle, one of his legs between yours, foreheads touching. You could feel his breath on your cheek and if it had been anyone else, it surely would have annoyed you to no end. Not with Thomas, though.

Behind you, Victoria’s body was pressed into yours, not for lack of space, but simply because you both needed to be closer. She was still naked, as usual when she slept, and you revelled in the heat she was omitting. Her hand on your hip felt like a silent reassurance.

Lifting your head ever so slightly, you could see Damiano on her other side. He was on his back, a supremely relaxed look on his face. The sheet was covering his lower half, right where his Mammamia tattoo was peeking out. His left arm was reaching under Vic’s neck, below her pillow, and Vic’s other hand held onto it tightly.

Ethan was lying behind Thomas, facing his back, his long, dark hair all over the pillows like a chaotic halo. He looked peaceful in a way only he could. His arm was on Thomas’ waist, his hand on his lower stomach, holding him tightly, even in his sleep. It looked incredibly safe. You reached out, softly passing over Thomas’ soft skin, until you touched Ethan’s fingers. They reacted immediately, the slightest flinch, a movement, as if they were looking for you.

You leaned back down and cuddled further into Thomas.

This was where you were supposed to be. With Thomas, with Vic, with Ethan, with Damiano. You traced the soft leather still around your neck. You had found your place and it was not only among but right in the middle of these four people that had stolen your heart so completely. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. What anyone else wanted, demanded of you. You’d conquer it all. Everything for now and forever, intertwined and connected with the loves of your life.

***

At this point, you didn't care anymore, even though you had cared so much about it in the beginning. Alex was much more mature, and it was evident from his tastes, the way he treated you, and the delicate lines that formed at the corners of his eyes when he smiled at you. He might be almost a decade older than you, but you couldn't feel more comfortable and desired by anyone else. Prior to him, you had only one relationship, if you could even call it that, and the aftermath of it was so bitter that it made Alex seem unreal. This raised a concern in your mind at first, but soon Alex proved to be more than just good words and manners. On the contrary, you wouldn't be ending this night beside him if that weren't the case.

His gaze was thoughtful over you, and for a moment, you almost believed that you might break. Then, his velvety voice filled the room, "Are you sure 'bout this?" Sitting on the bed, facing each other, he rested his hand on your waist, fingering the fabric of the light blue dress that matched his baby blue suit.

He looked stunning in that warm light, his face rosy with anticipation, and his breathing uneven and clear no matter how hard he tried to hide it. You wanted that, and being able to feel how much Alex desired you without being intrusive about it made you want him even more, without feeling guilty about what might be coming.

"It's just sex," you said, your voice betraying your nervousness.

He chuckled, but not in a judgmental way, but in a welcoming one. "Maybe it would be just sex if I didn't love you so much. I'm nervous because it's my first time with you."

You wrinkled your nose, letting your head fall on his shoulder as he hugged you around the waist. You were cold, a little shaky, and your mind kept circling the fact that he had done this before countless times, and he might not enjoy doing it with you. You couldn't hide your nerves, even if you tried hard enough, because Alex knew you, and he would notice it.

"Do you want to talk about it first? You might feel more comfortable," he kissed your head, his touch gentle, enveloping you into him. You wanted him so badly. "And, you know, I’m pretty much yours and we have all the time in the world. It doesn't have to be now. There's no hurry."

 As you furrowed your brows, Alex could sense the shyness in your smile. "What is it? You don't want to have sex with me?" you asked, your voice low and quiet.

 But yet, you cringed in agony, yearning for something you didn't even know what it felt like. Alex noticed your discomfort and pulled back a little, leaning his hands behind him so he could look at you better. He straightened the strap of your dress that had fallen down, following your eyes with a fond gaze.

 He then took off his blazer, folding it neatly and placing it at the foot of the bed. As he returned his hands to your waist, he lightly squeezed the spot, making you take your fingers to his broad shoulders for balance. With just his t-shirt on, he looked even more delirious, his toned arms and neck sticking out.

 As if he could hear your thoughts, he guided your hips so that you were in his lap. It wasn't like you'd never spent hours glued to him for a makeout session, yet this was different. Before you could hide your face from him, he cupped your chin with a firm touch, like that you couldn't look away from him. "I could never explain how much I want this," he whispered, and then let you snuggle up to him.

 Your arms and legs tightened around him as your head settled into his neck. Your hand roamed over his covered chest, sneaking through the opened buttons, feeling the warmth of his body, working its way from his neck to the nape to feel his soft curls until your fingers were intertwined in the chain of his necklace, as if he was made for you to fit into like a puzzle piece.

"I want you, Alex," you murmured, feeling the tension building up between you two.

 He tenderly kissed his way along your skin, leaving a trail of soft kisses that made you feel weak in the knees. Eventually, he made his way up to your mouth, his hands gliding over your thighs and pulling you close to him. You were completely enveloped by his touch, and you couldn't help but feel incredibly turned on by it all. As he slipped his tongue into your lips, you let out a low groan and tugged at his hair, causing him to let out a grunt as well. But then, you grinned excitedly against him, and he pulled back with a look of amusement.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, all husky.

 You nodded, your hands icy cold while your entire body was warm. Getting more comfortable, you felt his bulge, something that seemed sudden given how fast and focused on his lips your mind were.

"Answer me, pumpkin. I need your voice to make sure we're doing okay, I don't want it to be uncomfortable in any way for you." He assured, dipping the tip of his nose into your skin and showering you in more kisses. From there you knew he would continue to guide you through the little nuances, and you didn't care, you liked his voice.

“I like the feeling of being the reason for your heavy sighs,” you breathed out, carried away by his delight in hearing you.  His hands roamed the hem of the dress, making you feel out of breath once again. And when you got him, you lifted your hips and then your arms until the fabric no longer belonged to you. "I don't feel uncomfortable, I feel good with you." 

As your skin was exposed, Alex followed the curves of your body with his fingers, soon replacing them with his lips. He gazed at you with a silly smile on his face, his cheeks and nose already tinted red. He didn't speak, but his actions spoke volumes. You nodded for him to continue, and he unclasped your bra, revealing more of your flesh, which he peppered with wet kisses. You didn't feel ashamed or self-conscious; you had spent enough time with Alex to know how much he appreciated you, as corny as it may sound. And tonight was no different. 

He brushed his teeth to the region of your belly, going to your breasts and shoulders. Still gentle, he palmed your bust, causing a strange sensation to run through you. Your body was tingling, so Alex continued to stimulate your nerves, whether it was between running his fingertips over your sensitive skin or sucking and hoping to leave light marks. Your sighs were urgent, as your legs were getting tight around him, which encouraged Alex to go ahead.

Although you didn't feel vulnerable with your body in front of him, the realization that he was giving you something you couldn't reciprocate made you freeze. In that moment, you felt small with a silly fear, and Alex, of course, could tell.

Alex held you tighter and left you on the bed. His hands roamed over your torso while yours went to the collar of his shirt, wandering over his exposed skin and the silver cord. "Is everything okay?" His eyes gazed at you and you knew he wouldn't continue until you verbalized what was bothering you. It was fair enough, but you wanted to avoid such a situation. 

You snorted, holding him to you. The light fabric of his touches your body, in a way that you can't help but rub against him for more. He chuckled upon realizing something, but his attention remained fixated on your face, waiting for your response. This brought you some comfort, even though you still felt a bit irritated with yourself.

You held him close and spat out, "I don't like the idea that I won't know how to make you feel good, since you’re experienced and I am not." This time, you held his face, feeling the tension taking over you, even though he had a comforting smile. "Could you guide me through it, though?" you said, not feeling as sure about it as you wanted.

You reached up to his pants, to touch and feel him, but soon he stopped, holding your wrist and bringing it over your head. 

He caressed the spot, kissed your cheek, and then leaned his forehead against yours, the strands of his hair falling over you. "Look at me," he whispered, his breath so close and ticklish. "It's ‘bout you. I don't care and I'm not expecting you to do anything, at least not for now. Just let me take care of you. We can fix it later. I'd love to guide you through the things you still don't know how to do, but for now, let me have this for you. You just have to relax, puppet." 

“Don't you mind that I don't know what to do?” You still looked uncertain, but with your body a bit more relaxed. 

His cheeks and neck turned red as he gave a lingering bite to his lips. His fingers trailed up to your waist and then to your bust once again, leaving his attention there. Despite the sensation not being new anymore, it still caught you off guard. You shivered and sighed, enjoying it. 

As he peppered kisses on your cheek, he shook his head indicating a negative response. "I find the prospect of being your first quite thrilling," he said, while his grip around you tightened, prompting you to wrap your arms around him. His gentle and welcoming tone made everything feel comfortable somehow. 

"If that's what you're saying," you replied, sensing that you were becoming more relaxed but also feeling a bit shy still, which was understandable. You snuggled closer to him, intertwining your legs with his, hoping to get as close to him as possible. "I have a thing for older guys, although I can't quite explain why, y’know?" you admitted. He nuzzled his nose deeper into your neck and chuckled softly, murmuring "my kink princess" in your ear.

You ended up laughing too, as his body collapsed onto yours, his laughter filling the air and his warmth and scent washing over you. You couldn't be more in love.

You closed your eyes in amazement, pulling your knees up to wrap around his waist. Turning to him to get his attention, you whispered, "Alex, I need you to touch me now," and this time, both of you were certain of it.

With a clumsy yet gentle touch, he removed your panties and passed the fabric solemnly over your skin. His breathing was labored, no longer out of fear, but now due to the anticipation of this moment. 

Alex went over his own words, keeping his gaze fixed on yours and attentive to every nuance. He didn't think it was a bad thing, but he didn't want to make you uncomfortable, even though he knew that he could spend hours staring at every inch of you.

He asked for permission once more, wanting to make sure that everything was okay. You nodded, your eyes closing quietly as his hand sank into you, bringing you comfort. His fingers touched you lightly, and all you felt was a tingling sensation, while your mouth became dry at him.

“You're already so wet, hon’.” You gazed into him, and it was evident that his every word was affecting you deeply. He could sense it. "Listen, just follow your body's lead. Don't try to force anything. Although I love having your attention, it doesn't have to be that way," he added, and you suddenly realized that you were finding it hard to stay focused on anything else.

You followed his instructions, squeezing your eyes shut and letting your head relax back onto the pillows. You could feel his breath on your face as he sighed "good girl," the pressure between your thighs increasing and your hips beginning to move in unison with his fingers. "Is it a good thing?" you asked with difficulty. It took Alex a moment to comprehend your question, and when he did, he felt a tightness in his own clothes.

"It is, babe," he murmured, lips touching your temple, the beard adding to it. "It's great, actually, it'll make it easier for you. Besides, you’re expected to be like that, no matter who you're with, okay? even though you're mine." You nodded, clutching at his shirt, which he tucked you in. You could feel how wet you were, the noises echoing through the room. 

“I don't expect to feel this way with anyone else but you," you sighed heavily. Your face fell into his chest, soft moans escaping both of you as he pleased you. Then, he reassured you that if something was wrong, you should warn him before he penetrated his fingers on you. 

He was careful and started with just one, happy with you clinging to him. You pulled yourself together, looking good, yet desperate. Clearly your throat was scratching, then you spoke quietly to him, "I want you, Al. Is this going to take long?" And he understood, couldn't help but chuckle at your sincere question. 

“Not much, babe. I'm not trying to torture you, but I want you to be prepared for it. Properly wet and stretched out for me, is that fine? So you can feel me better in you." He kissed your sweaty forehead, swearing he could feel how much wetter you got with every syllable that came out of his mouth. 

He dove deeper, still easy, using both fingers. A soft, high-pitched growl escaped your lips, which was soon kissed by Alex, followed by him repeating that he got you. It wasn't uncomfortable, but different, you still wanted him to continue. 

When things started to feel too right and your hand rested on his wrist for more, he leaned closer to your ear, not failing in complimenting your sounds and behavior, adding in such a husky tone, "I need to taste you a little bit, is that ‘kay for you? Can I, puppet?" You gazed at him, your body still all over him. Taking your time, you tried to process everything. You had understood, but your brain was struggling to fully absorb it. 

“Is this going to be good for you, like does that sound like a good thing to do?” Your brow arched and you felt the blood rise to your cheeks. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable with anything either. 

“Oh, babe, it sure does,” he couldn't find the words to describe how excited he felt, and he was pretending to be calm while he was there. "I just need you to assure me that we're going well for this, can you do that?" Soon, he found himself rubbing his fingertips more urgently on you, as if every second the idea of being the first to be between your legs, tasting you and hearing more of your incessant sighs was flooding his head. He couldn't help but be aching for you.

You nodded in agreement, soon feeling his lips bathe you in slow, tender kisses all the way to the tip of your hips.  One of your hands gripped the sheet and the other went into his hair as he watched you between caresses on your lower belly. 

"Do I have to do something?" Your brows arched, just as your back. You could feel him next to you.  You closed your legs in a blink, trying to take advantage of the friction but Alex stopped you before you could do it properly.  You felt sticky and he could see it, something that made him want to grope himself.  You were a mess. Alex knew you were ready for him, however he had been looking forward to it and now he wanted to get a taste of you and let it be marked on his tongue as urgently as possible. 

"No puppet," he collected you in his fingers, pausing a moment before letting them get lost in you.  Your body tensed at the same intensity as his mouth watered, yet he looked into your eyes that were a little worried. And even though he was inches from where he wanted to be, he completed.  "You just need to relax for me, okay angel? Lay your body down on the bed and let it guide you through that, there's nothing you have to worry about."  And just like that, your face was calm again as he took in how much his voice made you wet his fingers even more. 

You sank into the sheets, causing Alex not to linger any longer.  He ran his tongue flat, taking his time, gently moving up and down until he brushed against your clit. Your abdomen tightened and Alex let out a sigh of satisfaction, this was so much better than he'd had in mind. 

"Fuck, babe. You're so fuckin' sweet." You moaned, lifting your hips to his face.  You looked at him between your legs, eyes closed and expression relaxed as he tasted you.  You became more agitated, and Alex had already worked well on you to know that from your state you were getting close. So soon, he held you in place for him, taking advantage of the time he had. 

"Am I, Al?" You sounded weak and slurred, almost unconscious.  His attention went to you, and then maintaining eye contact, he let his fingers run over you as he sucked your juices to himself.  The noises were amazing. You continued with him, your mouth parted in a silent whimper.  It didn't take long for your thighs to wrap around him and he stopped everything, not that in fact that was his will but he didn't want to burden you on your first time.  He could do that later.

 "Alex, this was so good.  I did something wrong, why did you stop?! Was it my fault?  I didn't want you to stop, I did as you said." He chuckled lightly at your desperation, hovering over you.  He tried to get rid of the pants and all in a way that didn't look like he was in a rush, even though he knew he was failing.  Not thinking twice, Alex wrapped his hand around your neck, holding you to him and kissed you, deep and with bites to let you know how good you were doing for him.  He pulled away, still very close and his breath being shared with yours and asked. "Can you taste yourself on me?" You nodded, knowing how to differentiate the kiss before and after he has his face buried in you. 

"I like that," 

His smile widened as he went to plant kisses on your neck, to make your muscles as tense as possible for him to be on you. "We're going to have to do this more often, princess. I don't think I can let myself start to think about forgetting how you taste, huh?" 

You murmured into his shoulder, locking your arms around him.  He could swear he has a new addiction.  Your legs went to his waist and he didn't fail to hold you tight to him. Amidst your whimpers and the tears welling up in your eyes, you spoke with a parched throat, whispering that you needed him.

"Do you feel ready babe?"  He asked one more time before he sealed your lips to his, feeling your body shake as you pleaded. 

He hugged you tighter, trying to make you comfortable and snuggled into him, hoping that soon you would do the same.  And as expected, once you were tied together at the hips, you squeezed into him. Your moans were muffled by being pressed against him and he felt bad that he hadn't thought that seeing your face at that moment would be important.  He held still, waiting until you said otherwise.  Your hand roamed around the back of his neck in a relaxing way while your head was buried in his chest. At some point, which he judged was when you felt comfortable, you wrapped your legs hard into him for more contact. 

"Do you want me to move, princess?" He had a cute crease on his forehead, reflecting pure concern. You found it appealing how concerned he was about not hurting you, even though he had only made you feel good so far. 

"Please, Al. Just go slow, please." He rested his forehead on yours, watching your angelic face.  He did as you said, slowly and letting your moans guide him through it. "You look so good like this, let me hear you too." Alex didn't even realize he was holding back, he was so focused on you.  He let his husky grunts escape and loved your smile at him.  Noticing the tears streaming from your eyes he stopped, seeing you confused and panting at him.

"Am I hurtin' you?" You denied, pushing away his hair, which was falling over his forehead, and kissed his pink cheeks. 

He took it at first, but then asked again. "Are you sure you're okay, babe?" he asked as he continued to move his body, recalling your promise to inform him if something was amiss. His forehead creased and his lips parted, revealing the impact you had on him. And you were in love with it. "I'm here for you," he assured you, wiping away your tears and kissing them away, his attention fixed solely on you. 

"You are making me feel so good, Alex.  I don't think it could be better, I'm enjoying that feeling so much. You feel so great on me." You were panting, still sounding like you were in pain from pleading so hard.  Alex held your waist, going deeper yet delicate on you. You closed your eyes in silence as you felt him under your skin. "Alex, more, please, babe." You sighed in whimpers. He could discern from the look in your eyes that you were imploring for something you couldn't put into words if someone were to inquire, but he was about to reveal it to you.

His mind was suddenly invaded by the realization that you belonged to him, and him alone, and that only him could make you feel this way. No other names were uttered from your lips before but his. Only he knew your desires, your taste, and how beautiful you looked in that moment. Moreover, no one else would ever know because neither of you would let them. Alex was losing his mind to that, but in the best of ways.

In the morning, your comfortable and bare body would rest atop his, bathed in sunlight, affirming that he had you all to himself. Today, that thought had crossed his mind, but now it was an even more tangible reality, and he relished every moment of it. 

"Come for me, babe. Don't hold back, Just let your body feel it." He held your hand, guiding his hips as he rode you through it.  You looked so gorgeous before his eyes. Your eyes were closed tight and as he was watching you get there, he couldn't resist.  He held you to him, and with both of your hearts still racing, he comforted you by whispering in your ear with his husky and lazy voice. "It's okay, princess. I've got you, I always will." 

...