A little bit of loneliness
Its pretty common to feel alone. The irony of it all is that we feel it together; and this was said by rupi kaur herself and it could not be more true. why are we so desperate to be wanted but the minute we get it, we turn away from it.Ā
This isnāt about being sad when your best friend goes home for the day but when you feel an emptiness or a void in yourself. Its almost like an ache and it becomes agitated and the only solution you can think to combat this loneliness isā¦more loneliness. You want to get out of a situation full of people where you feel completely on your own and go back home to feel ācomfortablyā alone. It might seem like a good thing and others call it introverted but in the long run it is the equivalent to suffering.
I read somewhere that the number one cause of suicides was feeling alone. Wonder why its done alone? When nobody is around? When nobody can see you? Why its done in an even more painful way? People tend to end their pain one last time with more pain. Its a heavy debate as to why people choose to self harm. People find it as a form of relief. They only know one feeling; pain. How to deal with their demons? Pain. Maybe that might ākillā the said demons. Maybe that is the only way a person knows how to feel.
Ā one of the main reasons we drift away from people is when we are physically kept from each other; in other words, distance. to be honest, whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder was an idiot. in reality, and with all kinds of relationships it doesnāt work like that and especially when you have so much technology and social media. Have you ever thought about how having every form of social media is actually reinforcing the fact that you have no excuse for replying late to messages/not replying at all and missed calls? how many times have you looked down at your phone, seen an message notification and not replied within the next five minutes? if you reply too soon; you are desperate, too late you are lazy. either way you donāt really gain any favour, you have to be willing to talk and if you donāt then that becomes a problem when you try to make friends.
Iāve been alone most of my life. Whatever friends i had at the time i drifted from because i didnāt put in tha effort myself. Once the other person ALSO stops putting effort in, you kinda lost that friendship. But maybe this is a gender thing? I mean girls are more prone to talking crap and being bitchy about each other so when communication stops, assumptions come in. āSheās so weird, she doesnāt wanna talk, sheās too busy for me etcā with guys it doesnāt matter if you meet after 1 month or 1 year, guys donāt really care, they just want company. Thatās probably why guys get along better with each other as well as the opposite gender. There is no overthinking involved; you just do it.
How do people who constantly feel alone cope?
i have felt all forms of loneliness and at times when it got really bad i would think ānobody wants me around, nobody understands the way that i feel, they would be better off without meā. and at the time i honestly believed it. my inability to talk to open and freely, to make friends instantly was and still is one of the biggest reasons why I am still somewhat alone. being shy and really having nothing to say is not good enough either especially when you are at school. first impressions are always the last unfortunately and once a person can get a vibe off you that you donāt talk much, then that makes you unapproachable hence finding a good friend becomes difficult because you rely on the first conversation but they are not that willing to talk to you. i mean i have had it like this for a while and lets just say that the past four years have put a damper on my confidence and in my head i just feel like i canāt make friends and i wonāt be able to because of what might have happened at my last university.Ā
so back to the question, well the answer is in it. you just cope with it. suck it up and deal with the fact that you will continue to struggle making friends unless you miraculously start talking about everything and anything again. for me personally, its a confidence issue and at university, an age issue. i donāt have to say my age to a bunch of 18 year olds but the differences lies in conversation topics, interests and just the whole nature of how they are in their year. of course i might be overthinking it and i donāt mean that everyone is like this. i have met some nice people in my course so far but i donāt really feel a sense of belonging. i have three years to pull through in this course and i donāt mind doing it alone becuase i have always been used to my solitude. i canāt really say for sure and its quite stupid of me to form an opinion only 2 days into my course but honestly i canāt help it and i need something for my blog which was long overdue.
I guess a great time right now would be to also talk about mental health (because its mental health awareness week). Iām not trying to justify being alone, its not something to take lightly. It does consume you and once you start being alone, you begin to NOT crave as much company. Being alone doesnāt involve much conversation hence that ālonerā next to you or who is always in your class struggles to make friends. They just donāt know how to talk really. Its not a matter of ājust be confidentā people go through different emotions, people have different problems so the same generalised solution is not always the answer. And remember that loneliness is just a small frsgment of mental health. Other things can affect this mindset and all it takes is just a small conversation.
I mean for me; Iām just deathly shy to talk to people sometimes(okay all the time), iām underconfident, i have low self esteem i mean iām on the borderline but Iāve allowed myself to wallow in this self pity because thatās all iāve known how to feel; at least for the past few years or so. It was something that made me feel at least human that i was allowed to feel some kind of emotion. I mean, im kind if rambling but what i want to really say is that feeling this way is only temporary, it is REALLY difficult but all you need is a clear mindset. It wonāt happen overnight but at one point you will realise that you are not alone and that people do care, people can even relate and it doesnāt have to stay that way either.
>this kind of seemed likeĀ a little rant and a ramble but i needed a new post because it was way overdue.<