The Baltimore Chop

Oh Kyle Schwarber hit a home run? That’s literally all he’s paid to do. He’s the David Ortiz of the 2020’s.

🤯 If you’re 51 and your dating app profile says you’re a soccer mom… well I have questions.

I have a first date tomorrow at the mall. We’re gonna probably have a drink and then see Devil Wears Prada 2.

Getting old is Hell.

What did they think “we’re going to destroy Hamas” meant?

At some point everyone has to recognize that data centers are Spiders Georg, and they have to pay more for electricity and water.

“Beer battered” is the biggest fraud that ever hit a restaurant menu. That shit started in like 1992 and continues to this day.

Trying to google a basic question about Super Bowl history and every result is like XXII or VIX

Watched a standup comic do like 4 minutes about being nonbinary and then later in the set say “It’s a tough time to be a chubby woman.”

Colombian airport security took a fork out of my luggage. I’ve carried a fork all over the world including in and out of Colombia.

A long pattern of Israel bringing in aid trucks, Palestinians showing up at the locations by the thousands and starting to riot, and some of them dying when authorities won’t let them continue to riot.

Having a “special moment” for Hank Aaron just because the ASG is in Atlanta feels cheap and phony and self-serving at this point.

Reactivated Tumblr to shout into the Internet Void on the day of Brian Wilson’s death:

Too old to know very much about Chappel Roan except that she seems like an asshole.