dumdumtsk

Having to do this is terrifying to me. I don’t want to hurt anymore, even the person who did this to me. I had so much refuge and comfort within this group and some of the people I met here I can’t imagine never having in my life.

It is a shame that this culture is continuing and there isn’t anything that has happened to stop it. Maybe it’s because I’m on the spectrum, but I don’t understand why this isn’t addressed.

It made me not want to play Niji, what was said and brought to my attention. And an admin pushing this culture makes other members know that it is okay.

I have digested most of the DM’s sent my way and it is clear that people were manipulated. Maybe it was unintentional. Maybe it was intentional. That is not for me to judge. I am not this person. I can’t tell you what their motives are. 

I think we should discuss why people left the group. I will not be giving any names, characters or direct proof. The admins have this proof. It has all been turned over from what I have gathered. If you guys don’t listen to me, that’s fine. If you guys ignore me, that’s fine. If you guys think I’m a bitch, that’s fine. Opinions are meant to be formed by yourself and only yourself.

And that is going to be the thesis to my statement. There was an admin that would express their opinions on muses, fcs, fandom shit and other topics while in a position of power that made it near impossible to disagree with them and created a toxic and systematic bullying culture. Some things this admin did is as follows but not limited to: making fun of people's applications to other members, making fun of specific groups of fc's, putting people into awkward positions either due to ethnicity or relation to another person within the rp, shit talking other people's characters while as admin, shit talking other muns as admin etc.

The reason why I left is because an admin told another member that she was scared of me coming to them with the intensions of laughing or making fun of my intensity. I am autistic. I do not hide this fact. Anyone who has talked to me knows that I bring it up so people know to be patient. When I am upset, like I am now, I speak extremely stilted. It is like this in person, too. Going to another member while you are the admin with the intentions of talking smack about someone going to them is inappropriate.

Me going to the admins about this is why I left the group. Not to mention that this admin has talked down about other muses to people while they were admin.

Now, what was I coming to them about? The fact that multiple people KPop FC’s felt like we were not being responded to. I try my best to reply to any and all starters on any of my characters, especially when I noticed I was replying to the same few people. It happens. You make friends with people you like to write with. But I was ignoring new people. I notice that this bubble was happening with multiple friend group and I just wanted to let the main know that multiple people were having this problem, too, not just me.

It’s no big deal. We are all guilty of this at some point or another within an RP. IT happens. But we were shrugged off and told that it was not happening. And then we were called out within the OOC post which was then targeting us as the people who went to the admins.

The admin who created this culture is still within the group despite multiple evidences coming forward about what they did, what they would say and general toxicity that came from them.

Vesta can do better. The muns in this group can do better. I have no ill feelings towards anyone within this group.

To anyone I hurt since I was also complicit within this culture, I am sorry. If you want a formal apology, please come to me and let me know what I have done and I will reflect and give you my whole heart. I sometimes don’t catch social cues and that is on me. I want to make right on it. I openly know that I might not have been nice in my DM's with her and it took until it happened to me to realize what I was doing was unacceptable. But I'm going to do my part in ending this culture.

Anyways, this has been Angela.

Thanks for reading for those who have read.

@vestalanding​

The way Niji told her to bow before her had Quinn straightening up for a moment - genuinely taken off guard by the demand. It grabbed her attention so much that she found it easier to let go of her jealousy little by little… especially as she thought about the fact that none of the women mentioned would be kneeling in front of her Princess any time soon. Instead of staying seated beside Niji, practically buried beneath diaries and yearbooks - she set everything that was on her lap on the couch and stood up only to get on her knees before her lover. After pushing her way between Niji’s legs, her arms came to rest on the thighs she’s been so obsessed with, leaning in to press a few kisses along Niji’s jaw. “Well, you told me to kneel in front of you - this is what you wanted, Princess. I can always read through your diaries like this… with them on your lap,” she noted as she pulled back just enough to peer at the aforementioned items on the couch. When Niji mentioned how progressively sad she gets in her yearbook pictures, Quinn’s face showed more concern than anything else as she looked back to her lover. Slowly, she brought a hand up to gently push a few strands of Niji’s hair behind her ear, her tone matching the softness of her actions, “Do you want to share those years with me? I wanna know everything about you but I know it’s hard for you. Just point me in the direction of what you want me to read and what you want me to see.” When Niji referred to her as a hurricane, she couldn’t help but laugh despite the seriousness before, nodding her head a bit, “Yeah, I guess you do fucking calm me in some ways… and rile me up in other ways.”

“I’d love to donate them, I really would…but I love my clothes. But I’d love a clear closet. Urgh, fuck moving, I’m not doing it, I hate it!”

“God, you’re preaching to the choir here, my love. Except for shoes. I have a hard time parting with shoes. Might as well have a whole closet dedicated to them. Maybe if you can strategically pack, you can keep all of them.”

When Preston realized she’d taken offense to his tone, he was quick to try and fix the situation. “No, it’s not you, I promise. It’s just… health stuff. The seat’s available, really. I could use a distraction.” He took a breath, trying to give her the friendliest smile that he could. As much as his body was kicking him in the ass, he couldn’t have anyone thinking of him as unpleasant, something he never intended to be.

“Ah. I understand. Sorry for being so coarse with you, then. If I knew you had underlying issues, I wouldn’t have snapped like that,” Niji apologized. If anything to do with his health, mental or physical, was causing him to act out, she could understand it. She has had her moments and he was having his. She sat down, holding out a hand to the man. “Niji. I hope this didn’t affect your first impression on me,” she introduced herself.

❝ shit. do i really talk that much ? my apologies to you, my beautiful queen. ❞ he bows his head down before her & offers her a small smile as he waits for her response to his non-sensical rambling. ❝ ah, no. i have not been fired as of yet, i believe i might be soon enough though. a lot of my time is spent in the back room taking brief naps. if i didn’t do it though, i’d faint in the middle of my shift & it’s not cool when that happens, although it hasn’t in a very long time. ❞ all of the options listed are perfect according to his how to live life list, although there are questions forming in the back of his head that threaten to be spilled out, avoiding giving a second thought to each of them. ❝ how do you know when you’re in love, niji ? hell, how do you know you have a crush on someone ? are those… heavy questions ? ❞

“You are completely fine, Kam! No need to bow. There was just a lot to process with that, okay?” she teased with a nod. She continued to do so as he was talking about why he was fired. A faint line appeared on her lips. “They can’t fire you if it’s a condition you have,” she stated giving her head a shake. Ridiculous, how corporate places could be. From what it sounded like, it wasn’t like he could control when he got so fired he was gonna faint. Though, Niji’s eyes widened at his next set of questions. “Oh, Kam. I am the last person you want to ask about love,” Niji explained, tucking a hand into the pocket of her skirt. She shifted her feet, wondering how she was going to go about explaining this to him. “I’ll just say that I haven’t always been comfortable with who I am to let myself recognize crushes or fall in love. I mean, it’s debatable now, but still. Why? Is there someone in mind? If they make you happy, Kam, that’s all that matters, right?”

“Sure, that’s a great story… also one that I totally didn’t ask for. I just approached you because you seem to have dropped this so I’m here to give it back…”  @vestalanding·

“I’m sorry, but who are you? I don’t remember asking for your opinion, but I am so happy I’ve learned it. Now, what thing did you say I dropped?”

Quinn knew that her jealousy made no sense - she knows how Niji is, she knows that no one else has this woman like she does. It’s just the idea of thinking of some faceless woman pleasuring her Princess that’s driving her up the wall. That’s her place, no one else’s. What makes this even worse is that she’s never experienced such jealousy… did it hurt to see Maddie with other people? Of course it did but she never felt something on par with this. Quinn did her best to actually listen to the reassurance being given to her but her whole body felt so warm and tense, her thoughts were going a mile a minute. This is so unlike her. Not even when she’s thoroughly pissed, enough to want to punch somebody, does she physically feel this way. After another moment, she finally got out, “I know you meant it when you said that - I love you, too.” That still wasn’t enough to pull her back. Why is this hitting her so fucking hard? It wasn’t until her lover guided her by the cheek, showering her with affection in the form of a kiss, that  she felt her body lose it’s tension… melting into Niji’s touch. “Wait,” she broke away from the kiss only to rest her forehead against the other woman’s, “did you just say that you’ll put me in my place? I’d like to see you try.” Quinn bumped her nose against Niji’s only to reluctantly pull back to get a better look at her, “To be fair, you have seen the bitch come out of me… just with other people, mostly.”

“I really need a clear out. I think I’d need a whole moving truck for my clothes alone.”

@vestalanding·

“Oh, I understand that sentiment immensely. Made you can donate some of it? Clear closet and clear conscience for whatever new start you’re on?”

“Apparently today is one of those days. Fantastic.” He mumbled as he took a sip of his coffee, trying not to flinch as he turned to look at whoever was approaching. “Hey!” He said with the friendliest tone possibly, which was hard considering he’d forgotten his medication today. “Did ya need something?”

@vestalanding·

The coffee shop was packed that day. All she wanted to do was look through her papers while nibbling on a croissant and her coffee, but with every table full, the task was easier said than done. She glanced around for anywhere open before settling her eyes on a man that was by himself with an open chair. Niji mad her way over, ready to ask him if he would mind sharing a table, but was taken aback by his tone. Her brow folded as she shot him a glare. “I was going to ask if this seat was taken, but if you’re going to speak to me like that, I have an idea what your answer is, Sir.”

❝ i think the main goal in one person’s life is to accomplish certain goals & make dreams come true, don’t you think ? you probably don’t care, but that’s too damn bad & i don’t remember asking, but i recently hit two life milestones: going full pastel fantasy & buying one thing that possibly defined me as the gayest kid in my block, an easy bake oven. now if i wasn’t fired… maybe then my life would be great. what’s up with your life goals & dreams ? are you as happy as i am ? ❞

@vestalanding··

“Okay, one moment you gave me a lot to unpack here,” Niji said, putting up her hand to stop Kam. Her brow folded, taking a moment to decipher what he meant. Carefully, Niji started to put her words together, “You getting an easy bake reminds me of getting a full transformers set as a child. Oh, the signs my parents missed. More importantly, are you talking about pumped kind of fired or I-lost-my-job kind of fired? And I like to think I’m happy. I have an apartment I don’t pay rent on and I own, I have my cat, a decent love life, a job I love and friends. Why do you ask about goals and happiness all of a sudden?”

open starter @vestalanding·

Lucy dozed off at the table, head bobbing softly up and down. All night she’d be fighting the sleepiness she felt. She was dangerously close to faceplanting into the butternut squash soup in front of her when someone approached her table. 

Niji slowly took off her jacket, draping it on the other woman’s shoulders as she saw her fall asleep into her food. She leaned down, whispering in her ear, “Sleeping Beauty, please wake up. You’re going to drown in your soup.”

As much as Quinn hated hearing about the girl Niji had a crush on - she appreciated the fact that this same girl helped make her life a bit easier by being kind to Niji. Marie isn’t competition in any way shape or form, the little bit of jealousy  she feels is more towards the idea of her lover being physically attracted to this girl… hell, or any other girl. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes as soon as Niji gestured to her, bringing attention to the fact that she’s had several crushes on sporty girls such as Quinn. “Okay but none of them looked as good as I do. None of them had the abs that I do,” she got out, knowing she would’ve crossed her arms over her chest had she not been looking at the diaries on her lap. When she heard Niji describe Quinn’s face like  that - it hit that she must’ve heard that phrase from Imani when she used to describe her lover’s face lighting up like the Fourth of July. She stands by it. Those cheeks absolutely light up like fireworks. “Speaking of marking up your thighs with hickey’s,” her eyes peered down to that part of Niji’s body. One of the hands she’d placed there gave her lover a good squeeze, a greasy smile spread across her face as she asked, “Is that something I’m gonna get to do tonight? Am I gonna get the chance to leave marks all over those beautiful thighs? I’ve fucking missed that, Nijiko. I think my Princess deserves to have my head between her legs.” Was it too soon to make such forward comments? She isn’t sure… though Quinn figures that Niji will make it clear where the boundaries are. When the conversation veered more towards why the other woman left, she set the diary aside for a moment to turn her complete attention to her lover, reaching over to grab her by the chin. She looked her dead in the eyes as she said, “I know who and what’s best for me - it’s you. I’m here with you ‘cause this is what I want and deserve, got that? I’m going to keep making that decision for myself.” Not long after that was said, Niji had to go and test Quinn by making her think about her Princess being with the person who took her virginity or the one she popped the cherry for. Her cheeks went red so fucking fast with her jaw clenching as she worked through her jealousy. Quinn’s certain her blood pressure went up along with her body temperature. Her hand dropped from her lover’s chin as she thought about what to say… only to somehow ignore the reassurance Niji was giving her but that’s in large part thanks to how clouded her mind is with jealousy. “You are my fucking Princess, all mine… none of them take care of you the way that I get to. None of them get to have you like I do,” she said through gritted teeth, hating every second of what this is doing to her.

The fact that Niji didn’t push her away immediately after she kissed her - that meant something huge. She almost wishes she hadn’t touched her ass the way she did… if only to see if she could get another kiss out of her lover. Still, she does miss getting see that ass as well as those thighs. Would it be too much to admit that she can’t wait to be on her knees kissing said thighs? Maybe. She should see how this all plays out first. With that proud grin still on her face - Quinn watched the realization of everything wash over Niji…it was kinda fucking amusing, to say the least. “When am I not insufferable, baby?” She eventually asked only to get distracted as soon as the other girl moved back into her space, taking her by the hand. “They do? I mean, you do owe me a dance, my Princess,” Quinn got out before leaning in to press a much softer kiss against Niji’s forehead. “Will you lead the way, then?”

“Why would I subject myself to torture?”