At least I didn't fall and break my talent!

Richie wasn't able to save Mikey. The pressure from trying to keep The Beef afloat was slowly killing him and he needed an out.

Did he hate Carmy for doing the one thing that Richie could never do?

This wasn't the time to start thinking about that.

"Another day. Another fucking dollar," sighed Richie.

As Richie walked into the restaurant, he saw the ends of blonde hair that kept him up at night. Sydney.

Sydney Adamu. Sydney Adamu who came here every single Sunday with her father but he never noticed her.

Now, he could only notice her. He couldn't stop himself.

He noticed her white apron that had to be bleached every night to look that perfect.

He noticed her bunny teeth when she smiled at anyone but him.

He noticed her long braids and how they touched her lower back when she reached up to grab a stock pot.

He noticed her scarves. The rotation of scarves.

He knew from her first day that he couldn't (really shouldn't) ask about what she would do with her hair in a kitchen. No one in years here had hair longer than their shoulders.

On her first day, her hair was pulled back in a metallic orange scarf. He couldn't help himself. She was the first person that was untouched by The Beef in years.

"So Sydney… What's up with the construction orange bandana today?" said Richie.

"First of all, it's called a scarf. Second of all, don't look at my scarf if you don't like the color. Actually, don't look at me at all," said Sydney while turning away from him.

Today, the scarf was blue with white dots throughout it. It reminded him of the little white pills that Mikey snuck into his mouth when he thought nobody was watching him.

He mentally slapped himself. He didn't want Mikey to ruin Sydney for him too.

Of course the day that he wanted to be a decent fucking guy and compliment her scarf is when she's left to help Tina's son because of his suspension from school.

He was an irritant to himself (and couldn't not be an irritant to everyone else), he had to fuck with Sydney. It started off small but it always led to something more with her. It was the most freedom he had felt in months.

"Huh. You couldn't stop yourself from serving that jag off your risotto, sweetheart?, said Richie.

"Don't call me sweetheart. And, I didn't realize he was a critic. Do you think I would have done that on purpose?"

He leaned in, "I think you just wanted someone to see you using your fancy degree after failing as a caterer. It's not good enough for you schwanky chefs to serve someone a plate of fries and a sandwich."

Her body tensed as soon as the words left his mouth.

Richie knew that feeling well.

It was watching Mikey vow that he would never take pills again and then overdose later that day.

It was Tiffany walking out on him with Eva in her arms.

The feeling was hurt. He had hurt Sydney. 

"Well, I bet your daughter wants to see you being a father too Richie," said Sydney.

Richie turned and walked close enough to smell her perfume mixed with the smell of grease.

"Why are you being such a fucking bitch right now?" said Richie while moving closer to her face.

"I don't know Richie. Why am I? said Sydney while holding one of the biggest knives in the Beef

"Oh are you gonna stab me?"

"Maybe I fucking will", said Sydney.

"Yeah?" said Richie.

Guess fucking what? He got stabbed no more than five minutes later with the background noise of a million orders being printed out.

Richie walked away with a chunk of his ass missing with Ebra following behind him.

"You know," said Ebra while shutting the door to the office, "She needed to stab you."

Richie leaned against the wall silently and looked down at Ebra before he started bandaging him.

"You can't talk to women like that no matter how angry you are. She will never like you. There's other ways to get a woman's attention and one of the way is stop being an asshole," said Ebra.

Richie stiffened, "I don't want her attention." He couldn't believe that someone had even thought about his attraction to Sydney.

"Right, right. Take a Tylenol when you get home," said Ebra as he was stood to leave the room.

"It is okay to want someone's attention."

He stared at the door for five minutes after Ebra left him standing there.

Richie shook his head. He didn't deserve Sydney's attention. He didn't deserve anything. He needed a fucking cigarette.

He could still hear Carmy still as he walked to the alley. As he leaned against the alley wall, the kitchen door swung open.

Sydney stood there with her scarf in her hands and her coat half on. Her chest was heaving.

"Hey, you okay?" said Richie.

She turned and looked at him. "You're asking me if I'm okay after I just stabbed you?"

"Yes, I am asking you. I fucking deserved to be stabbed after what I said to you," said Richie.

She walked closer to him and sat down on the ground by him. "I didn't mean to stab you, Richie. I was mad but wouldn't stab you for that."

He looked down at her and thought about how beaten down she looked. He wanted to hug her.

"I quit," said Sydney, "I'm not going to let Carmy talk to me or treat me like that. I opened up my catering business to get away from chefs like that. I know I failed at that but I won't be treated like that."

"You wanna know something? I quit the Beef one time too. Carmy had just left for culinary school. I was left to deal with this place and my life. My life was more of a fucking mess then what it is now, " Richie said laughing quietly.

"I was unhappy with myself. My wife was unhappy with me. I could barely get out of the bed most of the times. I could only get out of the bed to go to work because I needed to be a provider for my family. I felt like a failure every single day."

Richie felt Sydney look at him after that.

"Mikey was slowly killing himself every day. I think I was slowly killing myself too watching him. He overdosed for the first time in the bathroom here. I couldn't take it anymore and I just walked out. I didn't come back for two weeks," said Richie while fidgeting with his lighter.

"What made you come back?" said Sydney.

"I couldn't just leave him, Tina, and everyone else with the restaurant. I needed to come back. As fucked up as it is, I will always come back to the Beef. I'm not saying that you should come back here. There's a long list of reasons that you wouldn't come back and I know I'm one of those reasons. But, you could make real changes here. You're the change we need here, Sydney" said Richie.

She blinked at him and stood up. She stepped closer to him and gave him a quick hug that barely lasted for five seconds.

"Thanks, Richie," said Sydney smiling softly, "I need to head out and catch the train."

She waved to him as she walked out of the alley. He could still feel her arms around him as he watched her leave. He realized he didn't need the cigarette anymore.

----------------------------------

Of course she noticed him.

It wasn't the one who wore $200 vintage jeans, a degree from one of the top culinary schools in America that could tell the temperature of a steak from smell alone.

No.

Of course not.

It would be too much like right.

It was the one who could tell what neighborhood you were from by the corner store you went to.

It was the one who yelled words that had been canceled for at minimum ten years.

It was the one that could recite every line from Ferris Bueller's Day off unprompted.

It was the one who had blue eyes that she could drown in.

notes: from the beginning of the bear, i loved all of sydney's scarves. and i love richie and syd as a couple so why not write their love story through her different scarves? i have a few different ways that i want to go about writing about the two of them because i want to show how richie evolves into being someone who isn't afraid to show himself and i think one of the people who sees him is sydney. the first chapter of this story is the beginning of that because i don't think he would tell anyone (except maybe tina) that he quit the beef. i want him to be more vulnerable over time with sydney!!