Me likey books

I love how Shallan is the one smirking in all of them

Putting Kaladin in an AU setting is unethical because that teenager is far too serious to thrive anywhere but in the high-stakes war for humanity's existence. Putting him in a high school would kill him!

Kaladin with the full force of the Wind behind him: You're about to find out why it's called a 'Blowjob.'

Okay. Correct me if I'm wrong but? Kelsier would LOVE Kaladin, and the feeling would NOT be mutual.

Iron Islander voice: Theon you [19 syllable dolphin noise slur] I see you came back WOKE and GAY and a WOMAN from us leaving you as a child prisoner to the guy with an 8 foot sword that makes you drag it around to executions in front of his screaming faced tree gods as a daily reminder that he can and will kill you (a child) just like he killed the rest of your family (some of which were also children). Did you have fun polishing his sword? I’ll bet. Did you write this letter yourself? Knowing there’s a one person literacy limit? Should we call you Theon the Reader, you reading fuck? And standing here in a jean jacket you bought yourself, may as well be sucking dick at old navy. You know who’s NOT woke or gay or a woman? Your sister Asha. Why can’t you be less gay and woke and a woman, like Asha? I bet she could run a democratic election because you know what isn’t gay Theon? Democracy

shallan and adolin's marriage just gets funnier the longer you think about it. shallan's family is on the verge of bankruptcy because she Murdered Her Father so she decides to Rob A Princess instead of just asking for help like a normal person. she's not sure if she should go through with the robbery until the princess, now her teacher, murders several people in front of her in a live action trolley problem. the robbery succeeds, because jasnah has been hiding magic powers from the world via fake jewellery for the past six years. however, the guilt and shallan's own magical powers, as well as her doomed romance with an assassin, disturb her so badly that she fakes a suicide attempt to avoid talking things out. she ultimately admits to robbing jasnah, who had no idea she'd been robbed, and nearly dies again at the hands of her assassin boyfriend. jasnah is wary of her, but ultimately decides she's not too dangerous, so it's only right to help out this poor idiot girl who she definitely does not care about what are you talking about. how to help her? firstly, fix the damn soulcaster. secondly, get her mother to arrange a betrothal between shallan and her cousin. why her cousin? because adolin has managed to piss off literally every single woman in alethkar, and shallan is so ignorant of red flags that she, as previously mentioned, fell for an assassin. the betrothal goes ahead, minus the stumbling block of jasnah seemingly being assassinated mid-journey. shallan ultimately makes it to the shattered plains. on her first date with adolin she asks him if he's ever shat himself in battle. true love.