Dealing with Ambixiety
Have you ever heard of The Lominger Competencies? Many of the best companies use these attributes as a reference to oneâs own success. Competencies can range from anything like time management to composure. Or presentation and written communication skills to problem solving. From peer relationships to, well, you should look them up. Theyâre extremely useful.
But Iâm not here to talk about all 67 Lominger competencies. Iâm here to talk about just oneâDealing with Ambiguity.
I feel as though ambiguity comes easily to the masses. That âgo with the flowâ mentality and willingness to open your mind in the moment of most situations is a true gift; a fact I wish I had. But I donât. And itâs not that I donât want to deal with ambiguity. Sometimes I do actually. And it usually works out. But right now in my life, I canât control the ambiguity being thrown at me.
Thatâs because I deal with anxiety.
At this time last year, if I were to write a post about anxiety, I would have brushed it off because âeveryone has it.â And Iâm right. (I usually am.). Itâs true! I believe anxiety is as large a scale as bisexualityâwe all have the nature to love anyone and everyone, but we usually canât control who we fall in love with. In regards to anxiety, some of us can handle more stress and pressure laid on our shoulders at any given time. But then thereâs those of us who canât.
I canât.
 (And now for a preview of my upcoming novel, âOn Mondays We Play Bridge!â)
 Think of anxiety like baggage. Everyone has baggage.
Some of us travel light. Not because they know how, but because they can. Some people can fit everything that bothers them in a small carryon, and not even have an extra purse or backpack to put under the seat in front of them. They can go away for a few weeks or simply a long weekend, but they still only need one piece of baggage. Itâs not fair that some of us can travel so easily, but it is what it is.
The rest of us need at least a suitcase for our baggage. That extra weight from our childhood requires us to wear extra layers from time to time, even when itâs gorgeous outside. Most of us canât fit our past in an overhead bin nor tucked away neatly under our seats without the back straps tripping someone else as they walk by. I always say that extra baggage happens to the best of us, so if thatâs you then congratsâyouâre one of the best of us.
The best of us take advantage of our one large suitcase when we travel through this airport called LIF International. The airlines, of course, have begun to charge us extra if our baggage is too big or too heavy. And weâre forced to remove any liquids more than 3 ounces, and God forbid we bring food on the plane not purchased within the airport itself. Oh, and donât forget to take your shoes off! And all your tech has to be taken out of your carryons and checked for porn and you want to put it in your suitcase but you know itâs just gonna be stolen so you make it work.
Like I said, that extra suitcase helps.
And then thereâs those of us who never pick up our baggage from the carousel at all. We got off the plane. We know what baggage claim area our luggage will arrive. Weâve even waited the what-feels-like-longer-than-the-flight-itself amount of time until there are any signs of suitcases to begin with.
Other passengers begin to pick up their own baggage. The cute guy who was sitting next to me already has his. Itâs a big red one. Someone clearly has daddy issues.
Finally! Our baggage comes out. We recognize it easily. Thereâs a Star Wars luggage tag on the handle. But get this: we never pick it up. We just let it roll on by.
Because what if that wasnât our baggage? What if I accidentally pick up someone elseâs suitcase? I would feel so embarrassed! Then Iâd have to have an awkward conversation with the passenger whoâs baggage it really is, and we know itâs not the cute guyâs because, well, he already picked up his own shit.
So now Iâm stuck talking with Mr. Smith about his wife and kids and how they just want to get home because little Timmy is getting cranky. So we open up our suitcase together to see whoâs stuff is crumpled up inside and sure enough, this baggage is definitely not ours.
Thatâs why we didnât pick up our baggage yet; those of us decided to wait just in case simply to see if someone else would take our baggage for us. Becauseâyou knowâthen we wonât have to deal with it. Right!? But deep down inside, we know damn well that even when no one does take our luggage, and that bright pink suitcase goes by for a second time, we still leave it on the carousel.
You see, maybe if it stays there I can file a report with airport security and get reimbursed for what âtheyâ lost. I can get a whole new wardrobe! Maybe even a new computer if Iâm lucky. I can claim that all my tech was in my suitcase; the expensive shit because work forced me to take my $2000 MacBook with me on my personal vacation so that I could catch up on âwriting documents.â If I can get my money back for all that, thatâll show those workers at LIF!
But hereâs the thingâŚ
If I can get away with lying about my âlost luggageâ even once, Iâm just going to file another report every time I travel. But eventually the airline will catch on. My baggage will turn up days later because thereâs always some janitor at the airport who can see my suitcase still riding alone on the carousel. It is bright pink after all.
So now Iâm just the boy who cried lies in the eyes of LIF Security, and Iâm not only stuck with multiple suitcases on my doorstep, but if I donât pay back the airline for my false claim, I could face time in jail. And by âjailâ I mean sitting home alone while eating a tub of ice cream and laughing at Modern Family by myself even though Iâve see this episode hundreds of times. Ok, maybe just seven. And Iâm not watching Modern Family. Iâm watching Real Housewives of who-the-fuck-cares-they-make-me-feel-better-about-myself-because-their-lives-are-so-shitty-yet-they-still-make-more-money-than-me-because-they-have-their-own-television-show.
We all realize Iâm not talking about actual baggage, right? Iâm talking about our demons. The skeletons in our closets. Our trauma! Do you know whatâs in your suitcase? âWhatâs in your wallet?â Well, my wallet is stuffed with anxiety, and itâs about time I learn how to deal with it!
* * *
So thatâs exactly what Iâm doing. Iâm taking some time off from work to try and get a handle on my anxieties. I donât know how long Iâll be out of work (Iâll leave it to my therapist to tell me when she thinks Iâm ready to go back), but I donât just want to spend a few weeks peeling away some layers of my past and present simply to throw myself right back into an already-anxious work environment. You try working in a terminal for almost 8 years where about 1 million people pass through every day, yet only 99%Â of them think theyâre the center of the universe because âthey have a train to catch.â Good God, get a grip, girl! Thereâs almost always another train in 20 minutes or less!
But I have some goals I want to accomplish during my time off, one of which is to finish my Bridge Book. I also want to lose some weight, learn better eating habits, but most importantly, I want to understand anxiety. I need time to understand different anxiety medications as well as the side effects of each.
Writing is extremely therapeutic for me, so if youâre one of the few whoâs made it this far, then youâre in luck! Because Iâm about to blog the shit outta this beast!
This blog post is brought to you by Anxiety. AnxietyâDeal with it!
 from Dealing with Ambixiety
