what up, danger?

“Sorry he has no MANNERS, apparently,” Ben said and shook his head, gladly ushering her inside. “That’s awesome! I knew you were gonna get it,” Ben trailed off as he looked for wine glasses— a piece of glassware he didn’t ever think to buy. A plastic cup with some old cartoon on it would have to suffice. “Is this that grape juice you give to kids on New Year’s Eve?” He glanced over the label, noting it didn’t have any mention of grapes on the front. “Not a Welch’s fan myself…” he said, as though a connoisseur of the finer things. And that… he was not.

Kuzco didn’t know the other man too well yet, their brief interactions were usually… well, rushed. Ben did most of the talking and as hurried and nervous as most it was, Kuzco listened. Most of the time. Sometimes his thoughts did start to wander, his inner voice known as his e g o would make comments, willing it to stay quiet in most of his interactions he had with other people. But weirdly, around Ben, it was mostly silent. Mostly.

If he had any passing thoughts with Ben, they were gone pretty quickly, and superficial at the surface. Otherwise, silence, as he took in the other’s appearance and mannerisms all while trying to keep up with the others racing thoughts and opinions.

Ben made him feel close to one hundred years old, their first meeting particularly when they went for a hike, Ben basically unaffected while Kuzco, who regularly worked out, was huffing and puffing by the end. He may have well been ancient.

Still, his presence had a nice effect on Kuzco’s overall sense of being.

He was young and lively and innocently wide eyed, and Kuzco barely got to interact with people like that anymore, let alone have it be reciprocated for more than a second or two. He could get used to it.

He gripped the styrofoam cup in his right hand, surprised when Ben’s form came into view before he even had time to think about what he would say when he walked inside of the four star restaurant, glad that the change in plan didn’t show in his steps, not a stumble in sight. Cool as ever.

“I’m not going to ask the question before you’ve had a sip,” was his greeting, taking in the sight of the other, but not offering the cup.

And just when he thought the night couldn’t get any more hectic, one of the pipes burst as Ben was hurrying by with a tower of dishes, blasted by the explosion of water. 

Then there was the issue with the rats...

Soaking wet from head to toe, Ben busted through the back door of the kitchen into the alleyway, and up to the front of the building. And right in the nick of time. Mr. Kuzco looked about ready to walk through the front doors of Gusteau’s. “You can’t go in there, Mr. K!” 

Ben glanced down to the cup of what he hoped was cherry limeade. “Is that...? Thank you for the Uber Eats, Kuzco. But you really can’t go in there, it’s not a good time. If you think I look frazzled, you should see Skinner...realizing that I’m not in the back taking care of the--” Ben quickly bit his tongue, reaching for the drink Kuzco was being protective of, but still not getting it in his grasp. “NOT RATS.” He clasped a hand over his mouth as the passerby overheard. Ben was quick to grab the man’s shoulder to guide him down the alleyway, only imagining afterwards how much the suit cost him. A dirty wet hand probably depreciated it greatly. Ooopsie.

“We can’t be talking about rats out front like that, KUZCO! Someone might hear us! Just promise me you’re not gonna go in there and talk to Skinner. I’ll give you the inside scoop.” Ben pointed to the drink, feeling thirstier than ever. “Can I have that now? Please?”

“In my defense, I did not know he was a substitute teacher.”

“Please don’t go down that path again.”

“She doesn’t look like a horse, she just talks about them a lot.”

“You gotta go to the store and get something to deal with that now!”

“This is the last time I take a pity selfie with ________.”

“Your hair’s in a ponytail that’s.. fantastic!”

“I’m not used to that level of kindness.”

“I’m going to ignore that passive aggression.”

“Mama Oprah would be very proud of us.”

“What about a platonic sleepover?”

“That is almost entirely correct.”

“I know that town beautification is kind of your thing.”

“I’m flattered beyond all reason.”

“The whole town is named after me.”

“As much as I’d love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline.”

“I truly appreciate the gesture.”

“It’s liquid moisturizer for your body so, um, no. You can’t drink them.”

“What do we think body milk is, if not milk for your body?”

“We have way too much work to do today for me to feel attacked by way of an imbalanced social dynamic.”

“You’ve been domesticated beyond recognition.”

“It’s not like you haven’t overreacted to bad news in the past.”

“This is probably the most intimate thing I’ve ever done.”

“For some reason, I pictured you living underground.”

“I don’t recall you ever telling me about that chapter in your life.”

“I’m sorry, but is that a soft but affirm indication that you miss me?”

“I just see two de-shelled hard-boiled eggs in a bag. Should I be scared for you?”

“The vodka’s in the freezer.”

“As much as I love the spotlight, sometimes it’s just best to step aside.”

“I know this isn’t what you wanted, but I think it’ll make him really happy to make you happy.”

“I shouldn’t have eaten those eggs.”

“I can’t believe I’m trapped under a blanket with you knowing you ate those eggs.”

“Unlike you and I, he’s extremely generous without any ulterior motive.”

“I’d rather not attach my name to a gift I had no hand in selecting.”

“Some people have nice, clean mouths and others have sloppy mouths.”

“Rarely has that been a recipe for success.”

“We should be able to have an adult kiss from time to time.”

“I had to delete groupon from my phone, because three vacuums is enough vacuums.”

“You’d think there’d be more of a market for oversized portraits of other people’s families.”

“I was just verbally assaulted by a woman in the line outside.”

“This says foot cream on it. What happens if I put it on my hands?”

“Don’t waste your time thinking about those human vultures.”

“I didn’t tell you because I don’t want you to come.”

“Has your family ever forgotten your birthday?”

“I plan on popping a pill, crying in bed, and falling asleep early.”

“I like having you here.”

“I’m gonna have to look at those photos before you share them or post them.”

“I was getting scared that I was going to let you leave without us having kissed. So, thank you, for letting that happen.”