An Artist, Scorned

“Absurdity and anti—absurdity are the two poles of creative energy.” 

dualism.

a universal concept.

ive always thought of myself as never being a whole, never missing a piece of myself, because im just made of many parts, trying to balance each other out. im not a whole, but just a bunch of random parts. ive never needed to be whole. 

ive always been a person of extremes. its either i have a really good day, or a really bad day. its either im really upset, or im really happy. its either i care too much, or i dont care at all. its either i really like you, or i really hate your guts.

theres never been much of a balance in my life, but i guess thats how it goes. it makes for bad situations and states of mind, but for good art, i guess. without extremes in my life, life would be just grey.... no strong whites or blacks to set the contrast. contrast is what catches your eye, keeps the viewer looking. 

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drawing of a reflection of self. same person, but two separate sides of her. 

the right in pencil, is the stable, calm, collected, reasonable side of her represented by the pencil style (even, smooth shading). 

Found this gem today. 

She is controlled chaos. Power and soul compressed into one.

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you dont realize how much your health is important to you, until you are sick in bed for a week.... 

She’s an enigma~

i thought i told myself i was over you, the attraction was nothing and the spark was an illusion. and it worked. i was fine for the past couple of months. not seeing you around helped a bit. i almost perfected forgetting why i even felt an attraction. i was (almost) over you. facts are facts, it is what it is. and the facts are against me, telling me that the smallest spark of hope sets me up for disapointment and sadness. so. i moved on.

the moment you reappear, all the work i put into forgetting and killing the attraction goes out the window. just the way your eyes feel on me, some kind of intensity hidden under casual conversation. and all over again, i find a longing for the next time i see you. to talk, listen to your voice, figure out your mannerisms, any excuse to keep your eyes locked with mine, the energy in the air.

unfortunately,

i havent ever fallen in love with a person. ive only experienced falling in love with the idea of a certain type of person.

im yet to find.