▬ moonlight

and so , eight months had gone by . somehow . life , she'd found , had moved along . but , and this she'd also found out during that time , life was also kinda way shittier without him around . she'd gotten used to him . the days , weeks , months had moved along and nolan remained the first person in liz's mind .

her heartbeat rang in her ears while she watched him and tonks , the dog's tail wagging so much it made her entire body sway from side to side , giving out a few barks here and there . she begged to fuck she didn't have anything ... uncharacteristic laying around . but then her voice broke the scene , and he looked at her . she watched him , it felt like she could hardly do anything other than watch him . was she still high ? was she dying ? his voice had the same effect a big sea wave has when it hits you without being ready : knees scraped and the loss of the here and now , of up and down . so he spoke and she felt at a loss . it had been so fucking long . distance was awful , but distance and uncertainty ? even worse .

a hand racked her hair back , off her face , lips parted as she tried to gather her thoughts , say something that wouldn't come out as a senseless blubber . " i fucking hope so . " the young woman muttered back , practically letting herself fall into his embrace , a hand at the nape of his neck while another wrapped tightly around his body . touch was what finally shook her out of her inner reverie , the skin of his neck against her cheek as she buried her face in the crook and breathed in deeply , clutching him in her arms . somewhere in her mind , she was aware tonks kept jumping around them , but the world had finally , finally seemed to quiet down . " you're here . " the statement was for her , to try to reassure herself , voice tinted with relief .

eight months of the unknown were behind them, eight months of wondering how she was and what she was doing all while fighting the front lines that left their M A R K - ᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ and ᴘʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ. part of having her in his life was what kept him going on the sleepless nights and the days his feet bleed from walking in the middle of nowhere. he wanted to get back to her and he couldn't help but wonder if she wanted him back home as well.

his mind raced, ᴡᴏʀᴅs ғᴀɪʟᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ sᴜᴅᴅᴇɴʟʏ. it was different - her touch. arms tightened as he brought her closer, fingers clenching the fabric of her shirt, ᴛᴏɴᴋs' ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴀᴛᴛᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴇᴅɢᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʟᴇɢs ᴀs ɪғ sʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs, ❛ i'm here.. ❜ he almost didn't believe it, the last month his brain had played enough T R I C K S on him that he wouldn't have been surprised if he was dreaming. ɴᴏʟᴀɴ's ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴡᴀs ᴛᴇɴsᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴏғ ʜᴇʀ ʜᴀɴᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʜɪs ɴᴇᴄᴋ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʜɪs sʜᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀs ᴅʀᴏᴘ sʟɪɢʜᴛʟʏ, eyes finally opened and he was looking into her apartment, a place he spent majority of his time the week before he left. slightly messier than usual but he brushed it off.

his lips part to speak but was cut short but the slamming of a door down the hall, tonks' bark rang in his ears and sᴜᴅᴅᴇɴʟʏ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ʀɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ ᴀᴡᴀʏ from liz's embrace and turning around, fist balling up as his body tensed once again, loud noises ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʜᴇ sᴘᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs ғɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ. his breathing became H E A V Y realizing that it was only a neighbor leaving their apartment, tonks stood in front of him watching what he was, ❛ tonks go inside, let's go inside... ❜ he finally turned back to her after grabbing his bag, his free hand grabbing hers - nolan needed her, needed to know it was all real and touch was the only thing that kept him grounded.

but then , and for good measure , liz would open the door and look over to both sides of the hallway to find nobody .

she didn't like that , the crawling - in - the - dark feeling of fear for him . it was inevitable , it came with living . but she hated it . it felt unsafe . the dog's barking made her groan , but it was incessant and it forced her to open her eyes , feeling paper thin and icky all over . " sssshhh , c'mon , babygirl , shut -- shhh ... " she tried , sat on the edge of the bed . then came a few knocks on the door , and liz's stomach dropped . tonks' barking became louder . it was probably the other neighbor asking her to do something about the barking , though it was ... what ? eleven in the morning on a sunday ? c'mon .

" fine , fine -- gimme a sec , were you using my shirt as a bed again ..? " she spoke as she rubbed her eyes and slipped over her bare body the now hair - covered tee , some metallica album cover on it . again , the knocking . " fuck off , jenny . " she bit back , but tonks came back and forth from her to the door , the barking insistent . " okay , girl , okay . " her steps were heavy , the knob twisted in her hand with ease and --- the dog was out .

" holy shit . " liz muttered . oh , she definitely felt sick . frozen in place , nauseous , with not only last night's mess on her still , but probably the previous night's too . and he was just ... there .

the seventy pound bag strapped to his bag a reminder of how far he travelled to get back home, and the faint smell of sweat reminding him that ʜᴇ ʜᴀᴅɴ'ᴛ sᴛᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ғɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴇɪɢʜᴛ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs. the dark circles collected under his eyes while bruises scattered about his body, nolan's hand shook against the straps of his bag as he found himself in the corridors of the familiar building.

he rounded the last corner and could hear the distant sound of tonks' bark and suddenly ᴀ ᴡᴀᴠᴇ ᴏғ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀsʜᴇᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʜɪᴍ. when he had gotten his letters for deployment the first thing he did was ask lizze if she would keep her, there was no one else he would have ever considered keeping his dog for that extended period of time - ᴘʟᴜs ᴛᴏɴᴋs ʜᴀᴅ ɢʀᴏᴡɴ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴍᴀɴ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇ ʜᴀᴅ.

he was hesitant to knock, his fist hovering over the door for a minute as tonks' bark grew more distinct, ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʜᴇʀ sɴᴏᴜᴛ ᴘʀᴇssᴇᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴀᴄᴋs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴏʀғʀᴀᴍᴇ. ❛ hey girl, ❜ nolan's voice was low and shaky before he allowed himself to knock, his ears twitched as he attempted to listen to all the commotion behind the door, within minutes the door was ripped open by tonks' body and ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ɢʀᴇᴇᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʜɪs ʙᴇsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ.

it wasn't until liz's voice filtered in the air did his gaze move to her, fingers still combing through dog fur as whining echoed through the halls, nolan pressed a firm kiss to the top of tonks' head, liz was a mess but ᴀɴʏ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀ ʟᴀᴢʏ sᴜɴᴅᴀʏ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, his bag dropped from his shoulder with a prominent thud against the floor.

❛ please tell me this is real.. ❜ it was a whisper as he moved closer to her, ᴘʀᴀʏɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴡᴀsɴ'ᴛ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛʀɪᴄᴋs ᴏɴ ʜɪᴍ - that he truly had come H O M E. nolan's arms wrapped around liz's waist pulling her into a hug, ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀs ɪғ ʜᴇ'ᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴜɢɢᴇᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ, arms trembled as eyes fell closed at the familiarity that consumed him. he never realized how much he N E E D E D her.

so she reacted gently , no terrible concern , nor a face that would give away if she was distraught . gentle , the pads of her fingers tracing random patterns on his skin as he spoke . he was there , or part of him had come back , and that should be enough to put her concerns under a damp cloth . it wasn't a shared sorrow sort of thing , she hadn't been there . she was , if anything , a late spectator to another man's tragedy . " very kind of the shrapnel , if y' ask me . " the young woman muttered , a hint of humor coming through to rescue her from the image of him with ... that . horrors . their reciprocated touches kept her there . because he was there , and that was better than an imaginary picture in her mind .

he told her how , and she couldn't help herself as the smallest of smiles curled her lips before they met with his shoulder . the kiss was soft , nearly an afterthought of the smile , a gesture as her thumb on his forearm or the way her chin rested where her lips had been , looking up at him through her eyelashes . there was a pressing question burning her mind , now that he'd introduced a somebody else , an act of heroism , stupidity or martyrdom . " did he make it ? " her voice had , perhaps , never been smaller .

ʜᴇ ᴀʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏ ʟᴀᴜɢʜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪɴᴛ ᴏғ ʜᴜᴍᴏʀ sʜᴇ ᴜsᴇᴅ, it was rare he would keep a conversation with such dark premises going without using a bit of dark humor to cope - otherwise the flashbacks would C O N S U M E him. ❛ yea, don't worry, i thanked the bar for it's usefulness in the moment, ten out of ten would recommend in that situation. ❜ his fingers continued to trace random shapes, slowly making their way across lizze's shoulder and down her shoulder blade - ʜᴇ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛ ɪɴ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ sᴏ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ. the feeling of her skin against his reminding him he was H O M E.

the brief moments of silence that fell between them proved to be difficult as harsh reminders ᴘʟᴀʏᴇᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʀᴇᴇʟs ɪɴ ʜɪs ʜᴇᴀᴅ, the noises left a sharp piercing ring in his right ear - a constant reminder of everything he endured. her lips were D E L I C A T E against his skin, a smile crept over his lips momentarily as he watched her. there was no one else nolan would risk sharing these stories with, especially in such a ᴠᴜʟɴᴇʀᴀʙʟᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴏʀ. he had spent countless days and nights wishing the events had been nightmares that his brain made up but he was constantly reminder how real they were each time he looked in a mirror, ᴀ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀs sᴄᴀᴛᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ʜɪs ʙᴏᴅʏ.

the question made him chew the skin on the inside of his lip, ❛ he did, but he'll never walk again. ❜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ғᴇʟᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʀɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴛʜʀᴏᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ, guilt filling inside of him as his head leaned back against the pillow, eyes gluing to the ceiling above them, the movements of his fingers slowing down, ❛ he and i were the only ones in our vehicle that did. ❜ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛs ᴄᴀᴜsᴇᴅ ʜɪs ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴘɪᴋᴇ. nolan's arm wrapped securely around lizze's waist, he N E E D E D her close.