Nocturne.coll

I really hate being fat or ugly or whatever people don't like about me, and even though I'm trying hard to lose weight, the feeling of being this way just keeps getting stronger. Sometimes I see my classmates and they're all pretty. Sometimes I really hate that my friend ends a relationship and already has a line of people waiting for her, while I, who broke up with mine more than three years ago, I don't have a single line like my friend, not even a fly.

I've been thinking about what I'll do after high school, what I'll study next, what I want to be, should I take a gap year? Or two? Or three? No, my mom said no, she doesn't want slackers in the house. I've looked at all the majors I like, but they all say no. Graphic design? Consider it a lost cause, that major doesn't make sense anymore with AI. Programming? Hmmm, you'll be lucky to find something. Film? Choose something else, that's for slackers. Marine biology? That's too expensive. Art? You'll starve under a bridge, hahaha. So I think I'm in a really bad crisis. I don't know if it's normal, I don't know if I'll find something I like, I don't know if I'll be able to move out of my parents' house, I don't know if I'll finish high school, maybe I'll repeat the year. The truth is, this stage of life, being 17, sucks, it really sucks.

"From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity."

“I hate my life, I hate how stupid I am, I hate how useless I am, I hate always failing subjects, I hate my ex, I hate myself, I hate school, I hate getting out of bed, I hate running out of time, I hate thinking so much and doing so little, I hate having a creative mind but doing absolutely nothing, I hate everything, I absolutely hate everything, I detest it, but I can't do anything, because if I try I'll hate the change and I'll keep hating everything the same, forever and ever, until I die”

"Cogito, ergo sum"

"Less power for religion, more powerful is knowledge."