Dealing with Ambixiety
Have you ever heard of The Lominger Competencies? Many of the best companies use these attributes as a reference to oneās own success. Competencies can range from anything like time management to composure. Or presentation and written communication skills to problem solving. From peer relationships to, well, you should look them up. Theyāre extremely useful.
But Iām not here to talk about all 67 Lominger competencies. Iām here to talk about just oneāDealing with Ambiguity.
I feel as though ambiguity comes easily to the masses. That āgo with the flowā mentality and willingness to open your mind in the moment of most situations is a true gift; a fact I wish I had. But I donāt. And itās not that I donāt want to deal with ambiguity. Sometimes I do actually. And it usually works out. But right now in my life, I canāt control the ambiguity being thrown at me.
Thatās because I deal with anxiety.
At this time last year, if I were to write a post about anxiety, I would have brushed it off because āeveryone has it.ā And Iām right. (I usually am.). Itās true! I believe anxiety is as large a scale as bisexualityāwe all have the nature to love anyone and everyone, but we usually canāt control who we fall in love with. In regards to anxiety, some of us can handle more stress and pressure laid on our shoulders at any given time. But then thereās those of us who canāt.
I canāt.
Ā (And now for a preview of my upcoming novel, āOn Mondays We Play Bridge!ā)
Ā Think of anxiety like baggage. Everyone has baggage.
Some of us travel light. Not because they know how, but because they can. Some people can fit everything that bothers them in a small carryon, and not even have an extra purse or backpack to put under the seat in front of them. They can go away for a few weeks or simply a long weekend, but they still only need one piece of baggage. Itās not fair that some of us can travel so easily, but it is what it is.
The rest of us need at least a suitcase for our baggage. That extra weight from our childhood requires us to wear extra layers from time to time, even when itās gorgeous outside. Most of us canāt fit our past in an overhead bin nor tucked away neatly under our seats without the back straps tripping someone else as they walk by. I always say that extra baggage happens to the best of us, so if thatās you then congratsāyouāre one of the best of us.
The best of us take advantage of our one large suitcase when we travel through this airport called LIF International. The airlines, of course, have begun to charge us extra if our baggage is too big or too heavy. And weāre forced to remove any liquids more than 3 ounces, and God forbid we bring food on the plane not purchased within the airport itself. Oh, and donāt forget to take your shoes off! And all your tech has to be taken out of your carryons and checked for porn and you want to put it in your suitcase but you know itās just gonna be stolen so you make it work.
Like I said, that extra suitcase helps.
And then thereās those of us who never pick up our baggage from the carousel at all. We got off the plane. We know what baggage claim area our luggage will arrive. Weāve even waited the what-feels-like-longer-than-the-flight-itself amount of time until there are any signs of suitcases to begin with.
Other passengers begin to pick up their own baggage. The cute guy who was sitting next to me already has his. Itās a big red one. Someone clearly has daddy issues.
Finally! Our baggage comes out. We recognize it easily. Thereās a Star Wars luggage tag on the handle. But get this: we never pick it up. We just let it roll on by.
Because what if thatĀ wasnātĀ our baggage? What if I accidentally pick up someone elseās suitcase? I would feel so embarrassed! Then Iād have to have an awkward conversation with the passenger whoās baggage it really is, and we know itās not the cute guyās because, well, he already picked up his own shit.
So now Iām stuck talking with Mr. Smith about his wife and kids and how they just want to get home because little Timmy is getting cranky. So we open up our suitcase together to see whoās stuff is crumpled up inside and sure enough, this baggage is definitely not ours.
Thatās why we didnāt pick up our baggage yet; those of us decided to wait just in case simply to see if someone else would take our baggage for us. Becauseāyou knowāthen we wonāt have to deal with it. Right!? But deep down inside, we know damn well that even when no one does take our luggage, and that bright pink suitcase goes by for a second time, we still leave it on the carousel.
You see, maybe if it stays there I can file a report with airport security and get reimbursed for what ātheyā lost. I can get a whole new wardrobe! Maybe even a new computer if Iām lucky. I can claim that all my tech was in my suitcase; the expensive shit because work forced me to take my $2000 MacBook with me on my personal vacation so that I could catch up on āwriting documents.ā If I can get my money back for all that, thatāll show those workers at LIF!
But hereās the thingā¦
If I can get away with lying about my ālost luggageā even once, Iām just going to file another report every time I travel. But eventually the airline will catch on. My baggage will turn up days later because thereās always some janitor at the airport who can see my suitcase still riding alone on the carousel. It is bright pink after all.
So now Iām just the boy who cried lies in the eyes of LIF Security, and Iām not only stuck with multiple suitcases on my doorstep, but if I donāt pay back the airline for my false claim, I could face time in jail. And by ājailā I mean sitting home alone while eating a tub of ice cream and laughing at Modern Family by myself even though Iāve see this episode hundreds of times. Ok, maybe just seven. And Iām not watching Modern Family. Iām watching Real Housewives of who-the-fuck-cares-they-make-me-feel-better-about-myself-because-their-lives-are-so-shitty-yet-they-still-make-more-money-than-me-because-they-have-their-own-television-show.
We all realize Iām not talking about actual baggage, right? Iām talking about our demons. The skeletons in our closets. Our trauma! Do you know whatās in your suitcase? āWhatās in your wallet?ā Well, my wallet is stuffed with anxiety, and itās about time I learn how to deal with it!
* * *
So thatās exactly what Iām doing. Iām taking some time off from work to try and get a handle on my anxieties. I donāt know how long Iāll be out of work (Iāll leave it to my therapist to tell me when she thinks Iām ready to go back), but I donāt just want to spend a few weeks peeling away some layers of my past and present simply to throw myself right back into an already-anxious work environment. You try working in a terminal for almost 8 years where about 1 million people pass through every day, yet only 99%Ā of them think theyāre the center of the universe because āthey have a train to catch.ā Good God, get a grip, girl! Thereās almost always another train in 20 minutes or less!
But I have some goals I want to accomplish during my time off, one of which is to finish my Bridge Book. I also want to lose some weight, learn better eating habits, but most importantly, I want to understand anxiety. I need time to understand different anxiety medications as well as the side effects of each.
Writing is extremely therapeutic for me, so if youāre one of the few whoās made it this far, then youāre in luck! Because Iām about to blog the shit outta this beast!
This blog post is brought to you by Anxiety. AnxietyāDeal with it!
Ā from Dealing with Ambixiety
