Joepinions

Justified - Pilot I intended to just watch the opening Tommy Buck scene, but I fucked up and saw the whole episode since everyone is so darn compelling. And every interaction with Dewey Crowe and Raylan is a treasure. It's amusing to see the Florida Crowe Clan brought up in the show's first 10 minutes or so. This episode is completely fantastic, but it also kinda made me realize how the whole first season is a pilot. Despite him looming over a few scenes, Raylan's father never even shows up. I don't think I'm going to do a full watch through the entire series, but this was extremely fun.

6 Underground - A Michael Bay Film I loved the action, and usage of Dave Franco (cough). As usual, the movie thinks it's way more clever than it actually is. I mostly enjoyed it, definitely has action a cut above the average Transformers movie. The characters don't live up to the likes of Pain & Gain or The Rock, though. Ryan Reynolds felt like way too much of a Deadpool-Mary Sue fantasy of a badass in 2020.

Tremors 1 and Tremors 2 Definitely started the sequel without knowing that Bacon was nowhere to be seen. That was okay though. These movies are fun, and at least early on, they manage to make each one different enough to hide the fact that they're losing recognizable faces with each movie.

The Rookie - Season 2 I'm going to tiptoe around and not spoil it out of abundance of caution, but the reveal was pretty thoroughly lame, expected, yet also seemed hurried and out of left field? It was all done pretty well, and the episodes were usually good, but I'm slightly dreading Season 3. Every character other than Nolan ended up in a pretty okay or even promising place, though, so they could just write their way out of it.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle This sequel has some great moments, but mostly suffers from the normal "too much more" problem that affects nearly all sequels.

Super Troopers 2 Still mostly funny! Even when retreading jokes from the old one. Full disclosure, I fell asleep before the big climax/finale, but It went off fine and everyone lived happily ever after anyways.

911 Lone Star - Season 1 This show was ridiculous for all the right reasons, and seemed to have the right mix of the Glee creative forces to make something goofy and fun. Really hopeful to see it picked up for a bigger and better second season.

Lincoln Rhyme The Hunt For The Bone Collector Did I like this show just because of the long, funny title? Probably. But it was still pretty fun. Parts of it felt like a movie length story stretched into a short season of TV, but the cases of the week helped with that, I guess. Despite the twist ending, I think this is going to end up a one and done show.

Mission Impossible 1 & 2 The first is such a great De Palma classic. I used to think of the second as "bad, but at least it's John Woo", but watching it this time it just felt bad period. I'm probably going to watch the rest soon, since the rest are extremely enjoyable.

Superstore - Season 5 Holy shit, this show was really funny, and the union storyline has been surprisingly good. I'm a little upset that real life circumstances are kind of boxing the show into a corner, between the season not being able to finish filming as well as it being America Ferrera's last on the show. However, I'm pretty confident the show will keep on being entertaining in some way. The Office survived Michael Scott's departure, obviously. That's an idea, Robert California buying Cloud 9 in season 6. Is The Blacklist still going?

This next group of things I started watching for some period of time, but walked away. I don't want to say they all completely fucking suck, though! I definitely might go back to them, but they're at least on a big pause.

The Great - Season 1 This just dropped on Hulu. It's really promising! It has Elle Fanning as the titular (Catherine) The Great, and Nicholas Hoult as her husband Peter. It's got a really weird vibe to it. One reviewer said it was more sketch comedy than historical epic. Peter came off as David Brent, but actually slaughtering people. It just hit a little too dark and uncomfortable type humor. I usually love that, and love the Office! But this just felt pushed a little far over the line for me to stay with. More uncomfortable than funny. But it's a really amazingly well made and clever idea for a show.

Tacoma FD - Season 1 - TruTV Looked like Super Troopers plus Reno 911 at first glance. But it just didn't really click. Actually, sitting here, I'm struggling to remember much about it.

Battlefield Earth (Rifftrax) Not sure why I'm including this on here, I've seen this (and the riff trax with it) a bunch of times. The movie was just too painful this time. Maybe I'm getting weaker in my old age to stand John Travolta's voice in this movie.

Mortal Kombat: Scorpion's Revenge This is an animated Mortal Kombat movie that I vaguely knew was R+ rated for violence. It was uncomfortably like what a 13 year old would consider cool gory violence. Like just cutting dozens of ninjas lengthwise and huge cartoon intestines sputtering everywhere. It was well animated and the action was fairly cool, but it was just gross to look at. I lasted long enough to briefly appreciate Joel McHale as Johnny Cage, though.

Brews Brothers - Season 1 - Netflix I don't have anything overwhelmingly bad to say about this one. The humor just didn't super click for me, and I bailed out fast. It's made by the gentlemen behind The League. I liked the title/pun/idea about two different brothers running a brewery together. It just kinda suffered from a bad cold opening of the first episode real bad.

Happy Endings - Season 1 Okay stop yelling at me for not liking this show. I gave it a shot based on the cast and rave reviews and loads of folks with good TV opinions trying to get it saved. The way the series starts just struck me way more sad than funny? I guess that's the point, and I'm not letting them get to the titular happy ending. But eh.

Here are a bunch of movies I've watched in the last while. I was going to rank them or rate them, but I'll just write a few words about each. They're roughly in chronological order, spanning the last few weeks (months?) or so.

MacGruber - I love this stupid, stupid movie. From every wrestler cameo to Val Kilmer's performance.

Geostorm - Speaking of stupid movies. Granted, this was a while ago, but I barely remember anything about this one. But I am certain I watched it. And Gerard Butler saved the world or something somehow.

Austin Powers 3 - I started this to just enjoy the opening credits thing, but ended up watching the whole thing. It's kinda bad, and ages the worst out of the trilogy, but Goldmember is way funnier than Fat Bastard.

The Other Guys - Michael Keaton gives such a bizarre and hilarious performance in this one, especially the TLC monologue. Also I'm always caught off guard by the ending credits / climax being an overt anti wall street / capitalism message.

Reno 911 Miami - Another one that I started only for the opening joke / cameo (I wanted more of The Rock after Other Guys, obviously), but watched the rest. I was never a huge fan of Reno 911, but I generally liked everything I saw, including this movie!

Scary Movie 2 -This was real bad

Wet Hot American Summer - Really funny and great background watching for anything. I think I was watching this after Oscars season for Bradley Cooper.

The Fate of The Furious (8) - Charlize Theron is such a badass in this. Also, more The Rock.

Avengers Infinity War- All these movies suck, I'm a moron and watch them anyways so I can be part of the ~discourse~.

Ghost Ship - I started this just for the opening part, and managed to actually turn it off. I'm not proud of not watching the whole movie, but it is what it is. It is really one hell of a wild first 8 minutes or so of this movie.

Ant Man & The Wasp - Okay, I take it back about the all of them sucking, I like Paul Rudd and this was mostly fun and enjoyable and the MCU would be better if most of the movies were more fun.

Triple Frontier - This is a kinda surprisingly deep and slow-burning shooty heist war thriller. Those are a lot of buzzwords, but it's pretty wild. I liked Ben Affleck in this! Everyone else is fine, too.

Avengers Endgame - Now we're back at all these movies suck. The opening is pretty interesting, to be honest, but then everything just slides back into a slog with all the barrage of characters and time heist, and versions of characters until your mind is leaking out of your ears. And that's before everyone materializes on the non-descript brown battlefield to show off their powers. Despite all the financial success, the best thing I can say is that I don't think they're ever going to pull off something like this again. But I shouldn't be so optimistic.

The Matrix - A classic. I love this movie, and it's super timeless. Even with some of the computer/tech stuff getting lapped in the 20 years since 1999.

Matrix Reloaded - I think it's a little unfairly maligned. The freeway stuff, the twins, most of the "Burly Brawl", were all great. However, the Merovingian and the Architect absolutely deserve all the jokes and SNL sketches and such at their expense.

Equilibrium - Didn't finish this once it got to the part with dogs and I remembered the rest of the plot. And remembered I didn't really like it. Some of the "gun-fu" stuff is cool, and Sean Bean's early contribution to the movie is hilarious.

Mission Impossible Fallout - Love these movies. Henry Cavill is pretty great in this one. This franchise has really been doing an amazing job running alongside Fast and Furious and being able to up the ante again and again. I'm really excited for where they end up going with the next two simultaneous sequels. Also it's probably a little too fan fiction-y for me to say, but it'd probably be cool if this franchise somehow crossed over with Hobbs & Shaw. (Never too much The Rock)

Halloween (2018) - Really surprised it took me so long to watch this. It's really up my alley, with me loving remakes, horror movies, this horror movie in particular, and also the work of the Danny McBride brain trust behind the camera/script. Jamie Lee Curtis is tremendous, and Judy Greer proves a great addition to the franchise. I really enjoyed it, it's definitely set the bar pretty high to be honest for these types of sequels (remakes or reboots or whatever you want to call them).

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

January has been a stacked month for wrestling. I'm just going to try to sum up all the great stuff I've seen so far. As I write this, the World's Collide  and Royal Rumble events are yet to come. The NJPW USA tour is in full swing as well, with their huge events going down over the next two weekends back in Japan. Also, a brief note about stuff missing - I saw a few NXT, NXT UK, RAW, and Smackdown matches mixed in, but very few of the full shows. Random thoughts from those - Keith Lee's title win was amazing. Lacey Evans legitimately is looking better. WALTER is still the best. My star ratings are on the 5 scale with fractions (1-20 essentially), just like Meltzer if you care about that. Anyways, let's start on New Year's Day.

January 1st - AEW Dynamite

Cody d. Darby Allin   ***1/2 -This was a really solid match, calling back to their previous draw, but without anything really great to push it over the top. Cody might be the most popular person in all of AEW, so maybe it's too soon to cool him off. I was still hoping for Darby to win and shoot into that next level. The victory with Arn's (completely legal) help was good to put him over, but kinda predictable.

Riho [c] d. Nyla Rose, Britt Baker, & Hikaru Shida *** -The champ retains in a match with the good type of chaos. The Baker frustration continued, as well as Nyla Rose lashing out and continuing her run as the enemy of tables everywhere.

Jon Moxley d. Trent **3/4 -Every match doesn't have to be a nailbiter, but there was never any doubt that Mox was in trouble here. They're both great, but this didn't really rise above the level of "just a match".

Sammy Guevara d. Dustin Rhodes **1/2 -This was a little messy and unmemorable, with some sloppy interference. But good to see Sammy get over on the veteran and continue some more of the Inner Circle vs Elite stuff.

The Elite d. Lucha Bros/PAC ***1/2 -I'm not the biggest fan of the Young Bucks, but they absolutely delivered in this main event. It was a fun, wild spotfest by some of the most talented people in the company. Omega looked pretty great too.

January 4th - NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 14 Day One I skipped all the early big tag matches that didn't have Liger. The Trios thing was pretty disappointing. Liger's farewell was great even if I didn't know half of the people involved until commentary explained their role and relationship and all.

FinJuice d. G.o.D [c]  ***1/2 -NJPW's tag division always gets the short end of the stick, but this was still a really good back and forth match. GOD made the good guys look especially great, and it was laid out to see them overcome the Bullet Club nonsense in the most satisfying way. Here's hoping this title change can reboot the tag division and get some fresh matches and great stuff going in 2020.

Jon Moxley d. Lance Archer [c] ****3/4 -Moxley seized the US Title in a wild, bloody hurricane of a wrestling match. Lance Archer more than held his own in the "Texas Death Match" with NJPW's unique rule set. The match managed to overcome that slight awkwardness and still be great. I can't say enough good things about this one.

NWA TNA Episode 9 August 14, 2002

TNA 9 opens with a big dumb brawl segment with Jarrett, Truth, Brian Lawler, and Bob Behrens as the worst goddamn authority ever. This is also the speech and segment where R-Truth names the building the "TNA Asylum". It's really good that he's the world champion, though.

Signs: Linda McMahon Fears Shark Boy.  RAW Spoiler - it's gonna suck too. 

Also, because no one else will, I feel compelled to tell you about "The Chad". It was a fan that was pretty much a himbo running around dancing and doing white boy attention seeking stuff during the first few shows. This week, someone (The Chad) showed up with a couple dozen black and white pictures of his face taped to popsicle sticks. They show up throughout the night.

Kid Kash/Shark Boy/Slim J vs The Spanish Announce Team 

The SATs include Amazing Red, who I love. Slim J is a 17 year old prodigy they say. I think this is Kid Kash and Shark Boy's first appearance of very very many!!! Also Slim J is still wrestling after 18 years later. Shark Boy hits the Dead Sea Driver, but they call it the "Explosion". There's a lot of crazy X division action going too quickly to recap. The SATs hit an amazing Spanish Fly followed by Amazing Red's Infra-Red finisher to end it. 

I fast forwarded through a Dupps segment where they said a bunch of gross stuff to Goldylocks probably. Then again through a Bruce "Miss TNA" match? Against a plant "local woman" in the crowd. There's a kinda decent backstage segment with Jarrett running into LowKi, but it leads to a Dupp Cup "match". It at least features the iconic moment when the elderly ticket lady beats Stan Dupp within an inch of his life with a broom. I fast forwarded through most of this as well.

Detroit Street Fight Elix Skipper vs Monty Brown

This match is honestly a welcome surprise, I had forgotten they were feuding in the background of the last couple weeks. Monty Brown debuts the "AlphaLution" which is kinda convoluted. The Pounce is way better. The Alpha Bomb - also much better, and it ends the match on a trash can. This was a little bit different of a streetfight - using more chains and trash cans than normal chairs and tables. Still slightly underwhelming and shortish.

X Division Title Match Low-Ki [c] vs Yang vs Estrada vs Siaki

Low Ki is kind of great in this. The elimination/four corners aspect makes it a little bit more fair. Also it helps that each of the Elvises is a dang good wrestler who can keep time with the champion. Yang taps Estrada out for the first elimination after a brief segment of Elvis on Elvis violence. Low Ki retains after some Elvis infighting shenanigans that he really didn't need. But Siaki kinda looks strong after!

NWA Tag Team Titles Match Jerry Lynn [c] vs Jeff Jarrett and Ron "The Truth" Killings

Lynn beats the hell out of AJ Styles in a bathtub at the "White Trash Café", and starts the match out alone against the two world title feuders. However, after a little bit--

Jerry Lynn & AJ Styles [c] vs Jarrett & Killings

Stretcher Match Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett

Hall brings a navy green army style stretcher, and he rushes Double J on the entrance ramp to start things off. They brawl over toward the announce table, over, and behind it, through the ring, and back up the entrance way. They're spilling backstage with little use or mention of the stretcher. Jerry Lynn is trying to walk out in street clothes with his little shitty suitcase and Jeff Jarrett gets thrown into him, knocking him through a door. They make another long lap through and behind the crowd before Hall finally gets back to the ring and gets the stretcher. Jarrett uses it as a weapon to take control, making a bridge on the outside and ramming Hall into it a few times. After trading a few different irish whips into the stretcher in the turnbuckle, Hall hits the Razor's Edge for 2, interrupted by Truth, who is interrupted by Monty Brown, and it becomes a clown car of Jerry Lynn, AJ Styles, Don Harris, The New Church interfering and fighting each other as Jarrett and Hall trade very slow nearfalls until barely answering a 10 count. Hall knocks the ref out with a stretcher shot, which truly makes no sense because he just ignored about a dozen different run ins. Ricky The Dragon runs down and induces Jarrett into hitting himself with a chairshot. When Hall goes for the chair, Ricky tries to stop him, and just leads to a Stroke on the chair for Jeff Jarrett Wins, LOL after 12 minutes.

* Christ that was dire. There was at the very least a little bit of fun with Jerry Lynn getting hit randomly backstage, and then the clown car of interference (No joke, at least 10 different people). But the opening brawl had very little action or wrestling moves, and then they skipped to the big main event ending like it was a 30 minute epic, without any of the middle part. Whatever.

NWA TNA Episode 8

We're back at the TNA Asylum, and this one has some high hopes considering we have the NWA Title, X Division Title, and Dupp Cup up for grabs.

Spanish Announce Team vs The Flying Elvises

We got The Maximos and Amazing Red against Estrada, Siaki, and Yang on the other. We start with a big fun brawl. Siaki and his teammates eventually take control under his direction. He takes down Red one on one and eventually gets frustrated with his teammates' dancing, ignoring their tags and hitting his own stuff in the ring. It doesn't take long for Estrada and Yang to get frustrated and leave the corner to join commentary. Yang is doing god's work on commentary, calling Siaki "All Shook Up in the head". They spend a long time trading out quick tags and double teams every time Sonny starts to get the upper hand. Finally, the Maximos hit the Spanish Fly into the Infra-Red, and the other two Elvises rush back into the ring to take control with a flurry of moves. Code Red starts a series of near falls, then Estrada reverses a second Spanish Fly attempt, leaving Red alone to take a top rope combo. Siaki steals the pin from his teammates, continuing the discord after 12 minutes.

** There was some great action, but the part with Siaki alone just seemed to drag. They also still won't pull the trigger on breaking up the group, even though Siaki has singles star written all over him, with the crowd already popping big for nearly anything he does.

The announcers go over the triple main event. Also, just saying for the record, Ed Ferrara is still here on commentary for some reason. Tenay shows a video interview with Apolo.

NWA World Heavyweight Title Match Ken Shamrock [c] vs Ron "The Truth" Killings

Ricky The Dragon Steamboat comes down to commentary and/or to be a ringside official. Shamrock starts in control with some strikes and submissions, but eventually Truth gets free, and hits his trademark flip and splits dodge to get control briefly. They go back and forth, with Truth escaping his submissions quickly to the ropes. Ken botches a slow hurricanrana and comes up in the ankle lock, but Truth escapes and gets dumped to the outside. They show Monty Brown and The New Church watching on, then the security chief moving to the entrance ramp to sit in between them and the match. It's a little bit of a nice touch distracting from the slow, plodding match. Shamrock starts getting frustrated at Truth hanging around, and dumps him to the outside. Apolo rushes the ring past security, starting some chaos near the entrance ramp. Truth ducks an Apolo superkick that hits Shamrock, then pulls the champ into the ring, hits the Truth or Consequences (Stun Gun?) to win the title after 9 minutes.

*1/2 Kind of a dreadful match, but an amazing result. Shamrock was beyond boring as champion, and the clown car interference was as sloppy as usual.

After cleaning up the world title match, Ricky The Dragon comes out to call out Apolo and finally give him a chance to talk. Jarrett interrupts him before he gives Apolo the title shot he wants so bad. He claims reverse discrimination to a stunned Dragon. After a brief exchange, they're doing a number one contender's match, with Dragon as the special guest referee.

Mostly fastfowarded through the Dupp Cup Disco Inferno and Ed Ferrara heavy segment, as well as a boring Mike Tenay and Monty Brown interview.

First Blood Match Malice vs Ron or Don Harris

They start brawling on the outside and Father James Mitchell shows up for commentary. They trade chair shots as the ref hovers, checking for blood.  They go all around the arena until going up the ramp, where Slash appears with an ice pick, going after Harris. He loses the ice pick and Harris uses it to open up Slash's forehead as James Mitchell looks on, herding them back toward the ring. Harris fights off Mitchell and Slash, dumping the ceremonial blood on the leader. However, back in the ring, Malice takes control and opens up Harris with a chair, ending this in 6 minutes.

1/2* A dumb mess, and not in the fun, entertaining way.

Taylor Vaughn and Bruce get into it backstage and start an evening gown match. AJ Styles and Low Ki also brawl through the area.

Number One Contender Match Apolo vs Jeff Jarrett ; Referee - Ricky The Dragon Steamboat

They start out slow, and Ricky quickly steps in to stop a Jarrett closed fist. After another tie up, he stops Apolo from doing the same. Apolo keeps control with some power moves and agility, despite getting distracted by Steamboat's tight officiating. Jarrett regains control using the steps on the outside. He opens up his forehead, and slams him into the announce table, but Steamboat stops him before he can use a chair and pushes them back in the ring. Jarrett keeps control despite getting in trouble with the closed fist over and over, getting the bloodied Apolo in a long, boring Figure 4. He fires up, and eventually drops Jarrett with a big superkick that gets Jarrett to 2 point foot-on-the-ropes. Another big German Suplex seems like only goes for two when Jarrett gets the arm up, but Ricky counts three…. On Apolo! What a geek!

**3/4 Jarrett Wins, LOL, but it actually makes sense and tells a decent little story. Wish it wasn't burying the talented Apolo, but oh well, gotta get Jarrett over!

Ricky gets his security losers to drag an enraged Apolo to the back. Ricky gets on the mic and gives Jarrett "The Truth" as a tag team partner vs the tag champs next week.

Evening Gown Match Bruce [c] vs Taylor Vaughn

Actually, no thank you. Bruce retained and then showed off his naked body in a thong anyways. Let's move on.

X Division Title Match AJ Styles [c] vs Jerry Lynn vs Low Ki

They start out a little cautious, then double team the champion, taking AJ out before turning on each other. It's hard to keep up with each move, but they're going at each other at warp speed pretty much. They keep hitting planned and unplanned double team moves to each other back to back. There are a couple good nearfalls and triple pinning predicaments. Low Ki gets his dragon sleeper finisher on both opponents in turn before it gets broken up. After another series of nearfalls, they do a tower of doom spot with Jerry Lynn unable to put away either opponent afterward. Lynn stops a Styles Clash attempt, then breaks up Low Ki's Dragon Sleeper in the corner. They start going for each other's finishers now, as AJ kicks out of Low Ki's Styles Clash, then Low Ki out of Lynn's Ki Krusher, and finally, Lynn out of AJ's Cradle Piledriver. Right after, Low Ki goes flipping into the ref, then out of the ring. AJ and Lynn collide in the ring in a double cross body, leaving everyone down and out. The champ grabs a chair and takes out Jerry Lynn before going to the top. Low Ki slips in for a quick pin, staying on top of Jerry Lynn through AJ's move, to steal the X championship after 15 minutes or so.

****1/4 Amazing match, showing the best of the X division and all of NWA TNA in general.

X Division Title Match AJ Styles [c] w/ Jerry Lynn vs "Prime Time" Elix Skipper  

Elix beats on AJ when he turns his back during the entrance, making the bell ring. Jerry Lynn joins commentary. They trade some innovative offense, different dropkick variations, while the announcers put over Elix's WCW accomplishments as well as AJ's run as the X division ace of TNA to date. They're going at a little bit of a slower pace, with a couple of submissions and counters traded. It eventually spills outside, and Elix gets the better of AJ with a twisting dive. Elix mugs and then gets the Play of the Day reversed into the Styles Clash, which reverses into a few pinning maneuvers until a slightly botched Styles dropkick gives Elix a really rough landing from the ring ropes. Styles hits the Spiral Tap for the win after 12 minutes or so.

**3/4 An opening big title match! AJ Styles has been fairly dominant, but Elix still looked okay. It was just a little slow and long though, felt like both guys were going at slightly half speed.

The announcers go over the latest TNA news and World Title drama involving the authority, Ricky Steamboat, Jarrett, Malice, etc. Skipper is slowly leaving the ring in defeat meanwhile, and "The Alpha Male" Monty Brown bursts onto the entrance ramp to confront him. Elix shortly gives in to two Alpha Bombs without being able to defend himself after his title match. Jeff Jarrett won't wait for the announcers to finish their wrap up, and he storms the ring with a burlap sack/body bag.

Jarrett reveals a bound and gagged midget, whom he promises to cripple on live PPV. "Oh my god, I just had a mini-stroke!" Puppet the Midget Killer comes out, angry at Jarrett taking his shtick, calling him "slapnutz", then pulling a pistol from his waistband?!?! Security rushes, cautiously, then Jarrett takes him out with a chair, bravely. He's the heel in this scenario? Some boring Ricky the Dragon authority drama follows. They tease a match until Scott Hall attacks to hype their stretcher match.

Sonny Siaki is cutting a Rock derivative promo about his match with Slash, talking in the third person about flying solo tonight against the New Church.

Slash w/ James Mitchell vs Sonny Siaki

Siaki starts with some quick offense. He hits a big pop up samoan drop, flipping leg drop, and reverses a sunset flip to the outside to a hurricanrana. James Mitchell joins commentary to describe the blood in the little urn / ark he has been carrying around lately. After they're both crotched on the top rope, Slash misses a flipping senton, giving Siaki the advantage. Now Siaki misses a top rope move, and James Mitchell distracts the ref allowing Slash to grab an executioner's hood so he can blind Siaki and hit a neckbreaker finisher for the win after 8 minutes.

** This was pretty average stuff, they both showed flashes, and the match was pretty competitive for a short while, but it was just kind of there.

Mitchell and Slash tie up Siaki and begin to "desecrate" him with blood from the urn. One of the Nazi heads of security runs down to save the "Flying Elvis". Goldylocks has a boring authority interview with Ricky The Dragon Steamboat.

R-Truth comes out, asks them to cut his music, begins speaking to his "sista" dancing in the cage to his right. He's gonna try to liberate her. He's eventually rude enough to get a slap, "The truth hurts, don't it?" Monty Brown comes out and attacks Truth before it can escalate any further. Truth smacks him with a trashcan and goes backstage. Ricky Steamboat comes out to invite Truth back out, whose music bizarrely plays again before he returns for a long promo-authority segment.

It's kind of bizarre how many dual storylines are going on right now… AJ in the X Division Title and Tag title with Jerry Lynn. Ricky fighting against Jarrett and Truth. Monty Brown always attacking Elix Skipper and Truth. Anyways.

Truth talks his way into Dragon abruptly giving him an NWA Heavyweight Championship match against Ken Shamrock for next week.

Malice w/ James Mitchell vs Apolo

The announcers put over how these two have an impressive win loss record and could very well be in line for a NWA title shot ahead of The Truth. Meanwhile, the big guys wail on each other in the ring, bouncing from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. Apolo botches a hurricanrana into a meteora of sorts, but recovers with a very large tope dive onto the outside. They keep brawling on the outside, and eventually one of the throws into stuff busts Apolo open, giving Malice control. Apolo shows some flashes, Malice keeps getting 2 counts, frustrated, until Apolo hits a flash superkick for a surprise win. 7 minutes? The ref takes some of the New Church's frustration until Security returns. In the end, though, the New Church desecrates Security with some more of their ark blood after getting the numbers advantage.

** Kind of plodding, the win was kind of a nice surprise. It didn't overstay its welcome, but nothing about it was really a standout.

Don West interviews Miss TNA Taylor Vaughn in the ring until Bruce comes out to request a match to be Miss TNA. She accepts the challenge with a low blow?

Miss TNA Title Match Taylor Vaughn [c] vs Bruce

This is official, the bell rung, and she hit a snap suplex out of nowhere for a two count. They trade some takedowns and it looks briefly competitive until Bruce reverses a tilt awhirl attempt by her into a faceplanting slam for the win. Only two minutes.

3/4* Bad. Bruce is shaking with excitement as he is crowned.

Low-Ki vs Jerry Lynn w/ AJ Styles

Great matchup on paper. Goldylocks talks to Low Ki prematch who tells her that she likes to do her talking in the ring. The match switches gears from a faster style, to some submissions, to Low Ki's strikes as it goes. AJ is kind of dead in the water on commentary, barely getting a word into the 3-way booth. They start swinging for the big moves in ring, with Jerry Lynn's cradle piledriver getting reversed into a vicious armbar. Lynn with a crash landing suplex for only 2. Low Ki reverses off the ropes into a few hard strikes, flipping roll up for 2. The two start going blow for blow in the middle of the ring with huge strikes until Low Ki hits a high springboard kick leaving both down. Low Ki chains a rollup for 2 into the Dragon Clutch Sleeper, which Jerry escapes with a tornado DDT for another great series of near falls. Low Ki flip kicks out of the cradle piledriver and calls for the Ki Krusher, but AJ interferes and turns on Jerry Lynn to cause a no contest after 14 minutes or so.

***1/2  On the way to a great match before the DQ. The turn was kind of executed in a flat way, with an enziguri on the ropes while it looked like Ki was going to win anyways? Anyways, Low Ki doesn't appreciate AJ's help and gives him a Buzzsaw Kick before leaving.

Number One Contender Tournament Marty Scurll vs Colt Cabana

- I shouldn't say this was a surprisingly good match, because both of these guys have been in some great matches over the past couple years. I loved Colt Cabana's run earlier this year in the New Japan Cup, winning two surprising matches before falling to SANADA. And I love everything Marty does. The commentary did a good job selling how Colt was making Marty play his game, and Colt was able to keep up with Marty's speed, with some impressive moves broken out. I loved seeing them trade submission finishers, between Marty's Chicken Wing and Colt's reverse boston crab. There wasn't too much question who was going to win, even though I held out hope for a Cabana upset, just for the chance to see a couple more matches from him. However, Marty wasn't going to look too weak, and put him away with a Black Plague after kicking out of Colt's amazing Superman pin.

Marty wins via Black Plague in 14 minutes, ***3/4

Number One Contender Tournament No DQ Match: PCO vs Kenny King

- First, I have to mention how great Jim Johnston's new theme was for PCO. Also, Kenny's entourage was a nice touch, including them setting out all the playthings for the upcoming hardcore match. It started to sell the fact that Kenny had a plan for the No DQ match, to beat PCO at his own game. The hardcore moves and big spots were a little rough, which is par for the course for PCO. Kenny's plan crystalized when he started pouring water on PCO's chest and his valet produced a cattle prod. The finish was incredibly corny, but at least played into all the commentary story about PCO being zapped into existence. Super charged PCO, writhing in high voltage, still chokeslammed Kenny King and held on to the throat, shaking as the ref counted him the victor.

PCO wins via electrocution-aided choke slam in 12 minutes, **1/4

WOH World Title Match Kelly Klein [c] vs Angelina Love

- With all the story and buzz focused on Angelina Love and Allure, it would be a shock (sorry PCO) to see Kelly retain here. The tale of the tape lists Angelina at 6'6" and I briefly wonder if this is a different Angelina Love. But it was a typo, they go face to face and it's obvious she's 5'6".  Angelina wins after a decent, but slowish match, after a couple rounds of botched interference.  Post match, they get ready to rub it in to Kelly Klein, until the lights go up and she's saved by Maria Matic.

Angelina wins via Allure bullshit in 10 minutes, *3/4

Jay Lethal vs Jonathan Gresham

- Gresham's change into more of a tweener, frustrated loser was really welcome at a time when he was starting to be a little bit boring. ROH-lifer (yikes) Jay Lethal is a pretty great foil for him, and I was hoping for this match the second I saw them tagging together.  They don't disappoint in the early goings, with some crisp wrestling and Gresham steadfastly refusing to do the handshake. They manage to make a series of hip tosses into a good sequence that really ups the pace of the match. Gresham eventually goes for a chair on the outside, starting an argument that ends in a furious exchange of strikes. They trade finishers and cradle attempts until Jay hits a pop up cutter into another Figure Four. Gresham escapes and stops another Lethal Injection as they go back and forth.  Jay's final Lethal Injection try doesn't hit because of his arm's weakness, and Gresham pounces, hitting him with some fire and strikes and finally locking in the Octopus and making Jay tap, a hundred percent clean. Great match. Gresham takes the ice packs from the ref as the two slowly get to their feet and face off to have some more words. Lethal slaps Gresham's hand away and gives him a hug as he takes the ice for his cradled arm.

Gresham wins via Octopus in 17 minutes, ****

The Bouncers vs Silas Young and Vinny Marsaglia

- Just going to get a disclaimer out there, I'm really not a fan of the Bouncers' whole thing, much less The Kingdom. Silas is a little entertaining in his thing going with Josh Woods, but otherwise I'm not expecting much. There's a pre-match attack, and Vinny gets his forehead cut early. They break a pool cue on the turnbuckle and get zip ties involved early, calling back to earlier attacks. Milonis ends up getting his own ties used against him as Silas and Vinny take control. Milonis gets busted open  as more weapons come into the fray, including the pool cue's broken edge being jabbed into flesh. Silas holds Bruiser in the corner at one point as Vinny produces some darts that he throws into the man's ample back. Everyone's covered in blood as Milonis takes control with a steel chair, at one point absolutely crushing Silas as he sits in it. Vinny takes control on the outside however, and puts Milonas through a table. Silas takes a hard Spicoli Driver on the apron and Josh Woods leaves commentary to take Silas to the back. Back in the ring, Bruiser superplexes Vinny through a circle of chairs for only 2. Vinny begs for more and is finally put away with the Beer City DDT on the chair wreckage. I could have done with less of this.

Bouncers win via Beer City DDT in 14 minutes, **

ROH Television Title Match Shane Taylor [c] vs Tracy Williams vs Flip Gordon

- The story for this is a little muddled, but it should still be a fun contest. Flip Gordon comes out in a gas mask, looking absolutely ripped. Shane Taylor's entourage is also kind of impressive for the Vegas location. Tracy Williams? Also here. The ring announcer out of nowhere says there's a surprise 4th entrant, and holy shit it's Dragon Lee!

Shane Taylor [c] vs Tracy Williams vs Flip Gordon vs Dragon Lee

- Let's go! Dragon Lee starts trading shots with Shane Taylor in the ring in a terrible idea, while Williams and Gordon brawl outside. There are too many great matches and exchanges to keep up with, lots of it being Flip Gordon and Tracy destroying each other. It's a pretty fun sprint until Shane pins Flip with his finisher. Dragon Lee gets in his face to ask for another shot possibly next time.

Shane Taylor retains via Greetings from 216 in 9 minutes, ***

ROH World Tag Team Titles Match The Briscoes [c] vs Lifeblood

- Haskins and Bandido are out first as they recap how they earned the title shot. Haskins and Bandido keep control of Jay with some hot tags until Mark jumps in to try and break it up. He blind tags in shortly after to hit a nice double team lariat. Bandido flies in to save him. The Briscoes accidentally collide on the outside and Bandido hits a great dive over the corner turnbuckle. The Briscoes take control on the outside and introduce a not-folding-chair used to dive onto Lifeblood. The champs start throwing folding chairs into the ring as the fans chant for more violence. The ref struggles to keep control and clear the ring as the Briscoes also set a table up on the outside. It gets back into the ring however and nobody gets DQ-ed. The Briscoes keep fresh double teams in the ring until Haskins hits a DDT/Flatliner on both men. Haskins locks Mark B in a crossface, and Bandido cuts of Jay to start a double submission that lasts until they barely make the ropes. Lifeblood with a Falcon Arrow and frog splash for only 2. Another hot combination move by Lifeblood only gets two as Haskins dives onto Jay on the outside. The Briscoes keep staying fresh with frequent tags, but Lifeblood keeps in the match with Bandido's high flying and Haskins' fire. After another nearfall, they all face off in the ring and start a wild brawl. In a really nice sequence, Haskins puts Mark in a sharpshooter and Bandido hits the 21 on Jay, but Mark pulls Jay free from the pin crawling away from the submission. Lifeblood hits a superplex plus top rope stomp that is only broken up by a flying Briscoe. Jay takes control and Haskins barely escapes the Jay Driller. After another flurry, he finally hits it, but the lazy cover gets 2. Mark hits a froggy elbow on Bandido and another Jay Driller ends a wild one.

The Briscoes retain via Jay Driller in 20 minutes, ****1/4

ROH World Heavyweight Title Match Matt Taven [c] vs Rush

- The challenger enters in a crisp white suit and cape. The match starts soon after Taven's big Kingdom entrance. The champ throws Rush against the barricade in front of his assembled family and starts talking trash immediately. Rush comes back and spikes a suplex on the very tiny entrance ramp. Taven hits a brutal release suplex from the apron to the ringside area. Before Rush can get back to his feet, Taven hits two straight, different dives to keep the challenger down. Back in the ring, his onslaught continues with a frog splash for 2. Taven keeps control staying ahead of Rush's moves until everything breaks down to the outside. The challenger takes apart the barricade and sends fans scattering and hits a suplex on the outside. Then he throws an entire piece of barricade off Taven's head. That's one way to change it up. The ref doesn't really seem to mind as Rush chokes Taven out with a camera cable either. Rush suplexes him on a strong announcers table, then puts a foot on his chest to pose. The ref finally reels them into the ring, and Rush keeps taking it to Taven in the corner with strikes and a Bull Horns tease and finally a tranquilo pose while Taven gathers himself. It's some pretty great character work from both guys. Rush stops an attempt at the champ's Climax and hits a split leg Jay Driller. Rush takes a little too long getting Taven up and then Climax is finally hit, but just 2. After both men slowly get up, they trade strikes until Taven explodes out of the corner to stop Bull's Horns with a spear. Taven keeps Rush down with a series of running kicks, but the challenger reverses Climax and shoves Taven into the top of the turnbuckle. The champ's bleeding from the mouth, and takes a Tree of Woe  Bull's Horns. Rush fires up and hits one final Bull's Horns to become champ. Great match and finish.

Rush wins the ROH World Title via Bull's Horns in 16 minutes, ***1/2

NWA TNA Episode 6 From the TNA Asylum in Nashville, TN

We open with Jeff Jarrett beating a path to get his rightful world title shot. Shamrock beats and locks all of security in the back for some reason? And puts his friend in front of the door to guard it as he charges the ring. An NWA suit tells Jarrett that he's suspended for 60 days, which I'm sure he's going to take peacefully. Jarrett murders the VP with a chair until Ken Shamrock makes the ring to beat up Jarrett in sandals. There's no security, so Monty Brown and Apolo try to calm Shamrock, who takes a JJ chair shot anyways, then K-Krush and Brian Lawler calm down Jarrett and pull him back.

The announcers put over the "wild west" tonight with no security and go over the card and title matches for tonight.

The Amazing Red vs Low-Ki

Crowd goes fairly wild for Low-Ki. He spends the next few minutes beating the heck out of a very game Red. After a brief comeback, Low Ki kicks him so hard his head covering goes flying off, making Don West briefly worry that he kicked his entire head off. TAR hits a quick Code Red counter for only two. Low-Ki then survives a big tornado DDT. They have a great exchange of strikes and dodges, but Red misses the Infra-Red moonsault after putting Low-Ki down. Ki-Krusher 99 wins it after 8 minutes.

*** Low-Ki and Red both looked great here, with the winner still looking strong after his title match loss last week. Red also had a great debut.

Jarrett is in the back confronting Shamrock's British bodybuilder friend in front of the locked door.

Hot Shots vs Chris Harris & James Storm

The two local teams get a crazy pop. The Hot Shots cut a gross promo about protuding. The latter team has a backstage interview where Chris Harris begs him to drop the bullshit cowboy gimmick. He lights a cigarette to prove that he's a bad ass. The Hot Shots start off working the beatdown on poor Cowboy James Storm with some cool moves. The comeback starts when Storm botches rolling out of the way of a moonsault, but the Chris Harris hot tag goes down anyways. Everything breaks down into a brawl and Harris wins it with a Northern Lights Suplex.

**1/4 Standard tag match that barely flirted with being good .

Hot Shots get their beatdown in after the match, including some shots with the cap guns that Harris begged him to leave behind. Ken Shamrock gets some medical attention backstage before we go to the next match.

Apolo vs Brian Lawler

Jerry's Kid chants greet Lawler. The announcers put over Apolo's undefeated record and set him up as a future NWA Title challenger.T hey go back and forth with some awkward exchanges, Apolo eventually bloodies Brian's lip, and then he moonwalks back into a rollup for 3. That screams future World Champ to me.

*1/4  It's a good thing Apolo won, but the whole thing felt awkward and never got out of first gear in 10 minutes. Brian Lawler is really, really boring in the ring. Brian chokes out Don West after the match.

K-Krush is out to bury his old name, cutting a promo about not abiding by everyone's names, rules, or anything any longer. It's all about The Truth going forward. He name drops maligned black athletes like Tyson (yikes) until he gets to OJ Simpson (double yikes) and The Alpha Male Monty Brown interrupts him. They trade words until Truth calls him an Uncle Tom and starts the violence. Monty wins the exchange and hits a big Alpha Bomb. I think he's currently using the New Church's theme music for some reason.

There's a long video package of the history of AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn leading to a sitdown interview with Tenay on the bleachers. They're defending the titles against the Flying Elvises, and they seem to be, grudgingly, on the same page. AJ sucks up and Jerry somewhat apologizes since he was like AJ ten years ago in his career.

NWA Tag Team Title Match The Flying Elvis' vs AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn [c]

Jerry Yang is back. Siaki does the fake fist bump spot that I do love so much. The champs finally have dropped the embarrassing Born in the USA knockoff theme. Siaki joins commentary while Estrada/Yang start in the ring. 913  They go for a few minutes trading  great X Division style moves back and forth, making both teams look good. AJ and Jerry hit some double team moves and quick tags to take control for a bit.  Yang eventually knees a flying AJ Styles and spills the action outside where Siaki punches AJ out. Yang and Estrada take control of AJ for a while. It's an agonizingly long segment of AJ getting beaten until an enziguri bloodies Yang's nose and Lynn finally is tagged in to run wild. In a great spot, Lynn dives onto Yang, then Estrada on to them, and then AJ Styles lines up both Elvises until Siaki comes flying to knock them out of the way. AJ Styles slams into Jerry Lynn then, busting him hideously wide open. The Elvis' double team AJ and keep the bloodied Jerry down at ringside. Jerry fights his way back into the ring while AJ sets Yang up for the Spiral Tap. The veteran gets a quick roll up before AJ can hit his flashy top rope move, ending a 13 minute match.

***1/4 This was very good, telling a great story with the champs struggling to work together. It also worked for getting the Elvises over, with Siaki adding clever little cheating moves to almost push the Elvis' over the top.

Disco Inferno hosts "Jive Talkin'". He is putting over his long and storied wrestling career while sitting on a couch that wouldn't get $50 at Goodwill. He asks why he's in a hick town like Nashville, Tennessee. Cheap heat at its finest. He puts over the debut of his talk show next week. I thought… that was it? You know what, never mind. Let's go back to the girls dancing in cages.

Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger vs Alpha Male Monty Brown & Primetime Elix Skipper

The card order is a little weird with this going after the title match. 938 943 The latter thrown together team works surprisingly well together, with Monty's strength and Elix's speed showing off. The experienced team from ECW takes control  soon for a while until Elix is able to slam them into each other and make the hot tag to Monty Brown. Everything breaks down in the ring until Diamond & Swinger hit their finisher on Elix, only for them to realize he's not the legal man. They start to double team Monty Brown then until Elix trips up one of them in the ropes. The other gets caught by Monty with the Alpha Bomb and gets pinned after a fun 5 minute sprint.

** Solid little match. Diamond and Swinger still looked good in a losing effort. 

Elix does a big celebration with Monty that ends up as a set up for The Truth to attack and give Monty one of his trademark belt chokings. Elix casually leaves the ring, setting his partner up and shrugging as he goes to the back.

The less said about the Dupps' promo in the back with Goldylocks, the better. The Dupps eventually pick a fight with Shamrock's MMA buddy Harrison and head to the ring with 2x4's.

Bo Dupp vs Ian Harrison

Jeremy Borash announces him as Some Big Muscle Headed Guy In The Back on Bo Dupp's advice. The announcers put him over as a Mr. Universe winner and he moves like he's half-paralyzed. He slowly beats Bo Dupp around the ring as the fans chant USA. After 3 minutes, a DQ run in by the other Dupp mercifully ends it.

1/4* This sucked. It only gets out of worthless status for some of Bo Dupp's bumping for this monument to steroids. Harrison no sells The Dupp's 2x4 shots as the segment wraps up. 

Jarrett breaks through to security and Shamrock while the bodyguard is distracted in the ring, and everyone punches, pushes, and yells until we finally cut away for main event time.

NWA World Heavyweight Title Match Ladder vs Submission Ken Shamrock [c] vs Sabu

They have not really explained the rules of this one, but we're rolling anyways. The title doesn't appear to be hanging over the ring. Shamrock comes out and takes control with some strikes right after the bell rings. They finally get a camera shot of the belt hanging above the ring. There are rope breaks because of the submission stipulation. The World's Most Dangerous Man runs through a few different holds on Sabu as the match plods along in the ring. The crowd's turning on this match a bit as the announcers put over the security leaving and Ricky The Dragon Steamboat coming to restore order next week. Sabu hits some high flying moves and an armbar to show a little life in the ring. They finally get to the outside and Shamrock baseball slides to kick a ladder into Sabu's face. They brawl to the entranceway and back, bloodying Sabu.  A table finally gets brought into play, and Sabu hits a double jump flipping splash through it on the entranceway, all alone after Ken Shamrock rolls out of the way. The champ goes for the title as Sabu lays in a bloody mess, with it flowing from his back as well. With his hands on the belt, the lights go out and Malice joins the ring to chokeslam Shamrock to the apron and steal the belt. Malice wins?

*1/2 We end with Malice posing with the belt at the entryway. Despite some effort from Sabu, that never really got into a groove. Ken Shamrock is really not looking good in his opening run as champ. He's been forced into some weird matches and opponents, but I'm still extremely ready for his reign to end, legitimately or not.

NWA TNA Episode 4 Live from Nashville, Tennessee's Municipal Auditorium

Mike Tenay welcomes us and sells us on all the title matches and contender matches. This is the fourth show, wrapping up two down in Huntsville, and two at a big-ish arena. I swear the Asylum Years are going to make it to the TNA Asylum some time. We open with the Tag Titles.

NWA Tag Title Match AJ Styles & Jerry Lynn [C] vs The New Church (Slash + Tempest) w/ Father James Mitchell

Double champion AJ Styles leads Jerry Lynn out to that godawful Born in the USA ripoff theme. The announcers go over Tempest's history as Devin Storm/Crowbar in WCW, also put over Slash's look while Jerry Lynn works hard in the ring. AJ gets in with some crazy offense, including a smooth kip up hurricanrana from flat on his back. The champs pull off some great double team offense to come back after the goth church boys hold control for a while. AJ barely kicks out of a sick Death Valley Driver by Tempest after the New Church cheats to take control again. Jerry Lynn runs wild after the hot tag, but AJ gets a blind tag and Spiral Tap off to seal the victory after a Lynn cradle piledriver.

***1/4  This was a great old school style tag match to get the titles over, and also thankfully start us down the road to Jerry Lynn vs AJ Styles. The Disciples still looked credible despite getting beaten and having all their cheating efforts thwarted.

Girls dance in cages while Mike Tenay puts over local National Wrestling Alliance action. He recaps the Brian Christopher drama from last week and threatens us with talking to Scott Hall on the phone. He mumbles over the phone about how he's getting his revenge on everyone for last week until Brian Christopher makes his entrance. Unfortunately, he has a microphone and is going to explain his actions. He leads a slow and lumbering promo up to "Screw Jerry Lawler!" Unfortunately for me, he kept going on for several minutes after I thought he was done. This is where he changes over to Brian Lawler.

Brian Lawler vs Norman Smiley

Norman Smiley's WCW Hardcore Title credentials are put over when Brian jumps him in the corner as the bell rings. Smiley takes control with a couple dropkicks and then hits a few of his signature spots. There's an immediate cut to a big guy in a hooters shirt in the crowd doing the Big Wiggle. Lawler takes control though as the fans chant "Jerry's Kid" , and wins after 5 minutes with a hip hop drop after tossing his goggles.

*  At least it wasn't a squash, and Norman looked more than okay. He calls out Hall after the match.

Goldylocks is following Jeff Jarrett who is attacking NWA officials backstage demanding his title shot. The suit suspends Jeff Jarrett, who grabs his crotch and hollers "suspend this!" Father James Mitchell yells at the New Church behind a closed door as the camera cuts out.

K-Krush vs Hermie Sadler

No rap to the ring, but we get some generous pyro. He makes friends talking about how he'd kick every NASCAR fan's ass at ringside. Eventually, this geek Sadler enters with a full pit crew entourage, including a checkered flag on a stick, a can of gasoline, and a stop sign (Raven nor Lodi sighted yet). The fighters push each other as the bell rings. The ref calls it after an extended beatdown and squash for 5 minutes.

*  Didn't make Krush look too bad, still mildly put over Hermie's effort and didn't bury the celeb.

Omori is in the back preparing for his match until Alicia comes by to get paid.

Hot Shots vs The Briscoes

Yeah, it's that Mark and Jay Briscoe. They are 18 years old.  The promising match is cut short after 2 minutes by Malice coming down and brutalizing everyone. 1/4* The New Church arrives to glower at ringside.

The Sinister Minister terrorizes everyone and threatens the timekeeper to bring Ken Shamrock out into an obvious ambush. Omori eventually comes out to save Shamrock from the bad guys to preserve his title shot later (??).

Goldylocks is backstage with The Dupps putting over their match against the Flying Elvises. Stan cuts a really disgusting promo while Bo molests their wife-sister in the background. I want to be dead. Bo takes over the mic and continues the promo about feces. ECW's Jasmine St Clair interrupts the Dupps' entrance. She talks about the TNA in TNA and gives Jeremy Borash a lap dance worthy of PPV. The crowd and commentary is extremely gross, duh. An NWA suit comes down with a suit jacket to cover up before it crosses from PG-13 to hard R. Ed Ferrara springs out of commentary to intercept him with an honestly great spear spot, but he still recovers to stop it from getting X-rated. Unfortunately, the Dupps are going to enter now.

The Dupps vs The Flying Elvises

No Jimmy Yang tonight. The Elvii jump the Dupps to start. Mortimer Plumtree joins commentary. Estrada gets the pin after a Perfect 10 finisher after 4 minutes. * Nothing great. We cut from the match quick backstage to a crazed brawl between tag team champs AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn. Lynn spikes a piledriver on a box and throws AJ's title belt onto his body.

NWA World Heavyweight Title Match Ken Shamrock [c] vs Takao Omori

The Japanese photographers at ringside are a somewhat cool touch. They trade wild strikes and Shamrock DDT's for a quick 1-count. Harley Race (RIP) is at ringside as a random NWA official. They go through some decent back and forth striking and rest holds. Omori misses a top rope knee drop and the champ pounces on it to take control. The fans start turning on the slower, plodding match. Shamrock pops a sudden Ankle Lock submission, and "suspended" Jeff Jarrett causes a chair DQ at 7 minutes.

* Not a great world title match at all. Omori showed a little fire though. Jarrett kabongs Harley Race and hits the wrestlers another couple times while threatening ringside.

Goldylocks tries to get a word from Jerry Lynn, but Father Mitchell interrupts her looking for Jeff Jarrett. She follows muffled screaming to find an NWA suit duct taped up and beaten and spraypainted. The NWA Title match wasn't the main event apparently.

X Division 6 Man Elimination Match Low Ki vs Elix Skipper vs Kid Romeo vs Tony Mamaluke vs Christopher Daniels vs Jerry Lynn

There are a lot of great moves that I'm not going to list in a row here. Everyone seems pretty great. It's going nearly 10 minutes without eliminations as they do a really great series of dives to the outside. Jerry Lynn eliminated for leaving the ring apron / a leg injury after Tony sent him flying from the top rope. Elix eliminates Tony in the ring quickly after with a Play of the Day. Last Rites by Daniels takes out Elix after a good long competitive portion. Daniels survives Kid Romeo's best shot by putting his foot on the ropes at about 17 minutes, and Low Ki takes out the celebrating Romeo to make it a 1 on 1 as the match gets just about to the 20 minutes mark. They trade some high impact turnbuckle moves and creative cradles for near falls. They trade finishers back and forth a couple times until Daniels powers out of Low-Ki's Dragon Clutch submission. Finally, Low Ki hits a great kick and flip to turn the Last Rites into the Ki-Krusher, and he wins it after 25 minutes or so.

Amazing match. ****1/2  Everyone looked great. Another cool version of the X Division 4 man earlier.

The Flying Elvises hit the ring and beat down the remaining competitors. Siaki gets a mic and says they are the X Division, shouldn't have been left out of the match, etc. In a nice spot, the eliminated X Division contenders come out to save Daniels and Low Ki from the beatdown. Jarrett gets the mic demanding his title shot and antagonizing the Tennessee Titans Offensive Line at ringside until a huge brawl breaks out. The New Church rushes and Jarrett takes a chair to everyone as the brawl spills into the crowd and Tenay says to see you next week.

A really good opening and closing. They're already hitting their familiar rhythm of every week having at least one storyline with a great match or segment. If you don't like the NWA Title stuff, there's a great X match. If you don't like the celebrity/upper mid card feud, there's two tag matches with good action. And next week they'll cycle through them again. Also next week - we finally make it to the TNA Asylum. Already tonight, I recognized two famous fans at ringside that I would grow to know and love. Chicken Hat and Braids. More on them later.

NWA TNA 5 From the Municipal Auditorium in Nashville Tennessee.

Goldylocks approaches Ken Shamrock in downtown Nashville. He bites off her head and tells everyone to back off, calling her a bitch(!!) for no reason. A video package sells top heel Jeff Jarrett as a hero fighting against the evil and inept authority. Also, I lied and am getting slightly annoyed - this is the third straight municipal auditorium show. Was the TNA Asylum a mirage?

We have a long, dumb brawl with Scott Hall and Jarrett backstage as announcers talk about their different matches against Lawler and Malice, respectively. The brawl goes wild and NWA officials break it up and say Jarrett has forfeited his number one contenders match vs Malice. The New Church makes a great entrance as Tenay is flustered. The lights go out while the Minister gloats over Malice's automatic win, and Sabu answers the open challenge. The bell rings, apparently?

NWA Title Number One Contender Ladder? Match Malice vs Sabu

It's not clear if this is a ladder match, but Sabu quickly makes it a chairs match. Malice uses his strength to take control back, and yes, it's still a ladder match. Sabu hits some extreme offense on Malice when the New Church tries to get a ladder in the ring. Malice busts Sabu's nose open throwing him on a ladder bridge, and there's also a table set up at ringside. Lots of slow plodding from spot to spot. Malice does a nice scoop slam holding Sabu and the ladder at the same time, though. Malice with a belly to belly on a corner ladder in a move that might be a shot at Ken Shamrock's finisher? Sabu plays the hits using the chairs and ladders as props, but keeps getting thrown off the ladder. However, at long last, Sabu launches Malice off the ladder and through the table at ringside to get the surprise victory at 14 minutes.

3/4*  There was some nice hardcore work in moments, but way too much slowness in between.

The Church takes apart the bloodied Sabu as he clutches the title contract. Finally, a chokeslam from the apron through a ringside table as the fans chant TNA. Backstage, Double J is getting thrown out of the Municipal Auditorium. AJ Styles comes down with a mic and steps over Sabu's dead body with a curious glance. Jerry Lynn comes out shortly after to talk shit back. Jerry mocks AJ for his three years of wrestling experience, heh. "AJ Styles, who the hell are you?" Jerry keeps talking down to the kid, and ends it with saying that he will respect him. AJ snaps and pele's the other half of the tag champions in the back of the head, then spikes a Styles Clash and leaves.

Goldylocks is backstage in front of the "Females" locker room. Oh no. Jasmine gets jumped by Francine before the interview can begin. Announcers hype Sabu vs Shamrock for the title while the girls dance in cages.

K-Krush comes out with a mic to get something off his chest. He's a big star and shouldn't be in the ring with NASCAR drivers, runs down the WWE for releasing him. He mentions being treated like a second-class citizen, says everyone is afraid of him. Mentions blowing the top off the mountain. He's not an angry black man, he's The Truth, and The Truth will not be denied. In a wild tonal shift, Norman Smiley enters.

K-Krush vs Norman Smiley

Or is it The Truth now? Either way, Truth attacks at  the bell in the corner. Smiley hits a few of his comedy moves in a row, until Truth takes control with his series of dodges and axe kicks. Truth wins with a release/sitout front suplex after 4 minutes. *  Just a bit above a full on squash match. Smiley gets whipped, choked, and hung with Truth's belt post match. Smiley's wife comes out to save him from asphyxiation.

Goldylocks is backstage looking for Puppet the Midget Killer, who is beating off in a trash can. Yup. She walks away from that scene to find the Dupps in a den of incest and meth. Relieved that we cut to the girls dancing in cages for more local NWA shows to scroll across the bottom.

The Flying Elvises vs Elix Skipper and Chris Daniels

I'm beginning to accept that Jimmy Yang might not be coming back. For the second straight week, Siaki teases a double fist bump with a fan only to burst out laughing. A XXX preview match.  The high flying to the outside starts immediately with three or four dives before the ref settles it down into a tag match. The Elvii isolate Elix Skipper and start working him over with a few impressive moves. Siaki goes to commentary and puts over Estrada's new haircut and mentions needing to get 3 things over- "Me, Me, and Me". He gets back to the corner to tag in and work Elix over some more.  Siaki goes back to commentary and puts himself over some more while Elix comes back with a buckshot lariat in the ring. Siaki can't stop the hot tag and the good guys running wild with a flurry of offense. Eventually, Elix has Estrada dead to rights with the play of the day, but the referee is distracted by Siaki and Daniels brawling at ringside. Siaki slips behind Elix when he argues with the ref and hits the Money Clip neckbreaker to win it in 11 minutes.

**3/4   Had some good moments and stretches, and I generally enjoyed the Siaki commentary stretches, but this was a little chaotic in a bad way. The Dupps beat down Estrada afterwards when Siaki bails on him.

K-Krush threatens Goldylocks during his interview, and Scott Hall attacks him as part of his revenge quest. Teo the midget is joining the girls dancing in cages.

Midget Showcase Match Puppet the Psycho Dwarf vs Meatball

The sloppy brawling makes its way to Meatball's shopping cart filled with not weapons, but delicious Kroger groceries. Things quickly get weird. Puppet takes it after 6 minutes of watermelon shots and chair splashes. *1/2

Jasmine St Claire vs Francine

Jasmine is out to call out Francine and finish what they started in the back. They trade hair pulls and clothing tears for maybe a minute until Blue Meanie DDTs Francine. No stars.

X Division Title Match AJ Styles [c] vs Low-Ki

They trade a lot of strikes to start, going back and forth with hard hits and counters. ROH is namedropped as a hot independent show that will showcase the X Champ. Low Ki dodges an Asai moonsault to the outside, then kicks a charging AJ Styles to take control. He hooks his Dragon Clutch finisher on the apron and in the ropes for a sick spot. AJ takes control with a few moves in a row, including a great brainbuster, but he misses the Spiral Tap completely. The Ki-Krusher gets reversed into a DDT, then AJ catches Low Ki's top rope splash with the Styles Clash after 12 minutes.

***3/4   Great defense by AJ, and Low Ki still looked good and didn't lose too much momentum after his win last week.

Jerry Lynn destroys the champ with a spear on the ramp and then takes the beatdown to the ring with a ladder in tow. He hits a few moves on and against the ladder until he leaves AJ folded in a heap.

Brian Lawler vs Scott Hall

The fans boo and chant "Jerry's Kid" ahead of our main event. We get some Jerry Lawler facts in a long and boring promo. At long last, Hall's music interrupts and distracts until Brian is snuck up on. There's another good couple minutes of promo with Scott Hall sneaking behind Lawler just out of his view. Finally Hall starts throwing hands and brawling through ringside and the announce table. Lawler gets a mic to berate the crowd in between slow brawling at half speed. Hall finally runs through his signature spots in the ring. K-Krush interrupts him hitting The Edge, but he gets dumped and Hall finishes off Lawler right afterwards with it at 9 minutes.

*  Mostly a dreadful and slow "main event" style match, but it was decent to see Hall get his revenge.

There's a lengthy recap package of last week's major stuff. Sign spotted- "Heyo I’m Drunko 4:20". Same. Don West is wearing the same Hawaiian shirt as they are not hiding that this is the same taping as last "week". A TNA chant overcomes the announcers until Jarrett kicks us off.

Challenge Match Jeff Jarrett vs Scott Hall w/ Jackie Fargo and Toby Keith

At least some Total Nonstop Action starts in the ring. It's a little blatant that Jarrett, the evil heel, is still playing the hero face role. But whatever. Scott Hall is still trying decently hard here. Southern wrestling crowds, god bless 'em, pop pretty huge when Hall reverses a sleeper into a sleeper. The announcers are selling the exchange of punches at the 5 minute mark like it's trading headbutts at minute 29 of a G1 climax match. K-Krush saves Jarrett from The Edge (not U2), and all hell breaks loose at ringside, including a camera man getting run over by Brian Christopher. Eventually Toby Keith low blows Double J before he can pull off The Stroke (phrasing) and the ref doesn't care.

Scott Hall via Angry American in 7 minutes. *1/2

Cheex w/ The Brown Eyed Girl vs Frank Parker

Cheex' gimmick is weighing over 400 pounds. The announcers tell us about Hall/Christopher vs Jarrett/K-Krush next week, and Alicia returns to ringside to get a wad of money from ring announcer Jeremy Borash for some reason. They also put over next week's tag team title tournament during the finish. This is not good.

Cheex via gravity in 2 minutes.  1/4*

Grudge Match K-Krush vs Brian Christopher w/ Hermie Sadler and Sterling Marlin (NASCAR)

K-Krush does not rap to the ring. I'm ready for Ed Ferrara to leave the announce booth. They're giving us a match worthy of 2001 Sunday Night Heat. The NASCAR fellas crotch poor K-Krush with the middle rope to set up the Hip Hop Drop.  More faces cheating like heels via celebrities.

Brian Christopher via Hip Hop Drop in 5 minutes. *1/2

Announcers again put over the tag match next week, making the previous bits seem even more meaningless. Well, speaking of important things, time for the Lingerie Battle Royal for the title of Miss TNA. The women are all wearing odd scrubs/pajamas over their lingerie. Sign spotted "NWA Nonstop Whoop Ass"

Lingerie Battle Royal

Forgive me for not catching every move and elimination in order. The announcers are saying too many awful things for me to keep up with. Francine gets triple teamed fairly early and dumped leading to Ed Ferrara abandoning the announcer booth to console her. She starts whipping him with his own belt while the cameramen and announcers ignore the rest of the battle royal in the ring. Taylor Vaughn takes it, Francine strips and whips her anyways.

Taylor Vaughn in 5 minutes. ZERO.

Goldylocks is backstage with Apolo. Bobcat and David Young interrupt her chat and argue until Goldylocks 'cuts' the segment.

Apolo vs David Young w/ Bobcat

Apolo's music sounds like generic Carlos Santana, and David Young's is Motley Crue knockoff. Bobcat distracts David Young by flirting with every official at ringside. David Young hits his spinebuster finisher, but takes too long talking to Bobcat before missing a moonsault and falling to Apolo.

Apolo in 5 minutes via F5/stunner. *1/2

These matches are all kind of short, forgettable nothing affairs. I'm still on board for the X Title thing later, but this is very dire. Speaking of dire, Joel Gertner is in the ring talking about the Rainbow Express and homosexuality.

Rainbow Express w/ Joel Gertner vs The Dupps w/ Fluff Dupp - buuuuut The Dupps refruse to come out, lamenting wrestling hippies and "left-wingers", a frantic official convinces Chris Harris and James Storm to team up and run out.

Rainbow Express w/ Joel Gertner vs Chris Harris and James Storm (Not America's Most Wanted)

What a start to the best tag team storyline I can remember for the length of the TNA Asylum years. After some back and forth, Lenny takes control and tags via kiss to Bruce. They keep control beating up Storm with a couple more kiss tags. Chris Harris is able to get his own clever cheating on to break up Lenny's "Tiger Tamer" submission. After a couple traded roll ups for 2, Harris is able to win yet another 5 minute match.

Harris and Storm in 5 minutes via Miscommunication Rollup. **

Ricky The Dragon introduces the champ, Ken Shamrock. The Sinister Minister finally interrupts a really boring promo asking all the "crackers in Huntsville Alabama to shut up" and introduces his Disciples of the New Church. Malice eventually ends up getting Shamrock with the chokeslam, holding on to the choke part until officials swarm the ring. We finally get to hear the New Church theme song, which is really great. At some point I'm going to add a theme song power ranking to these reviews. X Division time.

Double Elimination Round Robin for the X Division Title AJ Styles vs Jerry Lynn vs Low Ki vs Psichosis

AJ comes out to a very bad Born in the USA rip-off. It's some kind of Round Robin / double elimination format, and AJ and Psichosis start us off. Styles survives the Guillotine Leg Drop and then quickly hits the Styles Clash for the first fall in about 2 minutes. Lowki speeds into the ring. AJ takes him out in about 3 minutes flat. Jerry Lynn speeds in, pouncing on AJ Styles and hitting a Cradle Piledriver in about 10 seconds. Psichosis enters the ring with a dropkick on poor Jerry Lynn's head. Jerry ends a fun sprint with the cradle piledriver in about 3 minutes. Psichosis is now eliminated. Low Ki and Jerry Lynn start going at it. Don West is calling this the greatest show on earth every other move. Low Ki reverses the cradle piledriver into an armbar, but still gets a gut wrench power bomb. After 4 minutes, Jerry reverses Low Ki's muscle buster finisher into a sick DDT, and cradle piledrives him away. AJ is in the ring, and we're down to two. Styles has to get two falls on Lynn to capture the title and end the match. The young gun is throwing everything at Jerry and getting 2 counts. The Styles Clash finally gets Lynn away after another 4 minutes. Ricky Steamboat rolls in the ring as the final fall begins. They tease a couple double knockout spots before brawling to the outside, including Styles hitting a moonsault reverse DDT from the apron. AJ Styles wriggles out of a spinning vertebreaker, then Lynn hits some kind of powerbomb facebuster for 2. AJ gets out of the cradle piledriver, and survives a brainbuster by Lynn. The last fall is really benefitting from some time to breathe after the early blitz.  Lynn's superplex only gets 2, frustrating the veteran. Lynn goes back up top but AJ is able to fight him off and hit the Spiral Tap, which is odd to see as a higher-tier finisher than the Clash, and it beats Lynn after 10 minutes.

AJ Styles finally eliminates Jerry Lynn via Spiral Tap after 27 minutes to become the new and first X Division champion. ****1/4  Easily the best match in the short history of TNA, and worthy of the double taping main event.

The crowd goes wild, pyro, terrible Born in the USA theme blares, Ricky raises both of their hands. Tenay puts over all the tag team action and Shamrock vs Malice next week at ringside.

EPISODE 3

I lied, we are not actually at the TNA Asylum yet. We are live from the Municipal Auditorium in Nashville for a one night tag team tournament though to crown the tag champions.

Tag Tournament Match Cowboy James Storm and Chris Harris vs The Johnsons w/ Mortimer Plumtree

The announcers put over that the future America's Most Wanted was a last-minute addition last week. We are blessed with a Mortimer Plumtree promo on the way to the ring. Sign spotted: LET'S GO DICK. Also, the announcers are now calling him "Wildcat" Chris Harris. The Johnsons look infinitely better here than their first match. However, the Johnsons suffer a flash pin after the future AMW hits a good crossbody/dropkick combo move in 5 minutes. **  The Johnsons beat up their nerd manager when he tries to spank them after the match.

Scott Hall comes out to a live mic wearing an elementary school t-shirt. Jeff Jarrett interrupts with the zinger "Hey yo my ass!" The NWA President gets sweaty and yells at Jarrett; this heel vs authority storyline never makes sense. K Krush attacks Hall during the confusion unsuccessfully. Goldylocks is with a bloodied Chris Harris in the back.

David Jobber vs Monty Brown

The poor jobber in the ring doesn't get an entrance and also gets a last name drowned out by Monty Brown's entrance as we are introduced to The Alpha Male. He runs through a few impressive power moves in 2 minutes and ends with a fallaway powerbomb. 1/2*

Goldylocks is looking for Jim Miller backstage. The Hot Shots have no idea. Puppet the Psycho Dwarf is angry and not leaving tonight until he makes a midget bleed.

Tag Tournament Match Rainbow Express w/ Joel Gertner vs Buff Bagwell and Apolo

The surprise no one ever wanted: Buff Bagwell. Alicia comes down during the match to get some cash from Ed Ferrara. The Stuff botches a cross body out of the ring awkwardly after a few minutes of boring action. Apolo and Buff hit their finishers, but the latter walks into a superkick that ends it in 7 minutes. *1/2 I think this means there's a rematch from last week for the tag titles. Apolo seemingly abandons Buff after the match, then he whines about being called Marcus since Buff has ruined his career.

Ken Shamrock comes out with a mic and the belt. He gets heavy WHAT chants as he goes over all the challengers he's already concerned with for his title, including the new Monty Brown. Thankfully, the lights cut him off and the Sinister Minister appears in section C3. The lights come back on showing Malice standing over a writhing in pain Ken Shamrock.

Goldylocks is backstage talking to NWA officials and Jerry Lynn about the tag situation, but he shoos them away.

Midget Showcase Match Puppet vs Stone

Sign spotted: Midgets scare me. Puppet issues an open challenge answered by vanilla dork Stone who slowly gets in the ring and takes a few weapons shots. Puppet wins with a TKO on a trash can after 3 minutes, then attacks the ref, the announcer, and Stone some more. Don West offers a high five and gets kendo sticked in the face. *

Francine vs Miss TNA Taylor Vaughn

Francine starts belt whipping Taylor immediately until the ref pulls it away. Taylor steals the belt from the ref and then whips Francine to the ground until the ref tries to take it back, then whips him too. The ref throws out the match before it starts. Zero.

Hermie Sadler comes out for another nothing segment until K-Krush interrupts in a hilarious t-shirt with a huge airbrushed image of his face.  He talks smack until Hermie walks away and unleashes a spear on the entrance ramp. They get pulled apart and K-Krush challenges for next week.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match Ken Shamrock (champ) vs Malice

A very sweaty Ken Shamrock saunters to the ring and Malice takes control stomping and beating immediately as the announcers put over that Shamrock is not at 100%. After a slow round of ringside brawling, Shamrock hits his signature moves ending with the belly to belly to pin Malice in 6 minutes and keep the title.

NWA X Division Championship Match AJ Styles (champ) vs David Young w/ Bobcat

Not sure why David Young deserves a title match after losing last week, but oh well. The Bobcat thing is still going on. AJ Styles hits some great stuff, and Young even does a nice middle rope moonsault to the outside that gets a 2 count in the ring. There's another good exploder suplex into the corner for 2. Young mostly keeps control despite some flurries from AJ. After going back and forth, Young spikes a great twisting spinebuster for only two. AJ rebounds from Young's finisher and ends up winning with a second rope Styles Clash in 9 minutes. **1/2. Pretty solid match, but it felt like AJ was in too much trouble in his first defense over a mostly jobber. David Young and Bobcat have more drama in the ring as the latter celebrates the loss.

Gertner and the Rainbow Express celebrate being the Tag Team champs in the back since all the teams are injured.

NWA Tag Team Championship Match The Rainbow Express w/ Joel Gertner vs Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles

Borash announces they must have opponents.  Jerry Lynn spends a lot of time getting worked over by Rainbow Express while AJ sells his immediately previous title defense. The cradle piledriver gets reversed thanks to Gertner, and at long last, AJ Styles gets the hot tag and starts to go wild. Everything breaks down and Lynn hits the cradle piledriver inside and then takes the other tag member outside. AJ Styles hits Spiral Tap as Gertner trips over himself trying to break up the pinfall and they win in 11 minutes. *** Very solid match, setting up a cool simple story and putting AJ Styles even further over as a star and double champ.

Main Event Tag Match Jeff Jarrett and K Krush vs Scott Hall and Brian Christopher

We start almost immediately with a crowd brawl. Hall and Jarrett trade punches in the TNA Girls' Dancer Cages. They eventually circle back to ringside and Hall throws Jarrett across the announcer table. Christopher misses a Hip Hop Drop and after Hall and Jarrett finally return to ringside, it slowly settles back into a tag match. The bad guys isolate Hall for a really long beatdown segment. After an agonizing 10 count, Christopher gets tied up with the ref in the corner and misses a Hall tag attempt. Hall makes it back at long last and Brian pulls his hand and decks Hall. He still cleans house, including a ref bump, as it degrades into a 1v3. He drops K Krush with an Outsider's Edge, but Jarrett gets saved and goes right into the Stroke, plus a Brian leg drop for good measure. Jarrett pins at 12 minutes. *1/4. The turn was good and somewhat saved the idiotic middle of the match, but it still went on way too long.

In 2002, I was a teenager set adrift by 9/11 and the alienation from starting high school. For better or worse, every week I started going to National Wrestling Alliance - Total Nonstop Action shows on Wednesday night. I loved WCW and was bitter about the botched invasion going on, and here was a new WCW in my backyard.  It looks like there were 111 weekly PPVs, I'm not sure exactly how many taped ones / clip shows ended up happening, but I never missed one for injury, illness, or even vacation for the better part of two years. It was basically my ECW, for someone who was too young to follow ECW when it first aired.

I'm not really sure what the format of these is going to be. It's kind of a recap + live blog + review,  I'll give matches the standard 0-5 star ratings with 1/4*'s possible, so it's really a 20 point scale. I'm going to hopefully figure out a better way to get screen captures going forward. Also, these first couple were taped in Alabama, not at the TNA Asylum in Nashville. Hopefully if my memory holds up, I'll be able to give some live notes and memories from being there for some of these. I have an old hard drive of pictures taken that I hope I can recover. I won the "Best Fan of the Night" and "Best Sign" contests a couple times to get to go backstage, and I also generally hung out before the shows and after the shows to talk to the wrestlers coming and going like a groupie. Later on, I was even on the TNA "Street Team" helping to market TNA and hand out flyers/ads during Smackdown tapings.  I was also the moderator for the brief TNA Online Message Board, which I truly wish I had screencaps/archives somehow of all the…wildness there.

NWA TNA #1 June 19th 2002

Don West is the first person out of the gate, introducing Ed Ferrara after pyro and a brief introduction. Ed's all about TNA and introducing the girls dancing in cage as some sleazy music plays. Appropriately, he throws it to Mike Tenay, all business at ringside. TNA chants kick us off. Don West's hawaiian shirt is a thing of legend, and it's distracting me from Tenay's long explanation of the "Gauntlet For The Gold".

Jeremy Borash eventually is in ring announcing a parade of legends. Harley Race, Dory Funk, Jr, Jackie Fargo, Bullet Bob Armstrong, Corsica Joe & Sarah Lee, Bill Behrens, Ricky Steamboat. "All Our Base Are Belong To Us" shirt spotted in the stands. The Dragon compares the belt to every major championship in pro sports, the Stanley Cup, etc. He will special referee the finals of the match, and that brings out the one and only - Jeff Jarrett. His TNA theme "My World" is a lowkey banger that nevertheless completely haunted my life for 2 years. His big mouth earns him the first spot in the match. Ken Shamrock is here after that, and he joins Jarrett in burying the Battle Royal match. Finally, Scott Hall saunters through the crowd in a strip club(!!!) t-shirt as his awesome theme "Marvelous Me" plays. To round up, Ken Shamrock's theme wasn't great. "Hey Yo" sign spotted.

Goldylocks is backstage with Total Nonstop Action and the original midget killer "Puppet the Psycho Dwarf". Oh no. He's gonna spill some midget blood. Jeff Jarrett angrily kicks over a tiny music stand in the background hilariously. Then we go to the girls in cages and honest to goodness our first wrestling match -

6 Man Tag Team X Division Showcase AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvii (Sonny Siaki, Jimmy Yang, and Jorge Estrada)

An X Division showcase awaits. The legends surround a tiny monitor backstage. The generic faces' intro music is bland. The flying Elvii have a nice little knockoff theme at least. Siaki has Big The Rock Energy while the other two mug. The Elvii refuse handshakes and all hell breaks loose. Triple dropkicks and flying splashes to the outside. Styles reverses a back suplex into a phenomenal forearm, and I'm not going to attempt to catch every move. As an aside - Total Nonstop Action has taken a full 18 minutes on air before someone punched someone. Siaki and LowKi is a pretty appealing matchup. The former does a crisp Samoan Drop. Styles and Yang get in and have a very crisp, quick flurry of moves together. Jerry Lynn crushes a cradle Piledriver, and Siaki runs in and hits his neckbreaker finisher. LowKi accidentally brains AJ, and Yang capitalizes with the Yang Time for the pin. Considering who went on to hold the X Title, this is an odd result, but commentary was generally putting over how the mismatched team was going to compete in the X Title Round Robin coming up.

The Flying Elvii in 7 minutes, Yang Time pins AJ Styles **3/4

Midget Showcase Teo vs Hollywood

Hollywood starts it before the bell. From the promo, I thought this was a triple threat with Puppet. Hollywood kicks out of the "Tadpole Splash" from the top rope. Ed Ferrara says in response to Teo's claims to be a ladies' man - "He's the right height". Teo finishes Hollywood with an ugly swanton.

Teo in 3 minutes, Swanton?, 1/2*

Now West and Ferrara are in the ring hyping the Lingerie Battle Royal next week. The New Francine, Miss Joanie, Shannon (Daffney?), Alexis Laree (Mickie James!), The Incredible Sasha, Erin (Baltimore Cheerleader?), Elektra from ECW, Miss Taylor Vaughn, Darisa Da?? I didn't catch her name as Ed starts rambling about a kid in a candy store. Maybe I'll catch all the names if they're introduced with title cards next week. Francine grabs a mic and calls Ed "pudgy" and says none of the women compare to her. Elektra stands up to Francine and starts a catfight.

Goldylocks is in the back with Mortimer Plumtree. His character peaks with his name. He manages a tag team that bullied him in high school for reasons that are never explained. He leaves to walk "The Johnsons", Richard and Rod, to the ring.

Tag Team Match The Johnsons w/ Mortimer Plumtree vs Psychosis and James Storm

The latter is an odd pairing for a few reasons. I honestly didn't remember James Storm started off without Chris Harris and America' Most Wanted. He even has the prop guns firing blanks in the ring, which was always a nice touch. I feel like this is where I mention that the Johnsons are in full body suits and masks that make them look like walking penises. In other news, Psychosis is going without his trademark horned mask. Alicia from WCW is on the stage scouting the match. There's a fella in an XFL jersey in the stands. What year is it? "Buff your(sic) still the stuff" sign spotted. Ferrara "These Johnsons just look good". They hit simultaneous clutching suplexes to take control of the good guys, but Mortimer interferes to let one of the Johnsons hit their finisher on Cowboy. Post match, the ref pays off the lady watching the action.

The Johnsons in 4 minutes, Samoan Drop into Neckbreaker, *

Stan and Bo Dupp harass Goldylocks in the back until they run into the brothers' shared girlfriend in a quick nothing segment.

Borash introduces 1993 Rookie of the Year and Winston (yes, cigarettes) Cup Points Leader Sterling Martin. K-Krush is out to save us from the race car drivers. He's getting booed, but this would be a face promo anywhere other than Huntsville Alabama. K Krush "Damn you, and Damn Alabama" Brian Lawler is out to save the NASCAR dopes from the angry black man. He cuts an angry promo about "your kind" while the crowd howls in racist jeer. It's a pretty ugly segment considering "Grandmaster Sexay" Lawler is still clad in his Too Cool black rapper cosplay outfit.

Backstage, Jeff Jarrett is choking Jackie Fargo.

Tag Team Match Christian York & Joey Matthews vs The Dupps w/ Fluff Dupp

For better or worse, now I know their girlfriend/cousin's name now. After the crowd roared for the pasty white NASCAR duo, commentary is really going in on how these two wrestlers are completely fucking stupid and southern. The Dupps' intro is very boring twangy banjo crap, and they're not much better in the ring. Matthews hits a move called the Virginia Necktie that looks pretty nice. I think the non-Dupp team is working face, but it's hard to tell who the crowd is popping for. The Dupps win with some cheating and Fluff interference.

The Dupps in 4 minutes, Crotch shot, 1/2*

Before the Gauntlet For The Gold, we get a Toby Keith music video. He is singing "Angry American". Jeff Jarrett walks out and pushes Toby Keith off his little stupid stool and the crowd goes wild and honestly, I screamed in joy and Jeff Jarrett turned face for my money when he says "Nobody wants to hear that damn song, and take your Angry American Ass OUTTA HERE".

The Gauntlet For The Gold 20 Man Battle Royal for the NWA Heavyweight Championship Of The World

Buff Bagwell runs down for number 2 and the bell rings. Maybe it was for the main event finally starting but honestly the crowd goes pretty wild for Buff Bagwell laying hands on Double J. Buff hits a couple signature moves, but gets tossed before the next entrant. Ragin' Cajun Lash Laroux Is 3. He falls victim to The Stroke and is eliminated fast. "Somebody pissed in Jeff's Cheerio-s this morning!" Here comes Screamin' Norman Smiley at 4. The second largest pop of the night so far comes for the Big Wiggle. Jarrett tosses him anyways. Apolo comes down at 5, getting more offense than the previous entrants combined. K-Krush is 6. His signature axe kick gets tremendous boos, they hate him. Slash w/ James Mitchell is 7. Del Rios is 8. He is some kind of bodybuilder and it shows. Slash bites his way out of a belly to belly suplex as the announcers stress everything is legal. Justice is 9, I think this Is the future Abyss, but I can't swear to it. He hits a Black Hole Slam and now I'm 99% sure. Konnan is 10, yelling "Arriba La Raza" on his way to the ring. Abyss sells Konnan's facebuster a la HBK vs Hogan and I love it. 11 brings out Joel Gertner "I'm gonna be with 5 girls in Huntsville because I don't settle for less" He gives an X-rated introduction for the man they call Bruce of the Rainbow Express, led out by Lenny Lane. I'm not gonna bother listing all of the homophobic euphemisms the announce team runs through explaining who the Rainbow Express are. Rick Steiner is 12. He dumps Slash and Abyss with a couple impressive shows of strength. Malice is 13, dealing out chokeslams. Bruce, K-Krush, Del Rios,  Konnan, and Steiner go out quickly thereafter. Scott Hall is 14. Toby Keith? is 15. He suplexes and tosses Jarrett. Not that anyone cares, but Toby Keith leaves through the middle rope to chase Jarrett and is never officially eliminated. 16 brings Wildcat Chris Harris. Vampire Warrior, former Gangrel, runs down seemingly early as an entrant with no music? The on screen countdown timer disappeared during the Toby Keith situation. Dangerous Devin Storm, aka Crowbar, is probably 18. Steve Corino comes in at 19, the only former NWA Champ. Ken Shamrock is out at 20. "Hall was framed" sign spotted. Brian Christopher/Lawler is number 20 and I realize now that Toby Keith was not an official entrant. Brian clears out Chris Harris, Vampire Warrior, and Crowbar mostly by holding the top rope down when they ran by. He dumps Corino shortly after. Christopher and Apolo get dumped by Malice next. Then the cameraman somehow misses Malice back body dropping Scott Hall over the top, leaving Malice vs Ken Shamrock to go to a  pinfall or submission.

Malice vs Ken Shamrock, Special Referee Ricky The Dragon Steamboat

Malice gets some advice from Father James Mitchell at ringside.  After going back and forth, Shamrock gets an awesome cross arm breaker reversal of a choke slam. After a long tease of tapping, he gets the rope, maybe with James Mitchell pushing it a little toward his client. A big boot leads into the Ankle Lock and Shamrock refuses to break it on the ropes, after even a 7 count, leading to heated words with Steamboat. Shamrock wins with a Belly to Belly to a big pop despite his heel tactics. Cue pyro, and hoisting the tiny gold belt.

Ken Shamrock wins a 5 minute match following a 33 minute battle royal, Belly to Belly. **

The match was a little too long, even with Jarrett speeding up the beginning by tossing the opening entrants as fast as possible. Speaking of Double J, he fights with legends and security backstage before emerging with a microphone. He punches the legends after moaning about the battle royal until Toby Keith and Jackie Fargo come back out to book Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett next week, the show ends with them brawling up the ramp.

Fortnite

I'm a terrible person and got the paid battle pass like a sucker. But it really gives kinda two different games to play, and it will pay for the next "season" battle pass if I don't buy too much random stuff. The season is several months, so it seems like a decent deal. Plus I weirdly feel guilty about the amount of game that's free? That's the scam I guess.Anyways, back to the game - it's really fun. I got my very first win in the most bizarre fashion. It's a survival game, and that usually means shooting people and getting shot at. But in this game, I ended up first without firing a single bullet. This doesn't mean I used bombs or traps or something clever though. And it also doesn't mean I'm a master builder and hider. I was just alone for so much of the game as a quirk. It's probably a ridiculously hard challenge for streamers or anyone to win a game without shooting a single person. I was really upset I didn't record the match somehow - or at least the ending 30 seconds which is ridiculously easy to do on the Switch. Oh well.

West of Loathing

I'm bad at describing video games, but this is a minimalist RPG that somehow still feels ridiculously deep. It's a really quick playthrough doing the central mission, but there's all kinds of fun time-wasting on the periphery. It's also completely hilarious. There's a lot of humor, and enough of it lands to not be too tiresome or repetitive.

Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

Months ago, I bought this game, and never really got around to the multiplayer. For whatever reason, maybe spurned on by my fun in the Mario Tennis Aces demo, I jumped in to online and have been having a blast. The lag isn't too bad, and Mario Kart keeps the perfect balance of rewarding talented plays but still with enough random bullshit to be fun. The way the battle mode is set up is kind of not my favorite, but I still play it enough and enjoy it, too.

Pokemon Quest

This is such a tease for a real pokemon follow up, but I still sunk a few hours into it. I don't think I'm going to end up beating it, since it seems like a bit of a grind. Or my luck has just been pretty rotten

with new pokemon / new moves, but it seems impossible without a ton of time, money, or luck.

Wrestling!

The WWE is doing a big double PPV this weekend. If you aren't familiar - there are three brands underneath WWE - RAW Smackdown and NXT. The first is on USA, and the second is on USA until jumping to FOX Network this fall, which is pretty crazy and exciting! NXT only airs on their WWE network streaming service (9.99 a month!!) weekly. These PPVs are their big main event type stuff. There isn't really a good word for them, we still call them PPV, pay per views, even though they're on the network where they're free with subscription. I think they still sell them for $50 through cable boxes, but it's really crazy for people to be paying 5 times to not have to go online. Anyways.

NXT is doing Takeover Chicago. There's a brutal hardcore grudge match between two small men. My favorite women wrestler is getting a super long overdue title shot against a really good heel. Two hosses are fighting for the world title. Also my favorite full time wrestler (HE HAS A PRINCE GIMMICK AND IT DOESN'T SUCK) is facing an indie legend I've never seen wrestle before. The tag title match also is the culmination of one of my favorite angles in the last few years of wrestling, and one of the last times I was actually shocked by something happening in the ring. It's all going to be great.

So, Money in the Bank is the main WWE event with RAW and Smackdown both having matches. "Money in the Bank" gives you a briefcase to cash in for a world title shot at any point the champion is in the ring, incpacitated, and tired. It usually means an instant champion. Last year's was supremely disappointing. The men's winner botched his cash-in because he criticized the WWE's concussion doctor (I wish this was a joke or storyline, but it's true). And the women's match… was won by a man. Everyone thought this was bullshit! And it was! Her cash in also got delayed until almost the entire calendar year time frame, too. These can only be better this time around. The rest of the card is kind of drab, mostly because all the great people are sucked into the two ladder matches. But hopefully it will have some good to great moments tucked in. But I don't see the (long) streak of NXT events outshining WWE to end.

Part two coming soon!

with: 

Best Picture: Get Out

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri Dunkirk The Shape of Water

Get Out is my prediction, but the next three are listed as fairly close possibilities. I'm only doing this for some of these first/big/deep/competitive categories. They shouldn't really count as a hedge for me being wrong! They're just there as my backups.

Best Actress: Frances McDormand

Margot Robbie

Best Actor: Timothee Chalamet

Gary Oldman

This is probably wrong, but refer to the hopes and prayers parts.

Supp. Actress: Laurie Metcalf

Allison Janney

Supp. Actor: Sam Rockwell

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Greta Gerwig Jordan Peele

Orig. Screenplay: Get Out

Three Billboards

Adapt. Screenplay: Call Me By Your Name

Unfortunately, these next four categories I know completely next to nothing about any of the nominees. I solemnly swear I haven't read any of the odds nit picky columns or cheat sheets, and I'm just going to pick one at complete random for these, just for my dumb cheering purposes, and completeness.

Feature Documentary: Icarus Short Documentary: Heroin( e) Foreign Language Film: Loveless Short Film: The Silent Child

and, here are the rest!

Makeup & Hairstyling: Victoria and Abdul

Costume Design: Phantom Thread

Film Editing: Dunkirk

Original Score: The Shape of Water

Original Song: Remember Me, Coco

Production Design: The Shape of Water

Animated Feature Film: Coco

Animated Short: Dear Basketball

Sound Editing/Mixing: Dunkirk

Visual Effects: Blade Runner 2049

Cinematography: Blade Runner 2049

Now, briefly, let me add up how that breaks down…

Get Out - 2 Call Me By Your Name - 2 3 Billboards - 2 The Shape of Water - 3 Dunkirk, BR, Coco - 2

Top Chef My only reality TV show vice. Also one of the few shows that I have been keeping up with more or less current. I still have a bunch of Last Chance Kitchen to burn through sometime when I feel like it, but this has been a fairly enjoyable weekly constant.

LA To Vegas Some of this grates, but the absurd and sharp laughs still manage to win me over. Stormare's shady Russian gambler has really nowhere to go, and has been done dozens of times better other places. It's even worse that most of those were even done by Stormare himself. The cheery stripper also feels like a total nothing character. The lead's professor romantic interest has less chemistry than Brenandaquitz from Parks & Recreation, and he isn't any funnier either. This is being harsh, and it's really early. I'm still laughing, but I just see a lot more potential in this premise.

The Good Place I've now seen the entire second season! This was also one of the only scripted shows that I had been devouring weekly and never leaving any time to possibly get spoiled. I gotta admit, the finale left me kind of flat initially. I'm not gonna spoil outright, but it just felt like it spent a lot of time (and set up a lot of implied future time) in one of the locations/setups in the show that's the least interesting to me. Much like the beginning of season 2, the show could go in any direction going forward and blow up the status quo four times before the third season premiere is over. So I'm not very worried at all.

Superstore This continues to be really funny, and one of the standouts of NBC. Not sure I'm sold on the Dina pregnancy storyline, but I'm generally still really enjoying this. I hope Amy gets herself together soon.

Let's Get Physical PopTV is a network that DOES exist, and this is a show that is basically the level of Schitt's Creek, but I haven't gotten sick of it yet.

Ghosted With basically no shot to succeed in my eyes, I'm just following this one for the ride. I really love how Robinson and Scott play off each other. The music continues to be a cool 80s synth highlight in every episode.

9-1-1 Now that I've seen several episodes of this, I can fully confirm that it is wild as hell, and one of the more enjoyable Ryan Murphy vehicles (heh) lately. Like other shows of its ilk, I don't know how long it can keep going with the foot mashed on the accelerator before it either runs out of gas or smashes into a wall. But it probably has a better shot than most just based on the great cast.

Great News I'm still catching up toward the 2nd season finale, and this continues to be a really transparent 30 Rock continuation. I'm not complaining, I even think it improves on the old show in several ways. Having the female lead have some sort of stable and long term romantic interest is a little better than the please-don't-ever chemistry with Alec Baldwin. Also Nicole Richie is incredibly funny, and a massive improvement on the Jane Krakowski type famous character.

The Super Bowl The commercials were bad, and the halftime show was worse! What was that outfit!

Grey's Anatomy Another long time favorite of mine - I let this one accrue way too many episodes on the DVR before I caught up. The Bailey heart attack episode had some good parts and echos of the Derek episode, but still ended up feeling a little cheap. I never got as much actual worry for what was going to happen as they intended, it felt like. I'm somewhat excited for the spinoff, though, despite how dire those things have ended up in the past.

AP Bio Sorry, one last one that I haven't actually seen at all. Some people hate this show for feeling like it takes Dennis away from Always Sunny, but I'm excited to see him trying something new. Hopefully it's really funny!

The Mayor I'm sad this got turbo-cancelled. I don't mean to be reductive, but this was a more diverse Parks & Rec clone that always got a few laughs per episode and most usually was a mildly fun feel good thing.

Top Chef - 2 episodes, 9 Last chance Kitchen I have been watching this week to week. Some episodes I paid more attention, and some loosely were playing in the same room that I was in. I really dig the Last Chance Kitchen thing, but I've let all those episodes pile up. Some of it got spoiled on the main show, but I still wanna go back and watch through them all. The Colorado setting so far is going pretty well. Hyped for Restaurant Wars!

Superstore - 5 This show is so funny. I'm pretty mad that I forgot about it and let so many episodes slip through the cracks!

Star Trek Disco - ALL I'm a monster for not watching this. I like Star Trek and everything indicates this will be way up my alley. I just keep building up and trying to set some magic non-existant perfect big chunk of time to catch up. But I will at some point.

9-1-1 - ALL The snippets of wild shit I've heard from Ryan Murphy's latest has me way more interested in this than the next American Crime Story. The cast also can't be beat.

LA To Vegas - ALL I'm betting this is a fun workplace comedy. I'll also be forever thankful for the Dylan McDermott and Delmot Mulroney face off that set most of the critics I follow a-twitter. Can't wait to see it.

Screeners! The Post, Molly's Game, Coco, The Disaster Artist, The Florida Project, Three Billboards, Lady Bird, I Tonya This list is woefully incomplete, but these are at least some sort of first pass. I hold out hope, even as improbable as it definitely is, that I might see some of these in the ol' theater.

Horror! Happy Death Day, mother!, The Snowman, Mayhem, Leatherface, It Some of these I have much higher hopes than others. And some of these I am watching just for the trainwreck factor.

Action! Thor Ragnarok, Geostorm, Kingsman 2, Mayhem, Logan Lucky, Valerian, Atomic Blonde A fun collection! I think I will very much like Logan Lucky.

Drunk History - 2 There's a Xmas special and a premiere, so not so far behind. This show is really dumb and great fun background and I'm really glad that there's so much more of it!

Corporate - ALL I've heard some good things about this new show, another Comedy Central one. It was described as Workaholics, but more meaner towards Capitalism, and I have to support that!!!

Black Lightning - ALL The CW Superhero lineup hasn't had a complete miss yet, so I'm definitely excited to watch this. I've really liked the lead actor since he was the hunky mayor from Hart of Dixie. I have no doubt he'll make a great jump from supporting actor to lead.

Ghosted - 5 There was a really promising start to this show, but it fell into the classic FOX Sunday trap where an episode got messed up on the DVR and I suddenly ended up several weeks behind.

The Last Man On Earth - 6 See Ghosted, except it's a show I've been watching for years.