no surprises

Karena datang tanpa dugaan, juga harapan, aku beranikan diri yang rentan, menyapamu lewat ketikan. Semua berjalan seperti biasa. Berbagai basa-basi yang biasa ku lontarkan. Pada orang baru yang terlihat rupawan, tapi berujung saling melupakan. Begitu pula aku saat itu, padamu.

Tapi nyata lain cerita. Banyak kata terujar begitu lepas. Banyak rasa tak terdefinisi, karena yang ku paham hanya riang. Malam berisi lelap, berganti jadi malam penuh harap. Terlena, sampai lupa, dini hari menunggu senyap.

Ku tinggal sepenggal kata, agar bisa kusambung esok lusa. Benar, aku menunggu bahwa esok kita masih ada. Benar, awal yang tanpa duga, kini malah penuh sesak di dada.

Meski terlelap.

1. waiting of what's next (either problem or surprise)

2. feeling insecure that you are not enough

mau percaya, tapi nyatanya love is not for everyone

belum apa-apa, ujiannya adalah merelakan

padahal 2 hari lalu, bahagianya sampai ke awan

sekarang, mengingatnya saja sudah seperti ancaman

sekarang, semua berubah jadi angan

sempat menduga, karena dia terlalu menawan

rasanya sangsi, datang hanya untuk si tak rupawan

tapi lagi, semua boleh punya harapan, kan?

keberhakan atas bahagia, harusnya menjadi pecutan

bukan jadi pelebur harapan yang makin mematikan

karena melelahkan, ujarkan pesan

hai diriku sayang, mari selesaikan

tentang cemas-cemas tak berkesudahan

mari kembali pada kebiasaan

berlari, berjalan, bersuara, berbahagia sendirian

mari rayakan ketidak senangan

akan perasaan yang ditinggalkan

entah karena perubahan

entah karena perbedaan

entah karena tak beriringan

entah karena memang harus demikian

been too far from where I should be

been too far from whom I used to be

been too close to all sins

been too harsh in words

been there, leaving the goodness behind

been there, pretending to not feel

been there, forgetting the blessings

been there, running away

but then the door finally knocked

one voice echoes

"do step back closer, and I'll come running to you"

You have willed

the mercy is all Yours

The Almighty, the Most Beneficent

the Most Merciful <3

ever again having no clue

all are blue

with the hardship, I glue

Thou come, as The True

time was when people did not decide

moment was when agreed to not realize

smile was when the eyes met

fear was when the heart bouced

but thou

are my lemonade

are

my

lemonade

for some people, yesterday was their hardest day

for another some people, today is their hardest day

for another, another some people, tomorrow might be their hardest day

for another, another, another some people, every days are all hard days

for all never easy days, you pray

for all those days, you have way

I don't know what my mom and dad thought at the first time when they were given two daughters in one time? I also never ask them how they feel for having the twin daughters. I also don't know whether ever a day they expected a baby boy. I don't know, I can ask my dad but i probably would know the answer in the hereafter, and I can ask my mom now but I don't want to know either.

One thing I surely know for being a daughter is: it is special. You are loved; at least two people were happy for your born. But you know, what makes it more special other than those two things? There is no story of born told in the Quran but the born of a daughter, the born of Maryam. It's even an honor to have a daughter, and a gift.

There's nothing wrong for having daughter. The well raised daughter will grow as kindhearted woman, whose behavior gives warmth to other's heart. Don't you worry about having a daughter will never bring your family live well. First, your kid isn't an investment. Second, she'll shower the home with all the love she has.

John ever sang: So fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Yeah, girls become lovers who turn into mothers so mothers be good to your daughters too. Even a song told you to treat your daughters well.

i'll take one more engrossing flight

to see the purple sky

where the worship and the sundown that ally

what a blissful me after July

still wanting to yawn

but i'm halfway gone

see you, around!

to the dusk, i ask

what's on the cask

in the sunset, i bet

oh, that's a tiny regret

about the failing of seeing the nightfall together

got it why, you gotta go to get her

you help the broken one,

but yourself shattered

you see all at once,

with the self scattered

you see everyone,

but yourself disregard

your only solace,

is the sunset in the yard

arriving in the space

here is in the only place

where i puzzle what relates

about you, that i retrace

just like the fright that foreseen

keep taking steps like fourteen

wondering what's behind the wall

no worries that steps about to fall

hour later, with the teary eyes

all feeling allies

whatsoever magnificent is deadly

i shuddered, already

just like the converge agreed

regretting the fondness that never anticipated

wondering what's behind the wall

i worry, i'm about to fall

hour later, with the teary eyes

all feeling allies

whatsoever magnificent is deadly

whatsoever too kind is bad, said he

all are crumbled, but the sea

all are crumbled, as well as me

owing to the wishful thinking of your Crea ✧

earthlings,

twenty-twenty surprised us well

seems like the whole year is covered by only these past three months

too early to claim this year is fucked up

we are all tortured

some lost their lovers

some lost their jobs

some lost their health

some lost their peace

but as well, too early to give up

this too shall pass

let the flower bloom

let the rainbow bend

let the prayers help

let the time heals

let strengthen each others

all is well

to the root i stand upon,

thank you for delivering life

from the minerals,

the grounds,

the fossils,

letting yourself grow

to the root unseen,

it shall not be you

i see you unveiled

it might be me instead

unseen