welcome to the hyperfixation station

Now, I turn 31 in about a week.

I sing in my car at night to the angsty mixed CDs I made as a teenager, but now with a voice that I can feel rumble in my chest precisely where that heavy feeling used to sit like a bag of concrete.

My beard tickles as it blows in the wind, and my lungs are so full because they are no longer bound.

I sing, and I drive home after kissing someone goodnight who sees every part of all that I am and all I am not and does not flinch.

I go to bed sober.

And everything is not okay. But everything is better.

And I wasn't supposed to be here anymore, after I tried putting myself back in the closet very literally and permanently that October over 10 years ago.

But sometimes belts break. Knots give way.

And now here I am.

Driving and singing, as loud as I can.

Young trans guys, it is absolutely imperative that you stay alive.

It is easy quick and simple to go "OP is DANGEROUSLY WRONG and I have to tell them why RIGHT NOW" but when you're having a PTSD response you are in an altered state of mind. There is a real risk that you aren't reading the post correctly, that you've missed words or phrases or context. Leaving a comment and starting an argument with stranger is also not going to make you feel better— the reply may trigger you again, in fact, and if you were inflammatory you might have triggered the same response in the OP.

i like it too :)

Oh and guess what else you can't say you can't say? **** [Nipples]. had to type that myself. penis is ok but **** [clitoris] isn't, and all my attempts to say "clit" were Misunderstood, which may just be my speech but at this point I am not willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Vagina is OK too but every time I say it there is a moment when an * shows up on screen first before the full word does. this doesn't happen when I say the word penis.

It is completely heinous. Anybody who needs speech to text is immediately forced to comply with the rules set out by people in a position of power and then enforced by a machine — a machine that is a very powerful accessibility tool. Imagine trying to dictate a letter to a doctor or fill in an E consult with speech to text, only to have words of your anatomy censored as if they are taboo. there is already far too much stigma around genital physical health — and note that I could say genital but can't say **** [clitoris] — for it to be okay for these words to be censored.

And even if somebody just wants to swear In a message to their friends or write smut/**** [pornography], they should be able to. There is no justification for this feature. No reason for it to be default.

as a source of some information