Thoughts of a Lone Twin

Growing up, I always felt sort of lonely. I didn’t really know what happened to my twin before a certain age. We didn’t really talk about her, at least no one did around me. But, I still felt not quite right. Like, no matter what I did or how many people I met and befriended, there was something missing.  I’m sure that sounds super cliche and cheesy, but it’s the truth.  To this day, I worry I won’t ever stop feeling this way. This sort of sad, empty feeling.  I worry I will never find a soulmate, because maybe I lost mine already...

I lost my identical twin before the age of 1, due to an unfortunate case of Strep B. Therefore I feel sort of trapped in between being a twin and not really feeling like a twin.  When did you lose your twin? Do you remember your twin sibling? What is it like for you without them? Any other thoughts or feelings?

I belong to a very specific group of people, one that is not often thought about. While it is exclusive in nature, it is not a group you would want to join. I am a twin. But, not really. But, I am. I am a twin, but I grew up without my twin. The people who have experienced this could have fallen into this group by many means. Some people were separated from their twin at birth or early in life. Some were adopted out to different families. In my case, my twin sibling died when we were not quite a year old. It may appear, at first glance, fairly black and white. You might think that it’s clear that I am a twin. However, most people who meet me from day to day wouldn’t ever guess that I had a twin. The fact that I have spent most of my life without my twin may lead you to believe that I simply am not a twin anymore. I, personally, as well as many others, see this as incorrect. I have heard many others say they feel once a twin always a twin.  This is why people like me, people who are lone twins, can fall into this grey area. We feel that we are twins, with or without our twin siblings. But, because we were raised without our sibling, it’s hard to really fit in and understand the common experienced of other multiples (Twins, triplets, etc.) This is only the case for lone twins who lost their sibling at a young age, of course. But that means there’s even another group. Twins who lost their twins at an age that they can remember. I feel that that group can relate more to the general “twins group,” however. More than people like me, anyway. 

It’s hard for solitary children to truly understand what it is to be a twin, triplet, and so on.  However, in the same way, it is hard for us to truly understand what it is to be a solitary child.