Natalie Dreams

I’ve been talking to Devon and Mark more regularly on IRC. Some of the other people have faded away. Mark is still romantic as always and I enjoy our little role play adventures but Devon always gets me super aroused. I don’t know what it is about him but he can turn me on with just a few words. We don’t even role play together, just chat. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I just wish he was more available. I never know when I’ll run into him.

I recently discovered Female POV videos, pictures, and gifs. It’s also referred to as FPOV or reverse POV. I can’t get enough of them! There are some lovely videos that make me feel like I am the girl but there are others that have the camera mounted in an odd location which ruins the immersion. There are also some that will switch angles mid-viewing which also takes me out of the action, so to speak. But, there are some.. oh there are some! I can’t stop thinking about them. I crave more!

I’d link to them but I’m not even sure if that’s allowed here anymore.

My addiction to finding men to chat with that will make me feel feminine is out of control. I’ve been logging on to chat more and more while at work and staying up late into the night.to get my fix. I find I’m often depressed when I’m not virtually fucking someone. I should stop but I can’t. I crave it so much!

It’s Locktober and I decided to not cum as long as I can this month. I know I’ll fail because at some point I’ll have to have sex with my wife, but at least I can avoid cumming from touching myself and I won’t enjoy it when I do cum. Not cumming is great but I often wonder if I should just orgasm daily or more to try and break my addiction. It sounds almost counter intuitive but I think it could actually help.

I can’t believe that the very next day I posted this I ran into Devon online! We chatted for a while and he got me so excited that I asked if he would be on later in the evening. I must have aroused him too because we arranged a time to meet. When we met up again we talked for an hour or so before he left. He always leaves abruptly which is both annoying and a turn on. He usually says he has to go cum and logs off. He leaves me without much of a thought to my feelings on it, which is kind of how our chats usually go, but it pushes all the beta buttons for me.

Anyway, after he left I spent another hour searching for someone to talk to and ended up watching cuckold and interracial videos on Rabbit before masturbating and going to bed. I felt pretty low afterwards. Like I hit some sort of bottom. I’m not sure why I felt this way? Maybe it’s because Devon doesn’t care about my self esteem? Maybe it’s because the entire time I was chatting with Devon I saw Mark online and I miss the loving/romantic chats we had more than the raw/base conversations Devon and I have? I think the former is the case. I think maybe I actually felt some love for Mark and it hurts to see him online with his new girl. How silly, right?

I’ve been away for too long! When I do find a moment to get online, I find myself posting links to Discord instead of reblogging them here. I really should post to Tumblr more but I don’t think I have any followers that miss me here anyway.

I also haven’t posted my orgasm reports. I might post a quarterly update or something. There haven’t been many but I may have lost track of the few I’ve had.

One thing that really bothers me is I haven’t spoken with Devon or Mark in so long that I’ve been going through withdrawal! As I said, I haven’t been online much but when I have, I haven’t seen either of them online. Until recently that is. I’ve seen Mark twice now and it appears he has a new girl. He even collared her. They talk openly in the channel about what great cybersex they have. I am so jealous! He hasn’t even said hello to me. I honestly felt like crying. I missed talking to him so much and when he left without acknowledging me the first night I was stunned. I logged off, went up to bed, and just laid there depressed.