Luke Crain

“Yeah, of course ….” 

Liv nods, pushing her hair back from her face as she pulls herself out of bed. The hall lights are flicked on first, just to give them both a moment to adjust, and then the room lights are on a second later. 

“Don’t apologize.” She sighs, scooping a sweater up off the floor to pull around her shoulders. It was freezing, now that she was up and about. Then again, cold had always been her natural state, more or less. 

“Give it a week or two, I’ll probably wake you up at some point too…” She understood the nightmares. The uncontrollable nature of it all. They came back without any warning at all, it wasn’t as if there was anything she could do. He couldn’t get rid of his nightmares, like she couldn’t be rid of the ghosts she saw either. 

“I’m gonna sit next to you, okay?” She pauses, just to give him some warning before she sits, doing her best not to spook him any further. The night felt shot already, full of lingering adrenaline. The last thing either of them needed was to be any jumpier. “It’s just me …” She adds, clearing her throat before she reaches her fingers up to run them through his hair. “Can I get you some water or something? You wanna tell me about it?”

The sigh isn’t meant to put any pressure on Luke, he knows that - but years and years of disappointing others, of being a bit too much, of demanding too much compared to how much he was allowed to, well... Some sounds were just rather off-putting. Triggering, almost. As he watches her move around the place, dressing up and ensuring all dark angles were well-lit again, he feels even more terrible. He could have just done that himself, he knew where the switches were. She didn’t have to be bothered more than she already had been with being woken up.

“Y-yeah,” he says so quietly, as if the volume of his voice had been turned down to 4 out of 50 volume levels. He didn’t feel deserving of this much affection, hell, this much effort in making sure he was okay. Her fingers through his hair feel comforting and tender, making his skin tingle and the hair of his neck rising - but in a good, nice way this time. 

Wetting his lips, he turns his head to look at her, a timid and slightly shaking, sweaty paw reaching over to lay gently on the top of her thigh, returning the affection and attention. Sorry, sorry, sorry he chants in his head, looking at her and how the worry and care about him makes her eyebrows furrow. “I’m okay, thanks.. Light’s are, th-they’re good.”

He bumps his shoulder into hers, breathing a shaking breath and trying a wobbly, quickly-vanishing smile. I’m sorry.

“I just.. it’s the same shit as always,” was said with such defeat, Luke shaking his head to look down to the floor and his socked feet. It was freezing, he had to make a poor fashion choice to ensure his toes didn’t freeze so hard they fell off or something. “The house,, th-the, with the hat.. I try to run, find s-somewhere in the house to hide, but.. Yeah. You know.”

Another quickly fading smile, his hand on her thigh clenching once. 

‘ i’m sorry i woke you. ’ || @ninetyscnds​ 

“ – No, no – it’s totally fine.” 

She frowns, just long enough to scrub roughly at her face before she shakes her head and blearily sits up. 

“Not like I sleep all that well to begin with.” She does her best to smile, at least to put him at ease. He always looked uncomfortable. Like he was trying to fit himself into a smaller space.  And her voice is hushed for some reason, despite the fact that there’s not exactly anyone else there to wake up. It just felt appropriate. Whispering when it was dark. 

“Are you okay?” She pauses, reaching for him just as quickly, not sure if she should pull him back into bed, or pull herself further up out of it. “Do you – do you want to go back to sleep or should I turn on a light?” 

He’s been shaking since he woke up, sweat gathering in little droplets at the edge of his hairline. Part of him had wanted to scream as he was pulled out of his sleep, plagued by his mind and muddled memories, all messed up into yet another nightmare. But mindful of Liv by his side, somehow, even in his most frightened state, he had only gasped as though breaking through a surface of deep, dark waters as he sat up urgently, turning halfway out of the bed - ready to flee, almost.

He feels horrible as he says it, quiet and voice a little crooked and croaked from the fear; “I’m sorry I woke you,” as he sees her stir besides him, those intelligent eyes blinking awake. Damnit. 

As she tries to joke, he mirrors her little smile and runs a hand behind his neck, brushing away the clammy, warm sweat there. At least he woke up this time... 

“Uhm,” he tries at first, swallowing thick and looking around into the corners of the room. “I’m-- I’m fine. Is it, w-would you? The light?” 

He knows how he looks as he asks of this - a man of such a large frame seeming so frail and small, almost like a kid needing his night light. 

Liv seems to always get it, though.. to not diminish his fears. Or him.

Turning further out of the bed as the lights are turned on, he plants his elbows on his knees and pushes his face into his clammy hands, sighing hard, trying to zone in on his beating heart. It was just a nightmare... just a nightmare...

          big boys know the difference between what’s

                                                                          real and į̵̨̻̻̘̟̜̟̻̫̞͈̜͉͚̻̆ͅͅḿ̴͙̩̓͐̒́̓͂͐̚͠a̶̟̪̓̂͆͆̔͊̐̉̏͒̾̈́̕͘ͅg̸͓̘̲͍͉͙̹͊̉̑̅͌̉̈́̄̇͑̈́̓͊̌̈́̾̏͝ḯ̷̡̳̻̰̪̥̭̝̖̰̤͎̉̈́͛͂̀̉͑̓͑̉̎̓̂͋͝n̴̛͍̭͖͓͈̜͉͙̥͙̲̉͂͒̔̽͆́͐̀̅͘͜͝ä̷̧̢̡̗̼̮͉͈̲̙̪̼̩͔̣̩̿̾̒͐̃̏̅͂̆͘͜͠r̴̢̭̐̑̈́̒̒̒̎̍͘͘̚͝͝͝y̵̫͍̠̌̔͝                                        isn’t that right, dad?

rules | verses | bio penned by mel. est. nov. ‘19. revived nov ‘22. tv verse w/ book influences.

miscellaneous angst starters .// (meme)

The world is spinning. Every breath feels heavy and hot, like dragon’s breath, burning up his throat and the pit of his stomach. Luke’s first love and one he had bonded with Dan over – or, the loss of that love, at least – had been the first thing he had tried to reconnect with, that day after leaving the clinic. Just a small drink. Just one, two, maybe a six pack, he can handle that. Maybe share some whiskey with someone at the bar, maybe hustle your way to another pack of beer, maybe.. maybe.. 

A million maybes later, a couple of weeks and that first lover becomes too boring, too dull. She’s too vanilla for him, too simple, Luke needs more and it’s on his way to finding more that he, by chance, bumps in to his old friend. 

“Yeah I’m– I’m sorry, Steve, I-, I lost the phone and I didn’t wanna tell you right away.” 

Please don’t be mad at him, Steve. Please. It might have been the third phone since he got to LA, but you don’t know what a burner goes for on the streets these days and prices for a good time are high as hell…