nessie-land

I am twenty four floors off the ground, in some hotel room thinking about jumping at any moment: hell can’t be worst than choosing between life or death. You don’t know what I’ve been through since we last saw each other. I lost everything that I had left after I lost you - the car, the house and the job -, I’ve got more debts than your neighbor Manuel and I didn’t need to indulge in the game, all I needed was to start looking for you. I look at the stars and think about how I will be remembered by my family, but it isn’t enough to make me back off: I always did the best I could for them and they don’t need me anymore. I open my arms, welcoming the wind that whips my skin, that with you was everything and now it’s nothing because only when I touch you I exist and without you I don’t know who I am. There’s twenty four floors in this hotel and I chose the last to finish myself - the end of a building being the end of my life, like the last kiss we exchanged was the last breath of my soul. I think of you, uncontrolled and hot tears (like your body felt on mine) fall down my cheeks. I clean them: they are useless in the fight of not having you by my side. I can hear your voice in my mind if I devote myself to think of you; it’s like you’re here with me and the words you used to say to me make me hesitate. I don’t wanna die without you, I don’t wanna live without you: missing you is killing me more than the fall. If this is all there is, at least I breathe and tonight is all it takes to dream of you. I’ll dream that you dream me. I take a step back and a sigh that would be yours breaks free from my chest: there’s so much of you in me. I imagine one last time what would be like to fall and feel the air through my body, so cold - so different from everything that you are -, I could be free from what I feel right now, but none of it would be worthy if I could not remember you. I grab my stuff and go down using the stairs - so my legs know how much it hurts wanting to jump and I can think twice before getting up there again -, when I arrive the entrance I know I don’t need to finish myself to feel finished, I don’t need to jump to feel the fall and, sure as hell, I don’t need to die to feel dead: it was enough for me to meet you.