noah!! ⭐️

Person who doesn't understand swimming terminology: yeah I like to stroke my breast while wet. It's actually considered a sport

I'm something of a hustler myself. I even like to bustle, on occasion

Not my circus, not my monkeys, just me and my weird coworker

If you ain't crocin', you ain't rockin'. If you ain't flippin', you ain't floppin'. If you ain't velcin', you ain't crowin'.

Yeah ive just had sex. Not as in I partook in the act of sex, but as in ive outsmarted it via a trick and now it looks stupid. The sex has been had.

In the club. Straight up "beatin it". And by "it", haha, well. Let's justr say. My drum like dum di dee day

She picky on my bits till I M&S foods

She took my nothing in the nothing #happilymarried

shut up white boy, the ocean is calling me

Me, the second anything bad happens: this could've been an email

Knuckle tats that say "E A R L G R E Y"

Haha well, you know what they say! *I walk away. You will never know what they said*

I go on the F/F category on ao3. I exclude the #angst tag. I watch as all the fics disappear before my very eyes.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of being someone's grandpa

Haaaate all-knowing bitches. Like yeah we get it, you see past and future alike and you know all that is and was and will be. We get it bro. Stop gatekeeping