I spent hours writing, losing due to power outage, and rewriting this post. Finally, I have come to the conclusion that I am making things worse, not better because I am now violating the cardinal rule of getting enough sleep everyday. You will do poorly in life if you donāt. This post used to be better.
The point is, I will try to use tumblr to post thoughts every day. I can only really worry about this stuff while I am writing it for tumblr. A few bad things, like how and why my life sucks right now, how I can make it better, and what has actually been going well.Ā
Iāll do a quick lowdown of the suck.
Life has sucked lately. Not because it actually sucks, but because it sucks to me. Plenty of people in my shoes would be having the time of their lives. I have too, kind of. Iāve taken the opportunity to do a lot of great things lately. But theyāve often been just escapes. Escapes from the fact that as each day passes, I feel more and more like my life is going nowhere, not where I want it to, I have less of an idea of what I want, and the things I like about my life slowly slip away, to be replaced by bad things.
But I canāt keep thinking that way. Iāve reminded myself plenty of times that my life sucks to be aware that itās true.Iām also aware that some people have a far worse time of it than I do. That awareness hasnāt taken away the sting of awfulness yet, but I know I will have to make it. Or else.Ā
Good things that have happened lately:
I finally saw a good family friendās new kid. It was great for once to see young children. It kind of made me think about what it might be like to be a father many years from now.Ā
Also, I had a moment in the shower yesterday where I suddenly managed to feel okay and drop all anxiety. Earlier in the day, my dad held my hand and told me it would be okay. Later, then, in the shower, suddenly everything was okay. And up until I arrived at game night I was in the most amazing state of perfectly happy. I turned off the podcast to watch the streetlamps. I was very aware of that moment. I felt like I Ā had a good cry, without crying and the horrible feelings that go with having cried. For what felt like the first time since my senior year at CC, I felt at peace. It was better than any vacation I could have imagined. And then it was over.Ā
Part of that had to do with recently looking into spritiual naturalism. Iāll have to do that more soon.Ā
janainaart
prguitarman
stormborns
pixelskylines
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
