Natay's Ramblings

Hello friends! I promise I haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth. (Otherwise how could I post this?) It’s been a really busy time! My classes have become more intense in reading and assignment substance, so I find most of my time wrapped up in that or in the kids or our house. My latest passion has been planning a permaculture forest garden focusing primarily on native plants. The kitchen…

How does one write when their emotions are as bound up and knotted as an unravelled sweater? False starts and frustration that only those possessed of an iron-clad patience can parse and wind back into a whole. Sometimes I have the discipline and gentle nature required, but other times I have to put down the rats nest and walk away for a spell. This is not a tangle I can put down. Instead, it may…

I should say, there is a lot I have to unpack for you. I can’t do that all here, it’s been too much to put in one post. Instead, I will tell you a portion. We’ll start right here, friend. It is the time of year where I sit inside looking out rather than sitting outside looking up and around and down. There are no trees in this yard. No bushes or flowers either. Grass and woodchips. Though that…

Content Warning: this post includes discussions of surgery. Please consider that before reading. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so here I am. Writing from my hospital room. The prcedure went well, though they could not give me a J-pouch due to the lack of length at the end of my small intestine. Instead, I will sport an ileostomy bag for the rest of my life. (Which is something I knew was a…

Content Warning: This post discusses cancer, anxiety, symptoms of depression, and has a little God talk in there for good measure. Please consider this before reading friend. This time of year, I drop things. No, wait. I shouldn’t say just this time of year. It actually starts in September. For a lot of people, the year starts on January first. Mine doesn’t start until March or April. The sun…

Hello friend! It’s been a while since I’ve written, for which I apologize. Events in my life have been numerous, mostly for good, but some for ill, and I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and write about it. Of course, this is how I best process things, through writing. I would love to take this opportunity to tell you what is going on in Natayville. Starting with the more serious stuff,…

Content warning: this work contains descriptions of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, speaking ill of the deceased, and to court proceedings. Consider this when you read, friend. Sometimes I think I took a piece of my father-in-law to wedge into my brain. He sits somewhere between where my conscious mind stops and my subconscious mind begins, and he isn’t very nice. He is my inner critic.…

I have never finished a story. At least, I have never finished a story that I worked on alone. In grade school, I did a collaboration with another student, and we did finish that book. Her name is Audra, and I always liked her, even if she likely didn’t care for me that much. Together, we wrote a mystery book in the spirit of Mary-Kate and Ashley sleuthing hijinks (Olsen and Olsen Detective…

Content Warning, friend! I talk about surgery here, as well as self-sabotage and self-doubt. There is so much I have to say today, but I don’t know where to start. Maybe I could get the appointment stuff out of the way first. This week, I finally got a call from my colorectal surgeon’s scheduler. The date for the big surgery is November 24th, the day after Thanksgiving, with my pre-op…

Good morning, friend. This morning has started well. A morning playlist of instrumentals. A cup of earl grey double bergamot. Window open to let the early autumn chill in and refresh the soul. This is the time of day I can listen intently to the soap opera playing out daily in the trees. That is indeed what I am doing now as I write to you, reader friend. A few things have occured to me this…

Lady Elm dropped a branch today. A big one, right into the yard. Frayed ends. Naked twigs like on a many-fingered hand. There are more branches like the one that fell, dead fibers drying and stressed by weight of a limb that just does not want to continue on. It is just a matter of time before they snap off and tumble to the ground. Or twist with the wind and fracture into individual sinews of…

Chimaera Tree, outside my window, Cleaved by lightning, no bark to hide, Your living sapwood, tender and fragile, The scuttling beetles, they crawl inside. Half of your crown turns scarlet early, With promise of autumn, and whispering leaves, The other half verdant, alive and growing, No sign of blight or cause to grieve. The Chimaera Tree and I, we share the same pain. Lightning sheared…

Content Warning: I will be talking about the loss of a parent and surgeries, as well as a little emotional anguish. Please consider this your invitation to sit out if you are sensitive to these things. Hello reader! It’s been an eventful and hectic sort of week. I’m sorry I’ve kept you out of the loop, but I haven’t been able to get on here to write. If possible, I think this is the longest I am…

Daily writing promptWhat’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?View all responses Hello, reader. In life, we receive a lot of advice, don’t we? Sometimes it comes out of nowhere, unbidden (and sometimes unwanted). At times, it comes from a person who wants to sneakily criticize us for perceived ineptitude and flaws, the giver of the advice almost always patronizing and with a hint of…

A content warning, first, dear reader. Part of this post includes talk about cancer and surgery. There is also a little God talk. This is your invitation to sit out if any of these topics cause you discomfort. I’ve been worried about something for a little while now. It’s time to bring this worry out and shine light on it, because it is only growing and spreading in the shade. Maybe a bit like…

Daily writing promptWhat would your life be like without music?View all responses Life without music…would be a life without fine texture and detail. Music is such a tangible thing to me. I can feel it in my chest and in my throat. It is the mode that I stim with; sound-cancelling headphones on, turned up, but not all the way, so that my inner world becomes so vast and all-encompassing that it…

Reader, the sky today is covered in clouds of a pale blue slate and it is not far from sunset now. It rained this morning. When I went out with Lily, it was still misting. I could see the fine droplets falling, backlit by the luminous clouds above, which themselves were backlit by the sun. It smelled of petrichor and dew, of wet grass and trees. All was subdued and quiet, as if in reverence for…