i am not doing so well. i have planned my s over and over but luckily each time waking up feeling lighter like i can carry on but only to fall back again
i look at the people i love in silence and think about whether theyd be okay if i slipped away and how i think itd be better if i did and some days i think that woudld be easier than telling them how i feel because to tell them makes me feel too heavy for them makes me feel like an attention seeker or manipulating and controlling when actually i just want to be forgotten by everyone this time and maybe thats why this time is so scary and why i dont know how to move forward with my life
how do you tell people how this is happening to you when youve survived each time before they dont believe its so bad they rely on you to carry on they are used to you falling and getting up again falling all the time i post this in hope that i read this back when im better
