we are so back

i tried restarting a new account back in 2020 but i stopped using tumblr altogether

this is my original blog from 2015 but i’m still gonna keep the one i started in 2020

also sorry i can’t do a read more i’m on mobile.

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i’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt from bottling this in, because it feels so stupid and childish and idiotic, but i hate the fact that i used to have feelings for this man. i admired him so much, i looked to him as an example for what a healthy and happy family should be, i never EVER doubted him, not for a second.

i had actual fantasies about this man. this is really humiliating and embarrassing, but i used to fantasize about two possible scenarios

he was never married and never had kids, OR

he was divorced and single but was still in his kids lives

even in my fucking weird obsessed fantasies, i didn’t imagine him cheating !!!! not even in my dreams !!!! i idolized him so much to the point that i thought, “no, even in my wildest fantasies, he would never cheat on his wife. he would never hurt his family like that. he’s a good man.”

i NEVER doubted this man, for a fucking second. i put so much of my blind trust and faith into him, and for what ? he was being an absolute piece of shit right under our noses. imagine how much longer this could have gone on. what if it was only k*vic who got exposed ? knowing this motherfucker, he probably would have put out a statement chastising him. what if none of this had been exposed ? how much longer would this have gone on ?

i started watching AH when i was 17 years old, 2015. i actually met them in june of that year, when they were at e3. i remembered being sad because r*** wasn’t there, sad that i couldn’t meet my favorite yet. i think about what it would have been like if he was there.

@fionanvoa