~~~

I still have all my problems and I’m looking at it at half full rather than half empty. Idk, I know I have my problems still with addiction and sometimes they come in full swing but it really does count to have a solid sense of thinking about it instead of hit hit hit kill myself kill myself im so unworthy, bad thoughts bad thoughts, DEPRESSION! Self harm! bc I hate myself and the actions I’ve done. Rinse and fucking repeat.

Atleast now I can sort of have a gentler outlook on things. Getting older has actually helped. I was so insane about turning 30 but 31 has been a lot more gentler. I have been a lot more gentler. I think I’ve just seen myself and experienced myself in such pits of depression and suicidal ideation that it’s a breath of fresh air at this point to want to live.

I want to live and see my niece and nephews grow up. I love them so much and they are such characters! I want to live and live and live and take care of my loved ones and see them grow old and grow up and I kind of just want to live for the people who make me want to be alive. I live for them.