♡

staying up late to watch six second vines of an entire two hour concert. racing to download the songs to our computers when the brazillian youth would leak the albums before they were erased from the internet. going into any store and being bombarded with anything that brands could stick their faces onto. the chaos that was 1D Day. the launch of those cursed perfume ads. collectively hating so many of the men who surrounded the boys. showing up to the theater to see This is Us or experience the MITAM listening parties. the signings that would have so many (now iconic) interactions with fans. having so many shit posts day in and day out about things the boys did that day because they were always doing something so there was always something to talk about. screaming at the TV when they won awards and suffering through red carpets to see their collective looks. bullying them relentlessy. anticipating their tweets or vines or random Q+A's. constantly quoting their interviews like they were inside jokes. staying up late to see them perform on SNL. the pandemonium of carpool karaoke and tattoo roulette. having several nicknames for each one depending on the month. the running jokes we had that the boys were in on (i genuinely dont believe, we as a fandom, have been funnier than we were from 2010-2016.) the adrenaline rush as we finally pressed play on new music and dissecting who was singing what and what the lyrics meant.

i look back on it now, and i don't think it could be replicated. one direction genuinely lived in such a specific time where the universe had to align in so many ways for them to exist the way they did. we got 1D as soon as the internet was truly taking off. Social media really boomed around the time that One Direction came onto the scene. they, in some ways, represent so many aspects of early internet culture. there wasn't all this instant access or quick links when they were at their prime. they were one of the biggest bands in the world and although they catered to their fans heavily, there was still a distance had between them and us. drops were still special. any type of social media interaction was felt for days. fan projects were heard around the world because we all came out in droves. getting livestreams from them was rare but exciting. in the modern age of digital media, i don't think the spark would feel the same because we have so much access to stars now and everyone is forced to promote themselves relentlessly on tiktok or instagram- like imagine every boy having their own independent tiktok account and the drama that would occur because of it. things still felt so innocent and exciting in the fan-artist relationship bubble, and i just don't think the relationship they had with us and how we think of that time period would even remotely be the same if they existed in the industry climate of today. it was a short, magical period of the internet that im fortunate i was able to witness alongside their rise.

and their music. honestly, even years later their music fucking ruled. you look at all these carefully-curated modern boybands trying to catch that same momentum and see how hit and miss their music is. how generic it sounds. how cold and surgical it feels. one direction was the epitome of an apologetic boyband who sounded super sugary-pop before they evolved into their own songwriting and influencing their sound with all of their different music tastes and it felt human because it was. it was feverish and silly but also super slick and catchy and full of emotion and texture. it acts as a sonic photobook of their growth as a band as they found their footing in the industry. and they were great. they were talented. their albums ripped. they were on top for a reason, and i think people forget how unapologetic and strong their music was regardless of how you felt about them as a boyband because they did it their way and they didn't care what anyone thought about it. as i dove back into their discography this past week, you can sense all that in how their music makes you feel when you listen to it. and i think anytime i hear their music, i will feel like that for the rest of my life.

ive had a very difficult time processing liam's death this past year (as most of us have) and the finality of that when it comes to the band- as it should be. it will never be the same. and i've fought myself for years after the band went on hiatus about how some of my favorite memories of my Youth are tied to a band who have talked at length about the abuse and darkness they dealt with at such a young age by being in that band. but, ive learned to live in the grey of it all because they've also talked about all the fun they had. all the laughs they had. all the experiences they had that no one will understand but each other. all the love they gave and we gave back to them. because in some ways, even through the tougher times, there was light and i genuinely believe them when they said that they couldn't have done it without the fans. and i hate everything to do with the parasocial aspect of fame, but we were a unit. it didn't feel cheap when they said it. it didn't feel scripted. we both grew up together on this wild journey they had as they rose to fame, and we had fun together. we laughed together. we cried together. we made fun of each other. last year... we mourned together. we were part of this moment in time together, and i think that's why they are so fiercely loyal to their fans. when everything else sucked, that relationship never did.

so as we raise a glass to 15 years of this band and these guys and these memories and all the music, i want to celebrate everything they represented for so many of us throughout the years and confidently remind everyone that you shouldn't feel shame about the love you had for them when they were struggling. the serotonin you felt during times that maybe they weren't. because at the end of the day, we were a family. a huge, crazy, dumb, beautiful, intelligent, exciting family, and i know they appreciated us just like we did them. and i am so grateful for them and what they brought to my life.