buy me snacks.

adulthood is just an endless stream of phone calls you don’t want to make but have to

I hate tumblr as much as the next guy but at least we still see dashboard posts in chronological order instead of the bullshit random order of instagram and facebook where stuff from days ago appears right below stuff that was just posted

….go on

Lasagne, pecorino, pancetta, prosciutto, marscapone, Al Capone, the mafia.

You don’t realize how strong your legs are until you try to do a handstand

does mace work on birds

if a heron is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent

time sensitive question please respond

I’m in class right now and the guy in front of me just opened up the registration website, dropped out of this class and got up and left

This is a fucking mood if I’ve ever seen one

Having my attention? A privilege.

++

why KILL monster… when you can KISS monster…

I know it’s you Guillermo del Toro

The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water