𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑑?

𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 —  𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘 / 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜 / 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜

esmerelda: HEYYYY i need your help

esmerelda: and by your help i mean those sick vocals on a song i'm working on

january: okay but only if i get to metal scream like you do.

𝐅𝐎𝐑: @shebloom​

𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: january’s house in south bay

It  was  surreal  seeing  January  in  front  of  him.  Having  placed  her  firmly  out  of  his  mind  for  the  last  bit  of  time.  It  had  been  easier  that  way,  to  cope  and  get  over  everything  that  she  had  put  him  through.  Dexter  was  not  a  bad  guy,  just  sometimes  cared  a  little  too  much  and  he  swore  that  was  the  downfall  of  his  relationship  with  her.  No  matter,  there  was  no  time  for  him  to  dwell  on  things  that  had  passed,  not  when  he  needed  to  focus  on  everything  that  had  happened  in  the  last  two  days.  “Keira  is  busy  helping  our  mom  with  the  funeral  and  I’m  not  talking  to  Christian  so  sure,  you  can  come  in.”  He  stepped  aside  to  allow  her  into  a  home  that  used  to  be  her  own.  “Make  yourself  comfortable,  you  know  where  everything  is.”  He  muttered  under  his  breath  as  he  moved  through  the  house  to  the  bar  cart.  “Drink?”

it feels a bit like walking inside of a living mausoleum. her knuckles caught on the edge of the scratch along the entryway where they’d drug in a couch she’d found at a flea market and insisted they have. she toed off her sneakers in the doorway tucking them into that familiar corner, nearly sick at how well they seemed to fit into the crevice that had been left empty. “i’ll just have boricha.” she said, unable to meet his eyes. she pulled a teabag from that same spot in the back of the cabinet and fished a chipped blue mug from the dishwasher. “have you been drinking?” hear head tilted towards the bar cart. she felt frozen under the weight of her own expectations now that she was here. neither she or dexter had ever been good at talking about their feelings. it might have been foolish to come here, to think that she could offer him any comfort after running away back then. “how’s your mom doing?”

open starter for all 

“now i know you’re not about to do what i think you’re about to do.” they were absolutely about to do it. with how long she had been at this now, and even before she had been paid to fix peoples shit for them melody-rae had developed a knack for being able to tell when someone was about to ask her for advice. “i told you my policy, if i’m not in ma office you can’t be talking to me about your issues. we gotta have boundaries…enjoy our coffees in peace.” 

“right...boundaries.” january mulled over the word for a minute. boundaries were important, if she had used proper boundaries her life might not have been spiraling so viciously and quickly out of control. she gripped her matcha latte knuckles white under the tension of her grip. “sorry i didn’t mean to infringe on your personal time. thanks for coming out.” besides being an excellent therapist melody-rae was a comforting presence. like the cool big sister who had her shit together in comparison to january’s own shitstorm.

–– open starter ; at a lounge ’ 11:45pm.

“  you  think  you’re  very  funny  ,  don’t  you  ?  ”  delivery deadpan  and  ice  cold  ,  the  immediate  people  around  her  go instantly  quiet.  her  voice  is  level  ,  barely  above  a  whisper ,  threat  audible.  being  the  daughter  of  a  world  -  renowned director  and  producer  was  fun  and  games  until  his  work   escapades  were blasted  in  the  form  of  a  column  signed by  seventeen  esteemed  actors  and  actresses.  world  turned  upside  down  for  months  ,  the  return  to  los  angeles  had  not  done what  she  hoped.  stares  ,  constant  eyes  following  her  ,  hoping  to  watch  her  slip.  people  torn  between  calling  them  complicit  of  his  crimes  and  assuming  they  were  victims  in  it  all.  in new  york  ,  the  latter  group  had  been  louder.  here  ,  she wasn’t  so  sure.  “  turn  around  and  leave  me  alone  ,  ”  she tells  them  ,  voice  shuddering  in  poorly  suppressed  rage.

she only knew lauren in the cursory sense, the sort of polite acquaintance that hollywood demanded, brushing elbows at parties and pretending to know someone’s name. when her father’s scandal had dropped it had been impossible to pass a newsstand without the whole family’s faces splashed across the front of every paper. january had never thought it was fair, that a child could be culpable for the sins of their parents. she knew a thing or two about the shame of having a family who couldn’t love you enough to not make bad decisions. her courage gathered she stepped forward snatching the magazine from an outstretched hand. “get out of here. this is harassment you know. i could call the police and have you arrested.” she huffed watching them scurry through the door mumbling profanities. “are you okay? c’mon let’s go somewhere more private.” phones and cameras flashed trying to capture the next big meltdown, typical capitalistic doom culture.

There  were  very  few  things  that  Dexter  worried  about  the  past.  He  tried  to  live  his  life  as  genuine  as  he  could,  really  tried  to  move  on  with  his  life  as  much  as  he  could.  His  breakup  with  January  was  one  of  those  things  that  he  tried  to  keep  compartmentalized  in  his  head  as  a  box  that  he  firmly  did  not  open.  After  all,  he  was  willing  to  give  up  everything  for  the  woman  and  she  told  him  he  was  smothering  her.  Those  words  being  released  into  the  world  and  never  to  be  taken  back.  It  made  him  avoid  her  at  any  opportunity  that  he  could  but  as  he  opened  the  door  and  saw  her  standing  right  in  front  of  him,  Dexter  found  himself  unable  to  keep  up  the  facade  of  being  unaffected  by  her.  “Yep,  seems  the  old  man  finally  croaked,”  Dexter’s  words  laced  with  bitterness  despite  the  blank  stare  on  his  face.  An  unusual  feeling  for  him.  Emotions  were  something  he  always  expressed,  regardless  of  how  it  made  others  feel.  “You  didn’t  have  to  make  a  trip  here,  January.  I’m  fine.”

teetering in the doorway of his home she felt almost overcome with emotion. they were the first words he’d spoken to her in half a year. both of them so jilted in their own ways and unable to admit failure out of sheer stubborn pride. it was a hubris that followed her and continued to haunt her, waking up in her dark apartment sheets so cold they may as well have been ice, wondering what she’d done to so spectacularly fuck up her life when for one singular moment in time it had gone right. “yeah well i saw your tweet so...” the rest of it left unsaid, of course i can’t leave you alone, of course i am here, i would make any trip to see you at peace. “can i um-can i come in? at least until you need to go see keira or christian. i was just worried about you that’s all.” the words fell off her tongue before she could stop them. she wondered if she needed his presence more than he did hers. something to quiet her unrestful soul, to reassure herself that he was fine so she wouldn’t be eaten alive by her own anxiety.

𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 everyone . 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 a gym idk .

a   trip   to   the   trainer   meant   facing   a   reality   odessa   was   currently   in   denial   of   ,   so   she   settles   for   doing   everything   herself.   sat   in   a   private   training   room   ,   she   MAKES   HERSELF   SUFFER   while   attempting   to   tie   her   wrist   properly   –   bandage   clamped   somewhere   between   her   teeth   and   left   hand   for   several   moments now.   the   door   opens   somewhere   behind   her   and   the   bandage   snaps   ,   shooting   back   against   her   wrist   and   causing   the   blonde   to   shake   it   off   with   a   wince   and   frustrated   sigh.   it   leaves   her   right   back   where   she   started   :   bare   wrist   ,   throbbing   pain   ,   and   an   advil   that   was   damn   near   close   to   wearing   off   completely.   “   room’s   taken   ,   y’know.   ”   odessa   commented   ,   back   still   to   the   other   before   the   makeshift   first   aid   kit   is   brushed   aside.   “   i   still   got   another   half   hour   ,   so   get   lost.   ”   bridge   of   her   nose   is   pinched   by   her   index   finger   and   thumb   as   elbows   move   to   rest   on   knees   that   were   tucked   closer   to   her   chest   now.  

january had spent enough of her youth screaming to know she didn’t like it. fighting didn’t come naturally it her, it exhausted her down to her bone marrow. when she faced conflict tears sprang to her eyes with preternatural swiftness, her face flushed red with embarrassment, and her fists clenched into her palms. so when conflict appeared she ran away as fast as her feet could carry her. “sorry i was just looking for-” she hugged a sweater and a water bottle to her chest like she might throw them in self-defense. “are you okay?” the question is prodding and too personal for a perennial hermit like herself. but if the last six months have proven to her anything it’s that she doesn’t know herself as well as she thinks she does. “i have some ibuprofen if you’d like it.”

𝐟𝐨𝐫: @dispersisfabulis​

𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏: dexter’s house 

it’s daunting in a way she can’t describe to stand in front of a home that used to be hers and worry about walking in. the blue-painted shutters she’d done by hand after tiring of the white fluttered in the california heat. january paused, her hand hovering just above the door. six months ago she’d called this place home, she’d laid in bed with dex laughing at whatever dumb joke he made because that was love. she had made pumpkin pancakes and strummed her guitar on the balcony with him. six months ago she and dex spoke, they were in love, now she wasn’t sure what they were at all. gathering her courage she rapped at the door praying for and answer. “dex.” she said her voice soft and unsure. “i heard about your dad. i’m so sorry.”

(—) ★ spotted!! january park on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the twenty-six year old looks like shin yeeun, but i don’t really see it. while the singer is known for being empathetic my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be melancholic i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song my mother & i by lucy dacus {she & her / cisfemale} - penned by rina, 22, cis female, she/her