I felt you leaving ☆ your eyes deceived me

official sam nervous-young-dog fanart ❤️👅

WVERYONE FUCLING LOOK AT THIS RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW

As someone who has gained over 20 pounds after being off of my anxiety medication for a whole month (after taking it for 2 almost 3 years) I have found myself struggling with my self perception. People seem to treat you differently when you get "skinny" and it does make you feel that gaining weight is a bad thing because why were you never treated that way before? Weight loss never really worked for me growing up so there is a fear I have that I won't be able to do it the right way this time around either and that there is only one thing to 'save me'. I've never been one (in my later teenage years) to be so critical of myself and hell bent on comparing myself to society's female beauty standards but for the first time since being 13/14 I find myself seeing beauty influencers and telling myself how could I let myself gain back all the weight I lost, what's wrong with me, am I eating wrong?, tomorrow I'm not going to eat more than one meal. And honestly it breaks my heart. I worked so long to help that little kid say it doesn't matter how my body looks as long as I am me and I am healthy and now I'm telling them to feel bad about the fact that pants that used to be too big don't even fit anymore. It is so hard because I was so proud to be off my medication and now I want to go back on it because it helped me lose weight. I shouldn't feel this way. NO ONE should feel this way. I would never tell my younger self the things I told myself this past week but that doesn't make it any easier.