Bob Smith of Night Vale

Hey there everybody (except anyone believing in horses. I’ve arranged for you to very shortly be parted from your bodies, so you will not be henceforth included in everyBODY haha) My Grandma came to visit! It was so lovely to see her again. I think family is just so important, you know? Even if they have made unholy deals and joined a strange legion of undead that feed on the souls of misplaced children. Really that’s the parent’s fault--everyone, PLEASE remember to keep your children on leashes when out on walks and locked safely in their cages at night. Really if you’re going to let those things just run around rabid, it’s your own fault that concerned citizens like my grandma take care of them. So anyway Grandma knitted me a new pair of socks and we went through my old scrapbook collection together and we even baked her favorite--cherry pie! She sure did stay longer than I expected. And she doesn’t approve of this whole “blogging” thing. But still, kind of sad to see her go, but I can’t say I’ll miss her familiars crapping in the guest room...EVERY TIME GRANDMA!

Greetings to the rabid and crazed population supposedly roaming this strange Void. (Still doubtful you exist.) Ugh! So, woke up this morning to a chicken nailed to my front door and six eyes on the doormat. AGAIN. Which means Grandma’s coming to visit and I have to clean my whole house. Seriously, I know she’s been dead two years, but she could be a little more considerate and use a command hook so I don’t have to keep pulling nails out of my door.

Hi there, all you ladies/ gentlemen/ tentacle creatures/ other/ non-specified/ horses (if any of you exist.) I tried out a new pound cake recipe today! of course baking has become rather difficult of late, since grain products were banned, but I’ve been getting a lovely flour substitute by grinding up the small bones I find in the desert. I just wish I could recognize what animal they come from! Hey, are pound cakes supposed to scream?

So I just got this computer and it was a great deal! Seriously. Such. A. Great. Deal. I bought it off a Man in a Tan Jacket by the dog park. But it’s a little weird. The keyboard is made of some kind of pulsing flesh and it bleeds when I type. Anyone know how to get that out of carpets? Anyone? ANYONE!?!?

Hi there! Actually I’m still not sure anyone is really there. Maybe existence is merely an imaginary blip on the face of the Void. Like a pimple. Anyway I’m Bob and I live in Night Vale. I made this blog to record my thoughts since pens were outlawed and I had to burn all my journals, inks, and quills so that I wouldn’t leave any evidence for the Sheriff’s Secret Police to find.

Hi! Hello there. Is anyone there? I’m Robert, but please call me Bob. Seriously. Please. For God’s sake don’t call me Robert. The only one that calls me that is the Thing behind my couch when it whispers arcane secrets at high noon and midnight.