#winter blues

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

The High Priestess + XXXII The Badger & Ginko: healing wounds, (inverse) The Magician + VIII The Elk & Ash: strength, The Wheel + (Inverted) 0 The Mouse and Buttercup: innocence

Oracles: #49 Opposition (nature spirits) ◦ #28 New Life (teacher guides) ------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh pile 1, going over your reading made me really emotional. During this season, your past experiences return with a vengeance. It seems that throughout your life, you were around people who rarely, if ever, took your thoughts, feelings, or accomplishments seriously, leading to you to question your own reality. You tried harder to prove yourself, you spoke louder to be heard, you learned more and brought it back…only to still be dismissed. This may have resulted in you doubting your abilities, your intuition, and your voice; leading you to fear doing anything without input, because what if they were right all along? How can you be sure?

You may have also been in a environment that frequently changed or was met with a sudden disruption that altered things drastically, leading you to feel helpless. Maybe you never found solid ground after that, even if many years have passed, and you feel like you are passenger in your own life. It’s almost like you’re left to whims of the world and whatever it chooses to throw at you.

To cope during this season, it’s important that you take time to sit with yourself, reflect, reframe your thoughts, and to speak life into the wounded smaller version of you inside that’s holding on to it all. You have always been worthy, your feelings and thoughts mattered, and there was so much wisdom in you from the beginning. None of that is gone, it is only whispering, and they just need to know it’s safe to express themselves now. It’s equally important, though, that you examine how your traumas are showing up in your behaviors towards others and how you approach life. Maybe being unheard has made you defensive, you hold on to things/people too tightly because you fear loss, you try to control situations to maintain “control”, or you’re just waiting for life to turn around instead of taking action.

If you are able to do this while still being gentle with yourself, you’ll understand that you neither have to prove yourself to anyone else nor are a victim to fate or timing. You are actually in the driver’s seat, you are more capable than you’ve given yourself credit for and though life may be random— you can shift along with it if you try. Change might have meant loss at some points, but did you know it can also signal a new beginning? The things we gain are often better than what left, in many forms. As you walk into this new phase, understand that even if you are unprepared in some way, you have the ability to adapt with time and patience, because you are who you’ve always been, and it’s time to get back to your core self.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 2

Ace of Wands (Page of Pentacles) + XXXIII The Raccoon & Sycamore: Curiosity, Ten of Cups (Ten of Wands, Ten of Pentacles) + (Inverted) XXXI The Turtle and Coriander: Satisfaction, (Inverted) Four of Cups + XIX The Vulture & Asphodel: Upheaval

Oracle: #10 Truth (higher self) ◦ #21 Disruption (helper guides) --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 2, when I say your guides were shouting during this reading? I just want to give you all a hug, because I can see that you have a deep wound around security and abundance.

I took this reading two ways, so bear with me. For some of you, you may come from an environment where there was a major sense of scarcity. There were limited resources for your survival (food, money, nurturing, etc), an emotionally distant or nonexistent family that left a cavern where connection and affection was supposed to be, or the holidays weren’t celebrated/acknowledged in your home whatsoever; and any single or combination of these factors made you dread this season because it’s when you noticed this…lack, more than ever. You realized that your situation didn’t match with the joyous energy the air, the specials you saw on tv, or what your peers might’ve had and it made you feel isolated and alone. Why couldn’t you have that, too?

For others, maybe you did come from an environment where the holidays used to be great. It was a time of gathering for your family filled with traditions, happy memories, and you always expected it to be that way. But perhaps, over the years, your family is no longer as close-knit, you don’t feel like you belong anymore, or like you’ve failed in being able to keep what you had then up in your adult life. Maybe some of the family back then have grown up, built their own families, and you feel like you’re so far behind them because you’re “stuck” in a life you didn’t expect. You’re lacking something: a home/apartment, a partner/children, money, or a “serious” job and they bring this to your attention (or at least it feels noticeable because you’re the odd one out). You feel dread and self conscious every year that passes and you still aren’t where you’re striving towards, because everyone makes you feel like you must not be trying hard enough despite your reality.

The thing I see from both possibilities is it being hard to appreciate what you have now because it still doesn’t feel like enough. The fear and shame of still not having “made it” follows you around, and comparison is not only blinding you to how far you’ve come and the little life you’ve built for yourself, but also making you fearful to veer too far from what you think is the right path. You don’t let yourself participate in much of anything that isn’t centered around obtaining more, because it feels (or looks to others) like a waste of time. Why would you work on a hobby or take a moment to relax when you could pour more hours into work? Why connect with others when you’re used to not having anyone? Why take a risk or explore anything new when you’re at least are familiar with this current thing? What if it’s a mistake?

But silly, that’s a necessary part of self care and how we grow! Your gift in this season is to give yourself the permission to be curious and reconnect with life. I know it's scary to let go of what we think is keeping us safe, but allowing ourselves to be one with the world instead of auditioning opens our eyes to our full possibilities. Constantly trying to prove that you can have it together too or that you’ll lose everything if you become still for even a second is draining you of joy and creativity, and branching out enables you to find where you’re actually supposed to be. Maybe the thing holding you back is not figuring out what you actually want to do, not what you think you need to do.

Perhaps that hobby you think looks interesting, the “one day” idea that always pops up, that local group/event or friend hang you keep meaning to get to, abandoned hobby, or job outside of your safety zone has been the key the whole time. Take baby steps, don’t pressure yourself, and make sure you’re gently validating yourself for trying and for those who have one, lean on your support system for encouragement as well. Joy isn’t earned, it’s your birthright. [If you relate to this pile, pile 3 may give futher insight]

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 3

Ace of Pentacles + XXVIII The Opossum & Peony: Bashfulness, King of Cups + XLII The Eel & Iris: safety, Ten of Swords (6 of Wands) + XLI The Snail & Huckleberry: trust in the invisible Oracle: #18 Creativity (helper guides) ◦ #47 Self-love (nature spirits) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile three, your reading felt like your guides where squatting down and gently speaking to you through me (maybe because I really relate to you all). I feel like you grew up in an environment where safety, especially emotionally, wasn’t present. Maybe your home environment was (or is currently still) oppressive, harsh, emotionally inconsistent/neglectful, or harmful to you in some way. You may have felt like people failed to protect you, that you have to suppress your emotions, shrink yourself, or try hard to live up to expectations so that you could survive and mitigate further pain. Perhaps all of your needs weren’t always met and you had to find a way to push through it on your own, despite not being ready for those responsibilities and the pain of not understanding why it wasn’t being given to you. I can imagine that this left a scar on who you truly are, your self worth, and your relationship with stability. Even though you’re older or because time has passed, you should be “over it”, you just…can’t.

I can imagine that this season feels hard because if you have to return to that environment, especially if you’re around people who never changed or felt like what you went through wasn’t “that bad” (or worse, won't acknowldge it at all), you just return to being your nervous, unsure self from the past.

To get through this season (and beyond), you’re being asked to face your fears around connection, self worth, and scarcity. Your inner child needs to know that they are safe and that their needs will be met, and that begins with you understanding that you are worthy, period. Of stability, love, success, and happiness. You are at a point now where the world you build now has to be live on a foundation that serves your needs. What aspects would make you feel alive, nourished, fulfilled, and at ease? What can you do to bring more joy into your life? What does your space need (and doesn’t) to feel like a safe home? What does your true, inner voice think and have to say? How can you currrate your life, inside and out, to reflect your inner light?

This is a time to figure out who you truly are and to shed your limiting beliefs. You don’t have to be afraid of being yourself, and if you don’t know who that is? Get creative and try new things! Read, take yourself out on dates, use your hands, meditate or journal, be brave and talk to new people or try vulnerability with those closest to you (who you’ve deemed safe and who respect you). Once you do this, life will begin to unfold for you in the most beautiful ways, and though you can never erase your experiences, those wounds will become a dull pain that can’t be felt over your newfound joy. The safety you're looking for is in you.

[If you relate to this pile, pile 2 may give further insight]