nikki

i officially have an infertility diagnosis. i got referred to a reproductive endocrinologist (aka A Fertility Clinic) in january, and have undergone a lot of testing in a few months. the upside: we have answers as to why i've been having recurring miscarriages.

it's most likely endometriosis. my mother had it; she had a hysterectomy at 35, three years older than i am now. they won't know for certain until they open me up, in april. i have surgery booked with one of the best endometriosis specialists in the region.

the downside: the reason they're so certain it's endometriosis is because i have hydrosalpinx, which essentially means one of my fallopian tubes has been blocked at the end and blown up like a balloon by scar tissue and endometriosis and adhesions. the surgeon will try to repair the tube, but most likely it's coming out. one of my ovaries is double the mass of the other, also not a great sign.

i've been going to a gyn since i was 14. i've been complaining about my period cramps and symptons since then. i have never been taken seriously before now - before having three miscarriages back to back to back.

and like, i'm as fine as i can be. i'm not going to pretend it's been easy, but it's not a great personal tragedy. i'm privileged enough to have a good job and good health insurance. i'm privileged enough to work somewhere supportive. i'm privileged enough to have access to self-care and travel and a solid local village. i'll get the surgery. we'll continue with fertility testing and treatments. i have a son. i have nibling. i have children in my life who i love beyond measure. i am a mother, an aunt, a friend.

Unexplained fertility challenges are emotional, as well as painful. One of these conditions is hydrosalpinx, a medical condition that can quietly interfere with a woman’s ability to conceive naturally by obstructing the fallopian tubes. While the news can be devastating, there are several options today because of technologies in reproductive medicine and your dreams of parenthood may not be over because of this diagnosis.

What is Hydrosalpinx?

Hydrosalpinx is a condition where one or both of the fallopian tubes become swollen and filled with clear or watery fluid due to a blockage within the tube. The accumulation of fluid blocks the passage to the uterus, making it difficult for a natural conception. This may occur in one (unilateral hydrosalpinx) or both tubes (bilateral hydrosalpinx), the latter condition being more detrimental to reproduction.

My best friend is Dina. She’s such a badass. 

“It was a total dream. Noah is such a caring actor and he would always check in with me after scenes asking me if I was comfortable or if there was something else I’d like to try… He’s truly your dream co-star to work with, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”