NCIS:LA Hiatus Fanfic Exchange

No no come’on baby you gotta stand up.

No Deeks.

Listen you can’t you can’t, you can’t do this.

Deeks I think I just did.

You can’t because the guy, the guy has to propose.

Oh really, cause I think it’s 2017 and you kind of had your shot.

Not to be a stickler for detail, but I’ve actually proposed three times, if you count the very romantic version I did while you were in a coma. Baby what are you doing?

Life is really short, Deeks. I mean we saw that today and we see it everyday. And I don’t know how much time either one of us have left, but I do know this. I want to spent the rest of what I have with you. So what’s it gonna be?

I mean I don’t know. I mean this is lot for a girl to process.

You’re such an idiot.

I love you.

I love you.

Yes. Absolutely, what the hell yes. My god did that just happen?  Let’s take a look at this thing. Well, I gotta be honest, I uh, thought it’d have a little more bling to it.

Oh no. You know me. I’m more bang than bling.

That’s right, sunshine and gunpowder.

The sun broke through a slim crack between the drape panels in their bedroom. Marty Deeks was lying quietly watching his fiancée sleep. He held her hand that now was properly adorned with the ring he bought and tried to give her several times. But as happy as this moment was, there was something else bothering his sleep.

You could have lost all of this.

He rubbed his hand over his face. Whiting. What is he going to do about Whiting? Deeks knows what he can’t do. He can’t lie to Kensi. And he hasn’t. He just needs to fill her in on what Whiting wanted to meet him about and he is going to bring her up to speed with what he was thinking and together they will face this. He also thinks A.J. Chegwidden could be helpful. He is a lawyer with Hetty-like connections and would be a good person to have on his side. Also with Shay Mosely, the new assistant director, wanting to send him back to LAPD, he is going to need all the inside help he can get.

Kensi’s alarm goes off. Deeks watches as she stretches her way to awake. He leans in to nuzzle her neck and playfully suggests a few extra minutes. She agrees and he rolls onto her and starts his favorite journey with his lips. Starting just under her right ear, across her jaw, down her neckline.

Kensi for her part runs her hands through his silken hair, across his shoulders while her hips move against his, expressing her desire and impatience. Deeks receives the message and skillfully slides into her and together they move in perfect harmony. Although they don’t have much time, this little trip to heaven is their favorite way to start the day. Unspoken is the thought that today, like every day, could be their last. Michelle Hanna’s death still raw in their hearts.

Reluctantly they separate and officially start their day. Showers, clothes, Monty, coffee and off they go to the mission. Kensi texts Callen to find out if he had any luck talking to Sam.  Kensi wants to help, but doesn’t want to overwhelm Sam. They asked about Kam and Aiden and Callen promised he would let them know if there was anything they could do.  Being back at school was probably good for them. A normal routine. Kensi has all she can handle with Deeks and Whiting and now the new assistant director.

On the way to the mission, Deeks tells Kensi how his meeting with the IA detective went.

“So my talk with Whiting the other day proved that some folks won’t change.”

“What do you mean?”

“She told me that IA is inundated with cases. Whiting thinks there are even more not being reported.  She even heard rumblings that Bates might be dirty and she wants my help to find out.”

“You don’t really think Bates is dirty do you?”

“No, of course not. But the best way for me to clear him is to help her. Plus she really didn’t give me a choice.”

“How so?”

“She remembers everything I said to her. But she is willing to close my investigation if I help her. And before you ask, I asked if she was going to hold this over my head for the rest of my career.”

“Let me guess, our twosome is now a threesome?”

“And not in a fun way.”  Deeks can practically see the steam coming out of Kensi’s ears. “Baby, please. I know that look. I can’t have you approaching Whiting.  I have a better idea.” Deeks then suggests that they should to bring AJ Chegwidden in for support. She agrees. Deeks contacts AJ to invite him to dinner. Kensi suggests that it needs to be someplace public. She doesn’t think their house is bugged but does not want risk anything.

Kensi, Deeks and AJ meet at Neptune’s Net. It was a quiet Tuesday evening and the weather is perfect for outdoor dining.

AJ looks at the couple. “Alright you two, to what do I owe the free eats?”  Since Kensi actually partnered with the Admiral during the mole case, she takes point.

“Why does there have to be a reason to share a meal with you?” Kensi tries to look innocent.  

Chegwidden raises an eyebrow at the two. “I’m old, not stupid. I hope it’s because you, Detective, realize you need help with your impending transfer back to LAPD courtesy of the new assistant director?”  

Deeks lets out a half chuckle. “Actually, that is only a small part of my problem.”  Deeks looks at Kensi. In for a penny, in for a pound, he thinks.  Kensi gives his hand a squeeze, nodding her head in support.

“Admiral, how much do you know of my situation with LAPD’s Internal Affairs?”

“Henrietta told me that a former partner of yours ended up dead in a motel room. That the detective had made threatening overtures to you and a young prostitute. There was also another corrupt detective who used to be his partner and a corrupt detective from IA, who you put away,  who assisted Hetty with the location of some illegally stashed evidence. From what I read in the witness statement from the young lady, it was just a bunch of circumstantial evidence and hearsay. I also wondered why IA never did anything about your complaints.”

Deeks looks at the admiral. He must have been a hell of a lawyer back in the day.  Good. He’s going to need a damn good lawyer now if he’s going to beat this. Deeks takes a dollar out of his pocket and holds it up to the admiral.  AJ speaks lawyer very well and knows what Deeks is asking. After a moment to weigh the possible consequences of his decision, AJ accepts the dollar as his retainer and puts it in his shirt pocket.

“What you don’t know, that Hetty and Kensi do, is that I did kill Francis Boyle. He had threatened both me and Tiffany, the prostitute. There was a struggle in the hotel room. Boyle ended up dead. Apparently when the mole was originally stirring up trouble, an anonymous tip was given to IA. Hetty managed to get things settled by using John Quinn to locate Boyle and Steadman's stash of stolen drugs, money and weapons and then relocate it to Steadman’s garage for Internal Affairs to find.

AJ continues to eat his clam chowder as Deeks pressed on with the story..

“Things would have been fine, if Hetty hadn’t hatched the plan to keep me, Callen and Sam safe by getting us arrested. Granger ended up getting stabbed, and Det.Whiting got her second wind to come after me. When Kensi was kidnapped by that psycho Ferris, I made a deal with Whiting to tell her the truth if she would let me out to find Kensi. When Whiting was shot by Carl Brown, I thought she was dying and I told her what happened. I am not proud of what I did, but Boyle needed to be stopped. Whiting recovered and now is blackmailing me to help her take down my supervisor, Lt. Bates.”

“Roger Bates?”

“Yeah. He was Army Intelligence back in the day.”

“I know him. What does Whiting want with him?”

“She says she has info that Bates is dirty. I don’t believe it. So I agreed to help her so I can clear his name. I could use your help and guidance and maybe for you to be my lawyer.  Kensi knows everything, obviously.” He looks at her, leans in and kisses her on the cheek and looks into her eyes. “I promised her, no more secrets.” Kensi kisses Deeks back who then turns back to the admiral. “We are thinking of including the wonder twins but I wanted to meet with you first and get your thoughts. I also don’t know when or if Hetty is coming back. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about her. I know you two are close.” Deeks finishes and slumps down, exhausted, but relieved to have had gotten everything out.

Kensi looks at the admiral. “We could really use your help. I won’t lose him. We are prepared to fight this alone, but I think having someone watching our backs is necessary and a good thing.”

AJ eats the last the spoonful of his chowder, puts down his spoon, uses his napkin to wipe his mouth and places it back on this lap.  He takes a long look at the couple. They have been through so much, just in this last year. He had been less than thrilled with Henrietta when she had most of the team arrested. He admired Deeks. He read his file when he first came to OSP. A lawyer, a detective and liaison who holds his own with a highly skilled team of federal agents. His arrest and conviction record was impressive and his NCIS file was equally so. How he survived the torture at the hands of Isaac Siderov was beyond comprehension. Henrietta does know talent when she sees it.

“Ok, I’m in. Roger Bates is a good friend. Set up a meet with him and the three of us. A place like this but not here, as much as I liked the food, we need to keep moving around. Hold off on the meerkats, yeah Granger told me that one, I will let you know when we need them. And good call on assuming everything is bugged. Might be a good idea to get some burn phones for us for now.  Also, as for your feelings about Henrietta, she hasn’t always done things I agree with. I think she’s made some serious missteps, especially with you. That is between you and her and has no bearing on my helping the two of you.”

AJ watches the two partners. He is not sure what Shay Mosely is up to, but separating these two is a big mistake. It also may be time for Deeks to sign those papers to join NCIS officially. But he doesn’t want to leave Bates defenseless. Well, good thing he is hanging in Los Angeles for awhile. Retirement is for old folks. It’s time to get back in the game.

Deeks watches Kensi make a mental shopping list. God, he loves her. She will keep him anchored. And the admiral will help him think straight. Maybe together they can get through this.

It’s going to be an interesting fall.

A/N: Dear reader, I hope you enjoy this fic. Please know that a lot of love, frustration and often confusion went into this story. Based on your preferences I focused on Densi (and Deeks), but also the team as friends to both Kensi and Deeks. I hope you won’t mind my creative interpretation of your preferences. It was done with the very best of intentions.

This story occurs about six months from the season eight finale. Happy reading!

***

Kensi raises an eyebrow, catching Deeks’ gaze as he sidles into the mission, once again just a few minutes short of being late. His lips twitch in what she supposes is meant to be a smile, but it turns into more of a grimace. The twisted feeling in her stomach amps up another notch with each step he takes.

“Cutting it a little short, aren’t we, Deeks?” Callen observes mildly though his gaze is just as focused on the detective. She makes an effort to look away which is difficult given Deeks’ exhausted appearance, his posture slumped in a way that spells defeat. If not for the presence of Sam and Callen she’d be pulling him into her arms as she does every night when he returns home.

“Yeah, my mom is, uh, having some issues with her landlord and asked me for some advice,” Deeks says distractedly. Technically it’s true, though that particular call had come three days ago at 10pm rather than this morning.

“I didn’t know your license was current,” Sam comments, as though he has an actual interest in discussing Deeks’ former career. Kensi wonders just how much they know since neither he nor Callen has called them on the strange schedule Deeks is keeping of late or the guilt she knows is lurking in the back of their eyes.  

“I’m afraid Deeks’ extracurricular activities will have to wait,” Eric announces, arriving at the top of the stairs and cutting Deeks’ reply short. He hooks a thumb behind him, pulling a face. “You’re needed in OPS.”

As the others make their way upstairs, Kensi pulls Deeks to the side, giving him a concerned look.

“What happened? You were gone all night again,” she hisses. The chance that Hetty might materialize behind them at any moment has her glancing around nervously. If she doesn’t end up with an ulcer by the end of this whole mess, she it will be a miracle.

Deeks heaves a sigh, closing his eyes briefly as he shakes his head.

“I’ll tell you later,” he murmurs, his voice just as low as Kensi’s though it appears to be due to exhaustion rather than fear of discovery. Kensi cants her head, questioning his decision to be silent; he’s been pretty good about filling her in and she really doesn’t want him to start hiding things again. “It’s not that,” Deeks adds quickly, seeing her look. “It’s just getting a lot more complicated than I thought it would, which is saying something, and I don’t have the time to explain it now.”

“Is there a problem, Miss Blye?” They both school their expressions as Hetty’s voice drifts down from above though Kensi’s certain that the older woman isn’t fooled in the least.

“No, we’re coming,” Deeks answers for both of them. “I just wanted to tell Kensi about Monty’s vet appointment.” As far as excuses go, it’s fairly believable; Monty has had his share of ill health in the last few months. At the very least it’s better than chronic plumbing problems. Hetty merely accepts it with a slight nod of her head, waiting for them to start up the steps.

***

“We can’t keep this up,” Kensi says in a low voice an hour later. Feeling ridiculously covert, she checks over her shoulder once more before following Deeks into the burn room. Deeks comes to rest against the nearest available surface, his posture slumping again as he brings both hands to his eyes and lets out an unsteady breath. In an instant Kensi’s irritation is gone with the obvious distress she sees in every fiber of his body.

“Baby,” she murmurs and closes the small distance between them to wrap her arms around his broader frame. After a moment’s hesitation she feels his arms lift and settle on her back, his head lowering until his nose is burrowed in her neck. Keeping a soothing rhythm Kensi gently runs her fingers over his muscles, feeling a collection of knots that are courtesy of the ridiculous amount of tension he’s been under recently. His ribs are slightly more prominent as she slides her hands up his sides and along with the loser fit of his clothes, it’s just another item on her list of worries.

“I’m sorry about this,” he says into her neck. “I know I keep saying it, but I never wanted you to have to deal with this crap.” Placing a hand on his jaw, she lifts his head and makes sure she has his full attention before she speaks.

“I want you to stop apologizing because this is not your fault,” she says firmly, punctuating the statement with a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, but if I hadn’t told Whiting–” he begins miserably. It’s an argument that Kensi has heard far too many times to count in the last few months and she treats it with the same level of import as always.

“Deeks, it’s not your fault that Whiting is an opportunistic, blackmailing hag.” Deeks blows out a shaky breath that might just have a hint of a laugh at her unbiased summation. “The point is that you saved her life and told her the truth. And if she can’t see that you’re an honorable man who was just trying to protect a vulnerable girl, then there’s something wrong with her.” Deeks nods, looking even more overwhelmed by her unfailing support.

“Now, I’m not saying that things wouldn’t be a lot easier if you hadn’t told her…” she continues, eliciting the closest thing she’s seen to a grin from him in a long time.

“Yeah, next time I’ll have to remember that,” he says almost playfully. “I love you,” he adds. Lifting a hand, he mirrors her own position, carefully cradling Kensi’s jaw as he brings their lips together.

“I love you too,” Kensi breathes against his lips, slipping a hand up his neck and into the hair curling around the edge of his collar. He’s never let it get this long since she’s known him and though she doesn’t exactly hate it, she can’t help but associate it with his current predicament.

Abandoning all pretense, Kensi tugs at Deeks’ arm, leading them farther into the room until her back hits an unknown piece of equipment. Deeks presses his body tight against hers, his weight welcome after the uncertainty of the night apart. She moans slightly as Deeks angles his head to deepen the kiss and drops a hand to her hip.

The creak of the door opening stills Deeks’ hand which had been slowly creeping towards the edge of her bra.

“I bet they’re in here.” Callen’s voice says, his head popping around the door. “Ha, told you they wouldn’t be in the showers,” he adds to whoever is on the other side of the door before taking in the still embracing couple in front of him.

“I thought you guys had a rule,” he says with vague interest as he and Sam, closely followed by Nell and Eric trail through the door.

“Didn’t really work out for us,” Deeks explains as Kensi gives him one last squeeze and steps back slightly. She keeps one arm low on his back, silently supporting him.

“Right. So you want to tell us what’s going on? Cause I gotta tell you, Sam’s not taking all the secrecy too well.”

“I wasn’t the one who wanted to show up at their house at 12:30 AM when and I quote ‘their guard will be down’ and demand answers,” Sam says irritably. Rolling her eyes, Nell cuts in before either of the older agents can continue their bickering.

“What they’re trying to say, and doing a really bad job of it, I might say, is that we’re worried and we want to know what’s going on. So, who wants to start before Hetty actually comes looking for us?”

“It’s personal and doesn’t need to affect anyone else here,” Deeks answers shortly. Withholding a sigh of exasperation, because she knows he’s just doing what he thinks is best, Kensi squeezes Deeks’ hand briefly until he looks down at her.

“We should tell them,” she says, ignoring the four pairs of curious eyes watching them with various levels of suspicion and interest.

“Kens, you know they can’t get involved in this.” Deeks nods his head in the rest of the team’s direction as he speaks. “No offense, but subtlety isn’t really NCIS’ strong point. And I really don’t need you guys rushing in with guns blazing.”

“Ok, first of all, I personally am very offended,” Callen says, earning another eye roll, this time from Sam. “Second, when has going solo ever worked for any of us?” There is an overabundance of agreement to Callen’s comment, particularly from Sam who seems to have forgotten his own forays into rogueness. Even if we can’t be directly involved, at least will know why you look like you’ve gone one-on-one with a character from The Walking Dead.”

“I do not look that bad,” Deeks mutters, as though it’s the relevant part of the conversation.

“Your eyes have been bloodshot for a week,” Callen rebuts remorselessly. Behind him, Sam makes an irritated noise, pushing past the others so he’s standing directly in front of Kensi and Deeks.

“Deeks, we all know you can counter-argue in your sleep, but why don’t you just make it easy on everyone and spill? Callen’s right, you are exhausted. Maybe it’s not effecting you yet, but the way you’ve been overextending yourself is gonna get you hurt. So just tell us what’s going on with LAPD.” Nell makes a harsh hissing sound.

“You weren’t supposed to mention that,” she murmurs as though she won’t be heard from three feet away.

“You’ve been spying on Deeks,” Kensi says flatly. She shares a glance with her partner who looks equally ticked off at the prospect. No matter their good intentions, they should have known that following Deeks would not go down well. Nell merely shrugs her minute shoulders. As if to say, ‘what did you expect?’

“Well, both of you really,” Eric adds helpfully. “You see, we didn’t know if both you were involved or just Deeks.”

“Awesome,” Deeks mutters under his breath. Kensi gently squeezes his hand again, reminding him that he’s not alone in this. She knows how much he wanted to keep his dealings with Whiting a secret and fears the repercussions if any one of them knows too much or became involved.

“If you still don’t feel like telling us,” Callen begins in an offhand tone, “we can always go to Bates and ask him what’s going on,” Kensi glares at Callen, angry that he would threaten Deeks, when he’s feeling so cornered and overwhelmed.

“Yeah, and I’ll let slip who really knocked over that rare plant Hetty has in her office,” Deeks says after a moment, not to be outdone in the blackmail department. Grabbing Deeks’ shoulder, Kensi turns him so their bodies are facing away from the others, giving the illusion of privacy.

“Deeks, we need to tell them something or they’re not going to give up,” she murmurs. Deeks instantly tenses up as expected, giving her a look of betrayal. “We knew it might come to this. And imagine the trouble they could cause if they think their helping somehow, but only end up making it worse?”  

He sighs, the sound short and exhaustive, running a hand through his hair and turns back to glance at the four people openly watching their every move. Kensi catches Sam’s eye, hoping he’ll have some sense of the added pressure this is putting on Deeks. He nods discreetly and casts a brief glance at his cohorts before clapping his hands together like a coach gathering his wayward players.

“Alright guys, why don’t we give these two a little time to sort things out?” he suggests. Eric and Nell both take a look at his will-not-budge expression and easily agree, scurrying from the room while Callen is less cooperative. Sam places a large hand on his shoulder, gently but firmly steering his partner towards the doorway, he turns the knob, pausing briefly after Callen exits.

“We’ll be looking into Lieutenant Madison’s acquaintances when you get things figured out,” he informs them, clearly insinuating that while he’s giving them a moment to talk without an audience, copping out isn’t an option.

“I’d like to go on record as saying this is a terrible idea,” Deeks says the moment Sam leaves the room. The comment is Deeks through and through, but his tone lacks any of his usual humor and his face is decidedly grim. What she wouldn’t do to make it disappear and have him home again without this miserable worry and threat hanging over both their heads.

“Baby,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms back around him and pulling his head into the crook of her neck. “You know we can’t keep this up. They’re going to find out one way or another and like you said, we won’t be able to control what they decide to do.” Deeks shudders into her neck, the motion working its way straight up his spine and into Kensi. Comfortingly, she runs her fingers through his hair.

“If I tell them what I’m doing for Whiting then I’ll also have to explain what she has on me,” he says, bringing up a point that has been discussed multiple times in the past few weeks and caused quite a bit of dissension.

“Deeks, you told me you thought Sam and Callen already knew, chances are they do. And even if this is a revelation for them, you’ve stood by them without question when their actions have been less than by-the-book,” Kensi reminds him. He has a terrible habit of believing that he’s better off alienating people and having them think the worse than know the truth. There’s good reason for his secrecy she knows, but she also knows their team and whole heartedly believes they will stand behind Deeks.

“What if it changes how they treat me?” he asks, finally voicing his main fear, the same one he later admitted to Kensi after confessing about killing Boyle. “You know how long it took everyone to accept me…” shaking his head as though he can’t quite voice such thoughts, he ducks his head and presses his forehead against Kensi’s shoulder. “I don’t think I could take that,” he finally murmurs in a creaking voice. He sounds so unsure and vulnerable, terrified of losing what he considers his family.

“I know you’re scared,” she whispers into his ear. “I am too. But you can’t keep this up, you know you can’t. You’ve barely slept in three weeks, you’re not eating and you’re so tense I’m worried you’re going to have an aneurysm at any moment. And I don’t care how many times you tell me, I know that what Whiting has you doing is dangerous.”

“Going on the run is sounding better and better,” he mutters into her neck. “We don’t even need to have ice cream.”

“I will buy you an entire gallon of that expensive organic stuff with the free-range milk,” Kensi offers as though she’s compromising a visit to the doctor with a reluctant child rather than the reveal of Deeks’ deepest secret.

“I thought they only sold it in pints,” he points out, his words still muffled by her skin. Kensi snorts but doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to make his decision and silently holding him as tightly as she can. No matter how much it hurts her to see him in this situation, she knows that the decision to tell the others is fully his to make.

“Ok,” Deeks says a few minutes later, lifting his head from Kensi’s shoulder. It takes a bit of restraint not to pull him back to the safety of her embrace. He sniffs loudly and blows out a short breath. “Let’s do this,” he says in a determined voice.

“I am so proud of you,” Kensi tells him, overcome by a sudden wave of emotion. “Don’t think for a minute that I don’t realize how hard this is for you or the possible implications. I just want you to be able to live without anything hanging over your head.” Deeks nods, now reassuring her.

“I know,” he says simply. His gaze is filled with love as he leans down to kiss Kensi, his hand pressing hard against the back of her head for a moment before he lets go.

***

The rest of the team waits by their desks as promised with a collection of files open before them which seem to be mostly for appearance sake. Eric and Nell have commandeered Kensi and Deeks spots momentarily and appear to be in the middle of a somewhat heated conversation when they arrive, fingers linked.

“You know, it’s rude to talk about people when they’re still in the building,” Deeks interrupts, bringing an abrupt halt to the bickering. Callen turns with an expectant expression, not bothering to comment while Sam’s gaze flicks between Kensi and Deeks linked hands and up to their faces. He nods once in admiration as he notes the resolve in Deeks’ posture. Despite the snarkiness it’s obvious that he’s made a decision.

Deeks turns his head slightly, glancing at Kensi out of the corner of his eye. She may have pushed him to be open with the team, but she knows that ultimately what he tells them and how much is his decision. With that thought in mind she squeezes Deeks’ hand and waits.

He clears his throat once, not to gain attention because everyone is already completely focused on him, but rather to gain some sort of control in this less than desirable situation.

“Ok, I know I owe you all the truth, but before I tell you anything I need you to promise me that you won’t try to interfere. Even if you think it’s the right thing to do,” Deeks says, earning a few looks of surprise that the confession hasn’t begun though Sam nods once more with a mixture of approval and understanding. “Things are already terrible and bringing NCIS into it will only make it ten times worse.” When he receives four various signs of assent, he blows out a short breath and continues,

“About six months ago, Detective Whiting contacted me asking if I wanted to get coffee and talk.”

“Ok, I didn’t see that coming,” Nell comments. “She’s the last person I expected you to be having a tete-a-tete with.”

“Well, she wasn’t exactly my first choice either,” Deeks says dryly, his dislike of Whiting momentarily overcoming his worry and allowing a hint of sarcasm through. He sucks in a long breath, immediately releasing it and rolls his shoulders as though psyching himself up for a difficult pitch. “Beverages aside, Whiting also had another request.”

“What did she want, Deeks?” Sam asks gently.

“To help her investigate Bates without him knowing. She thinks he’s dirty,” he responds in one rushed breath as though getting it out before he can stop himself. A little bit of tension eases from his shoulders with that first hurdle behind him.

“How does she think you can help?” Nell asks, her brows furrowed. “I mean, you haven’t really worked any LAPD cases in like, what, 4 or 5 years.”

“Whiting thinks Bates likes and at the very least, trusts me, which means he’ll be less suspicious if I’m snooping.”

“Like that worked so well last time,” Nell says under her breath.

“So that’s what you’ve been doing for the last 2 months,” Callen surmises. “Spying on Bates.” He pauses to share a look with his partner that clearly says, ‘I told you so’ but Sam just shakes his head, pointing his chin in Deeks’ direction.

“I do what I can when I’m not needed here, although Whiting’s been pushing for me to spend more time at the station,” Deeks allows. He follows the statement up with a deep sigh, likely thinking of the arguments this particular point has brought on. The first time he’d come home after a full 48 hours without contact Kensi had been sick with worry which quickly morphed into anger when Deeks had shrugged off her concern with an exhausted and evasive shake of his head. It feels good that someone else knows, even if there’s nothing they can do about it.

“For my cover, Whiting spun this story that I’m actually investigating two other questionable cops in the precinct. Bates things Hetty agreed to let me help out in a show of interagency cooperation,” he adds. Eric snorts, speaking for the first time since they entered the room.

“Seriously?” At the teams’ questioning looks he clarifies. “If Bates actually believes that then he doesn’t know Hetty very well. Plus Deeks has a clause in his NCIS contract that says she has to sign off on any LAPD run operations. There’s no way Hetty would just ok an op like this without talking to Bates at all.” Eric’s voice holds a note of irritation and perhaps worry at what he clearly feels is a poorly thought out cover story.

Deeks shrugs. “Bates has so much going on right now with demands for more cops, increased accountability, not to mention the constant threat of budget cuts that I doubt he can remember what he had for breakfast let alone whether or not he signed a paper with my name at the top,” he explains, a touch of defensiveness leaking through on behalf a man he has grown to respect.

“Well, that answers the ‘what’, now how about the ‘why’?” Nell prompts, ever the pragmatic. “Clearly Detective Whiting is blackmailing you for something.” Deeks flinches as though Nell’s words have physically hurt him. Making a soothing noise, Kensi smooths her hand down his back, past the point of caring what anyone thinks of her hands-on approach.

“He hasn’t done anything wrong,” she says, instantly jumping to his defense. It earns five varied looks of surprise and interest, but again, she finds she doesn’t care what they think.

“Nell didn’t say he did, Kensi,” Sam reminds her softly. Only slightly mollified, Kensi sends a sweeping glare around the room. She had promised Deeks that the team would be supportive and while they’re not exactly accusing him of anything, the leading questions have her on edge. Just as she’s taking a step forward, readying another barb, Deeks interrupts.

“Before you offer any more help or implicate yourselves in this gigantic mess, you should know that Whiting is blackmailing me and her charges against me were legitimate. I did kill Francis Boyle. I could go into all kinds of explanation and excuses, but I’ll just stick with: Boyle hurt Tiffany and I stopped him from ever having that opportunity again,” Deeks says in a purposeful, even and unapologetic tone. He doesn’t pause once in his explanation. There’s a rather disappointing lack of response when he finishes; no one gasps or looks horrified, confirming their theory that at least certain members know. Kensi is perhaps the most surprised by Deeks’ sudden reveal.

“Feel better?” Callen asks simply.

“That’s a lot of weight to carry for a lotta years, it’s good to have it out in the open,” Sam says gravely, but sounding once again oddly proud at the same time.

“You don’t care?” Deeks asks, his voice caught between disbelief, perhaps a little anger and definitely a lot of shock.

“Babe, don’t push it,” Kensi instructs quietly. Although she says it somewhat jokingly, there’s absolutely no reason so invite trouble. She’s feeling a little light-headed herself and is struggling not to pepper their team with questions.

Callen takes one look at Deeks’ slightly pale complexion and bewildered expression and hooks a foot around a spare chair, sliding it towards the other man.

“You look like you could use this,” he says with a smirk. Deeks wordlessly sinks into it, looking immensely grateful for the support before Sam starts speaking again.

“I think we all understand the kind of secret you’ve been keeping, we’ve all had them,” Sam explains, gesturing at each person in turn. Somehow Kensi sincerely doubts that any of them have felt the pressure of knowing they actually killed someone, but she accepts the pardon without question. “We know the kind of man you are and the kind of man Francis Boyle was. That’s enough. You protected an innocent person, I would hope the rest of us would do the same given the situation.”

Beside her, Kensi sees Deeks’ lip caught between his teeth as he attempts to deal with the emotional upheaval of the last few minutes. She know that the five people currently staring at him with varying levels of fondness and exasperation aren’t helping any so she leans down to wrap her arm around his shoulders and presses a kiss to the side of his head.

“And you all feel the same way?” she feels the need to ask. Eric and Nell have both been fairly silent and she wants to be completely certain there’s no hesitation on their part. Nell appears slightly hurt by the implication but it’s Eric who speaks up, his voice quiet and as serious as she’s ever heard it.

“I had a chance to see Steadman’s work firsthand and I trolled through so many reports against him and Boyle that…Tiffany was lucky you were there for her,” he concludes.

Deeks shakes his head. “I don’t…I don’t even know what to say,” he stutters, his voice horse. He presses his hand tight against his mouth, as though he can keep the overwhelming emotion inside by sheer force.

“That’s a first,” Callen chimes in, drawing a derisive snort from his partner. They give Deeks a few minutes to compose himself, the chatter starting back up while Kensi rubs his shoulders. While she greatly appreciates their support, she can’t help but wish for another minute alone.

“So what have you found out?” Nell asks “Is Bates guilty or is he the most unlucky man when it comes to IA investigations? Second to you, of course.”

“I don’t know. All I can tell is that Bates has been running a lot of undercover operations and working to weed out some bad apples. It means he doesn’t particularly care that I’m working on Whiting’s little project. But in order to back up my cover story, I actually have to spend time around these guys, which also means the occasional shift as back up. It’s not exactly easy to hang out with an LAPD lieutenant as it is, seems kind of suspicious and all, but now my time is just about cut in half.”

“You said you were making progress,” Kensi admonishes quietly.

“I didn’t want you to worry and compared to how things were going the first couple weeks, I am making progress,” he explains.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Callen points out, catching on to his obvious reluctance to implicate his superior. “Come on Deeks. You’ve never had a problem saying it like it is before this. If you think Bates might be involved in something, then spill.”

“Look, all I can tell is that there’s been a lot of compromised covers and operations in the last few years, but whether or not Bates is involved in some way, I don’t know. I got a chance to look over some paperwork from a botched job and it seems like Bates did everything by the book,” Deeks explains tiredly.

“You said Whiting mentioned something about finding evidence while investigating you,” Kensi reminds him suddenly, bringing up a bit of information that had obviously slipped through Deeks’ already overcrowded mind. “Do you know what that evidence was?” He shakes his head, dispelling Kensi’s momentary excitement.

“No clue…I’d need to see the files but I have restricted access to all files from my case. But the only way I can think Bates could possibly be involved is if Whiting found out he helped me bust out of LAPD and that’s not something to start this kind of investigation over,”

“Maybe he enacted a little…social justice himself,” Nell suggests slowly, her voice rising higher as she speaks. Perhaps she’s worried that Deeks’ will lash out or react in some other negative way, but he merely shakes his head.

“Bates has way too much control for that.”

“So what’s your plan moving forward?” Callen asks.

“I don’t know, man. What I do know is that I can’t let it interfere with my work with NCIS or Hetty will decide to intervene, but I also can’t put Whiting off any more than I have,” Deeks says and Kensi is disappointed to notice that any positive effects of the last half hour have completely disappeared, leaving his mood as despondent as ever.

“I might be able to help with that,” Nell slips a hand into the pocket of her cardigan and removes a familiar looking object. “It’s not exactly the cavalry, but it should help if you get into trouble,” she says, extending the earwig in Deeks’ direction. He stands and silently takes it, his expression unreadable.

“Nell, I appreciate this but…”

“I set it to its own private frequency so no one else should be able to access it unless they’re already linked in and an agent-in-distress alert will be sent to all of our phones if you have it turned on and use the distress word three times in a row,” she continues, talking over Deeks’ protest and then again at his reluctant expression. “This is more important than anything Hetty can do if and when she inevitably finds out. I am not going to let you play Whiting’s fall guy.” Her expression is so fierce and determined that Deeks would be stupid to attempt further protest.

“Alright then,” he murmurs with a very faint smirk.

“And um, if Hetty mentions something about a two week long LAPD training seminar, just go along with it?” Eric adds, looking just as fierce as Nell and somewhat pleased with himself. “That should give you a little more time to investigate without taking a graveyard shift.”

“Do I even want to know how you generated that memo?” Deeks asks, looking overwhelmed by the generosity of their friends.

“Nope,” Eric answers immediately and definitively. “Suffice it to say that the course coordination office had a little snafu with their database.”

“Guys, we really don’t want you to get in any trouble,” Kensi reiterates. “This doesn’t even come close to a sanctioned operation and you’re using NCIS resources, hacking LAPD…” she trails off, letting the mounting pile of minor offenses sink in. Sparing a glance at Deeks, she worries for a moment that she’s overstepped her bounds, but he’s nodding in agreement.

“You don’t know how much I appreciate everything you guys are doing, have done, but I need you to understand that Whiting is not afraid of bringing down anyone who gets in her way. She’s already threatened to bring Kensi in for questioning which is part of the reason why I haven’t pushed back. And she’s knows it.” Deeks says, glancing at Kensi in particular. He knows that this is a sore spot with her; she hates being a weakness of any sort.

“If we don’t do anything, then she’s just gonna get her claws in deeper and deeper, Deeks,” Callen points out, sounding frustrated by the constant requests to stand down. “You need to show her that she doesn’t hold all the power.”

“Well right now she does,” he snaps back, blowing out a short breath a second later and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Whiting’s smart and plays mostly by the book from what I can tell. If she’s been blackmailing other officers into helping her, there’s no evidence. Not that I haven’t been looking when I have the chance. It’d have to be pretty damning though and I’d have to be sure she had absolutely no conclusive proof I was guilty.”

“Then we have a plan: Nell and Eric, find something on Whiting that is worthy of counter-blackmail without being too obvious, Deeks will keep Whiting happy and the rest of us will make sure he doesn’t get himself arrested again or killed,” Callen sums up, wearing a self-satisfied expression.

A shrill beeping interrupts suddenly, the sound drawing everyone’s gaze to Eric’s right pocket.

“Ah, Hetty’s just left the Commissioner’s office,” he explains, silencing the alarm. “We better get to ops.”

“We’ll go with you,” Sam says, getting up from his chair.

“But there’s nothing for us to do in ops,” Callen complains, earning an eye roll from his partner.

“We’ll find something for you to do,” Sam retorts while tugging a mildly resisting Callen away from his desk. On the way past, Sam squeezes Deeks’ shoulder. “I’m sure Nell has lots of files that need to be destroyed.”

“Do you ever get the feeling we’re not in control of our lives?” Kensi asks as they watch the pair argue their way up to ops.

“Every single day since I met you,” he jokes.  

***

Later that day, well night really, Kensi is driving home, one hand on the steering wheel and the other grasping Deeks’. His body is angled away from her, forehead propped against the passenger window. She might think that he’s angry with her if it weren’t for the almost undetectable brushing of his thumb across her knuckle.

They’re driving home together for the first time in over a week and despite Deeks’ solemn mood, she can’t help but feel a touch of contentment.

“What did Whiting say when you told her you weren’t coming in tonight?” she asks, partially out of curiosity but also hoping that it will draw Deeks out of his own thoughts.

“I don’t know. Left a voicemail,” he answers in short, clipped sentences. After a few more moments of silence he slowly shifts himself around until he’s facing her, a groan or two slipping out when his legs get caught in the small space. “I thought about what Callen’s said earlier and he’s right,”

“Wow, I’m pretty sure that’s the firsts time those words have ever left your mouth,” she jokes, pleased when it earns her a brief smirk. Deeks brings her hand to his lips and presses a soft, lingering kiss there.

“Well, today’s been full of surprises, so why not?” he murmurs. “I can’t let Whiting have this kind of control over me. If I make it through this investigation with my badge, and that’s a big if, she’s still going to have Boyle to hang over my head. There’s nothing to stop her from using me as her personal mole indefinitely.”

“So what are you going to do?” Kensi asks, internally relieved that he’s being sensible. Deeks sighs, letting go of her hand to run his fingers through his hair. She misses the contact immediately and once again realizes how little time they’ve had together recently.

“Figure I’ll start with any officers she’s investigated and look for evidence of misconduct…anything that will give me an edge,” He shrugs, his expression bleak as he goes back to watching the darkened blurs that represent trees and bushes.

“Well I’m down for any plan that gets Whiting off our backs for good,” Kensi says lightly although deep down she’d rather approach the IA detective in a more hands-on manner. When she’d heard that Whiting had been shot, she’d been sympathetic, putting aside her dislike. Any compassion had evaporated the second Whiting had approached Deeks with her proposition.

“I need you to do something for me,” Deeks says suddenly, still staring out the window.

“Of course,” she agrees immediately in her eagerness to help. It’s only a moment later that Kensi recognizes the guilt and hesitation in his voice for what it is. “You’re going to say something really stupid now, aren’t you,” she predicts. Deeks presses his lips together.

“You have to stay away from Whiting and LAPD this time. I don’t care what she does or says but I don’t want her to have another opportunity to threaten you or force you into testifying against me. If you think it’s bad now, it’s probably only going to get worse and you can’t play into her hands.”

“If you remember, it didn’t work last time she tried,” Kensi points out, her mouth dry at what she things Deeks is suggesting. He’s already pushed her away enough as it is and she’s terrified he’ll try something really stupid, like putting off their engagement.

Deeks makes a derisive noise in the back of his throat. “Yeah, only because you were abducted and Whiting got shot,” he retorts. Pulling into the driveway, Kensi puts the car in park before throwing up her hands in exasperation.

“Fine, I won’t provoke her. But if I find out she’s putting you in danger or risking your career, I will not just stand by.” Deeks nods at her fierce words. “We’re partners,” she continues in a softer voice. “Here at home, at work, wherever, whatever we do, no matter how many IA Detectives come after you. I’m not going to abandon you and there is no way in hell I’m letting this force us apart. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again since you apparently are experiencing short term memory loss: “I love you and I am not going anywhere, ever.” Deeks sniffs a couple times, refusing to meet her gaze.

“This has the potential to get a lot worse,” he whispers again.

“Only if you try and go off by yourself like an idiot,” she replies stubbornly. She watches Deeks’ face in his window, waiting for him to react with his typical wit and when he doesn’t, she grabs his, kissing it in the same place he had hers. His head falls then, that guilty, miserable expression she hates so much back again. She’d give anything to see him smiling and laughing once more.

“This isn’t fair,” he whispers. Scooting over in her seat until the console impedes further movement, she places her palms on Deeks’ cheeks, ignoring his mild resistance. She gently pulls his forehead down to meet hers and relishes the moments when he finally leans into her touch.

“None of the crap we’ve been through in the last eight years has been fair,” she reminds him. “But we’ve always made it through together and this is no different.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this one,” he admits on a sigh, the sounds making Kensi’s chest throb. “Even if I find evidence against Whiting, it might not be enough or in time to be go any good.

“We will,” she assures him. “We will. And when this is all over we are going to plan out wedding and get married and go on a ridiculously expensive honeymoon in the middle of nowhere, where Hetty won’t even be able to find us.” Deeks chuckles weakly at her fierce tone and nods his head again.

“Ok,” he agrees, leaning down until his lips meet Kensi’s, his hands clasping the back of her head to pull that much closer. He is exquisitely gentle as he eases her lips apart.

“I love you so much,” he breathes into her mouth. As they stumble from the car and through the front door, Kensi knows that one night of lovemaking isn’t going to fix anything. She’s desperate for the reprieve though and as Deeks presses her against their bedroom wall, she silently vows to do whatever it takes to keep him safe.

Summary: When the team’s weekend plans are revealed Deeks and Kensi worry that they’ve become the “boring” couple at work. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

“Good morning.” Deeks trailed kisses down Kensi’s shoulder, reveling in the softness of her skin as she woke slowly.

“Mmmm…good morning,” she replied, refusing to open her eyes.

Deeks settled onto his side, tracing lazy patterns on her back with his fingertips. “It’s Monday.”

“I know.”

“We have to go to work.”

“Nooooo,” she moaned, burrowing deeper into her pillow.

“If we get up now we’ll have to time workout and get donuts,” he whispered in her ear.

“How about we skip the workout and just eat donuts?”

“Because then you’re going to look like a donut,” he told her, poking her side.

She cracked one eye to glare at him but didn’t move. “I don’t care. People love donuts.”

“True. I definitely do love donuts.” He leaned over and planted a kiss on her lips.

“You better.” Kensi slid a hand across his chest, raising herself onto her elbow and pressing her lips to his in a manner that was anything but chaste.

He responded immediately, his fingers tangling into her hair, pulling her body as close to his as he could manage while she stole the breath from his lungs.

“What if I told you that I knew a way we could stay in bed and workout at the same time?” he asked.

“Really?” she looked skeptical.

“Oh yeah. This is a very special kind of partner workout.”

His lips claimed hers again and things were just getting interesting when she put a hand on his chest and pushed him away. “Wait, wait!”

He stilled immediately.

“Will we still have time for donuts?”

He grinned. “Definitely. And the harder we work out, the more donuts we can eat.”

She rolled on top of him. “I’m in.”

As they wandered into the mission two hours later Deeks pinched his girlfriend’s butt and she swatted his hand away playfully. “Stop that! We’re at work.”

“That’s not what you said last week in the burn room,” he whispered.

“Morning!” Callen called, effectively putting an end to their private moment.

“Good morning.” Kensi set a box of donuts on his desk. “Breakfast is served.”

“Well thank you,” Callen replied, taking one and munching on it as he leaned back in his chair.

“Morning.” Sam appeared, a smile across his face.

“Well you’re looking chipper this morning,” Deeks observed. “Somebody had a good weekend.”

“Amazing,” Sam told them as he settled at his desk. “Michelle and I took a redeye to Hawaii. Did some snorkeling, hiking, cave diving. Ate the best shrimp of my life. No kids,” he glanced toward the staircase and lowered his voice, “no Hetty. Best weekend ever.”

“Wow, a weekend of fun and adventure. Well done,” Callen commented.

“And what’d you do this weekend?” Sam asked. “Sit around eating cold pizza in your underwear?”

“Please,” Callen scoffed. “I bought a new car.”

“Seriously?” Deeks asked as he added milk to his coffee.

“Didn’t even know you were looking G,” Sam said.

“I wasn’t. But it was a great deal. Surround sound, Bluetooth wireless, seat warmers, automatic start…”

“What do you need automatic start for in California?” Kensi asked.

“You never know when you might need to make a quick getaway,” Callen said.

“Who’s making a quick getaway?” Eric asked as he hopped down the stairs.

“Callen bought a new car,” Deeks said.

“Nice.” Eric nodded appreciatively. “Nell and I went to this Speakeasy that you need a secret code to get into. Everybody in there was dressed in steampunk garb. It was amazing.”

“It totally was,” Nell chimed in as she joined them. “They asked us to come back and perform on the regular.”

“Our karaoke duet of Light My Candle will be spoken about in hushed tones for many years to come,” Eric proclaimed.

“Sounds like a blast,” Callen told them.

“Just because it’s not your idea of a fun weekend, doesn’t mean it wasn’t amazing,” Nell informed him.

“That is true,” Sam said with a laugh.

“How about you guys?” Eric asked. “What did you do this weekend?”

Kensi and Deeks glanced at each other. “Uh, well, we…just watched some Netflix. Ordered some pizza,” Kensi said.

“No big plans? No adventures?” Callen asked.

“Well, I mean, the finer points of our weekend can’t be shared in polite company,” Deeks said quickly, flashing Kensi a grin, while she glared at him.

“And we’d rather you not,” Sam grunted.

Nell put a hand on Kensi’s shoulder. “It sounds like you guys had a nice, quiet weekend at home.”

“Yeah, we did,” Kensi said slowly.

“All right everyone we have work to do,” Hetty appeared from nowhere, encouraging them all up the staircase.

“What’d you do this weekend, Hetty?” Sam asked.

“Well Mr. Hanna, I spent most of my weekend visiting an old friend in New York taking in some shows. Stephen knows all of the best little hole in the wall places for dim sum.”

“Stephen…” Deeks said slowly. “Not, Stephen Sondheim?”

“One and the same Mr. Deeks,” Hetty told him as they stepped into Ops. “We had quite the adventures back in our day. But enough of that. Onto the task at hand.”

Kensi pulled the car to a stop and turned off the ignition.

“You’re quiet. You all right?” Deeks asked.

“Yeah.”

Deeks waited. “You sure?”

Kensi sighed and turned so she could look at him directly. “Are we… …boring?”

“Oh god, you felt that too?!” Deeks cried.

“Yes! What the hell? When did it become a rule that you had to have an exciting, thrill seeking adventure every single weekend?”

“I mean, we do plenty of fun stuff all the time!”

“Definitely. We are not boring.”

“So not boring.”

“I mean, it has been awhile since we went out on a weekend,” Kensi said slowly.

“Right, but we’ve been busy,” Deeks pointed out. “And we like our weekends at home.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They got out of the car and started toward the house. “Remember when we went to Mammoth the weekend after we got together?” Kensi asked.

“Oh, I remember,” Deeks said with a grin. “It’s one of my top five vacations with you. Although the trip to the Bahamas is definitely my favorite.”

“You just like that one because my top came off in the ocean,” Kensi said dryly.

“That definitely puts it at number one, yeah.”

“I liked the time we went hiking and it poured rain.”

“You only like that one because my pants ripped and I had to hike down the mountain in my boxers!”

She smirked. “Definitely puts it at number one.” Her smile faded. “God, maybe we are boring.”

“No, no we’re not,” Deeks protested.

“Deeks. The last time we left the house on a weekend, it was to get toilet cleaner and paper towels. What happened to us?”

He winced. “Yeah, okay. Maybe we are boring.”

“Damn it! How did this happen?!”

“I don’t know! Don’t look at me!”

“There are a lot of things I want to be in this life but boring is not one of them!”

“Well it’s not like I want to be boring either!” Deeks rapped on the door of the house they were visiting.

“God, we used to be so exciting. Back when we were sneaking around, nobody knew we were dating.”

“They all knew.”

“But we didn’t know that they knew! It was exciting and fun and…” Kensi let her head fall back against the wall. “We’re old. We’re old and boring, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Might as well dig our graves and shove us in. I just thought we had more time,” Deeks said dramatically.

She punched him. “I’m serious!”

“I am too!”

There was muffled yelling from inside the house and they immediately reached for their weapons. “Ready?” Deeks asked.

Kensi nodded and he kicked in the door. “NCIS!”

Glass shattered as someone went out a back window. “I’m on it!” Deeks yelled.

He charged out the door in time to see someone scaling the fence in the backyard. “Shit.”

He jumped, grunting when his shirt caught on the wall and he felt his flesh tear. His feet hit the dirt on the other side and in the second it took him to get his bearings someone knocked him to the ground, the breath leaving his lungs in a rush as his gun flew out of his hand. A guy landed on top of him, a big, beefy, smelly guy and Deeks barely got his hands up in time to keep from getting pummeled in the face.

They scuffled the guy’s knee finding Deeks’ ribs. He grunted and this time didn’t get his hands up, taking a hit directly to his face. Spots danced in his vision and he twisted, flipping them over so he had the upper hand. He managed to get in one good punch before the guy got him with a foot to the stomach.

He rolled off, gasping in pain as the other guy got to his feet. Deeks drove into him with his shoulder, knocking him down once more. This time he managed to get his attacker onto his stomach. “Stay down,” he wheezed, reaching for his handcuffs.

“Get off me!”

Deeks shoved a knee into the man’s spine. “I said stay down.”

He got to his feet, wincing as he began to feel the pain of his injuries. Blood seeped from a cut in his side and he could feel the left side of his face starting to swell. It also kind of hurt to breathe. “We literally just wanted to talk to you man. Why’d you have to be like that?”

“I’m not talking to no pigs!”

Deeks hauled him to his feet, not feeling bad at all when the guy stumbled. “Get up. Let’s go.”

He marched him around to the front of the house where Kensi was waiting, her suspect sitting on the curb. “What happened to you?” she asked in concern.

“Me? What happened to you?” Deeks asked taking in her fat lip and the trails of blood flowing from cuts on her arms and legs.

“Someone didn’t feel like chatting with her mouth. She wanted to do it with a knife instead,” Kensi glared at the offending woman.

“Yeah well my new special friend over here used his fists so I can’t honestly say we had a much better time,” he examined an especially nasty cut on her arm. “That looks like it might need stitches.”

“And you might need a tetanus shot.” She lifted up the hem of his tattered shirt and looked at the wound there.

“Super.”

Hours later Deeks winced and barely stifled a moan as Kensi pressed an ice pack on his face. “Ow.”

“Yeah, right back at ya.” She eased back onto the couch gingerly, holding her own ice pack to her lip.

“One of those things you never get used to. Running after bad guys, fine. Searching dumpsters, not a problem. Dead body in an alley, just a Tuesday. But getting the crap beat out of you never, ever gets any easier,” Deeks said with a sigh.

“Definitely not.” She looked at him. “Your stitches okay?”

He looked down at the white gauze covering his side. “For now. Yours?”

She checked her arm. “Yep.” She snuggled against his side, careful not to put pressure on any of his bandages or her own. “How many other couples do you think sit around comparing battle wounds after a day at the office?”

“I’m going to take a wild guess here and say not too many. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Smith. James Bond and whoever he took home tonight.”

“So we’re in good company then?”

“Definitely. A small but elite group of ass-kickers, saving the world and taking the consequences.”

“Well at least our day job’s not boring.”

They settled into silence, the TV providing mindless background noise.  Kensi felt herself getting drowsy. “I think I kind of like being boring with you,” she said quietly.

Deeks smiled, interlocking his fingers with hers as she snuggled even closer. “Yeah, me too.”

***********

“So, I see you’ve been taking some crime fighting tips from me.” Eric grinned at Deeks.

“I’m sorry.” Deeks tilted his head. “What was that?”

“The flashbang pin. You have one with you everyday. You must be going through a lot of them.”

“Oh, that…”

“No need to thank me. I’m glad I could help you out.”

“No, no, Eric. That’s not it. I haven’t been using flashbangs.”

“Oh, you haven’t?” His disappointment was obvious as his face fell. “I just assumed… I guess…”

“It’s okay, Eric. It’s actually been the same pin everyday. And it’s not one I used.”

“Who used it?”

Deeks smiled and looked down that the pin in his hand. “It’s from Kensi. We were in the field and she was inspired to… propose.”

Eric’s eyes brightened and a smile formed across his face. “Propose? Marriage?! Like, you mean… Kensi asked for you to marry her?!”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.”

“Wow. That’s amazing”

“Yeah, it was. I mean, at first it really caught me off guard. We had talked about getting married and I even tried proposing to her a bunch of times, but it never worked out because of bad timing or one of us being unconscious.. I guess she just got to a point where she was ready right then and there and not having an actual ring wasn’t going to stop Kensi Blye.”

Eric laughed. “No, that definitely wouldn’t have stopped her.”

“It’s funny, because I know it’s just a flashbang pin… but I haven’t wanted to let go of it. The whole thing was just so perfectly her and it makes me happy everytime I see it.”

“You know, I was excited to see it because I thought it meant something else, but this…” Eric smiled. “This is so much better. I’m really happy for you two.”

“Thanks, Beale. We haven’t told too many people because things have been so crazy around here, but it feels good to finally tell someone.”

“This is really happy news. And we definitely could use some of that around here,” Eric said.

“That’s for sure.”

“By the way, if you guys are interested, I’ve been learning the bagpipes and I’d love…”

“Let me stop you right there, Beale.”

“Come on, hear me out. Imagine Kensi walking down the aisle accompanied by...”

“No, no, no. If there are bagpipes at our wedding, Kensi might come after you with a flashbang.”

************

“He finally asked you?” Talia squealed as Kensi showed off the ring on her left hand.

“Well, not exactly.”

“So what exactly happened? You guys have been talking and acting like you’re engaged for months but this is the first time I’ve seen the ring.”

Kensi laughed. “Well, what exactly happened is… I asked him.”

“Haha holy shit, that’s amazing! I wish I could have been there to see the look on his face!”

“He was pretty stunned and at first he was not into it. You know, him being the guy and wanting to be the one proposing.”

“It’s not like he didn’t try before,” Talia said. “Multiple times, in fact.”

“Yeah, but one of those times shouldn’t count because he didn’t have a ring and another time shouldn’t count because I was in a freaking coma.”

“Excuses. So this time you just did it and didn’t let him say no?”

“Yup.” Kensi smiled. “I got down on one knee and everything.”

“Well, I couldn’t be more happy for you guys. And I couldn’t be more excited for the bachlorette party.”

“What makes you think I’m having one?” Kensi asked.

“Because I’m the one who’s gonna plan it.”

“Wow, okay. I don’t know whether to be scared or excited.”

Talia winked at her friend. “Probably both.”

**********

Deeks and Kensi walked into the armory, finding Nell and Callen already there. Nell gave them a huge smile.

“So, you guys are telling people now?” Nell whispered excitedly.

Kensi just held up her left hand and smiled.

“That’s wonderful! Congrats to the future Mr. and Mrs. Deeks!”

Deeks laughed. “Thanks, Nell. But just so you know, we might turn out to be Mr. and Mrs. Blye.”

Kensi smacked Deeks on the arm and he feigned being hurt.

Nell reached for Kensi’s left hand and stared at the ring. “Nice job, Deeks. It’s beautiful.”

Callen was still engrossed in clean his weapon when Nell turned to him. “Did you hear the happy news?”

“What was that?” Callen asked, without looking up.

“Kensi and Deeks are engaged! Isn’t that exciting?”

He looked up at all of them. “I thought you two were already engaged.”

“No, of course not. Not yet,” said Kensi.

“You can understand my confusion on the subject. You two have been talking about it for awhile. Hell, you’ve been acting like you’re married for years.” Callen smirked.

Deeks smiled. “We learned from you and Sam.”

Kensi smacked him again. “We’ve been talking about it, but it hasn’t been official until recently.”

“Well, congratulations, you two. And just to show how much you mean to me, I’ll tell you for sure that there is a greater than fifty percent chance that I might be at your wedding. As long as it doesn’t cut my being away from other people time.”

“Thanks, man,” Deeks said. “Coming from you, that strangely means a lot.”

**********

“I owe you a congratulations.” Sam clapped Deeks on his back.

“Oh… you heard about that?”

“I saw the ring.” Sam smiled. “You’re not the only one who can detect around here.”

Deeks laughed. “Yeah, I guess not. Thanks, man.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Look… I’m sorry we didn’t tell you in person. I was just…”

Sam held up his hand. “I know. It’s okay.”

“It was so soon after and we didn’t want to be insensitive…”

“Deeks, seriously, it’s okay. I appreciate the concern, but you shouldn’t let what happened stop you from being happy about good things in your life.”

He sighed. ”Yeah, I know. I know that’s not what you really need from us.”

“It’s also not what Michelle would have wanted either.”

“It just… it sucks so much. You and Michelle were always so supportive of mine and Kensi’s relationship and I wish she was here to share this news with.”

Sam ran his hand along his jaw. “I wish that everyday about a lot of things.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. But, again, I want you two to be happy. Michelle and I started out the same way you guys did, and we always knew that life was short and unpredictable and because of that we made the most of the time we had. It would honor her if you two did the same.”

Tears formed in Deeks’s eyes. His heart broke for his friend who lost his wife and for their children who lost their mother. Nothing about it felt fair or right. A strong, beautiful, kind woman was gone forever and they were all powerless to stop it from happening. Deeks longed to be able to help his friend through this time, but there wasn’t much that could be done. The only thing he could do is exactly what Sam had said. Honor Michelle with a life well lived.

Deeks placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Thanks, friend. That’s exactly what we’ll do.”

************

Kensi’s brow furrowed as she looked down at her buzzing phone. She kept getting phone calls from a blocked number. She was reluctant to answer, especially since no one should be calling her on her work phone from a blocked number. She had thought a few times before of maybe asking Nell or Eric to trace the calls.

But the easiest way to find out was just to answer it, right?

“Hello?”

“It’s about time. You’re starting to make me feel a little unwanted, Agent Blye.”

Kensi recognized the gruff voice right away. Although it sounded weaker than she remembered. “Granger?”

“I’m glad you haven’t forgotten about me.”

“No, of course not,” Kensi said. “I mean, you just disappeared and we’ve been worried.”

“I’m taking care of myself. Don’t worry.”

“I don’t doubt you can take care of yourself, sir. But according to Hetty, you’re not well.”

“I’ve lived a full life,” Granger said. “None of us live forever. Especially not me, after all I’ve put myself through. I’m lucky I’ve made it this far.”

“Well, I would have liked to say good bye. All of us would have.”

“I’m sorry about the way I went about it, but there were some important things I wanted to make sure got done.”

“You had to see your daughter,” Kensi said.

“Yes. We only just found each other. It doesn’t seem fair that we won’t get to know each other like I wanted to. But I have some time left and I want to spend it with her.”

“I understand.”

Granger coughed. “So I’ve been trying to call because I understand that a congratulations are in order.”

Kensi smiled. “How did you know?”

“I have my ways.”

“Well, thank you. It’s been a long time coming and we couldn’t be happier. Except I’d love it if you could be there for the wedding. We both would have.”

“I would have liked that too.”

“I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, but you were friends with my dad and you were someone he could turn to when he was in trouble.” Her voice began to crack and she cleared her throat. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

“He did the same for me.”

“I wish… I wish you and I could have had more conversations about him. I never really thought about it when we had the time.”

“I would have liked that. I know Don would have too.”

“I hate that he won’t be at my wedding,” Kensi said. “Same goes for you too.”

“Don would have been the happiest father of the bride in the world. I know he would have given Deeks a hard time, but he would have been happy for you two. Deeks is a good man and Don would have seen that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kensi laughed despite the tears in her eyes. “Sometimes I think about how funny it would be if they could have met.”

“That would have been a sight to see.” Granger laughed weakly and then coughed a few times.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes and no. I should let you go,” he said. “I think I’ve bothered you long enough.”

“Not at all. I’m glad I finally answered your call.”

“Me too.”

“Please… feel free to call again… if you feel up to it,” Kensi said.

“I’ll do my best. But for now I think we should say our goodbyes.”

More tears flowed down her cheeks. “It’s been a privilege knowing you, Granger. I miss you and so does everyone else.”

“It’s been an honor knowing you and your father.” His gruff voice sounded gentle and kind. “You would have made him proud. I know I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, Owen.”

“Goodbye, Kensi.”

AN:  Post-ep for Unleashed (8x24).  Deeks and Kensi visit Sam and Kamran.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kensi rang the doorbell, the diamonds of her engagement ring sparkling in the midafternoon sun.  Sam knew they were coming, but Kensi would have been only mildly surprised if he didn’t answer.  According to Callen, his partner hadn’t taken up any of his numerous offers to visit.

It had been nearly three weeks since she and Deeks last saw Sam and the kids.  They’d hugged goodbye on the day of Michelle’s funeral and promised to be available anytime, for anything.  They’d meant it, but assumed that their teammate wouldn’t reach out to them.  

Taking matters into her own hands, Kensi left Sam a voice mail earlier in the week reminding him that she had experienced the loss of a parent in her adolescence and reiterating her offer to talk with Aiden and Kamran.  Sam texted back that he thought Kam could use her support, and they agreed on today.

“What if he doesn’t open the door?” Deeks asked, his thoughts obviously running along the same path as hers.

“Pick the lock?  When the alarm sounds, he’ll come out.”  She was only half-joking.  Deeks thought they should have waited a little longer before reaching out to the Hannas, but Kensi was adamant that too much time not pass.  

When the door finally opened, Kensi and Deeks both did their best to hide their shock at Sam’s appearance.  Whether they’d been successful they would never know, as Sam barely looked at them.  

The former Navy SEAL, one of the most squared away men Kensi knew, looked like hell.  His face and head were still clean shaven, but that was probably the only thing that reminded her of “their” Sam.

He’d lost weight, so his shirt was roomier than they were used to seeing.  His eyes were bloodshot and the bags beneath them could carry all of Kamran’s clothes to Keating next month. The skin of his face appeared dull, as if he’d recently been ill.  Sam’s normally military bearing was replaced by slightly slumped shoulders and eyes that dragged the floor rather than meeting theirs.  He looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up.  

“Sam,” Kensi said on an exhale, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around the man.  She fought the impulse because she thought it would make her cry, and she and Deeks were here to support the Hannas, not the other way around.

Sam was mute as he opened the door fully and stepped back to allow them entrance.  When Kensi and Deeks remained silent as well, preferring to take their lead from Sam, he finally spoke. “Thanks for coming.  Kam’s in her room, Kensi.  You remember where that is?”

“Yes.” It was clear Sam was not in the mood to talk.  Kensi felt bad for Deeks, about to be left here with their teammate, but figured if anyone could occupy both sides of a conversation, it was her fiancé.  Giving Deeks a reassuring look, she said, “I’ll head on up then.”

Watching her go, Deeks thought about a course of action.  He didn’t know what he expected to find today, but it wasn’t this.  Sam seemed so preoccupied Deeks wondered if he would just leave the room and forget someone else was even in the house.  “Mind if I get some water?”  Deeks asked, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

“No, go ahead.  I’m going to the garage,” Sam said before he left.

Walking toward the kitchen, Deeks scanned the rooms he passed along the way.  He was relieved that place was as clean and organized as ever.  Pulling a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, Deeks made his way to the garage, unsure of his welcome.

Sam was at a workbench, cleaning a gun.  There was a collection of firearms displayed in a cabinet on the wall.  Deeks put a water on the table and used the other to point to the small armory, “Need a hand?”

Sam stopped what he was doing and looked briefly at Deeks, and the detective was almost sure his teammate was on the verge of asking where Deeks had come from.  Sam didn’t speak, but pulled a gun from the case and placed it in front of him.  He then pulled open a drawer and Deeks helped himself to the supplies he would need to clean the weapon.

They worked, the room quiet but for the sounds of them brushing and rubbing metal, for several minutes before Deeks settled on what he hoped was a safe topic of conversation.  “Aiden doing okay?  I mean, as okay as he can be?”

Sam didn’t answer for long enough that Deeks was about to give up hope he would respond at all.  When he did, his voice was low.  “Aiden would have been here; I wanted him to have the chance to talk to Kensi too, but he has to find volunteer work ASAP.”

“What is that for, some sort of honor society?” Deeks observed.

Sam shook his head.  “He had a summer internship lined up at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in Washington State, but with Michelle’s death the commandant at Keating arranged for Aiden to intern part-time at LA AFB instead so he could be at home.  He needs to make up the rest of the time with community service hours.”  Deeks was glad to notice Sam’s voice becoming more powerful with use.

“How about at a soup kitchen?”

When Sam looked at him this time, his eyes were clearer and focused on him.  Deeks was relieved to see it.  “That could work.”

“Kensi and I volunteer at one downtown a couple of times a year, and usually at Christmas.  Earnestine Lewis runs it; she’s a great lady and I’m sure Aiden would be a big help.  She’ll have him doing everything from mashing potatoes to scrubbing pots to picking up donations.  When he’s impressed her with that, Earnestine will let him show off his manners on the food line.  They’ll love Aiden, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he loves it too and we end up seeing him there sometime during Christmas this year.  You want me to reach out to her?”  

At Sam’s nod, Deeks pulled out his phone and hit a few buttons.  “Hey Ernie, it’s Marty Deeks, how are you, sweetheart?”  He smiled as he listened to the woman on the other end.  “No, not right now, but I have someone better who can easily do what Kensi and I can get done.  His name is Aiden Hanna, and he attends military school during the year, but for the summer he’s looking to do some community service while he’s not interning at Los Angeles Air Force Base…Yeah, he’s a great kid, very responsible, smart, respectful, and able and willing to do anything you need…Does he have a driver’s license?”

Deeks looked at Sam, who nodded in the affirmative. “He sure does.  He’s actually out right now looking for a place to volunteer, so I’ll text him and see if he can meet you this afternoon.”  Deeks raised his eyebrows at Sam, who took his own phone out and began typing.  “So how’s Colton doing?”  Deeks walked away from the workbench as he listened to Earnestine catch him up on her husband’s welfare.  “Kensi’s great, thanks for asking.  All healed from her accident and back to work full time, so she’s happy as a clam at high tide.”  Deeks sneaked a peek at Sam before answering the woman’s next question carefully, “Uh, yeah.  Yeah, there might definitely be something there next time we see you.”

Sam said, “Aiden can be downtown in an hour.”

“Hey, great news, Aiden can be there in about an hour, ready to interview…Let me just send him the address and hopefully the two of you can work something out…You got it, Earnestine, same to Colton…I will, you too.  Bye.”  Deeks took Sam’s phone and typed in the soup kitchen’s location before handing it back to him.

“Thanks for that, man.  I really appreciate it.  Aiden does too,” Sam showed Deeks his phone, complete with his son’s message of thanks to the detective.

“No problem.  At least it’s something I can actually do.”  Deeks glanced quickly at his teammate and continued, “I wish there was some way we could help you though this, Sam.”

“Really nothing you can do,” Sam assured him.  

“That’s what Kensi said, some things you just can’t make better for someone else.  I’ll take her word for it since she’s had a loss like the kids.  But if there’s anything, even the smallest thing that you guys need, you’ll let one of us know?”

“Sure,” Sam said.

Deeks didn’t think he would, but he sounded more sincere than he had weeks ago at the luncheon.  “Is it okay if Kens or I reach out to you periodically, just in case you think of something but don’t want to ask?  I mean, hell, Kensi can come by and mess up the place a little – okay, who am I kidding, a lot – give you more cleaning to do, for when you’re done with the guns.”

Sam almost chuckled, “Doesn’t mean I’ll pick up the phone or answer the text, but yeah.  And if I forget later, will you make sure to thank Kensi for talking to Kam?  This has been so hard on her.  I really hope Kensi can give her a little perspective.”

Deeks agreed and the pair was quiet again as they returned to the care of the guns.  Deeks broke the silence a while later with a whispered question, “If you knew then how things would end, would you change the life you lived with Michelle?  Your careers, kids, any of it?”

His response was an immediate, “No.”  After a few seconds, Sam continued, “Knowing what I know now, I would have killed Tahir Khaled last year at Keating, or any time before that when I had the opportunity.”  His voice gained strength as he said, “I’m grateful for every second with Michelle and our children.”  Sam paused and looked at Deeks suspiciously, “Why?  Are you having second thoughts about proposing to Kensi?”

Deeks grinned, “That ship’s already sailed, brother.  She popped the question and I said yes.”

The smile on Sam’s face, while small, was the best gift Deeks could have received just then, and he welcomed the handshake and brief hug his friend offered.  “She got tired of waiting for your grand scheme to come together, huh?”

“Something like that,” Deeks hedged.

“Well I’m glad for you both, however it happened.  You guys deserve all the happiness you can grab, for as long as you’re fortunate to have it.  Don’t let what happened to Michelle scare you off marriage and kids.  Let it remind you to make the most of every day.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The door to Kamran’s room was closed, but Kensi could hear the beeps and chirps of what sounded like a video game.  When she knocked, the noises went silent and seconds later, Kamran said, “Come in.”

When Kensi did, she found Sam’s daughter sitting cross-legged on the floor, her back against the bed.  Her phone was face-down on the carpet beside her, and Kensi assumed that was what she’d been playing with.  

“Hey, Kam,” Kensi said.

“Hi Kensi.” Kamran’s voice was unsurprisingly sad.

“Can I sit?”  When she nodded, Kensi sat down next to her and mirrored her position.  Kensi said quietly, “I’m not going to ask you how you are, because it’s a stupid question.”  That got the girl’s attention. “But I will ask what kind of day you’re having.  An okay day, a bad one, even horrible?  It’s way too soon for a good day, so don’t even think about saying that.”

Kamran shrugged.  “A bad day, I guess.  Pretty much like all of them.”

“Yeah,” Kensi commiserated.  “Listen Kam, I just want to let you know that I get it.”  When the tween looked up questioningly, Kensi continued, “My dad died when I was fifteen.  He was murdered too.”

“I’m sorry,” Kamran said with sincerity for Kensi’s loss.  “But it’s not really the same thing.  This was my mom.”

“No, it’s not the same thing.  I don’t think any two people’s grief ever is.  But I was a real tom-boy when I was a kid, and I was much closer to my dad than my mom growing up.  He was my best friend.”

“What happened to the person who killed him?”

“It took me a very long time to find him.  But I did, and he’s dead now.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No, but I wanted to.”

“My dad said the same thing.  And that what’s important is that he can’t hurt us anymore.”

“But that’s not exactly true, is it?  He took your mom away from you, and that will hurt forever.”

“Does it ever get better?”

“It does, eventually.  For me, the first two years were the hardest, because everything reminded me of my dad, and sometimes just thinking about him was like a punch to the gut.   I can’t tell you how many times I thought, I have to remember to tell Dad that, only to have it hit me that he was gone.”

The tears started down Kamran’s cheeks, “I go to look for my mom or text her about ten times a day!  And I get so mad, because it’s like, how could I forget that she’s dead, you know?  But it’s not that I forget, it’s just not right in the front of my head for a second or two, and then when it comes back it hurts all over again.”

“I know, sweetie, and I’m so sorry,” Kensi pulled Kamran into her arms, and the girl came willingly.  She cried freely, while Kensi held her and rubbed her back.  

When Kamran’s tears started to ease, Kensi said, “One day it didn’t hurt as much to think about him.  I like talking about my dad now, sharing happy memories of him.  But to this day, almost twenty years later, sometimes I still miss him so much I want to cry.”

“Like when?” Kamran asked as she pulled out of Kensi’s embrace and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeves.

“Mostly the big events in my life.  When I joined NCIS I desperately wanted to be able to tell him and see the look on his face, to know that he was proud of me.  My biggest regret right now is that he never got to meet Deeks.”  She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “Your dad may or may not know this by now, but Deeks and I got engaged a little while ago.  That night in the shower, I blubbered like a baby because I couldn’t tell my father.  When we get married, I know it’ll be impossible to think of him and not cry.  When we have a baby of our own, I’ll be sad that he’s not there to meet his grandchild.”  Kensi’s eyes were watering now too.  “It gets easier, but I’m not sure it ever goes away.  And honestly, I wouldn’t want it to.”

Kamran nodded.  They sat quietly for a minute or two, each lost in her own thoughts.  Kensi finally asked, “What things do you admire most about your mother, Kam?”

The girl’s face lit up in a smile even as the tears began again, “She was the best mom, and she always helped me with my homework until she knew I could do it by myself.  She was beautiful.  And so smart and brave, and she gave the best hugs and cuddles.”

“Those are the things you’re going to remember forever, and they’ll always make you happy to think about.  I don’t know what kind of hugs and cuddle she gave, but I can believe that she was an incredible mother for those reasons and a million others.  And I agree, she was beautiful, smart, and brave.”  Kensi paused.  Looking at the sad young lady, she decided Kamran probably needed to hear this right now, more than much else Kensi could tell her.  “You take after her, you know.  You’re beautiful, smart, and brave too.”

Kamran looked down, embarrassed by the compliment, or perhaps surprised by the comparison to her mother.  “Mom always told me how smart I am, but I don’t know about beautiful, and I’m not brave at all!”

“Well I’m not going to try to convince you that you’re beautiful, since it won’t work anyway.  But I will tell you to think about your mother, father, and brother, objectively if you can.  They are some fine-looking people, and if you ever tell your dad I said that, he’ll never let me live it down,” Kensi chuckled.  “And then think about how unlikely it is that you’re not just as beautiful too.”

The shy smile on Kamran’s face was enough to convince Kensi she’d said the right thing, but would leave it at that.  “And as for brave, I know you are, and I know that because your mom told me.”

“Really?”  Kamran’s voice and face were full of wonder now.

“Remember that Christmas Deeks and I were here with our moms?  Your mom and I spent some time chatting, and she told me that you had just announced an interest in attending Keating.  She was so proud of you and awed by how much courage it took for a young girl to even think about leaving home to go to a military academy.”

“She said she was impressed with me,” Kamran whispered.

“She really was, honey.  I’m sure there are plenty of people who can tell you what your mom thought or felt about you, and anything else you want to know.”  Kensi tapped Kam’s hand with a finger. “That always made me feel good: hearing about my dad from other people who knew him.”  Kensi stopped again, debating if she should say what had just popped into her mind.  “Would you like me to tell you the story of how your mother saved my life?”

“She saved your life?  My dad says you can kick anyone’s ass –“  Kamran stopped abruptly, realizing she just cursed to an adult.

Kensi laughed lightly, “Don’t worry about it.  I won’t tell your dad about that lapse in language if you won’t tell him about mine.  Your mom kicked some serious ass herself.  And on that particular day, she saved her own life and mine…” Kensi shared a less dramatic version of how Michelle Hanna pulled herself up from dangling thirty floors above the ground and then took out the Barbie who was about to grab the gun she and Kensi were both scrambling for.  “Your mother was an amazing woman, Kam, and you should always remember and be proud of that.”

“I will,” Kamran said, still somewhat amazed by what she’d just heard.

“Good,” Kensi took the pre-teen’s hand in her own.  “I need to tell you one more thing and then I’ll leave you alone if you want.”

“Do you have to go?”

“Not if you don’t want me to, no.  We can keep talking about your mom, or about anything but your mom, or nothing at all, but I’ll give you the choice, okay?”

Kamran nodded and Kensi blew out a quick breath.  “You and I are members of a club no one wants to be in.  We know what it’s like to lose a parent at a young age.  But you were right before when you said that it was different because it was your mom.  Even though I was closer to my father than my mother, there’s still something about a mother-daughter relationship that’s special, isn’t there?”

“Yeah, Mom and I fangirled over some of the same cute actors.  Can’t do that with my father.  Or Aiden,” she wrinkled her nose at the thought.

“That would just be weird,” Kensi agreed.  “My parents divorced the year before I lost my father, and I chose to live with my dad.  But after he died I refused to live with my mother, even though she was all I had left.”

“Who did you stay with?”

“How about if we save that story for another time?” Kensi suggested.  “But let’s just say that when my father died, I basically lost both of my parents.  And even though I was a tomboy who idolized my father, by the time I was older and dating, or falling in love for the first time, and things like that, I really wished I had my mom around to talk to.”

“I was thinking about that the other day,” Kamran’s voice cracked as she held back tears.

“Your father, and I’m sure your brother, are willing to do anything and answer any question for you, and you may have to rely on them for some of the things that you would have done with your mom.  Like buying a dress for the winter formal or teaching you how to drive.”

Kamran rolled her eyes, “Dad had no patience teaching Aiden to drive.  I’ll probably ask Aiden or Uncle Callen.”

Kensi smiled, knowing Sam would never allow her to teach his daughter that particular skill.  “But there may be some things that they can’t do because you’re a twelve-year-old young woman and they’re guys who just don’t get it or really won’t know.  I know you have an aunt in San Francisco and your grandmothers, and I’m sure they’ve already offered this as well.  But I’m closer than they are when you’re at home, and if you need help with something that you’re not comfortable going to your dad with, and the women in your family are too far away, I want you to know that you can come to me, okay?”

Kamran was happily surprised.  “Thanks, Kensi.”

“I mean it, Kam.  Any time, day or night.  Deeks and I are used to being woken up at all sorts of crazy hours, so don’t ever worry about that.”

“Okay, I promise.”  This time it was Kamran who initiated the hug.  Kensi could feel the girl’s hold tighten just as Kamran blurted, “Wait a minute, did you say you and Deeks are engaged?”

At Kamran’s suggestion, they spent a while talking about the proposal – Kensi not mentioning exactly where and when she asked Deeks to marry her – and ideas for the wedding.  Hoping Sam wouldn’t mind, Kensi finished their conversation by asking Kamran to be her junior bridesmaid, a decision made on impulse, but one she guessed was right judging by the excitement on the pre-teen’s face.

“You can go if you need to,” Kamran offered soon after the wedding talk wound down.

“You’re sure?” Kensi asked.  There was plenty more she wanted to share with the girl.  Words of experience, if not wisdom, about it being okay to cry and not be embarrassed, or laugh and not feel guilty.  But they’d just spent an emotionally charged hour or so together, and Kensi didn’t want to overdo it.  She would just have to make sure to do this again a few more times over the summer if Kamran was open to it.

“Yeah.  I’ll text you if I need anything,” she said.

“Maybe we can make plans to grab ice cream some night next week, or lunch over the weekend if you want.  Do you like to bike or surf?  We can do that too if you’d rather.  We could talk about your mom and how things are going, or not.  Whichever you’re in the mood for.”

“I’d like that,” Kamran said.

Kensi smiled.  “Me too.  Is it okay if I check in with you a couple of times a week, ask what kind of day you’re having?”

“Okay, bad, or horrible?”

“Yeah.”

Kamran nodded in agreement then asked in a small, unsure voice, “When will they start to get good again, Kensi?”

Kensi let out a sad sigh, “I wish I knew, honey.  But that’s different for everybody.  What I can tell you is that you’ve got a lot of people who love you and want those good days for you.  They’ll help you get them back.  And I know your mom would want not only plenty of good days, but lots of great and incredible days for you too.”

“Dad says she’ll be watching over us, so maybe she’ll send some of those days our way.”

Kensi smiled, “I bet she will.”

~~~~~~~~~~

As they pulled away from the curb in front of the Hanna house, Kensi asked, “So how was it with Sam?”

“He wasn’t very talkative, and I didn’t push.  But we cleaned every gun in his arsenal.  And I hooked Aiden up with Earnestine, so now he’s got a place to do his required community service for the summer.”

“That’s a match made in heaven.”

“I thought so.  How’s Kam?”

“Hurting.  Missing her mom.  Pretty much what you’d expect.  But she seemed receptive to me, and I’ll be checking in on her periodically to see how she’s coming along.  I think I’ll try to take her out somewhere once a week if I can.  She was really excited about the wedding.  Oh, and she’s going to be our junior bridesmaid.”

“Great.  Except I didn’t know we were having one.”

“Well, we are now.”

Deeks took Kensi’s hand and kissed it.  “That’s awesome, then.  It sounds like you two really connected.  I wish I could say the same for me and Sam”

“Kids tend to be more open in general, I think.  And except with Callen, Sam’s never been a Chatty Cathy, so you had the tougher job of the two of us by far.  I was really worried about him when we first got there.”

“Me too.”

“Do we still have reason to be?”

Deeks let out a long sigh.  “I think so, yeah.  The only thing that got any real response from him was when I asked about the kids.  Honestly, I don’t know how he’s going to handle it once they’re both at Keating.”

“Coming back to work will be a good distraction after Aiden and Kam leave,” Kensi assured him.

“He’s plenty distracted now, Kens.  After today I’m wondering if he’ll even want to come back,” Deeks admitted.

Kensi shrugged, “Maybe he needs to find something else to do, then.  He left the SEALs to join NCIS.  He might decide he wants to be out of the field altogether, especially after Michelle.”  

Deeks looked at her, unconvinced.  “To do what, clean his weapon collection all day long?”

“He’s all Aiden and Kamran have left, Deeks.  Maybe Sam’s should focus on staying alive long enough to watch Aiden and Kamran get married and have kids of their own one day.  We’re planning to find another line of work when we have children, it’s really no different.”

“Except that we’ll be leaving to move onto another chapter in our lives.  I’m afraid that if Sam does it, he’d be closing the book entirely.  I don’t know if it’s because they’re more resilient or because they have each other and Sam to lean on, but the kids seem to be doing much better than their father right now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon unless something’s done about it.”

“If that’s the case, I think you should tell Callen about today, let him know what’s going on.  If Sam will respond to anyone, it’ll be him.”

“I hope you’re right,” Deeks said.

“They’re partners.  And about as close as two people in our line of work can be without being married,” Kensi stated with confidence.

“Callen’s going to have his work cut out for him.  Maybe Nate can drop into the country for a visit.”

“That’s a good idea.  But it won’t just be Callen and Nate, babe.  You understand what Sam’s going through.  Maybe not to the same degree, but you’re the only other person on the team who’s experienced anything close to losing a wife.  Nate and Callen can’t say that.  I think in the end we’ll all have a role to play in Sam’s healing.”

Deeks nodded.  “You’re right.  We’re family.  This is what we do.”

Kensi turned her head to face him. “What, you mean like a necklace?”

Deeks stopped twirling the flashbang pin, holding it in one hand and turning to face her. “Yes; is there a problem?”

“No, I just—you really want to keep that thing?” Before he could respond, she found an answer for her own question. “Okay, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised; I mean, you did want to frame that week-old cronut I got for you.”

“What can I say; I’m a sentimental piece of—”

“Deeks.” She glared at him for a moment, but her expression softened. “Tell you what. I’ll look through my jewelry and see if I have an extra chain you can use for that. If not, we have to go pick out wedding rings anyway; you can get a chain then.”

Deeks smiled softly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied as he pecked her on the lips. She started to stand up, but Deeks’ grip on her hand pulled her back.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To find a chain for that,” she replied, gesturing to the flashbang pin that was still in Deeks’ other hand.

“I didn’t mean now. Ten more minutes?”

Kensi let out a breath. “Okay, ten more minutes.” She sat back down and settled into the couch, her head on Deeks’ chest and his arm around her shoulders.

Ten minutes later, they were in their room, looking through Kensi’s jewelry box. Most of her jewelry had very fine chains, which Deeks thought would snap if he even looked at them wrong.

“Are you sure these will hold? I mean, if some bad guy gets a hold on this and pulls hard enough…” He pulled on the chain gently to emphasize his point.

“Honestly, probably not. You’re gonna need something stronger,” she mused aloud, pacing the room. She muttered to herself for a few seconds before she stopped in her tracks, turning to look at Deeks. “I think I might have something.”

“What?” Deeks asked, but she was already elbows-deep in the top drawer of their dresser, which was basically the junk drawer of their bedroom. Anything that they didn’t have a place for when they moved in, they tossed in there.

We’ve been living together for over a year and we still haven’t cleaned this out?Deeks wondered to himself. Then again, this past year has been a bit rough.

A bit rough was putting it lightly, but Deeks shook his head to clear it and helped Kensi look through the drawer, despite not knowing what he was looking for. After a couple minutes of the two of them rifling through the contents of the drawer, Kensi pulled out a small bundle of navy blue and white patterned cord.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Paracord. Don’t ask me why I have it, because I don’t remember. Let’s see if this is long enough.”

Kensi took one end of the paracord in each hand and draped it around Deeks’ neck. She was able to get it around his neck, but just barely; just touching the two ends together behind his neck made the other end hang just between Deeks’ collarbones.

“Well, it was worth a shot,” Kensi sighed, dropping her hands and letting the paracord fall to the floor. “I think the only way we can make that work is if we glue it, and then you wouldn’t be able to take it off.”

“Don’t worry about it; I’m willing to try to find a chain. But I think we should go to sleep and worry about it tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a good plan to me.” Kensi pecked Deeks on the lips and picked up a few things off the bed to put back in the drawer. Deeks picked up a few things as well, and within the next couple minutes they had everything back in the drawer, including the scrap of paracord.

They both headed to the bathroom to brush their teeth. They only had one sink, but they managed to brush their teeth at the same time without elbowing each other or getting toothpaste in each other’s hair. Once they were both finished, they changed into their pajamas, shut off the light, and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

The next morning, Deeks woke up with Kensi snuggled up against his side, stealing his body heat because he had unintentionally stolen most of the blankets overnight. “Morning Kensi,” Deeks mumbled, kissing Kensi’s forehead.

Kensi groaned, rolling onto her back and stretching her body out. “Good morning Deeks.”

“Are we going to go to the jeweler’s today?”

“I wasn’t exactly planning on it, but we can. Why?”

“I just—I really want to start wearing that flashbang pin as soon as I possibly can. Since the paracord idea didn’t quite work, a chain is our next best bet. Plus, we can look at wedding rings at the same time. It’s a win-win.”

“Deeks, we just got engaged yesterday. I don’t think we really need to buy wedding rings now.”

“And we don’t have to! But we can still look, and hopefully we can find a strong enough chain to put the flashbang pin on.”

She sighed. “Alright, but I’m not leaving this house before ten.”

“Deal. Frittatas for breakfast?” Deeks asked, tossing off the covers and climbing out of bed.

“Oh, definitely.”

“Are you ever gonna get sick of them?”

Kensi shrugged. “Eventually, but not yet.”

They both made their way downstairs; Kensi got some fruit and vegetables out of the fridge while Deeks got out the eggs. About twenty minutes later, Deeks was finishing making his frittata and putting slices on plates for himself and Kensi. “And there you go. Breakfast of champions,” Deeks exclaimed, placing one plate in front of Kensi.

“Thank you, again, for making this,” Kensi said, stabbing off a forkful of her breakfast. “You know how much I love your frittatas.” Once she finished her sentence, she ate the bite of frittata.

“You’re welcome; anything for you, my love.” He kissed her on the forehead before sitting down and digging into his own breakfast.

At around 10:45, they pulled up in front of the jewelers, found a parking space, and walked inside.

“Hello, what can I do for you today?” the jeweler asked, looking up when he heard the bells on the door chime.

“Hi, we’re here to look at wedding rings, and he needs a strong necklace chain,” Kensi said

“Too macho to wear the wedding ring on your finger, eh?” the jeweler joked, turning around to grab a tray of wedding rings.

“No, actually I wanted to put this on a chain.” Deeks held up the flashbang pin, ignoring the jeweler’s poor-tasted joke. “Unless, of course, you can size it to fit my finger.”

The jeweler put the rings on the counter, and when he saw the flashbang pin, his eyes widened. “Is that a grenade pin?”

“Nope, flashbang. It’s what Kensi proposed to me with,” Deeks answered, putting his arm around Kensi’s shoulders.

“Shouldn’t you be proposing to her?” the jeweler asked. Kensi glared daggers at him, but he didn’t notice. “Also, why are you proposing with a flashbang pin in the first place?”

“Come on, man, it’s 2017, not 1975!” Kensi cut in. “He doesn’t have to propose to me, and I can propose with whatever I want.”

The jeweler held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, you guys, I guess I’m a bit of a traditionalist. I’ll see if I can find a chain for that.” He turned around and walked into the back.

Kensi shook her head, and Deeks heard her mutter a few choice words about the jeweler before looking down at the display of wedding rings in front of them.

“This one is nice,” Deeks said, pointing at a gold band with a row of diamonds going around the entire band.

“Yeah, it’s pretty, but I think I like the silver one better,” Kensi countered, indicating the silver ring of the same style. “Or this one.” She pointed to a braided silver band with no diamonds to be seen.

“I don’t know, it just…doesn’t look like a wedding ring to me,” Deeks said, studying the ring in the case. “Maybe these?” He pointed at a pair of matching rings—plain silver bands with a small diamond right into the center of the band.

“Nice, aren’t they?” The jeweler had emerged from the back, holding a few chains in his hand. “Those each have ‘soulmate’ engraved on the inside, but if you want something else then I’m sure that can be arranged. Anyway, here are the chains I found. Let me know what you think.” He left the chains on the counter and took a few steps back, letting them have at least an illusion of privacy.

Deeks took his arm from around Kensi and picked up one of the chains, holding the flashbang pin next to it. It was dark silver, with enough interlocking links Deeks couldn’t tell when one ended and the next one started, and it seemed to match the pin pretty well. “This seems pretty good. What do you think, Kens?”

She studied the chain and pin for a second or two. “Looks okay to me. How strong is it?”

Deeks shrugged. “It looks pretty sturdy to me. At least, it looks like the sturdiest of the chains here. Um, excuse me?” Deeks called to the jeweler, and he came over right away.

“So, what do you think?”

“It looks pretty good, but how strong are these chains? Like, if someone pulls on it, will it break?”

“Depends how hard they pull,” the jeweler joked, but when he saw Deeks’ expression he turned serious. “No, under normal circumstances these shouldn’t break. This is called a wheat chain, and it’s one of the strongest types out there. These other ones are strong”—he indicated the chains still on the counter—“but this one is about as close to indestructible as you can get. I normally wouldn’t recommend this type with a pendant, but since yours is, well, that big around, I don’t see a problem with it.”

“Can I try it on?” Deeks asked hesitantly.

“Sure, go ahead. I don’t want you to buy something you won’t like.”

Deeks opened the clasp on the chain, slid the flashbang pin onto it, and attempted to clasp the necklace around his own neck. After a couple tries, he succeeded, hesitantly letting go of the back of the chain. “Is it on?”

“Yeah, it’s on,” Kensi affirmed.

Deeks let out a sigh of relief, letting himself adjust to the unfamiliar weight around his neck.

“How does it feel?” Kensi asked.

“It’s—” He looked down at the chain, then back up at Kensi. “I mean, it might take a bit of getting used to, but I like it.” He turned to the jeweler. “How much is it?”

“Well, it usually sells for $200, but I’ll sell it to you for $150 if you buy your wedding rings today.”

There was a pause as Kensi and Deeks considered the offer. “Can you give us a moment?” Kensi asked. The jeweler nodded and moved towards the back as Kensi and Deeks stood in the front by the door.

“I don’t think I’m ready to buy the rings yet, but that’s a twenty-five percentdiscount,” Kensi whispered.

“That’s probably what he’s trying to do—trying to get us to buy something we’re not ready for so he makes more money. Besides, it’ll probably be better in the long run to buy the chain at full price now and save up to get the rings later, especially since we haven’t decided on the rings yet.”

“Just out of curiosity, if we were to get the rings now, which ones would you want?”

“I really like the soulmate ones.”

“Me too, though I don’t know how the engraving will feel against our fingers. I don’t want to buy a ring that will give me a callus.”

“I don’t think the engraving will be that deep, but we can ask.”

“Maybe, but I’m still not sure.”

“Wait, I have an idea. He said we could engrave something else on the bands, right?”

“I think so, why?”

“I wonder if he’ll engrave ‘sunshine and gunpowder’ inside yours.”

“I think that would give me an even bigger callus. Besides, there’s probably a character limit and that’s definitely way over it.” Kensi thought for a second, tapping her fingers on her legs. “I like that idea, though. Maybe ‘sunshine’ in one and ‘gunpowder’ in the other. I mean, ‘gunpowder’ is 9 letters and both ‘soulmate’ and ‘sunshine’ are 8, but we can probably make it work.”

“That’s a great idea! But do we want to get them now?”

“If you’re ready for it, then so am I.”

“But who gets sunshine and who gets gunpowder?” Deeks wondered.

Kensi thought for a second, then said, “You get sunshine, I get gunpowder.”

“Why?” Deeks asked.

Kensi shrugged. “You’re the environmentalist with blond hair, so you’re sunshine; I’m the realist with brown hair, so I’m gunpowder.” She paused, and a smile spread across her face. “Okay, and maybe just a little because I want gunpowder engraved inside my ring.”

“I love you so much,” Deeks said.

“I love you too,” she replied, giving him a quick kiss.

“So, are we ready now?”

Kensi took a deep breath. “I think so.” She took Deeks’ hand, and the two of them walked back to the counter together.

“So, what have we decided?” the jeweler asked.

“You said that you could engrave something other than ‘soulmate’ inside those rings, right?” Deeks pointed out the rings in the case.

“Yes, I can.”

“Then in that case, we’ll take the chain and those rings, but with custom engravings.”

“Oh, alright!” The jeweler grabbed an order form and a pen off of a table behind the counter. “What would you like them to say? Keep in mind, there’s a ten-character limit.”

“We’d like ‘sunshine’ inside of mine,” Deeks started.

“And ‘gunpowder’ inside of mine,” Kensi finished.

The jeweler looked like he wanted to say something, but he shook his head and wrote down their request on the order form. “So, you said you want ‘sunshine’ in the man’s ring and ‘gunpowder’ in the woman’s ring?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Kensi answered.

“Okay, got it. Now, what are your ring sizes?”

Deeks and Kensi looked at each other. “I don’t know,” Kensi answered for both of them.

“No problem, I can size you right now.” He turned towards the back, grabbing a series of small metal rings off the wall. “Hmm, let’s try a five for you.” He turned the five ring around and put it on Kensi’s left ring finger. At least, he tried to. It only made it to her second knuckle. “Maybe a six?” When he tried that one, it fit snug, but still comfortably.

“And now for you,” the jeweler said to Deeks, taking out the eight ring. This time, it was too big. He tried the seven ring as well, but that was too small. “Okay, I’ll put down seven and a half for you.” The jeweler wrote their ring sizes on the order form. “Now, the custom engraving will take two to three weeks to be finished, so I’ll give you a call when they’re done if you’ll just write your contact information right here.” He turned the order form around and indicated a line on the top. Deeks took the pen from the jeweler’s hand and wrote down his name and cell number.

“Great, thank you.” The jeweler moved over to the cash register and started typing their total in. “Alright, your final total comes to $1,251.25. Will that be cash, check, or card?”

“Card,” Deeks said, handing his credit card to the jeweler. A few seconds later, the payment had processed and the jeweler handed Deeks the receipt and his card. Kensi and Deeks both thanked the jeweler as they walked out of the store hand-in-hand, Deeks’ necklace still around his neck.

~~Three weeks later~~

While he and Kensi were in interrogation with a suspect, Deeks’s cell phone began to ring. He cursed under his breath and he and Kensi excused themselves. As soon as he was out of the room, Deeks answered his phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Deeks? I’m calling about your wedding ring order.”

“I’m sort of in the middle of something; can I call you back later?” He turned to Kensi and mouthed It’s the jeweler.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Your rings came in late last night, so I just wanted to let you know that you can pick them up any time.”

“Alright, thank you. With any luck, we’ll be able to pick them up today or tomorrow. Now, I really have to go.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“Bye.” Deeks hung up. “Our rings are ready to pick up.”

“Great! Let’s finish with this guy and then we’ll pick them up.”

“Works for me,” Deeks said as he and Kensi headed back into interrogation.

After another half hour in interrogation and an hour lunch break later, Deeks and Kensi walked into the jeweler’s. Once the jeweler saw them, he pulled the ring box from under the counter.

“Here to pick up your rings?” he asked.

Deeks nodded, and the jeweler opened the box, revealing the two rings. “Now, try them on and make sure that they fit okay.” The jeweler put one in Deeks’ hand and the other in Kensi’s.

They both slid their rings onto their own fingers, wiggling them around a little to get used to the feeling. “I think it fits well,” Deeks said.

“Yeah, it fits perfectly,” Kensi added. They both took their new rings off, admiring the diamonds and the engravings before putting them back in the box.

“Wonderful! It was a pleasure doing business with you, and I hope to see you again.” The jeweler shook Deeks’ hand, then Kensi’s.

“Same to you,” Deeks said, picking up the ring box and leaving the store with Kensi. “Let’s drop these back off at home,” he said once the door closed behind them.

“Already texting Callen and Sam,” Kensi said, typing a message on her phone.

Once they got home, they put the ring box on top of their dresser—in a place they’ll see it every day. And there it stayed until the day of the wedding.

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Both,” he says, probably more honest than he should be right now.

She’s sprawled on top of him; flecks of dust fall from her hair and scratch at his eyes. He blinks them away, but his eyelashes feel heavy, weighed down by the fine remnants of exploded bricks. There’s ash tickling his cheek, and he can’t swipe it away because his hands are otherwise occupied. His head is pounding from where it connected with the concrete, and his ribs are protesting against the weight of her resting on them, possibly slightly bruised from when she landed on him. But she’s alive. So he’s gritting his teeth against it and allowing her to linger. As long as she needs to. It will be awhile before he’s once more awarded the honor of a grateful Kensi Blye lying on top of him (maybe next time the soft gasps and fine sheen of sweat - this breathless dishevelment - will be for more enjoyable reasons).

Ordinarily, he knows, she would shake her head at his answer, maybe roll her eyes, let out a grunt of disgust (none of which she’d actually mean), and push herself off his body. But she does none of that now, choosing instead to flash him an amused smile. And still she lingers.

She’s tall and toned, but still slim, a mix of hard muscle and strong bone. Her hips have settled on his, pelvis to pelvis, and that’s where he feels her lack of body fat as she presses into him. He imagines she has a bony butt too, god knows there isn’t a lot to it (he’s checked it out, once or twice). The rest of her is muscle (well, almost all of the rest of her. But he won’t focus on that part of her anatomy or he really won’t be able to claim it’s his weapon).

(It is a weapon, just not that one)

(He needs to stop thinking with it now)

He’s using this loitering connection to memorize how her body feels on his. In case he never feels it again. They’re building trust, and because of this there are things he can’t admit to her - like how he’s attracted to her; like how he wouldn’t be against seeing her naked. But he’ll never admit that, because he likes this thing they’re growing (bad word choice again).

She shifts against him, shakes the dust out of her hair and into the air where the breeze carries it away from both of them, and pushes herself off him. Her movements are slow, stilted, because she’s hurting too.

He likes what they’re becoming: partners, friends. He thinks if they ever kissed, ever fell into bed, he’d need it more than once. He might need it forever. But he won’t admit that. He barely believes it when he says it to himself.

She’s on the ground beside him, sitting now, bent forward and using her hands to shake out her hair, seemingly obsessed with freeing all the particles, but he knows she’s stalling. She hasn’t tried standing again yet. He can’t say he blames her. With a groan, he pushes himself until he’s sitting too, his ribs fighting him every inch. They’re definitely bruised. Not cracked though. No, he’s had cracked ribs before and it hurt more than this. He’s just tender. Every part of him feels like it’s been pummeled with a baseball bat. His skin is going to be a Monet tomorrow (her’s will be too. He can imagine he wasn’t exactly the world’s softest landing). Purple and blue splotches will color their skin; a watercolor of a survival.

He knows what will help, knows what they both need.

“Beer,” he says, like he’s simple and can’t form coherent sentences.

“What?” she asks, tying her hair back and turning to look at him.

He smiles as she scrapes all the loose wisps back and secures it again with the elastic tied probably once too many.

“We both need a drink after that.”

“You buying?” Her lips curve up at the idea of free beer.

He smiles. “I guess since you almost just died I can do that.”

Her smile falters. “You could have died too.”

“Okay, so you can buy the food.”

“And beer and chinese will fix this day?”

He nods. “Well, not just any chinese. But one place in particular, yeah.” Monty will help too; the dumb mutt already loves Kensi. One meeting and the dog is smitten. Pathetic.

She’s still skeptical about the dinner invitation, looking at him through narrowed eyes rimmed with soot masquerading as eyeliner. An unintentional smokey eye. Her lips purse and she considers his words.

“Comfort food,” he says, “with someone to commiserate a less-than-stellar day with.” He cocks an eyebrow. “Whaddaya say, partner?”

“Alright,” she says, resigned to the fact she needs it. Needs the company. Maybe isn’t completely disgusted that company is his. She pushes herself to shaky feet that she had stood stock-still on for too long. “Partner.” She punctuates the word by reaching out a hand to him.

He takes it and allows himself to be hauled off the ground. Fast, like a bandaid off a wound, so by the time he’s feeling the protesting of his aching ribs he’s already on his feet again.

Partners. They’ve been working together for months now, but trust has been an issue. Funny how all it took was one near-death experience with lasers to strengthen their bond.

He has hope now, that she’s past hating him, and is starting to tolerate him, and maybe soon might even like him (he knows she secretly does; he knows he’s wormed his way under her skin already).

And if he burrows further, into her heart, maybe one day she could love him.

He thinks loving her would be easy.

(he thinks he might even be starting to a little)

(After three beers he’ll even admit to himself that he’s as smitten as Monty)

(After three years he’ll even say it out loud)

He’ll look back, far into the future, when asked how he knew (knew they were meant to be). He’ll shrug, a smile on his joyful lips, and, with an air of mystery, he’ll simply respond:

“It wasn’t a gun.”

End.

By

Hi guys!

So here we are! 1 week out from season 9. I’m excited (though not 100% sure where I’ll be pulling the time from to watch the eps?).

Just a couple of things about this years exchange... No doubt those of you who were part of the 2016 exchange noticed things were done a little differently this year to last year. The preferences submission was a lot broader and you didn’t get the name of the person you were writing for. This was so I didn’t have to chase people up or find stand in’s if people had to pull out. 

I think it’s unfair to give a story to someone who didn’t write a story. It’s also unfair on the writer and the reader to just give the story written for the person who pulled out to the person they were writing for. 

I started law school this year while working 38 hours a week at my job already. Time has been tight and I haven’t given this exchange the attention it needed. I also haven’t had the time or the mental strength/energy to chase up those people who didn’t submit their stories. 

So, with that being said, soon I will publish 7 amazing fics written by 7 amazing writers. They will be FOR the 7 writers who participated and sent in their fics but available for everyone to read. Please, comment on these fics and send your love and thanks to the writers for writing them.

I won’t be around next weekend (not that I’ve been around much anyway) as I’m going away so I will be tagging the writers who made this whole thing possible this year.

Thanks for participating and getting excited about this. I’m sorry it didn’t go off exactly like last year but, given the circumstances, I felt this was for the best. 

Just because the due date is two weeks away doesn't mean you have to wait til the last minute to send in your submissions. You can submit at any time either on tumblr using the submit link or just email it to [email protected]

Hi all! 

Sorry I haven’t been around much for this years exchange. As I keep droning on and on about, life is hard and exhausting and busy (although mostly still worthwhile). At any right, we have a premiere date for next season which means we also have a due date for the exchange (here’s hoping they don’t change the date like they did last year because while it was nice to see it two weeks early, it was hella inconvenient for the exchange :p).

Anywho, submissions are due back on the 17th of September! So we’ve got just over a month to go. 

You can start submitting them to me whenever though if you have them done early. The email address is at the top of the blog and is the same one as last year.