More plotting discussions have inspired me to write more things about Cynder's people.
So, I know I lead heavily with trigger warnings re: Cynder's misogynistic takes -- those are absolutely true, and there is harm in his perspective, but I do want to reiterate that Valkin is not a society of terrible people. What it comes down to is:
Valkin believes that a woman is the heart of her home and community. Women are healers, storytellers, caregivers. They bring life into the world in the way men cannot. Therefore, they must be protected.
Valkin also believes that a man should be the cliche strong and brave and not show any weakness, etc. And that a man should only be vulnerable with his wife.
Now how it warps into something toxic is:
Women that resist a "softer" role described above are putting the tribe at risk by not protecting it culture and its future. If all the women are dying on the battlefield, the tribe does not survive. If the women are not sharing our stories, the tribe does not survive.
Men with wives that are "too independent" are emasculated and fail their protector role.
AND -- While it is sweet that the wife only sees her husband's vulnerable side, that means he is pouring ALL of his emotions (good and bad) onto her, meaning she has to hold that for him and is likely his only confidant. That is a lot of emotional labor/burden for one person!
That desperate need for women in the tribe is what leads to the bride raids. It's not "men horny want fuck" it is viewed as an actual survival strategy for their people. They only take women when there is a lack of eligible brides. Valkinians are expected to marry as soon as possible, although it isn't entirely enforced (except for Cynder, who needs multiple heirs ASAP).
Women who do not adhere to the societal norms are given a choice: leave and never return (because you're not useful to our people) or to become a communal bedwarmer. As a bedwarmer, you cannot choose who you service, but your needs are met: you get birth control (in the form of herbal magic bullshit tea), a designated bed in a longhouse, and you can participate in the communal dinners, festivals, etc.
If you're a very resistant raided bride, but don't do enough to get yourself killed, you end up in this role, too. Bedwarmers are viewed with a bit of contempt (primarily by the older women), but they are not outwardly mistreated, and a man can choose to marry a bedwarmer and take her out of that role.
Now, are there individuals that interpret the rules in a way that gives them more power to abuse? Absolutely. There is still a lot of room for dubious consent, abuse, and an unfair treatment of women in this society. But that is not the intention, nor the core values, of the Valkin people.
Like any society that is used to weathering dangerous conditions regularly, conforming to the rules equals survival. Outliers are a risk. Outsiders need to be immediately subjugated or killed or sent away.
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