putting the pop in apoptosis

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

Disclaimer: this is all for-fun creative bullshitting, I'm not the law, and I'm not dogging on anyone or encouraging bullying. My tone is "crazy guy at the pinboard", not any kind of anger!

I naturally gravitate to horror, and seeing so many people avoid it with a wide berth has been vaguely frustrating. Almost every sea monster idea I've seen of Simon has turned him into Man With Aesthetically Pleasing Fish Traits. It's not that serious, honestly who cares, but I'd love to see more straight-up awful horrible scary stuff about my awful horrible scary franchise.

If Simon were to mutate without the tree pendant involved, and he truly became a monster, it would not be "human man with some eel traits." It would be "horrible amalgamation of human DNA and [mystery oceanic DNA that vaguely resembles an eel] brute-forced into something that can survive a blood ocean. Maybe. Hopefully. God willing (literally)."

I'm a bit of a purist here simply because yeah, I did join the fandom to get my shit rocked emotionally and get spooked in the process.

So, since you specifically asked for my opinion, I personally think it would be more like the eel we see in the film. Similar but not the same. Maybe Simon would've even completely mind-melded with those two girls + addendum crew (?). Who knows.

If I were to go humanoid with it? Well, we already have that answer from the film. It's heavily implied this was the intended plan for Simon's "monster self." He was supposed to become some kind of eldritch "ghost":

Per Deadlymelodic,

Time is falling apart, melding together. Shadowman is Simon (reflect what he becomes.) Guilt, sorrow. Dissected = Eldritch Dissection of Simon.

But this fandom. I love it so, so much. You are amazing and you have done so much for me. I am forever blessed to have met you guys.

BUT YOU GUYS IGNORE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS VERY STRONG AND MOVING PLOT POINT.

THIS IS THE MONSTER SIMON YOU ALL WANTED. MARKIPLIER GAVE HIM TO YOU ON A SILVER PLATTER. YOU HAVE A CANON MARKIPLIER-APPROVED MONSTER SIMON AND YOU DID THIS IN RESPONSE:

YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THE COI. YOU SEE SOMETHING TOO DISTURBING AND COVER IT THE FUCK UP. STOP BEING COWARDS. LOVE AND PEACE ON PLANET EARTH BUT IT'S THE PERFECT MONSTER MAN CAREFULLY CRAFTED FOR YOU AND YOU THREW HIM AWAY BECAUSE HE WAS TOO UGLY. YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN THE DAMN COI.

forgive how shitty this is I made it on my phone in two seconds

On top of that a lot of the sweeteners, like monkfruit, are horribly extra sweet so it still fucks with insulin AND it tastes like shit and we'd be better off just titrating our threshold for sugar down to something more reasonable.

The Goblin Throne Part III page 74 is up! This is it -- the final page of the book :,)

To everyone who's been following along since the beginning almost three years ago -- thank you so much for reading!

I'm here to serve up a Simon character study. please enjoy!

I'm here to serve up a Simon character study. please enjoy!