I woke up to being on my period. I took a hot shower, made a bowl of yogurt parfait - peanut butter (unsweetened / unsalted ) diced apples, honey, and dark chocolate granola.

I took the day off- now headed to hospital again to hear results back from the doctor.

leaving my dad at the er last night he looked like a little boy scared that his parents were leaving. seeing him confused and scared fucks me up in the head a little

going through withdrawals of being vulnerable and open, going from sharing the bed together and being held to that not being a part of my week anymore fucking sucks.

first month in us hanging out was so fun and freeing almost. it makes me sad that he didn’t have the capacity to keep exploring that and wanting to build a foundation on it. Even though that’s what we agreeed on and were actively doing.

Inconsistency really triggers me and I’m glad I can define that and express that now. I can’t relate to being afraid of intimacy but I think I can have compassion for that, but again not for me to fix or figure out- not personal at all.

all I have to do now is know that what I want, I will experience and how clear I can be with it. I’m going to experience love over and over again and it’s not meant to be painful.

it just sucks so much right now because I really liked him and he did too but there isn’t much to say or do beyond that