Nerfwire

Listen up, NBA Fans: the best and only basketball video game series just announced a huge new feature for 2K23. The most beloved aspect of the game for anyone who’s bored with MyPlayer is Franchise Mode, in which you can take the Charlotte Hornets from 23rd place to 17th place. To further enhance the franchise experience, however, 2K has announced the ability to cut players for anti-Semitic remarks—finally! Read the full article

Tension is mounting at the thirtieth birthday party of brand manager Dan Gibbit, as a lighthearted game of Quiplash has become a slow, grim march towards death. The game was meant to be a fun getting-to-know-you activity for Gibbit’s friends and family, but so far, all the partygoers are getting to know is how much they hate each other. Read the full article

How devious! The druids report a stir in the fae community; a mischievous faerie has stolen the names of the hundreds of millions of people who use Twitter. Don’t worry, dear travelers, the trickster has promised to return your name for a reasonable price: only eight dollars a month. Read the full article

Game director and proud “super-straight” Jordan B. Skeeterson has expressed concern over a daunting new task: sharing his transphobic views with his entirely transgender programming team. Read the full article

Local sicko Scott Ruper was forced to look deep into the dark abyss of his soul earlier this week as he performed one of the most humiliating acts a human being can do: entering code COOLBOYS10 for a 10% discount on novelty underpants.  Read the full article

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Tragedy occurred at TwitchCon earlier this weekend as multiple attendees including streamer and Internet Naked Woman Adriana Chechik suffering serious injuries as a result of a poorly constructed foam pit. But there is one public figure who has come out smiling: the notorious ball pit from DashCon 2014. Read the full article

“When I think about what I'm most unhappy about, there's really two things: The first one is we didn't live up to the high standards that we really set for ourselves,” announced real actual Blizzard president J. Allen Brack, in a real, actual speech. “The second is we failed in our purpose. And for that, I am sorry and I accept accountability.” Read the full article

A scrappy hero struggles to stand up, having given his all while fighting the alien invader Gormak, who stands over him, smirking. “Heh, not bad, kid. You actually made me use 17% of my power.”This was the scene yesterday during the anime Melatonin Dreams. What was not seen, however, were the unsung heroes: Gormak’s support team, checking his blood sugar levels to know the exact percentage of power he used during the fight. Read the full article

Fans of League of Legends’ ARAM mode often feel like they take a back seat to the main game. However, that’s about to change. In a recent press release, Riot announced that they have fully delegated ARAM balance to an unpaid intern’s nine-year-old cousin named Jeremy. The prepubescent ARAM fan and Paw Patrol enthusiast was tapped for the job after impressing at a “bring your family to work” day. Read the full article

Before the Switch, there was the Game Boy: the groundbreaking console that helped Nintendo revolutionize gaming forever. But now, a fan has revolutionized it all over again by modifying his console to become the world’s first-ever fully stationary Game Boy. Talk about epic! Read the full article

It’s time to wake up and face the music. Goku, the hero of the Dragon Ball series, is clearly and inarguably American. There are many signs pointing to this conclusion, but the most damning is the fact that he very nearly died from untreated heart disease. Read the full article

Today, Shang Tsung sent a murder of crows across the realms announcing that, after a thorough analysis of the rules, a dog can, in fact, participate in Mortal Kombat. Read the full article

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Amazon Prime users are in for a treat, as the e-commerce giant has just announced a new service: Amazon Drop will allow customers to cut out the middleman and just straight up pay someone to pee in a bottle. Read the full article

Elon Musk has officially backed out of his deal to purchase Twitter, walking out on the social media platform the same way he walked out on his other neglected children. Read the full article

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