hell no.

When he put his hand on her shoulder, she looked up at him, chewing her lower lip. “I should have been there. On time. It’s…I can’t help but feel like it is my fault though. She needed me, Nik and I wasn’t there. I will always blame myself for that. It’s a feeling I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shake.” She said, shrugging her shoulders. She sighed, nodding her head, agreeing to go somewhere more private.

“I’m already miserable, so I don’t know if it’s possible to become even more miserable and fucked up than I already am. Losing the girl I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and my sister in the span of a week, week and a half maybe, really fucked me up.” She frowned when he called himself her former best friend, “You’ll always be my best friend. When she died, I just…decided to stop dealing with my feelings and I pushed people away. That doesn’t make it right and for that I’m sorry.”

       ✦ — • nik looked down as he walked with her, holding off on the rest of the conversation until they weren’t in public. he took a small deep breath in and pressed his lips together, “you are not at fault. you were never in fault. nor will you ever be.” he looked at her, pulling her into an embrace. he knew it was probably the wrong time but he had to. he could feel her pain, he could sense it and he wanted to try to at least help. reagan was the only person he cared about most of the time.

“If they did, I’d probably try to kick their asses. But that’s sweet of you to say. You know, I don’t care if you clean it up or not. I’m not going to tell anybody.” She laughed. “I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be let out of my apartment on a daily basis because I insult dumb ass guest stars that think they’re above coaching. But alas, they can either take us as we are or leave us, I say. What are you doing other than knocking over trash cans today and can I join in. Hell even if it is knocking over trash cans.” She wanted to keep herself busy and with things slowing down for a bit, no coaching to really do right now she felt as though she could spiral.

Rick didn’t like feelings. One the long list of things he hated it was feeling things. And most of the time he didn’t feel things. This was not one of those sweet numbing times. “I guess it just…slipped my mind,” he said, making note of how that probably sounded very nonchalant as if he didn’t think about Nik or wonder what had gone wrong in their relationship. Rick Valentine only cared about Rick Valentine, he reminded himself. He pulled out the pack of cigarettes offering him one and offering him a light. This whole thing for him was bizarre. His brother was here, his….no….not his anything Nik was here. “I’ve been amazing. Incredible. I was working with musicians producing, writing for them, but decided I needed a change, something steady so here I stand. Working as a composer for all shows. How are you? Which…ones…shows are you on?” So he’d know where to steer clear from awkward, and painful situations like these. Rick looked anywhere but at the man’s face. His eyes focusing on the ground or a spot behind Nik. He had never felt so off his game, so awkward in his entire life. He was always charming, except right now.

“I honestly have some pretty bad secrets myself so if this were you nearly drowning because there wasn’t a secret I’d bit the bullet and just say it. Burden me with something because the water won’t stop until it gets a secret,” she told him. “I’m not judging I’m just trying not to drown, and if you want me to share my deepest, darkest in return I will.”  She was never getting back in this dunk tank again. 

“I guess the definition of ‘the life’ varies from person to person, is that what the life is for you?” He asked, he didn’t need sex, he didn’t need money, even when he didn’t have any he didn’t think it was that important, though it was pretty much always linked to power but it wasn’t exactly real power and of course he didn’t do drugs, though they were good for his business. “I am old, I’m 250.”

“Hey- don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have remembered either if it I hadn’t seen the movie trailer for it a while ago? And yeah, they did make it into a movie. Why? Because Hollywood clearly is running out of ideas,” Noah joked, grinning over at the other, before quirking up an eyebrow in the other’s direction as he asked, “Oh yeah? Got any ideas as to what?”

Toni chuckled shaking his head. “Man I’m just fucking with you. I don’t really care. I’ve got a stock pile of excuses for things I’ve either done or want to avoid doing. I have a damn notebook full.” Toni laughed. “See I like your style man. I like your style. But hanging around the scene of the crime…risky as fuck.” 

“I mean if we’re being technical here, Captain Underpants was already a grown up. So, more like I’m gonna be a brooding principal who gets hypnotized by a pair of kids,” Noah told the other with a playful shrug, as he pulled the underwear off of his head. “And I was just fooling around. Boredom apparently drives me to put on my own little fashion show.”