i’m not afraid

Joe was a little bit crossed and it was heavily effecting his reaction time, on top of the fact that he was a little dumb on a good day. Which was part of the reason he was clinging to the front of Nikolai’s shirt, but also because he was a little convinced that if he didn’t, he’d tip over backwards and land on his ass. “You’re not,” Joe laughed, “I’m just…slow on a good day, and now I’ve got shit in me making me a litttle slower. It ain’t you, trust me.” He did feel bad that he’d convinced Niki that he didn’t want to be kissed, but in the moment, he wasn’t sure how to make that up to him. Aside from attempting to kiss a little better next time. “I might be the shit kisser right now, I do apologize.”

Nikolai wasn’t sure if what he was doing was a good thing or not. But he did really find the boy interesting, he was cute and Nik was just the right amount of drunk and getting to be high for him to go forward with the way he’d just been flirting. The way Joe was holding onto his shirt made him loop an arm around his waist. “Okay.” he says with a small smile. “I can stop if you don’t want me to be this close.” he says quietly, just trying to be polite.  “You’re not a bad kisser at all, Joe. I’m sure what I’m putting out is definitely less than spectacular at the moment.

“Ah, well, in any case, if you want to meet up for a quick breakfast or coffee somewhere, just let me know. Though be warned, I’m more scatter-brained in the morning and I might actually hit you in the face while signing.” Finch joked as they walked towards the cafe near university. They got up early in the morning for clients in different timezones most of the time so it wouldn’t be a problem. And if Nikolai wanted to talk, they wouldn’t mind using their hearing aids that early in the morning. “No worries, Nikolai.”

“I’ll let you know. I’m sure I’ll take you up on that offer at some point.” he says with a small smile. By some point he knew he’d be asking them the next day instead of in the near future. He chuckled. “I tend to not talk in the morning, so if anything it’ll be good practice for me to sign.” he explains with a laugh. It was a rather quick walk to the shop and soon he was pulling open the door and motioning for Finch to go in first. “It  smells great in here.” he signs, “I can feel myself waking up already.”

“I avoid it because I usually have to practice a lot, and the minute I start smoking, all I want to do is eat and nap. Which is fine, but doesn’t make for Julliard level cello playing.” It didn’t bother him, and it meant that times like right now, he only had to take a few hits before he was feeling it. Joe took another hit for good measure, then swore to himself that that would have to be enough for the night. “Sorry, I’m a little dumb sometimes. Plus weed. My friend Lyn tells me he could smack me in the head with the facts and still might miss them,” and it was true, but that didn’t matter long as he was pressed gently into the balcony and kissed.

Nikolai wan’t even sure if he’d made a right decision by kissing  Joe. Maybe he was just drunk and a bit high and needed some company. It wasn’t not true, he was tipsy and getting to be a little buzzed from the weed but not enough to feel completely incapable of making a good decision. His lips weren’t hard or unyielding and he did seem to be kissing him back but was he enjoying it? Nikolai pulled away and sighed, his lashes brushing the boy’s cheek as he looked down. “ Feel free to stop me if I’m a shit kisser.” he says softly. He searched Joe’s eyes for any sign that he wouldn’t stop him, lifting on hand up to touch his face. “Is this alright?”

Finch was happy to help and really, it seemed like Nikolai had been struggling to look for a translator to help him out during classes. And they would gladly help him out no matter how early or late. They enjoyed it very much. “Yeah, definitely don’t do that when you get to class. I can even meet up with you in the morning to have breakfast because it helps.” The translator offered. “Don’t worry about my schedule, I’ll fit mine with yours. I also teach ASL so it’s not a problem either.”

Nikolai nodded. “Yeah I honestly just was rushing this morning. But normally it slips my mind because I’m walking around my apartment trying to make sure I have everything I need for class or I’m packing stuff for work after class. It just depends.” he explains. He knows still he should make time to eat breakfast- but hopefully by taking Finch up on their offer it would help him get into a good habit. “Alright. Thank you again, Finch. I really appreciate you helping me out extra besides classes.”

“I can’t remember the last time I was high, won’t deny it to you. I’ve got too much practicing to do and too many things to remember. Maybe if I had been drumline instead of cello,” he laughed. Maybe in another life, though he very deeply missed the football atmosphere. At the end of the day, it wouldn’t have gotten him a far as the cello was getting him, and he knew that. “Well thanks, I’m trying my hardest,” Joe looked over at Niki and grinned, “Oh, uh, yeah, sure. I thought that was a hypothetical question, sorry. I’m not always the brightest bulb when it comes to stuff like this.” It made his stand up a little straighter and cocked his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t mind, and I won’t lie to you, I’ll have to look a little harder before I decide.”

Nikolai nodded. “I haven’t smoked in a long time. It’s not really a habit of mine- between work and school I don’t really have tie for stuff like that. Which is why I don’t really party that much either. But I guess I got lucky coming to this one huh?” he points out as he puts the joint to his lips, blowing out smoke in small rings. “Well clearly it’s working then.” he points out with a smirk, now leaning in  bit closer to the boy against the railing. “Not hypothetical at all, actually.” he says biting his bottom lip. “Well give it a look after this, yeah?” he says before he leans in close, brushing his lips against the boy’s before fully kissing him. 

“It’s a good thing I have a few drinks in me because that’s when I’m the most straightforward. Unless we’re really close,” he explained. Joe was rather straightforward with Lyn but they’d been close friends for a year or so, so it was easy. The last thing he wanted was Nikolai adoring a version of Joe that didn’t usually exist. “No, I’m pretty sure I’m an asshole. I guess it depends who you ask, but in general, I have that in me.” He passed the joint back to Nikolai with a sigh because he knew the existing smoke would help him out too. Which was good because he couldn’t remember the last time he smoked or how much would be too much. “It’s hard to say if it would be because  don’t know what it’s like to not like guys, but perhaps,” he shrugged, “I feel that. I’m an ass guy myself.”

Nikolai nods, “I probably could have another one, but after this I probably shouldn’t. We’ll see. I’m more fun when I’m high.” he admits with a shrug. He was more so just more open to suggestion when he was high than sober. Probably wasn’t a good thing considering he wasn’t at home- but he didn’t care. He surely wouldn’t have been able to flirt like this if he wasn’t under the influence. “Well, you’re doing a good job of not being one right now. So I think you’re okay.” he says as he passes the joint back again. “So... you’re telling me that I could kiss you right now? And you wouldn’t mind?” he asks with a smirk as he studies the other guy. “An ass guy huh? Do I have a nice ass then?”

Finch understood the struggle of finding translators for classes– undergraduate classes were always hell for them when they were in big lecture rooms like the ones they were in. They always sat in the front and pushed through it even though it was difficult. If that was the problem now, they were just happy to help anyone who needed the help with classes. “Ah we could! We can have coffee and discuss if you want to have more ASL lessons with me whenever you are free.” They spoke while signing, knowing how hard it is to walk and sign, especially when someone was just starting out with ASL.

He was so thankful that Finch had even agreed to come work with him. Having to deal with finding another ASL teacher without enrolling in a deaf studies course was difficult, and he was hoping his relationship with Finch would quickly become a friendship and less of a burden for them when they came to Nikolai’s classes. “Brilliant. I didn’t eat anything this morning because I was in a bit of a rush and I’m sort of desperate for a coffee.” he explains with a laugh. “That’d be great too. I can pull up my schedule for the rest of this month and we can figure it all out. Obviously, please don’t feel like you have to come do extra lessons with me. I want this to work for both of us.” he explains as they begin walking out of the room. 

“Absolutely.” Joe was full of liquid courage and despite barely knowing Nikolai, he was happy to compliment him. Amongst other things that he was considering as a result of Nikolai being so pretty and existing as a slightly constantly horny twenty-something year old. He wondered if it was the same for the other man, but even so, he wasn’t quite drunk enough to ask. “That’s fair enough. We all experience different things, but yeah, I’m really good at putting on a blank face and tuning people out if I need to.” He blushed brightly but due to being outside, he was hoping it was a little big hidden. If not, there wasn’t much he could do about it. While he willed the blush away, he took the joint between his fingers and followed suit in taking a few drags. “I’m bi, but i prefer guys most of the time. Has to be a really special lady.”

“I like when cute guys are straightforward. Makes me think that they know what they want.” he says with a smile. “I’ve tried that... it doesn’t work.” he says with a snort. “But maybe that just means that you’re a nice person and I’m a bit of an asshole.” he shrugs, taking the joint back, breathing in deep before letting the smoke slide between his lips. He knew it would take quite a few drags for him to feel it and then most of it to get him stoned. He wondered at what point would he start saying stupid shit. “That’s good. Would me wanting to kiss you sort of awkward if you weren’t interested in guys huh? I’m bi too.” he explains. “I think I’m more interested in guys. Something about nice arms and faces just gets me.” he says with a sigh, staring at Joe. 

“Much appreciated.” Finch wants anyone they translate for feel at ease, especially with them. Their first language was ASL and some people definitely started later than they have. The introductions were quick so they had to slow down their signing, hoping that Nikolai would understand all of it. If not, they could just go through the people again. “From what I’ve heard, he’s a really good professor. You’ll have to work hard for it but I’m sure it will be worth it. And no, I don’t have any plans right after.”

Nikolai had only had a handful of translators when he’d been going through the end of his undergrad and not all of them had been very good. They’d moved quickly- never wanted to rexplain anything and at times wouldn’t show up to classes one days when it didn’t rain sometimes. On one occasion- a man decided to not show up to one of their review sessions because he “felt like it was going to snow”. So Nikolai had grown used to figuring out how to get information other ways- but he preferred not to have to do things that way. Afterall the whole purpose of having arrangements made like this was to level the field between him and other students. He was hopeful Finch would be able to help him. “That’s what I heard too. I’m prepared to work for it, don’t worry. I was going to go grab a coffee or something like that if you wanted to join.”

“I’ll have to find an excuse to come then,” Joe chuckled. He wasn’t a big party guy in general, he was rather out of his comfort zone right now and Nola, especially during Mardi Gras. Not that Nikolai was telling him to come specifically for that, but it seemed - logically - to be an excuse that Joe could use to go down there. He figured he should let the night progress, see how they got along before randomly deciding to someday visit this guy in another state, but he also knew he was overthinking it and getting ahead of himself. Typical for Joe Barnes to do. “You’d be surprised what you can get away with when you’re pretty. Doesn’t really matter if you’re boring, most people are too busy looking at you to care about the words comin’ outta your mouth? Not sayin’ I’ve been doin’ that, just sayin’ its happened a time or two.” Joe was usually drunk when it happened, but whatever. He wasn’t drunk now. “I can’t promise I’ll smoke too much of it, but sure. Sounds like a good time.” Joe didn’t want to end up too out of sorts, because he’d like to end up home in one piece tonight.

“Are you calling me pretty then?” he asks with a smile. He might be considered cocky for asking, but he still had enough alcohol in his system to be bold. “Speak for yourself, I’ve met pretty people before who had nothing offer other than bragging about their looks. Nice to look at sure, but it’s like listening to your own ears bleed.” he says with snort. “It’s okay to admit you find me attractive. I keep looking at you too, Joe.” he says with a shrug. “Brilliant. I can never finish one on my own anyway. Well ... that’s not true I could but it’s more fun with other people. Pulling his lighter from his back pocket he lit the end, taking a drag or two before he handed it over. “So, Joe. Since i think you’re attractive, and you think I’m attractive. I can say it’s safe to bet that you’re somewhat interested in guys? Or am I just that pretty?”

The seven (and counting) languages they knew was something they were insanely proud of but they still didn’t know how to take compliments regarding that so they just resorted to blushing all the time when it happened. “Ah, please tell me if I’m signing too fast, okay? I don’t mind repeating myself when I sign anyways.” They always made it a point to always tell whoever they’re translating for to tell them if they’re signing too slow or too fast. The lecture for today was quite easy since it was only the syllabus so they didn’t have to sign too many complicated names and words. ‘Ah, yes, he did.’ Then Finch continued to sign what was explained, word for word so Nikolai doesn’t miss it again.

“Don’t worry I’ll let you know if you go to fast.” he responds. Even now as he got lost, he wa grateful how Finch caught him up and then continued what they were doing explaining the syllabus. Beyond that the class went smoothly, Nikolai participating in the introductions that the class did and even an ice breaker that he was absolutely bored by. Before he knew it the class was dismissed and he began packing up the papers he’d recieved and turned to Finch. “Easy enough first class don’t you think? Hopefully this guy continues to be that easy going.” he says. “Do you have plans after this?”

Owen nodded along as he watched the other sign. “Hopefully you’ll be able to find you a good group of friends here who know sign or are willing to learn. It really does make a huge difference when you’re able to really communicate.” Though he was beyond glad to have people who were also patient enough to type back and forth with him as well. He gave a nod of thanks as he was taken to the section, grinning as the other mentioned the sale. A while later, and an armful of books, Owen made his way back towards the front, setting the books down onto the counter. “The sale got me.” He laughed softly, shaking his head some before a more serious look took over his face. “I was thinking- If you ever need someone to talk to or just a friend, I can give you my number. Hell, if you’re free now I can stay a while and talk with you.” Owen offered with a soft smile, always not only looking to make new friends but to also find people who shared somewhat of the same experience with him. 

Nikolai nodded. “I moved here about two years ago now. The first year I moved here was to get my shop set up and build up enough savings so I could afford to begin going to school and have people besides me manning this place. I promise I’m not always alone.” he signs, chuckling. “The people who work here are probably as good as it gets for friends I’m afraid. Between work and classes I haven’t really met many people- let alone anyone besides my interepter who knows ASL” he explains. With more words exchanged between them he walked off to go back to the front where he flipped absentmindedly through one of the many books he kept under the register. “That’s alright, a good book sale gets all of us at some point.” he explains with a smile. “Sure I’d like that. I’m free now- well I’ll be helping people as they come up but besides that I’m free.”

Joe looked out at the view and sighed. He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to spend at the party or what he was going to do on the way home. There wasn’t any food at his apartment but he didn’t know what he wanted. Not that it mattered much since he was still standing and talking to a ridiculously hot guy, but Joe’s mind had a tendency to wander no matter what he was doing. It wasn’t much of a surprise to him that he was only about half-focused. Thankfully, he hadn’t lost track of the conversation. “Yeah, I’ve got a few, but I don’t think any of them are really the type to go to something like that. It’s alright, I’ll figure out my shit someday,” he shrugged and turned to look at Nikolai, “I agree with that, I’m not sure I agree with being called a gentleman, makes me feel old, but that’s ok.” Joe smiled up, just slightly, at the other man and cocked his head. That wasn’t what he had been expecting to hear. “Well, I think you’re cute too,” he shrugged, “Though I get the feeling you already know you’re cute.” 

Nikolai knew that it was getting to be that time of night where he either stayed a a little longer, or left. But it really depended on the company he was keeping. If he found them boring or kind of rude he was often quick to either find some new company or just leve the party all together. if people were horribly sloppy drunk and all over the place he’d leave. But this one was different- the music was good- people were doing stupid college kid stuff but it was fun. And it was a hell of a lot better now that he had a cute guy standing next to him out on the balcony. “Well if you’re ever in Nola, let me know and I’ll be sure to give you a locals tour of all the best place.” he says with a smirk. “Thanks. I don’t like to brag about looks, because I never know how to respond to that. I’m alright looking. Looks aren’t everything are they? If you’re boring then who cares if you’re pretty.” he says with a shrug. “Speaking of avoiding boredom. I have this,” he pulls on the joint, wiggling it between his fingers. “Would you maybe want to share it with me? I hate to smoke alone.”

Deep down, Joe knew that Nikolai had probably stretched that way to draw his attention. On the surface, it worked. His eyes glanced down on their own accord, taking in the small sliver of smooth skin that the shirt revealed. Joe forced his eyes back up, blushing brightly and hoping that he hadn’t gotten caught. Or if he had gotten caught, that Nikolai would be kind enough not to make fun of him for it. “Maybe one of these years. I feel like I’ve always got something going on and some reason not to. Also because it would be pretty strange on my own, you know? Feels like something you do with your friends.” Which Joe had left in Mississippi when he moved. It was ok, he handled being on his own rather well. “Oh, I know people look at me funny. The dream back home is go to a big SEC school, usually for sports, go pro, blah, blah, blah, and instead I chose to play the cello,” once they were outside, he leaned against the railing of the porch and nodded, “It is nicer, but alone time? Darlin’ it’s not like you’ve had much time with me in public,” he was teasing. “How could you possibly know if you like spending time with me yet?”

Nik saw Joe’s eyes drop to his exposed stomach and he couldn’t help but smirk to himself because he’d hoped to  catch his attention in some way. He knew guys tended to steer clear of him because they were more interested in other people or thought he was only attracted to women. It certainly made finding a boyfriend or a hot guy to fool around with a lot harder. He wondered if Joe could be one who’d want to fool around a little. “You’ll make friends and then you can drag them with you. But New Orleans has this way of bringing all types of people into your life. So maybe a solo trip wouldn’t be bad. Plus I’m from there so- I can give you all the tips.” he says with a grin. “Not everyone wants to stay in their small town where they know everyone and everyone knows you and your business. It was time for a change.” he agrees- and its seeming now that maybe he and Joe had more in common than they thought. “Darlin’ huh? How awfully, southern gentlemen-ly of you.” he says, his own southern drawl thickening to his usual tone that he definitely lightened up for the sake of his friends in NY. “You’re cute and I find you interesting.”  he says with a shrug. “So I’m pretty sure I’m positive that I enjoy spending time around you.” 

“I’m sorry about that.” Owen signed back to him as the other explained his situation. “I Couldn’t imagine going through that, from being able to hear to losing it.” For Owen, he had been born deaf and it was simply part of him, something that he was beyond proud of as well. But the thought of being able to hear once and then losing it? He couldn’t wrap his head around it. “A lot of my friends are hearing so I get it. Well, I can’t speak, only a handful of words but there’s a lot of reading their lips, a lot of texting stuff back and forth.” Though there were some friends who had learned to sign or was in the process of learning- something that meant so much to him. “Always, always great when you run into someone else who signs and understands your language.” He gave the other man a wide grin and followed after him, eyes looking around the shop, knowing that once he had visited the sci-fi section, he’d have to check out of the rest of the books as well. “Thank you for taking me to where it is, I’d be lost for hours- more on my own accord than anything, if not.” 

“It’s alright. There’s not much to be done about it now other than learn ASL and take things a day at a time.” he responds. He knows one day he’ll wake up and have complete hearing loss- so it was extremely important to him to live in the moment and enjoy each day, each little noise or sound. Nikolai nodded, “My parents, grandparents and siblings are all hearing just like I was. This is new to them too. I live here by myself, but back home I didn’t really have many people who I could sign with because I began learning and had progressed further than my parents had when they finally started learning.” As they stop infront of the books Nikolai steps to the side. “It is. If you need anything, I’ll be up at the counter. There’s a sale going on now too as well- it’s buy one get one half off.” 

Finch struggled at first but they had practice with their aunt and had specific signs that they used to signify the gender of the language that they were using when needed. They still struggled though it though because it was rare enough to have someone sign and then understand the foreign language as well. But they were stubborn and they learned to make do. Hearing someone say they were cool was rare which made him flush. “Whatever works for you, I will definitely be there. I’m at home most days to translate documents so let me know. We can definitely talk about it more later.”

“Well either way, you’re pretty dope for being able to do all that you’ve done. I know you’re probably sick of being told that but it’s true.” he says with a a shrug, and gives a smile. “I’m looking forward to having an interpreter who’s actually really cool and not like a very old man or something who signs too fast and gets mad when I ask questions.” he explains. “We can always discuss it later after class if you’re free.” Shortly after the lecture started. Seeing as it was start of term it went rather smoothly, mostly introductory work and then review of the syllabus. Finch was proving to be amazing, there expressions and emphasis helped him piece together things he didn’t understand. ‘Did he mention the absence policy? I feel like I’m missing something’ he signs.