Biting down on his lower lip, Eddie inwardly curses himself and dials Buck's number.
"Eddie?"
Eddie covers the bottom half of the phone and lets out a shaky exhale. God. He needs to get it fucking together.
But one word from Buck, Eddie's name falling from his lips, is enough to almost break him.
"Eddie, are you okay?" Eddie can hear the rumble of the sheets being pulled out and Buck getting out of bed frantically. "Is Chris—?"
"I'm okay." He sighs, closing his eyes and resting his head against the bed, the floor cold and hard under him but grounding him to reality. "I'm okay. I just— I'm sorry. It's late and you probably were sleeping— Fuck. Buck, I'm so sorry—"
"Hey, hey. It's okay." The blonde reassures him over the phone. "I know… I know our relationship isn't the best right now, but you can always call me, Eds. Always."
Eddie nods, even if he knows Buck can't see him, and takes a deep breath.
There's a beat of silence and then, "You almost died today." He blurts out. The nightmare that woke him so abruptly replaying in his mind like the most awful of horror movies. "You almost died. Again."
"Eddie—"
"And I woke up, and I just— Buck, I needed to make sure you were okay. And it's stupid and I shouldn't have called, but—" Eddie rubs at his face with his free hand, trying to pull himself together and miserably failing at it. "These nightmares won't leave me alone, you know?"
"What are they about?" Buck asks in a whisper, voice small and barely there. "The nightmares?"
Eddie sighs, making a face. "I don't know. They're never really the same, you know? I stopped having dreams about Afghanistan a few years ago, sometimes they come back but they're rare. Then… after Shannon died and the ladder truck, I couldn't sleep for weeks without waking up in a cold sweat. The tsunami also didn't help." Eddie lets out a bitter chuckle.
"You- you had nightmares about the ladder truck? Ab- about me?"
"Yeah." Eddie lets out a shaky breath. "And after the lightning struck, too. I— I don't want to lose you, Buck. I don't want to ever lose you."
"I'm sorry."
Eddie smiles, sad and bitter. "It's not your fault." He whispers on the phone, wishing Buck were there in front of him so he could reach out and touch him, reassure himself that Buck is real and alive.
"Just— don't go falling into any comas again, alright? I don't think I can handle that again."
Buck chuckles, tired and hollow. "Can't make any promises but I'll try my best."
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