The white rabbit is on vacation.

        leer at                          in the mirror

We                the horizon

              Curse the

As I                                past

        Steer away from

         The mistakes     have made.

And                            I

         Into the dawn     seek with you.

         Trapped in                  of a million,

I am                      any hell

          Far from                    I deserve,

                       I failed        that day.

All because               you

As we grow up, we all have a few dreams we really hold onto, and I don't mean ambitions. I mean dreams, and we love them. We cherish them for a reason maybe we don't even understand. You wake up on a quiet saturday morning, and before you even stretch you're aware of this amazing vision you had while you were sleeping, and you hold onto that. You remember it for years for some reason.

This is where things get shitty.

See, I'm twenty two years old, so of course I go to sleep when I feel its needed, and i'm so very tired. The problem I'm having is that I dream of my ex. I wake up crying, screaming, or shaking. Usually all three. I can't keep seeing her in my dreams. I am tearing myself apart, and I'm afraid to go to sleep. My shoulders are sore from work, and my eyes are heavy, but I'll just wake up in a couple of hours feeling worse.

I was sitting in the break room at work, next to a friend of mine, Sebastian.

Well, business as usual until the Shift supervisors assistant comes into the break room talking about everyone in a really bad way. Then he turned to Sebastian and said 'how is your girlfriend? I kinda wanna spend a weekend with her, but i'll toss her back your way when we done'.

Sebastian is very proper, and really controlled. He didnt say anything, but Josh kept on him.

Now i'm in trouble here at work for telling Josh if he didnt back off I would break his jaw, and I couldnt be happier.

And if we grow, let us grow in the light.

For I fear that if we were to grow in the darkness, we could never visit the light.

I Fear that if we were to fall in the light, we might look to the dark for comfort.

Truth is, I was never good enough. Never smart enough, or strong enough, never tried hard enough. I was never loving enough and I never made enough money. The truth is I know all of that. I know I was overbearing, didnt trust enough, and didnt share how I felt or what I thought about important things.

So I lost her.

And now I'm trying to hard to be a different person. I dont call off work, and I do what I say I will. I dont eat so much and I dont play my games. I dont play magic, and I dont see friends like I used to. I hurt myself instead.

No, I dont cut. I remember. I remember every aching moment and every reason I lost her and I hate myself for it. I think the only way change will come is if I can kill myself. The guy who lost her. All I want is to be good enough for her, even though I know I already blew it. It's my only choice, because If I cant prove to myself that I could have been good enough for her, then I'll have to face that it was doomed to end from the very start.

Guys, please don't forget that sometimes missing an event is the best thing that could have happened, and most importantly... don't forget to love in everything you say and do.