I see through the illusion of meritocracy.
I've clawed my way to tables others inherited.
The world doesn't hand out trophy's for silent strength.
I suppose resentment fused with grief.
Grief over what I didn't get
Resentment over how well others wear masks what they didn't build.
I'm fearful if I speak this truth too loud
I'll be seen as bitter, dangerous, or ungrateful.
My family should've been my foundation
But they were my first battlefield.
A traumatic betrayal of basic human needs.
l've been surrounded by conditional care.
People who show up in small ways
But evaporate when it's time to really carry weight.
It's my turn now to show up for me.
That I am never truly safe in someone else's arms.
I haven't felt sadness in a prolonged amount of time because it's been replaced with something deeper.
I don't suffer from delusion
I suffer from lack of a blueprint.
I’ve already made it further than most ever do.
What’s missing isn’t belief.
Time alone isn't the answer.
When I was a boy, I wanted to be an architect.
Today I call myself a businessman.
I’ve always been an architect.
Whether building businesses
Constructing a life for myself.
I have the capacity not only to build businesses
But the life I truly want.
My past won’t hold me hostage.