flower

I don’t know what this day has but I just made just-too-quick decisions of my life.

First, I suddenly had the urge to buy a point-and-shoot camera. I ordered at Lazada. Convinced my mom to pay 50% of the price. Thankfully, she did buy my lines (after more than half an hour of nonstop convincing, and sales talk). Now, I am waiting for the camera to arrive at my doorstep.

Second, I just posted the first chapter of my book (wow. book?! Hehe) on Wattpad. I was going to write my journal for today and stumbled upon the story I was trying to finish last mid-year break of this year 2015. It is inspired by my high school experience of love and friendship, and still inspired by my wishful thinking. I entitled the story “Saan ‘To Patungo?” under Teen fiction genre. I hope people would stumble upon my story as well. I am planning of continuing the story this Christmas break and hopefully finish it. 

Third, I once again opened my Tumblr account after a long time.

Did I just practice being decisive this day? Well, if that’s the case then it’s good news! :D

Hope everyone is safe despite the heavy rain :)

Boarding house is where I am most of the days of the week. I am a college student studying far away from home. Back when I was in UP Los Banos, my world was shaken until my grounds were broken into pieces I could not seem to put back in place. My grounds seemed to had turned  into dust. I remember praying in that little corner of a room I shared with 3 other college student girls. I remember myself crying, lying in bed talking to God, and writing my prayers in my pocket notebook. And in all those moments, I know God was watching with me.

The dust I turned into, God was holding every particle of it in his hand Nothing was missed Even though I turned into dust, with God I felt complete Those moments I truly miss Those moments when my arms felt like reaching out for God, I know I did I was able to reach out to him His hands waiting for me to hold, I was able to hold Those moments when I needed a warm hug, God hugged me In that room, in my place inside that room, I met with God everyday I do not remember my exact prayers neither the words I said and my issues in life But my emotions were unforgettable Yet by all means the words I used to express those emotions fall short Those moments too divine for words

A question that has changed the way I see the essence of prayer and the way I pray.

Should I pray for the typhoon to stop?. For the Muslims to stop persecuting the Christians? For everything to be alright? I really do not know. In all honesty, I am confused. Knowing that God is in control of everything and that everything is planned by Him, how could I pray to Him to stop all of these? I know that God has also his reason why "bad" things happen to the world down to an individual's life. Is it right to pray to Him to stop allowing all these tragedies, wars, and disasters?. If we pray this prayer, isn't it a reflection of the degree of our faith to the Lord - that we do not trust Him enough to deliver us from all these calamities, tragedies, and miseries? Therefore I conclude that we should pray for ourselves. Let us pray for the Lord to strengthen our faith in Him and we may always be rooted in His word. Isn't it much more better if the Lord finds us faithful in the midst all of these "bad" circumstances?

"God knows. But He never tells." - Gene Edward, Tale of Three Kings

One of the best moments in my life that I will not surely forget. I never thought that I would enjoy our field trip in Taal Volcano. If the cold did not bother Elsa (of Frozen), the intense heat of the sun and volcanic ashes did not bother me anyway! Everything adds up to the awesome experience I had. Soooo let me tell you something about our trip :D

It was 6am when we left UP Diliman and started to hit the road going to Batangas. We arrived on our destination by 9am. Our first stop is Phivolcs office in Talisay, Batangas. There, they discussed what they do in the office and brief background of the Taal Volcano. By almost 10am, we were ready to left Phivolcs and head to the crater within a crater.

The view of Taal lake in Phivolcs office in Talisay, Batangas 

Candid shot of me before right after leaving Phivolcs office (Hihi ^^.)

The boat ride took almost 30 minutes going to the foot of the main crater.

That is not the main crater yet. Although it did emit volcanic materials during the Taal's eruption, there is a greater crater than which is the main crater (of course).

TRIVIA: The crater shown in the picture above is the Taal volcano being shown in postcards. But it is not the real crater. So the next time you receive a postcard with this photo, remember this trivia. ;)

I was not able to take a picture when we reached the foot of the main crater (sorry. I totally forgot. ^^.)

So the trekking began... and after almost 1 hour of walking under intense heat of the sun, TADAAAAAAAAHH.

This is what I am talkin' about, men - the main crater lake. 

From this view, the lake is just steps away. How many steps? 12 steps.. multiply by 12... add 100... add 35... multiply by 2. 

Touch down main crater! :D

Our guides, who are our fellow isko and iska (they are Geology students), told us that the lake is very acidic with pH = 3 and it has sulfur. As we observe, the rocks in the coast are red as a result of due to oxidation (according to our guides ^^.). The smell of the lake is like a chemical being used in parlors for hair treatment.

I can't help myself from taking a picture of my feet barely set in the coast of main crater's lake. I am standing in the crater of an active volcano! :D

By 1:30PM, we left the lake and started walking again towards another destination which was Mt. Tabaro eruption site.

 Near Mt. Tabaro eruption site

The black areas are the eruption site. They are black due magmas that solidifed called bassalts.

After Mt. Tabaro, we started walking again on our way to the coast. And this is me taking a break. :)

Our boat ride heading back to Phivolcs.

And this is my reward for finishing the trek - TANLINE! WOOHOOO! :D

Sabi ng prof ko sa Fine Arts (FA28), sa architecture daw may tinatawag na vanishing point.Tumayo ka sa gitna ng highway. Makikita mo na parang magsasalubong na ang dalawang linya at hindi mo na makikita ang susunod. Ito ang vanishing point at ito daw ay isang visual error.

Minsan sa buhay natin, sa gitna ng mga ginagawa natin na tila nagbibilisang kotse sa highway, try natin huminto. Try natin tignan ang vanishing point ng buhay natin - ung mga bagay na hindi makita o malabo ang ending. At try din natin alalahanin na may visual error ang mga mata natin. Minsan, ang nakikita nating curve, straight pala. at ang straight ay curve pala.

We will never know what lies ahead beyond the vanishing point unless we walk towards it. And as we walk, the old vanishing point will be revealed, but there will be new. It will never end. For me, this is where the importance of a goal or a destination comes in. We need to set it before we start the journey to avoid being lost.

The importance of the visual error? it gives us the idea of the vanishing point. Wala naman talagang vanishing point. The things that are beyond that point exist. Di nga lang natin nakikita. And therefore creates either fear or faith in us. Fear of not being able to see the end or having faith for the same reason as having fear.

To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.

Hebrews 11:1

Discipline is the foundation of achieving high goals. 

I will not let this year pass without me being more than myself right now. I want to know more, experience more, and feel more. And I was taught that what I want to be requires discipline. 

Straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

A room filled with almost 30 students sitting quietly and steadily in their chairs while the professor is standing in the front. In the middle of his discussion, he asks a question. He looks at some faces of his students and is waiting for someone to answer. No one raises a hand. The professor looked again in his students. This time, he is searching for someone he can call and ask to answer his question. You, sitting in the 2nd row in the left side of the room, look at the window, at the ceiling and then, at the floor. You put your eyes anywhere except in the middle front of the room where you can have the chance to meet the eyes of your professor. You are too afraid to be called out by him - afraid that he might become familiar with your face, know you by name, and call you out again. So you tried to avoid any contact you can possibly have with him until he calls other student, or someone voluntarily answers his question.

I know exactly how it feels. From my high school years up to college, I feel the exact anxiety whenever that scenario happens. It never fails to bring suspense in my life. And that does not happen only inside the four walls of classroom. It happens when you follow someone. Someone you know will call us someday, ask us to stand up, and do what he tells us. And we will never know when will be the time and place. We don’t even know when we are ready to be called out. When you are chosen, you only have the choice to stand up and follow the instructions, or remain in your seat and say no.

“Answering that call seemed so natural. So much had been given, so little had been asked in return. How could I not entrust my life to so great love? And yet somewhere in the subterranean places of my heart flowed a very quiet but very real fear of trusting too much.  I feared that if I got too serious about my relationship with God, that if I got close enough to where He could see the whites of my eyes, He might call me by name, send me somewhere I didn’t want to go”

Gire, Ken. (1996). Windows of the Soul

  The uncertainty of the task, the place, and the time that is being given to us when we are called out seemed to be the reason why we are being afraid to follow that call. The circumstance we are right now adds to that. Even our uncertainties in our own abilities tie us in our chairs so tight that we seemed to have no choice but to remain there and watch. Our fear of what might be hiding in the dark is the same as our fear of being called out. And we know that those who are being called are those that are known by the Caller. So the solution to the problem is to be a commoner – someone who fits in the crowd and doesn’t stand out in the eyes of the One who calls. A safe place, indeed. But a roller coaster can give you various emotions that a train cannot. And for me, a roller coaster is just as safe as the train. It has all the harness and safety measures to keep you in place and secured. When He called your name, remember that He has already readied all the necessary safety measures. You just have to stand up, follow, and trust Him all throughout the ride. 

Just scrolling down on my news feed, I saw that photo posted on one of my Facebook groups. It caught my attention so I clicked it. Its caption said something about a writing workshop for newbies and Wanna Bes - that's how I understand it. I thought maybe it would be a help to me, specially in the church ministry I’m in. Should I give it a try? And so I did. After class, I went to Katipunan  Avenue and searched for that place stated in the caption. I asked a few guards in the area, and no one seemed to know the place. I walked past 7/11 and saw a rusty sign board hanging on a concrete wall. And there it was written - the place I was looking for. So I entered and as I opened the door, I saw a few people of my age. I somehow felt that they are like me wanting to learn about writing. Happy and excited to talk to them and of course learn something useful, I sat down in the last row near the aisle and readied my pen and favorite black notebook with white polka dots.

How to write the lead, the contents, proper grammar, and the parts of an article - I was waiting for the speaker to discuss these but he mentioned none of what I want to learn. He talked about writing as a passion, as an interest, why should a person write, what we think of writing, and things I did not expect in that workshop. He ended the workshop with a challenge for everyone to write. I went home a little disappointed and frustrated. Disappointed because I did not get what I want. Frustrated because no matter how much I wanted to join their call, I know I can't. I know I will never be a real writer. But I must admit the idea of being a writer did not stop popping in my head. Because even when I can't, I still dream of it. I still want to be a "real writer”.

Before 2013 has ended, I was again scrolling down on my news feed. I saw a link posted in one of my Facebook groups - A blog talking about some sort of a writing challenge, the 500 words challenge. I ignored it thinking that I cannot do it or more of just being lazy to do it. But today, today seems different. I don't know if it is because of the coffee I drunk this morning or just something in the air. The point is I really don’t know. But today, I finally clicked on the link, read the article, and decided to join the challenge. And today marks my Day 1.

The workshop definitely did not teach me the technical writing I think I needed to know, instead it woke up the dream that I keep on suppressing - the dream of me expressing myself through writing. So I think the most important thing I learned from that workshop experience is that what we think we need might not really be the one thing we need the most. 

Every crew needs a captain. 

- Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest