𝐛

all of those shit aside though, i feel bad for lying to my sister that i still work. i’m sorry but your little sister can’t hold jobs long enough cause she gets so sensitive over other people’s remarks and cause she’s mentally unstable. lazy too, probably. and whatever the lil sister is going through right now she deserves it.

but, i do hope i can get to land a job soon so i get to pay off my debts. like i’ve been applying but no luck yet so far maybe i have to redo my resume or what. but yea not only that but i also hope i get to buy a car even if it’s old as long as it works well. then save up until i get the chance to move out of this shitty house environment. not sure if i should go back to school but the chanced are highly there. i hope i find a place for me, and maybe i might have a kitty with me to live with too.

people... i hate plenty of them. people who don't deserve children pop their cherries non-stop and sadly, that's how the world goes.

i'll start with my parents.

my mother and father are uncapable of being parents and yet here they are. my father is a careless, selfish, and a prick. he had a first born daughter a.k.a. my half sister from his first wife and since he couldn't hold in his hunger for lust, he committed adultery and impregnated the house nanny and so my older brother came to this world. since things happen, let's say both my older sister and older brother they both had it coming.

then here comes my mother. she seems very sweet but all of it is a facade. my mom is a gold-digger just like her mother, and i don't blame her for that because that's what poverty does to some people i guess. or maybe that's what people with poor mindset have and so they live with miserable lives. my mother is a fool, naive, and a people-pleaser. she wants to portray that she is living a good life and she's perfect. but she isn't. she gave birth to me, and blames me for the life she couldn't have.

it would've been better if it was just us three, but then there goes another brother and followed by another one. the shitty thing is both of them can barely function as parents. i don't know how to explain it, but i feel bad for my siblings. they deserve so much better but here we are.

there goes my mother's side of the family. my grandmother: the enabler, a drama queen, and someone with a victim mentality. this will sound cruel but i'll be glad if she dies. she knows what her children are doing but she doesn't stop them.. as long as it benefits her wallet then she will enable corruption among the family. her children: my aunts and uncles. a family of stupid, corrupt, evil, and selfish beggars.

and then, there i am. i got pregnant and killed my child. a part of me doesn't regret it, but then a part of me is consumed with guilt and regrets. if only i shouldn't have been irresponsible. if only i chose my decisions wisely. if only i took my life instead. i don't know.