Ohana means family

Amanda was invited to a very private party with just her, Angela, Ian, Courtney and Anthony. She felt a bit weird about it but didn't decline. Sure, she talked to Anthony ~ her boss ~ between shootings, but it always remained professional. Surface level. He'd admit to her that he really couldn't coach her, as she was such an accomplished actor and improv-talent. And she quietly agreed.

But she was also Intrigued. Anthony's return had made Ian a lot happier, that much was true. What was the story there? Amanda didn't know. All she knew was they made the whole office buzz because they'd forget the entire world and just joke around with each other, bordering on heavy flirting. Chanse had called it out, playfully, but they didn't stop.

So yes, it was good that he was back. But Amanda thought that Anthony might have misjudged just what Smosh had become while he was absent for all those years. They had all found out the hard way when they had to reverse some drastic decisions about the main channel last year. Smosh couldn't just go back to being only Ian and Anthony. And Amanda felt that Anthony was not the happiest about it, even though he really committed to his new behind the scenes role.

So now Amanda found herself in Anthony's mansion, where they'd shot their sketches just last year. It made her a bit nostalgic either way. She looked around. It was clean, a bit too clean. Anthony didn't live here, and she didn't know where he did live. Even with all her charisma, her playfulness, her persuasiveness that worked so well on Ian, Amanda couldn't get through to Anthony. It was a little frustrating. Because even though he never told her anything personal, she could easily read his emotions from his face. He blushed easily, laughed nervously, if you saw him relaxed, he was definitely high. He was high a lot.

~

Anthony was smoking on the wooden patio with Ian. They couldn't stop laughing.

"And then she opened her mouth and all romance vanished like that!" Ian snapped his finger for dramatic effect.

"You're really gonna let go of a 10 just because she talks weird?"

"Yeah, I am. And she gave me Disney Adult vibes, which creeped me out too," Ian huffed, smoke coming out of his mouth and nose in small shocks while he talked.

"Why do you always have to get the Disney Adults, bro?" They both bent over in hysterics.

"OWwie!" Anthony's blunt had pressed onto Ian's hand by accident. "Oh no!" Anthony exclaimed. They stared at each other, Ian pouting, Anthony concerned. Then they burst out in laughter again.

"I'm so sorry, buddy!" Anthony coughed. "It's okay man, but I think I'm kind of hurt." Ian showed Anthony his hand. It was bleeding. In his weed-infused daze, Anthony didn't immediately register what the moment required of him. He found Ian's bleeding hand sexy. Why did Ian offer it to him? He grabbed it and slowly brought it to his face.

"Eww, what are you doing?" Ian giggled, but didn't retract his hand.

"Uhh, cleaning the wound? Anthony wasn't sure what he was doing, and why he was licking Ian's hand.

~

Amanda was watching Angela and Courtney sit huddled together on the couch. They were so precious, so beautiful, so pretty. She'd like to sit there right in between them. She looked down at her glass of wine. Wine did that to her sometimes. Make her feel all romantic about her friends. The way Angie's hair danced with every movement of her head. How Court's arm was wrapped around Angela's shoulder. Her perfect nails. Angela's laugh.

"It's going to be a rough couple of months without you," Court said, snapping Amanda out of it. It was true, Amanda was about to go on maternity leave. It was a bit scary, because she considered her Smosh colleagues to be her true friends. She would especially miss Angela a lot... Their after hours banter, their carpooling home, the way Angela laughed at her jokes, how those big eyes sparkled with mischief during Games shoots. Amanda tried to put on a brave face and smirked.

"I know, it's gonna be hard for you guys! But I believe in you. You've been through worse, and it's worked out so far."

"Yeah, you remember when Anthony left!" Angela tilted her head towards Courtney. "Was that harder or easier than knowing Amanda is gonna leave us?"

"Oh my god!" Courtney squealed. "I mean, we thought he'd never come back! At least with Mandy here we know it's temporary."

"But it's still so sad!!" Angela shouted. Somewhere beneath the humor, Amanda picked up something real. After all, her and Angela were besties. Weren't they? It wasn't all just for work, right? Right? Angela and Court embraced each other and fake-cried.

"Don't leave us with our dysfunctional dads, Momanda!"

Real tears welled up in Amanda's eyes. The realization was starting to hit her. After all the years of being type-cast as a mom, after watching her sisters become mothers and wondering if she'd ever be up to the task herself. Soon, she WAS going to be a mom. "You guys..." She laughed through the tears but they were very real. She blamed it on the hormones.

Angela and Court were wrapped around her within the second. "Ohh, Mandy! It's okay, it's gonna be okay." Courtney patted her on the shoulder.

"Amanda..." Angela rubbed Amanda's back.

Their quiet moment allowed them to hear Anthony's high-pitched laugh coming from the patio.

"What are they up to?" Angela asked. Amanda figured they were probably joke-flirting again.

She stood up, slowly, and sighed. "I'm gonna catch some air too," she said. But she was lying. She needed to get her mind off of things, and exploring Anthony's house was a perfect opportunity to do so. The ground floor may well be all tidied up, but she figured she'd check out the first floor too.

The stairs were steeper than Amanda had hoped. She used the fact as an excuse to go slow, so she wasn't too out of breath. A slight smile formed on her lips as she saw she'd been right. Upstairs was a mess. Equipment stacked against walls, piled up costumes and Pokémon plushies. "Boring," Amanda mumbled. She wanted to find out something about Anthony she didn't already know. A closed door caught her attention.

"This is such a bachelor pad," she continued her monologue, judging the colorless, house plant-less surroundings. She quietly pressed down the handle and stepped into a smaller room. It only had one window. Maybe it had once served as a walk-in closet? But now, it was surprisingly decorated. A yoga mat rolled up neatly in the corner. A couple of Anthony's shirts, a plate with incense. Shelves stacked with self-help books. This wasn't just another storage space.

One thing in the room immediately caught Amanda's eye. It was a framed picture, placed on one of the shelves. Ian and Anthony, arms around each other, smiling. Anthony was looking at Ian. They were very young here, maybe even pre-Smosh. Amanda had never seen this picture. "Wow," she breathed.

Next to the picture, lay a small, black booklet, and an expensive-looking pen. Amanda reached out, but paused. She shouldn't do this. She'd be crossing a line if she went through with it. She swallowed. Hand slightly trembling now, she grabbed and opened the booklet.

"You looked so good today, Ian. You made a self-deprecating comment and I insisted you were wrong. I will keep reminding you how amazing you are. I feel so guilty, Ian. Guilty for not being there when you needed me. Guilty of not telling you how I feel about you. Ian, you are the light of my life. Ever since we've been back together, I've been living in a dream. How then, can I still be unhappy? If I could just tell you, Ian, how I wanted to kiss-"

Amanda shut the book. But she didn't put it back down. Her heart was racing as she stumbled out of the room. She looked back at the framed picture. It hit very different now. Anthony was looking at Ian, looking at him like he was in love. "In love with his best friend..." Again, waves of realization hit Amanda. Anthony's words spoke directly to her soul. She understood him. All those times she'd hugged her best friend a bit too long, smelled her almond shampoo'd hair, gazed into those hazel eyes... She needed to sit down. She shut the door behind her and found a dusty sofa next to the stairs and sat there, her heart and mind racing. "Angela..."

~

Anthony felt guilty. Of course he did. And that's why he didn't like to talk about himself much these days. Ever since he was back (or probably long before that, if he was being honest) he was being consumed by his love for Ian on a daily basis. And his face being such an open book would surely give those feelings away. He tried to distract from it by getting more and more tattoos, he hid from it by retreating into a crew-role, he shut empaths like Amanda out as much as he could. Smoking helped, though.

"Do you feel like one more?" He asked Ian. Ian snorted but nodded. "Let's go upstairs, I have some stashed there." The two guys bustled up the stairs.

As they reached the top, Ian bumped into Anthony. "Dude, be careful, I nearly fell." Ian tried to shove his best friend out of the way, but Anthony was a lot stronger than him. He just stood there, seemingly frozen. So, Ian wormed his way under and around him, to a very disorienting scene.

"Amanda? Hey, why are you crying?" Amanda sat there, tears streaming down, chest heaving, with a handwritten book in her hands. Her tears were making dark blotches on the pretty handwriting.

"What's the matter?" Ian sat down next to her. Only then she noticed the guys. She sat up, book flying out of her hands. "Nothing!" She screamed, way too loud. "I was uhh, I was..." Her eyes darted around the room. Then she locked eyes with Anthony.

"She was reading some poetry! Right?" The look in his eyes was pleading, and she knew exactly what he meant.

Luckily for herself and for Anthony's sake, Amanda Lehan-Canto was indeed an improv legend. "Yes! Yes, you caught me, ugh, I'm so silly. And so pregnant! Everything makes me cry. I just wanted to chill out a bit here and BAM! Cried again! Haha!"

"Amanda," Ian said fondly. "You're gonna be such a great mom. Come on. Let's get you back downstairs.

"Yeah!" Anthony still looked straight at Amanda. "We're about to play Uno, so you better come downstairs, Amanda."

"Are we? Weren't we supposed to be looking for something here?" Ian looked a bit puzzled.

"Right! Right..." Anthony rubbed his temple. "You know what? You go downstairs, Ian, and tell the rest we're playing Uno. I'll get the thing."

"Alright," Ian responded with a slightly suspicious frown. But he also smiled and did what Anthony said.

"Your hand is bleeding," Amanda called after him, but he didn't hear her or ignored her.

As soon as they were alone, Amanda stood up. "Anthony, I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have opened that journal. But I did, and I couldn't put it down. Listen-"

"No, it's, it's fine, I thought you'd be the first to figure me out anyway," Anthony said, gently yet firmly pulling the journal out of her hand. "I mean, it's not fine that you were snooping around my house, but it's fine that you know. I tried to avoid talking to you much, because I was sure you'd find out, journal or not. Weirdly, I trust you not to tell anyone. I don't know why."

"It's because..." Amanda looked dejected. Her voice was croaky, vulnerable. "I feel the same way you do, Anthony." She sighed. It felt kind of good to say it out loud. Especially because she now knew he was in the same predicament as she was.

"You love Ian too?" A cold, scared tone crept up in Anthony's voice. He rubbed his journal possessively. 

"No! I mean, yes, of course I love him, but not like that! No, I mean..." She fidgeted with her hands. "I am in love with my best friend too." She started to cry again.

"Forreal? You love... Angela?"

"Yeah. I love her so much, Anthony. It's crazy. Whenever she's around, I feel whole! Like life can't get any better, you know? But whenever she's not there, or if I even think about her not being there, I doubt everything. I feel cold, and alone. So alone, Anthony. How am I going to survive this maternity leave without her?"

"You won't," Anthony said in a small voice, like he was talking to himself. His strokes on the booklet in his hand were pensive now. They both sat down on the couch. "You'll die every day knowing he- she is not going to be right there by your side. And you'll rewatch videos with the two of you to the point where you have everything memorized. So then you just replay them in your head. I think you'll be back before then, though. Even if it seems like an eternity." Those were the most honest words Anthony had ever spoken to Amanda. And they calmed her down.

"I still feel terrible, Anthony. I promise I'll never intrude on your privacy again."

"And I'll promise not to tell anyone about your secret."

"Thanks, man. It's nice, talking like this."

Anthony gave her a small smile. "You're right. We're very much alike, in a way."

"Never would have thought it," Amanda joked. But then she rubbed his arm fondly. "I really appreciate you." She wiped her face clean with her other hand.

He helped her up from the couch. "Why don't you join the party downstairs, I heard we're playing Uno," he joked. But she did what he said.