I will always care more about the supportive cishet boyfriend at pride than i will about the wannabe cop queer person interrogating every “straight looking” couple to make sure they’re “queer enough” to be there btw. Don’t worry about your cishet boyfriend, he’s sitting with me eating an ice cream wearing a homemade little pride bracelet around his arm and he is the happiest he’s ever been in his life :]

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

I'm currently living in a two-cat household, and there's a thing that happens where the first cat is calling for me, the second cat shows up like "you rang?", and the first cat immediately smacks the second cat in the face like "not you, knucklehead". They do this every day.

The second cat always comes running when the first cat calls for me, even though it gets her dope-slapped with 100% reliability. I suspect she simply enjoys the attention.

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

who up and wanna domesticate me

masturbating and cumming in your boxers was actually supposed to be the base of the hierarchy of needs but they forced Maslow to change it

im tryna go freak4freak, loser4loser perhaps

teenage girl entering that awkward phase where she realises she's actually a teenage boy

"theyre turning the kids trans" when. ive been waiting in this stupid parking lot for 4 hours and i have yet to see an older taller transmasc convincing me to take t like a cartoonish drug dealer in an old public service announcment.

i hav so many cool hobbies! like jerking off. and sleeping. and crying