E Room

A stable job with benefits and a recent raise has been a blessing! Why do I feel stuck again? Why am I dredding to go to work again, when the people I see that come into my office are asking for help on the government's disability program because there's no other option for them? The irony.

Mike: I'm the one who's sorry, by the way.

Fiona: Why?

Mike: That I'm not more interesting.

Fiona: You are.

I hope my friends are doing well. I miss them.

I wonder what my family thinks of me. I'm not around as much as I used to be. My brother and his family will no longer be living in San Diego since he got his new orders to be back in Virginia. Honestly, I am already dreading the day they leave. Family has been feeling absolutely complete and whole and once they go back to the east coast I already know that the dynamics will change in the house.

Last week my transmission blew out. I already knew my car was old and needed a few repairs, but I just did an oil change on it two days before it went out. Had it towed to the shop, paid the $40 for the towing fee and I know it's going cost more $$$, plus new tires I need and registration fee. In the meantime, I'm using my mom's car. I feel restricted since it is not my car and I was told to use it for work. It makes me feel like a child and I drove around a lot. Then, just last night, when I was at Rylee's place in Crown Point the plates for my mom's car got stolen! That was definitley not what I needed, especially what happened with my car. Called the cops and me and my dad are in the process of getting it taken cared of.

I feel like a fraud and a hypocrite. I'm an entirely different person when I lose control.I want to be better.

My bosses at work have been praising me on the work I've been doing for the company. Telling me that they love how detailed, patient, caring, methodical with my work and with the clients. I have been responsbile for training the new hires, they use my files as examples to how things should be done, and they appreciate how I've been able to continue on despite all the piles of work that was placed on me when I first got promoted as a case manager. The owner and one of the managers have told me that they see opportunities for me beyond being a case manager within the company; they see great things in me and see growth. I am pleased, yet scared for these opportunities. I'm glad they value me so much (ehem..raise!) and I am very curious as to what they mean by having me grow within the company. The only thing would be some sort of management position, which I am not sure I am ready for. The owner has been opening up new branches out of state, so perhaps opportunities to transfer and start a new branch(?) Eh who knows.