melancholic mid night

there is a weird sad comfort in knowing they meant a lot to you but you were just a footnote in their journey.

fuckin hate you now, it is temporary but we won't be able to reconstruct a relationship. I'm so pissed off because I thought I finally found someone I could build something with. It sucks but I guess it is experienced, I don't regret anything tbh but I am bitter. Now everything tells me that they weren't someone for me but damn I'm frustrated. I'm mad, I'm angry. Ultimately probably I'm sad even if I can't feel right now. I'm thinking about all the things we could've done together and won't be able to because you are fucking self centred and can't absolutely understand another person's pov. Like how are you gonna date other people? Lmao

note for my therapy sessh: right now is the moment where I felt something different from anxiety: grief? Sadness? Not sure, I'm afraid to let it out because I felt danger and pain.

anxiety is so fun because im mostly fine then I think about them and a really strong fist will crush my heart and stomach together and for a moment I can't breath and I punch my chest to kinda reboot my system, it works, but I'm tired. And this happens now that I'm "okay" miao

I explained myself in the best way possible and still I'm missunderstood. Is it my fault if now I don't have the energy to explain again? can't do it. Fuck you. I'm so hurt.