thoughts of a stranger u might pass on the street

at the early hours of the night you may have my body and love it as your desires see fit and as the night grows cold we’ll look for warmth in each other that neither of us want to give. As the moon grows full and the clock strikes midnight i will slip through your arms and into the cold streets under the stars. Dawn will come and as the sun rises and the moon falls, the memories of a star eyed girl will go with it.

“As the cruel waves of realization hit me, I watched as the moon set in their eyes and the blinding sun began to emerge. It’s blinding rays setting a painful remainder that the moon will never come again”

Look at you both, standing before each other, the one that you thought was your lover completely unrecognizable. Their eyes vulnerable and weak as tears begin to fall, the same tears that you shed for love oh so long ago. Yet why aren’t you saying anything, why does your chest not tighten and your eyes cloud instead you feel worthless pity and guilt. You have ripped their heart from its roots and thrown it into the abyss as if it was just priceless to you. Right now you can not fathom it but when walk into the night, all alone you’ll realize you are becoming the person who broke your heart many moons ago. At that very moment you won’t feel proud, you’ll feel the sense of over coming doom creep up and numb all your senses. For them it was love and for you it was just a warm body to caress, for you it was lust. Since you’ve clearly forgotten, let me remind you dear reckless lust always has a price. Doesn’t matter how much you run or how much you hide, It’ll be there waiting, stalking you until you’re legs give out and eyesight blurs. In you’re last moments tell me my dear, have you finally realized that the creature you were running from was your lust all along.

Oh what venomous envy you hold inside of you. That envy that overrides your senses, you forget the emotions of others as you paint them to be flawless, as you paint them to have perfection. You crave it don’t you? Even if you’ll never reach it, you look in dark alleyways and bright offices for it. When you believe that you’ve reached it, there’s always someone who has more. Again and again the cycle will revive itself, after all its human nature. Envy sinks it’s roots into your soul, it’s branches expanding through your system. As the years go by and you’ll look at your reflection, you’re unrecognizable; eyes that were once bright are now bleak, lips that spoke with honey and cinnamon now speak with rotten venom, and those angel hands now are stained with blood and tears of others hard work. Have you come to the realization yet, these paintings in your consciousness of these perfect souls aren’t real they’re biased by your own perception because the ones who have it all are the ones who have nothing at all, the ones who accept that life isn’t flawless. That’s what makes it perfect, you’re envy already costed you your life. Will it also cost you your soul?.

-

“𝑹𝑬𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬”

His hands grazed the piano, his eyes scanning the keys like each of them held a special memory which only he knew, he slowly closed his eyes, remembering her features that he had spent countless nights memorizing as she peacefully slept on his chest. He slowly began playing their song which they spent endless nights dancing to as if the outside world was a mere illusion ,he felt a pang go through his chest as he could no longer smell her cherry blossom fragrance that used to circle around the room.

He wondered where she was and if her hair was the same shade of midnight black it was when they first met, or if her laugh was still loud enough to echo down the hall. “Return to me...” the young male sang out “ oh my dear I am so lonely” he felt his throat close and tears now threatening to escape “hurry back, hurry back oh my love hurry back I’m yours” he choked out as tears now ran down his face. He slowly rested his head on his hands letting the tears fall, no one would hear is cry’s for he was no longer living. The girl he once loved was no where to be found, he only had little fragments of what she left behind. She would never return but every night he’d play the same song hoping that one day she’ll return to his last resting placen to dance with him like they always would.

(This is super old and I’m basically posting my old writing that I made in like 2018 ish. When I was an angsty little teenager. Still am but now I’m considered an adult 🕺)

—

She used to be a shining diamond in the darkness that she herself created, she would degrade herself for not being delicate enough, for not being an obedient little doll that would put everyone before herself. Born into a perfect family of over achievers and people who seemed picture perfect, her entire life was filled with high expectations and then yelling when she didn’t meet the mold that they made for her. More and more she realized that femininity wasn’t about having silky hair and obedience, it was about making it your own aura and presence, so she started making it her own, she didn’t hold back her loud outburst anymore or her loud laugh that sometimes echoed through the halls, she was finding herself in the darkest depths of her thoughts, were one upon a time she looked away from them pretending that they weren’t there. She was finally making them her own.