Just a Mom keeping it real.

Do you know the first time you knew you loved your child. For me it was when I could see and feel my stomach moving.  My husband believes in love at first sight because he experienced it when Abigail was first placed in his arms.  

What about the first time you knew your perfect child wasn’t perfect?  Some parents realized it before they were born, for others it may have been a disability or report card.  For me it was at Wal-Mart when I put those “coke bottle” glasses on her for the first time.  

When did you realize that your child might not fulfill the dreams you had for them?  I realized it her first year playing soccer.  She somehow hadn’t inherited my athletic ability and drive and was content to socialize and watch the butterflies. Instead we have a “theatre kid” who totally rocks it.  

Do you remember the first time your child’s heart was broken?  Was it the death of a pet, a bully on the bus or losing a special friend?  We may not remember the exact moment but we will always remember the pain of our heart breaking with them.

There wasn’t a “moment” when I realized I would give my life for her, I just knew.

Fast forward a few years and now we know a new truth. Our daughter is now our son. We have grieved the loss of our daughter and the dreams we had for her but are slowly realizing that they are ours to grieve and not his. His are being planned now and they are going to be great because they are his.  

This is not a choice, for who would choose a path this difficult, one that is often filled with fear, hate and loss.  It’s been a hard journey with tears, anger, fears, confusion and anxiety. It’s also a journey that has been filled with patience, tolerance, learning, acceptance, laughter and most of all love.

As his transition continues our priorities as parents have changed. We worry more about his safety and future now because the world isn’t always a nice place.  Things that used to be understood as a given aren’t and I have learned to be an advocate who tries to educate and communicate but not alienate.

In the last few years some things have changed but most have not.  He is still the same kind, smart, cute kid with a sarcastic slightly warped sense of humor. Time is a great healer and we are adjusting to the changes day by day. Instead of fighting these changes we now are a part of them. We don’t need time to know the greatest truth which is, Alex is the best part of our family and he will always have the acceptance, support and love of his family.