mary

how can i write an overly freaked out homoerotic story about a teacher and a student without sounding insane to my friends

i crave closeness but i fear i’ll never let it happen

there’s always been an emptiness inside of me, i used to think it was hunger

i can’t prove it but i know

it felt so good to have a public crashout after having a stick up my ass for months

y’all ever cry in your vocal teacher’s arms about not feeling good enough? that shit was beautiful

i don’t even want space i just want to not feel so stupid

sometimes when i watch a sad movie with someone and they cry i stop blinking and try to yawn to make my eyes water

when i was 8 and had anger issues i would beat people, now i have to drink and sleep or go for a run

i think that i’m a piece of shit and that you’re better off without me

i think avoiding everything will save me from becoming the person i’m meant to be

hey they/them your sadness is so lynchian

thinking about the time one of the grade nines that i peer tutor told me i was very tea and i didn’t know how to respond so i just said “oh okay, can you show me that you’ve done your work?”

everything i tell my mom apparently sounds like an attack, and im starting to believe it